Veronica (1970)

Veronica you look you got to stop being so sensitive you have got to stop worrying about and and letting it upset you what people say about you just be Veronica just be yourself sometimes I I feel like a lonely bird andly mov the sky in [Music] morning I didn't even seem to be a queen because I wasn't smiling and every now and then I had to remind myself to smile it didn't just come natural for me to smile I had to pretend as if the whole thing was really what it should have been and what it should have been in everybody else's eyes was great and um everything was so disorganized besides the fact that I was in the wrong car [Music] [Music] [Music] nobody knew where I was Queen because I was riding in The Cotton Club car it was a nightclub car and you're about 17 years of age and I was so embarrassed I was I just kept thinking of how everybody else must see me is this the Queen the queen Veronica Glover Freddy fixer Queen let's give him a big hand and then finally I began to realize that I really was Queen and uh then I remembered I didn't have my shoes but then I said oh well I got to go with without them I can't get them now and um I tried to to start up the steps with all this material that I had wrapped around me I made a step and then I heard a pop and I said oh no don't tell me my robe is coming down it was just coming apart and just coming apart and everybody was trying to help so then everybody was gathering around me and trying to hurry because I thought that I had to make a speech and the more they pinned the more that was coming a loose and it was just a big okay we'll do it like this wait a minute how did he have no I think it's better to do it just the way you have oh boy look at this oh boy it is terrible looking this lady that was dancing that was painted all in silver she just looked awful then I started thinking about this whole parade as soon as I saw the whole thing and just seeing the dances just made me feel even worse I just did one the fact that I was a part of [Music] it and then just as I was about to to say okay I'll make my speech now next thing I knew they were carrying me away and uhen and that was that and that was the end of the parade and the end of my being Queen but I was never so mate in all my life and then I started I started thinking the next day as I was on my way to school how people must think or feel about my being the leader of the school I am the speaker of our Congress at school and being the leader of anything is is not as great as it looks and being Queen of the parade connected with this problem in school the fact that everybody was thinking or looking at it an entirely different way from what it really was and they were paying their own picture rather than seeing things for what they really were I usually look forward to my literature class because so many of the black kids in the school disagree with me and here I can find out why always always late oh always late buiness late let's get into our discussion do you know of anyone who has Miss Lang is very sure of herself but sometimes I'm not quite so sure of her but then I can listen to her and really feel that I'm getting something from her because she seems to know what she's talking about every job that I have ever applied for I got the job only one occasion when I applied for a job that was a secretary job I took the test the typing test I knew myself that I did not pass a typing test because I had made too many errors I knew that my myself so naturally I didn't get the job and I didn't complain about it because I knew that I had made too many errors so I can't say that I have ever been discriminated against in applying for a job I I really can't I was surprised to hear Miss Lang say this because this is something that very few blacks even admit the fact that they just weren't qualified rather than to blame it on the color of their skin so it didn't bother me we have talked about the blacks we have also talked about the whites as far as jobs are concerned and this sort of thing I'd like to know how are blacks and whites different have you thought about that how are blacks and whites different I think the majority of the black or white people that say that there is difference is only because they haven't tried to uh you know they're just going by a a a big General thing and just going by an overall Outlook and just say well we aren't supposed to communicate anyway so I don't cuz cuz uh like like I don't see how she could say there's no difference cuz like like we grew up we had different environments when we grew up like like like when you live in the ghetto like like you see just about everything happening on the streets and things like that and and then but like if you're white like you live in a fairly nice Community you know your Moms and Pops they try give you a little bit of cultural background and everything but when you living in the ghetto you learn about the hard Facts of Life you know like like don't nobody paint no Rosie pictures for you like you get out on the street you see people hustling on the corner shooting dope in the corners and whatnot and then then you know and then I see how they can say cuz like black people I think they have a better Insight on life you know cuz cuz they see it as it really is you know like then when they get older like they can face the hardships cuz growing up that was a big hardship right there cuz there was a lot of yeah all black no not all you know like you can't