ROAD TO HOME

[Music] that's who it is it's me no no bob it's i okay it's both of us see you later see you later come i have a little bushwork zero flynn been through here [Music] at ease man smoking if you like i guess you fellas didn't know they had a name in the civil war did y'all i was talking oh yeah yeah or the revolutionary war either hi old folks say look junior you're supposed to carry your sea bag on your shoulder where do you hide your souvenirs what is this a watermelon what time they pump you up today well i'll be seeing you there teddy where are you going where am i going i'm going home i got things waiting for me you can't go home yet you have to go through the separation center first i got no time for that when i got waiting for me i can't keep in the ice box what's the big hurry to get out of the navy why i haven't had my hands in my pockets for three years i want to play a little pool i'm resigned from the navy wait a minute that's desertion you lose your pay how much they pay you deserve why do you get jailed for life or you get shot you mean you got a choice what caused this sudden enlargement of your cerebral cavity well i was let me have that double talk again would you break it up to the masses i'll give you the idea of going awol well the war is over for us isn't it we're back in the united states aren't we i'm leaving i got to see my folks i only got one thing on my mind i was telling the guys today i said i said yeah yeah remember the folks back home can't i have two things on my mind not your mind say anyway why should i have to stand up why shouldn't i just go on home i've been at sea all my life i was once captain of my own ship who did the rowing are you kidding i went to annapolis it was and going back the same day was just as nice but i'm leveling about being a sea fern man salty amass the brother sail host the runner scuttle the portholes unfairly anchor and shiver by timbers yeah junior rugged indeed [Music] how do you feel sylvester still got those butterflies in your stomach yeah but now they're wearing roller skates so after the crew mutant need they sent me back on one of the finest transports in the navy then they transferred me to a larger ship i had to put up with kind of a crummy crowd don't ask me how the gals got here i don't know but who's going to ask questions at a time like this huh nothing but women all day long all night long i can't stand it i wish i were back in boot camp so you can see after all i've been through in the navy why i'm so anxious to go home yeah but look just cause you're back home on the beach that doesn't mean you're up to me that's what i'm griping about what's the delay look junior what is two million times one time i give up two million and even more than that many guys are going to get out nobody gets any special privileges the navy is only interested in getting everybody home just as quickly as possible and you're no different than anybody else technically speaking yeah they'll send me home in a typical navy way you think we got enough gas i got a carburetor cut down to nothing where do you suppose we are this must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses i think this is what's left after i clean my spinach great transportation here in vermont [Music] not bad in florida either [Music] wonder who's riding in the lower [Music] i don't care how i get home i'm going that's the first place they'd look for you if you desert you can't go home yeah but i've been dreaming of it so long that old colonial mansion 40 rooms mint tulips under veranda 30 000 acres of solid ls mft of course 29 000 are underwater but i'll come home and find grandma waiting in the front porch for me i don't see her i guess she fell off again yup see the bubbles don't you ever stop smoking that pipe then there's your girl faithful true blue waiting to greet you if you really want to see your home you've got to resist all these impulses to go over the hill even if it's only for a few hours because if you don't you get into plenty of hot water see what i mean you want to wind up as one meatball [Music] besides the guy that goes a wall is always right maybe he'll change his name or disguise himself but his shore patrol is right on his tail and later the gmail you don't know which way to turn you keep running hiding that short patrol doesn't kid around you take it i'm beat i mean yeah these guys are awful good looking for short patrol these are more like it yeah here leave that step higher you're not thinking of walking out of the nazia fight the corners we'll find them with episode on the palace yes [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] oh foreign [Music] when you go over the hill all you do is to bring shame to yourself and dishonor to your family because eventually they get you but good [Music] come on junior now play it smart use your head and sweat out the few days it takes to get your honorable discharge yeah that mustering i paid hey you may have back pay coming too hey do i get to keep that 10 grand worth of government insurance if you don't desert sure oh great maybe i'll die then i'll be rich and there's disability benefits you might collect too that's a lot of cabbage to get all the wine don't worry i'll take care of it for you yeah not that not that i remember i remember count for every father i remember figuring out that money would be a lot safer in my pocket are you kidding we're not putting the money in your pocket we're not putting the money in my pocket we're putting it where it belongs in the safe see yes sir those were the days what am i saying all that money going never mind junior the gi bill of rights is going to have plenty of benefits for you for instance you may get a loan build yourself a home a home yeah a home a nice quiet little place in the country where i can entertain my friends patty cake patty cake baker's man baker take [Music] also you guaranteed to get your old job back or maybe money to start a new business some quiet line of business away from all the noise and the shooting all right folks fearless fazer flies again hold it hold it hold it okay all right folks everybody watching not too close now the living bullet is on his way there we go [Music] and we place it in the mouth of the subject now electrical engineers have agreed the world lower than 500 volts is ordinarily fatal to a human being but fearless fraser is going to take 1 000 volts are you ready here we go [Music] [Applause] with only man-made wings give him a quick flutter fearless his pierced character will climb aloft 100 feet in the air and like a swallow from capistrano he will soar to earth or if you want you get money for an [Music] education but why go to college [Music] what do you say junior you still want to go over the hill not me brother i almost turn into a dope didn't i no how can a dope turn into a goat boy thanks for giving me the word bing hey maybe right in this audience there are other dopes like me no bob you're a standout oh great great but you know i'd like to give these dopes i mean these fellas the word you mind go ahead hiya fellas you know we've had a few laughs up here clowning for you but i don't know whether we got our point over maybe we should have played this thing straight and seriously because it's really a serious situation some of you probably think bing and i have a hell of a nerve standing up here in front of you and trying to give you the word but we'll take a chance on that because we really think it's important enough all i want to do is remind you of well how proud your families are of you how proud we all are of you so don't do anything silly at the last minute that would spoil that pride after what you've been through a few days isn't too long to wait to get all the benefits you're entitled to with an honorable discharge from the navy it's not just the money a job or education whichever you want to take advantage of it's you yourself and how you'll feel the rest of your life so after this great job you've done don't be a jerk and sacrifice everything by going over the hill don't i get to say anything oh sure go ahead he's right fellas [Music] [Applause] you