Are You Ready For Marriage? (1950)

[Music] good night [Music] married [Music] so [Music] she's just finishing high school you still have two years at the university that's a tough road larry what are you gonna use for money well sue's folks were gonna pay something to put her in junior college here in town for two years so we'll have that but instead of going to college she'll get a full-time job in campus town say she doesn't care anymore about education so with that and my part i will get by uh-oh you're soon now you two probably want to be alone oh larry what's the matter the folk state we had a terrible scene i couldn't sleep a wink they don't approve they say i'm too young they want me to finish two more years of schooling before i even get engaged oh larry oh up sweetheart they can't stop me relax and act normal till after your graduation next week then i can borrow phil's car we'll go down to greenville there's a justice of the peace down there honey but larry i wanted a church wedding and all the parties and showers for me too and my folks that would break mom's heart well we're the ones that are getting married that's your folks i don't know larry i read somewhere that a marriage without parents approval has two strikes on it from the start but if he low things the only way no maybe it isn't maybe you could convince your folks that you should get married but how larry i'll bet we could get some advice from the marriage counselor over at the church his name is hall bill told me about it he teaches a course in marriage and family living at the college do you think he could help me with my fault well it's worth a try isn't it [Music] my folks don't understand the way i feel so that's the story mr hall do you think you can help us get married why i'm in favor of marriage in fact i spent a good deal of my time helping people to get ready for marriage now let's see you've known each other for three months one week two days and uh 17 hours and you're 18 so and 19 larry have either of you ever been in love before well but not like this this is the real thing yeah i had a chum in college who had the real thing with eight successive girls oh it's all right if you have it fine it's a very important factor in building a happy marriage but tell me how do you know it's real love the kind you can get married on why ever since i first met larry i haven't wanted to date anyone else the whole three months now and besides i haven't even had one quarrel with them no quarrels why not no differences of opinion or no opinions what do you talk about on your dates old movies and popular songs orchestras dancing and larry's chosen profession engineering no i don't understand any of it i don't like to hear about it well sue honey i didn't know you felt that way well it seems you two may have some things to talk over and settle might well ask yourself some questions before you get too serious about marriage well look what do you mean what sort of question well questions for cupid you might say he should ask them before he fires those arrows we call this cupid's checklist first do you have similar backgrounds similar basis for your ideals and standards second are you real friends comrades pals through thick and thin and third do you both understand marriage all not the kind in most movies or most popular songs but the real everyday kind of marriage between real people do you understand oh golly mr hall i don't know the answers to all those questions i just know that i'm in love with sue is that bad no that's good sure and it's good when you recognize that you don't know the answers it's a good sign i don't know i think we're friends and maybe we can understand marriage but background how do they affect getting married well come over here a minute perhaps i can show you what i mean what's that i call it a marriage development board it represents the psychological distance between a husband and a wife from the time they are born until they die but what does it all mean well let's set it up for you and soon when you are born you inherit a great many differences from your parents that's part of your background that makes sense all right now as you grow up you each develop separate and unique personalities your mental growth your emotional outlook your standards and ideals larry your distinctly masculine outlook on life through your feminine way of looking at things your capacities to love and be loved these and many other ways you each acquire a background so that when you first met you were probably farther apart probably more distinct individuals than when you were born but i don't want to marry a girl like me i want to marry a man like him so even though we're close together here we don't know how far apart we are there that's right when you two met there was probably an early physical reaction a romantic attraction that pulled you together a love appeal that hits you sort of boying how did you know well it happened to me it happens to some degree to most couples who become happily married but it takes more than this boing well you see if you're too far apart psychologically if your backgrounds are not similar enough it can cause a great deal of argument and unhappiness until it's gone where'd it go that's what you'll be saying about your romantic love if these other things cause a breakup no sir this is forever with larry and me fine i hope so but don't you think it's wise to take time to find out how much strain these differences might put on your romantic love but there isn't any time larry's going away in a couple of months yes did you two ever see these figures on length of engagement and how it relates to chances for happiness in marriage no two separate studies showed the chance for happiness improves with a longer engagement period it's fair for six months better for a year or two years is that because there's a better chance to find out some of these differences and become real friends yes a chance to find out if your relationship will wear well yes but can't we settle these differences after we're married and if you aren't successful before you become too deeply involved find out if the distance might turn out to be too great here's another angle that should interest you both how age one married affects the chance for happiness you can see that the chances are better after the meech is 21. the same study showed that the woman must be 19 or 20 before the chances for happiness begin to be good but why what's the difference between 19 and 21 or so differences in you the next few years euler and you sue young people seem to change and mature in these years from 18 to 21 or even later so that a person you might marry at 18 or so will seem like quite a different person to you a few years later gee hun it doesn't take an engineer to see them we're on the bad part of the curve of these crafts all of them yeah i see our chances aren't so good now what are we going to do i thought you were gonna help us get married i believe i can i think you two have a lot of what it takes to build a successful marriage and yet you wouldn't try to plan and build a house in three months would you shouldn't a marriage have better planning if you two are going to build a successful family team that will last for 40 or 50 years how long do you think it should take to get ready for it all right how do we know when we've done it when the two of you are ready for marriage you sense a new feeling between the two of you united as a pair thinking is one unit acting as one unit in the building of a marriage in a new family your sense of parents shows up in the way in which you consider what's best for the pair of you over what you want individually for yourself think how often you speak of things from my point of view instead of ours how often you say i want instead of we want i guess it wasn't my folks that needed convincing it's me i mean it's us isn't it barry yeah we'll say and so in terms of the checklist for cupid larry and sue began to examine their readiness for marriage do we have similar backgrounds do we agree on our religious beliefs and have the same feelings about religion in general do we have the same ideals and standards and tastes [Music] do we enjoy the same friends do we share the same [Music] and interests about sue and me are we real friends do we have a real happiness in being together talking or just doing nothing together as each of us really want to make the other one happy do we have a real interest in each other and a sense of pride in each other [Music] do we know each other's peculiarities do we both have a spirit of give and take can we quarrel and and come out of it with something better than before [Music] do we really understand marriage do we understand the social aspects of marriage have we an understanding about money matters and how important it is to have enough money to do more than just get by do we understand the physical aspects and the family side of marriage do we know how much work there is to a marriage and overall do we have a feeling of paired unity those questions were helping us to find out just how strong our relationship was and helping us to strengthen it so the next time we called on mr hall we realized how much he had been helping us he had been talking for some time with our parents there seemed to be general agreement that sue and i now had a much better idea of just how much psychological distance still separated us if you want to sue your mother and i we can make arrangements for you to begin school at state u this fall with larry instead of at the junior college if we want to then if you two get along in school that is if you continue to reduce the psychological distance then perhaps at christmas vacation or at easter vacation we'll be glad to announce the engagement oh larry and then we can be married when larry graduates in two years i mean one year and 10 months and three days yes if the engagement period gives you two the opportunity to work things out together if you both still won i guess you might say we're engaged to be engaged and mr hall i we both want to thank you and say now do you think we have anything more than spring yeah yes you've made a good sight ready for me