really say all cuz like like some people had it better than others some some most most blacks I mean they don't dress way out you know they're sort of on the conservative level and like you know most white kids well they wear all these little bees and the little clothes that are you know umin no no no but you know they're sort of like real fancy and way out and stuff like that and most black you see a dress you know sort of more conservative than the white kids then you see a when you see a girl just like that you know you look at her all right all right did you finish your point yeah okay what do you think about uh the the loud colors that you know the blacks wear do the whites ever criticize those colors well I don't know about that but I criticize I criticize them cuz um well I think a pink is a girl color no matter like blue okay yellow but I think pink is a girlup except for I can see pink shirts but the pink pants and they'll put like and then like if you can't wear them don't wear them you know meaning you know as far as your skin color is concerned let's bring it right down to that now if you black well I'm not saying you know well if you black black and you going to put on these purples and light yellows and greens and walk down the street and they see you for miles around that that don't mix yeah that that don't mix you know you don't mix I'm saying it don't mix don't get it colors anyway all back to history known for loud colors cuz when the slave they had on red and gold SL SL yeah y colors and things all right well they're just bringing their colors out again why can't an individual uh be uh why can't he have some say so about what he wants to do and what he wants to wear why he can't why can't he now Sonia just said that she didn't like the uh you know the loud colors she thinks it looks terrible but regardless of how it looks on a person if a person feels he wants to wear this why can't he wear this and be accepted for what he is and for what he wants to do I think the way that a person dress express the way they feel sometimes you know like I would have on a a pink or something I feel live I'm happy today and I'm glad have on this bright color you know I think the group has something to do with it also because if the group say you wear this color you wear this color or you're out okay you know there's no doubt about it you either wear it or you get out so if you don't form or then you're kicked out of the group yeah m l there are there are imaginary groups I mean like you don't have to say well this is the name of our group and we do we're doing this and we're acting against this there are groups like little clicks or something they're click fats well they all think this way so they just s like come together and then like say maybe like she mentioned stepping on outside say you uh uh you all think this way and you all discriminate against whites or maybe you talk to them too but you don't go out of your way to say something to them say you you jump out of line so to speak and you you uh maybe extend or you talk to a white person or something like this then you you are shunned on you are shunn you know I'm not saying you kicked out of that particular group but you were shunned and you know automatically there's a name that they'll throw at you like Uncle Tom and the same thing exist in a white group Niger a lover yeah the kids in my AF literature class are mostly black but the school itself is predominantly white most kids are satisfied with stand to their own click or their own group but I feel no reason to even get involved with a particular click or group because I feel that everybody should associate with everybody else for what they are and not for what they stand for and by feeling this way I found myself involving with individuals rather than particular groups or clicks so I found myself meeting everybody and finding how everybody felt about certain things and actually involving with the kids themselves and I found myself into school politics up until this year the students had no no say in how school was run so we decided to form a student Congress where the representatives were chosen by the students themselves and I was chosen president or which was called speaker of the house as a matter of fact we did everything ourselves we didn't even let the teachers in on the meetings Okay meeting will please come to order um today before Rich a lot of kids thought because I was speak of the house that I had a lot of power but actually my job was to hear what everyone had to say and try to organize it so we can make decisions such as a new school Constitution and what kind of activity programs to have after school form and are you but the surveys had nothing to do with last week's minutes I had to listen to what everybody had to say something a lot of kids what they needed after school is a good English course because they couldn't Express themselves on paper so maybe if we could interview them on tape Ral likes to be the center of attention but he also likes to get things done in the school and we both have been really good friends working with the Congress what is it majority of the students don't care anyway so uh you're going to find Hank is the president of the senior class and everybody in the school loves him because he really puts himself out and he really understands people come down and discuss it we took this survey to find out how not only how many students were actually participating in the activity program but uh how many BR is in the middle of everything she's right now she's trying to to find herself she hasn't yet found herself and I don't think she actually knows what she wants out of life she she is a great leader and all but you find that the blacks are pulling at her and you find that the whites are pulling at her and so it's kind of hard for her her to decide but I I know she realizes the fact that she's black and she's trying to help help our people but the the part that hinders her progress is that you have these these I won't call them blacks I'll call them Negroes because they they tend to to stop her from from doing what she's trying to do they don't see see see it the way that Veronica sees it they feel that Veronica is being a to um a black Tom that's that's one who caters to to the White uh one who who uses big words when when speaking to other Negroes do impress um one who's constantly being involved in extra curriculum and all this kind of stuff one who tries to get ahead and his people tries to pull him back um they feel that you're you're accumulating too much power and is wrong and you should just sit back and and just let things happen as they are going to happen any any leader either black or white has to remember that what's more important his office and what he can accomplish for the school or the friends that he can keep I mean like you know you want to be popular and all but lots of times things that have to be done are going to make you unpopular and I feel that that's one of the things that I mean nothing against Veronica or anything but I feel that that's one of the things that's hindering her this year Veronica you look you got to stop being so sensitive you have got to stop worrying about and and letting it upset you what people say about you I know but Veronica are you afraid of losing friend I don't if you lose a friend that wasn't a friend in the beginning you understand she's right I am afraid of losing friends but I kept trying to explain to her and she kept talking and interrupting it's so hard to communicate to some people but I've got to keep trying because I was thinking about a a long time I was thinking about with drawing from the Congress I really I I really was I had thought about that really seriously I really had because I was making it a lot better than I am now I'm glad you didn't I was making it a lot better I mean maybe not making it as far as recognition is concerned but I was making it a lot better with my friends cuz I have friends now who don't even well I thought they were my friends who don'ts who don't even uh speak to me now and well you haven't lost anything what are your friends giving you it it's it makes me I don't know makes me very well Veronica you can meet more friends you can meet more friends so that's why I is going to be life that's why I like I talk to people who are like me and who can understand it and most of the people are you know people who have just you know like discovered or something like that I can't I can talk to him about cuz he's getting the same thing yes Hank is getting the same thing Hank is probably my closest friend so decid on school yeah you not me you one I know what I'm going where you going to Boston at court reporting you know it going be a shock if in September I end up someplace else you probably get married couple of kids and all that stuff oh you kiding watch okay not you but me Rodney set huh Rodney set yeah he going to go where you going University saon no uh University of Connecticut hopefully Hank really understands me and the way I feel about almost everything and I understand him and what he's trying to do he belied in people as individuals and tries to help them work together but many of the black kids label him an Uncle Tom just as I was but Hank really stood up to them and a lot of black kids really respect him for it he's going to go a long way if he keeps up and stays strong to what he believes in no matter what people will do to him some friends you don't have to see all the time if you have something really in common it'll be the same no matter how much time passes in between like Sarah she feels the same as I do about a lot of things like nature the sky the grass and just exploring alone we went oh wow you just have to go there sometime we went to this island that's right in the North Sea and it has like no people on it except for farmers and uh the colors are just so beautiful like the sky is bright blue and the grass is bright green and the tiles of all the houses are bright orange and the sheep or wild mountain sheep and little tiny daisies instead of dandelion little tiny daisies about 2 in high and they just cover it you just wouldn't believe how beautiful it is and the whole island is Beaches oh yeah I wrote poetry really wow we were only there about 2 weeks but I remember it like all my life just oh so nice it's interesting because even though Sarah's background is completely different from mine we have exactly the same kind of problems with people one of my reasons for coming to cross was to get to know all different kinds of kids cuz I've been in a girls private school and everyone was just the same you know it was really boring you know it was just unreal and I thought well I'll come to public school and find out the truth find out ways of you know how to get to know them because I have faith in people and I really believe it can work out after a while after I'd been in the school for a while I sort of stopped trying to get involved with a lot of the kids I wanted to make more black friends cuz I didn't have that many but after a while it seemed like it wasn't worth it because a lot of them a lot of the kids traveled around in in very small very sort of militant groups and and they you know they just didn't seem to want to talk to me or yeah and and you can't it's so hard to be an individual you have think with the group or to survive as far as as far as they're concerned but I I I think the other way around I think because there's so many people that they are just conforming to what the group has to say and it's going to it's going to uh really it's going to backfire on them and it's this thing going on uh if you kids want to know why is it that when I go out the courtyard why do I how come I don't it's this corner and it's right at the corner when you come out in the courtyard and all the black kids are standing around in the corner and the whole courtyard all the white kids are sitting around on the grass and on the benches and everything and I said your kids are always yelling about you know the white kids are trying to take everything I said but you look there's a whole Courtyard nobody says you have to stand over here in this corner and and like I said if I come out the cour I'm coming out because I'm outside not to stand in the corner I could do inside the building yeah and and I said why is everybody coming over with me asking me how come I don't you know stop Fear I said the kids that are talking about kids I don't even know don't even know me and and and they aren't doing anything for me and but yet and still was upsetting me because it was this thing was like spreading before I knew it all over school and everybody is that ridiculous everybody was coming back to me and I was getting very upset about it and then this kid came up to me right on the courtyard I was out in the midd courtyard and I I had a camera that was the day when we had the um the mod mod dress up day were you in school at day and everybody was taking pictures and of everything so I said Marie come on Marie Bel she's white you know I said I'll take a picture of well I had asked a few Bri kids too they didn't want to come out to take the pictures oh no so I said Marie come on so I took a picture of her and then right away I might as well went to jail because I committed a crime you know are you kidding and after school the next day next thing I all I heard all day was Al you was taking pictures of white kids out I said what about I said wasn't I didn't say well I didn't label this now this film is all of white kids I said I was just taking pictures and I was asking some kids to come and take pictures I said they didn't want to come out there I said so what I supposed to do I might for the rest of my life should I go get in this group just because all black kids are standing here or should I go where I want to go know you can't tell it makes me so I mean you can't like sometimes I feel like you know well maybe if I stand up and just you know give a big speech or something like that but it doesn't work a person has to feel within thems and that's that's the way I feel I don't care how many speeches one makes or how many uh public appearances they to to hear or how many books they read unless they really feel something from within it would never work they have they would have to feel the urge and desire to communicate with everybody and and to take a person for what they really are as a character you know this is the way I really really feel and I'm going to like I I was so worried about this this Uncle Tom name that I've been getting and everything that I've I've forgotten my whole point and I said well look I'm getting worried what should I do even said maybe one time I I'll just stop I'll just keep quiet but Sarah I can't hold all these things in me you and I'm I'm just beginning a lot few other people are making me realize just I'm just going to be myself and rebel against sometimes I feel like a lonely through [Music] I kept thinking about all of these things and all of these questions kept coming to me I believe in yesterday and tomorrow and today the I feel the places I go on my mind what is real the future I don't know I believe even what is me acting like I do not someone else is reason to be free upon you do different things meet all kind find out about the world the moon the stars and the things beyond my mind sometimes I what other people say get inside my mind like a cloudy witer day my mother's [Music] way other people's way my boyfriends way some people think I'm sitting on offense Waiting For the Win not making any sense I don't know if I'm always understood and the people close to me think I never really should try to turn a page in history try to make a change for the reasons that are me this is why I changed my decision about going to college everybody just kept saying you got to go to college you have to go to college I felt that it was something that everyone else wanted not me and after thinking about it I've decided that I'm going to study Court Reporting because it is a field that is all my own and it is a skill that I'll always have I realized that all the groups with all of the problems that were within my School are also going to be on the outside world but I think I can deal with [Applause] them the beginning of reality the time has come it has seemed to have taken an eternity to get here [Music] h [Music] [Applause]