To Be Growing Older (1973)

I'll be 90 next December and I find it very difficult living alone because there's so many hours that I have nothing to do even though I have to keep the house up keep the house clean from top to bottom and change linen and all that kind of thing you know on the B and well I do the best I can and I do a little at a time but I hate to cook it's no fun cooking for one person so I don't fuss around the stove too much because I burn myself sometimes because my eyes are so bad we're just saying when we get old we're not going to be old because by the time we get to like 60 they're just going to have so many things to keep us young that we're never going to be in that situation we're never going to look all because they're going to I just think that they're going to develop all these kind of um Miracle creams that you'll never get wrinkles in your face that's just what we were talking and that's just the way it seems that it will be to me you know it's just some people probably won't grow old and some like you know will grow old like before their time but you know like once they get to the point where they'll start going out you know trying to look younger and trying to be like with kids too much or trying to do things with like a kid would do that's when they they get old time it was and what a time it was it was a time of in sense a time of confidences long ago it must be I have a photograph preserve your memor they're all that's left you I worked in a nursing home for 9 months and at first like the people would want to talk to you and everything you know but I couldn't talk to them cuz I was slow at first you know you had to be fast so then later when I got to talking to them you find out that they uh their children and stuff left them in there and I know I know at least four or five they used to have a a a list of who was the oldest and everything you know and next to it had how long they were in there and next to that had how long they had a visitor and there were people in there like 90 years old they were put in like when they were 70 and they hadn't had a visitor yet yet the people dropped them off they dropped them off on the day they dropped them off they hadn't had a visitor I don't think that I can say I believe in an old age home at all because like for old people when they get old their whole life is their family and what kind of family did he have in an old age home and I found that young people who stick it out and get to know some of the old people are so entranced with their wisdom with their affection with their capacity to give and to care just a very small amount of love and attention to an old person will gain you a million pounds of love in return I think that's the biggest problem with um old people today is that they have too much time on their hands and if they join a club or an organization or have something to do to OCC occupy themselves with their time then they wouldn't have to worry about anything because we have got to learn to identify with the agent that's where we're going to be and if we want to have it better for ourselves at that point we should learn to think about it right now I I would want to just accept my age gracefully and just get old and I wouldn't want to be put in a nursing home either I want my family to care for me my grandmother herself is 80 years old and she refuses to let herself get old and that's how she keeps herself like that my grandmother can do things that my mother can't do because my mother considers herself you know older than my grandmother and my grandmother refuses to let age get the best of her because you know she stays home maybe during the day but maybe on weekends or at nights she'll go to this club and she'll talk and she'll play games or she'll just do something and like I guess you got to keep active and that's like part of being young you know staying active guess once once you're not active maybe that's what like maybe brings about the oldness just laying around or just not doing anything there's a lot of little things that people who are getting on in years you know that they have that that's what really keeps them going you know like he was saying even if they just go out and talk to the mailman or something you know that's what they like let them do it you know you can't tell them no you know you're not supposed to talk to the mailman you know or something like that you got to let them do what they want and you know they feel better then she might look it cuz of the wrinkles on her face but she sure doesn't act it and she tells me she doesn't feel it and she likes children like she'd always give them candy and stuff I guess if if she acted old then she would be total waste cuz the lady has a lot to look forward for or even if it is that say say my grandmother something likes me to go down every morning you know say good morning to or say you know or when I leave her at night say good night you know what that's what you have to do if you stop doing little things like that that don't really take any effort you know then they feel you know like oh what do you don't want to know me no more I'm old you know you know like my brothers will go over and visit him and you know ask him you know to take them places and things and he has no interest whatsoever and I mean it's like just so much you can do and like that's the way he wants to be and like there just so much you can push somebody like my grandma died about 3 years ago and now he just all he does he sits in the house and all he does is talk about my his wife you know and how much he misses her and how much he wish he he was dead because she is and he's got nothing to live for that's all he talks about my family like goes to see him and stuff then he'll just sit there and he's got like tape recordings of my grandmother and he listens to them constantly and we'll say come on let's go somewhere and he'll He he'll refuse you know he'll say no no never mind I just want to stay here [Music] here my grandmother I could relate to her really like she could understand me at any time and uh she lived in the country and uh she had to walk a a long way you know like to get to the bus to come to the city and uh we would tell her you know it's you know to try not to walk that much or to ask somebody give her a ride or something but she just wouldn't listen you know she would walk it and uh really you couldn't stop her because that was the thing you know if she wanted to do it let her do it that made her feel good and uh she always used to sit down and talk with me and uh I used to tell her what was going on music and everything and she used to tell me a lot of things that I never knew about you know and she was always interested in what my thoughts were anybody's thoughts she was very open to anybody and he was just I think the greatest thing there was to me you know my grandma well you know somebody who's you know like let's say 85 years old who's going to tell you something if you're 20 right now he's got through 85 years of life he has 85 years of experience in life right so and you only have 20 so you know he's got what 65 years over you so if he should know anything about life you know I think you should listen to him because you know he went through so much I say in 85 years right you you know you're still you know 20 20 years old so how much you know do you really know he went through you know so many years he went through so many things to experience some old person might tell you a way to do something right and behind behind the back you call them an old crab or an old bag cuz you feel it's the wrong way they you feel that the way they tell you to do it it's wrong so you got to try it your own way but you got to f fig when you get old and you try explaining something to somebody they'll be calling you an old bag behind your back too if you went to somebody and ask them advice then do it the way they told you or what's the use of asking them advice at [Music] all this lady isn't really old you know you can say uh like she's around in the 40s late 40s you know and uh she was carrying these two packages and I was coming from work and uh I went over I don't know the lady you know just on site you know I say Hello Goodbye that's it know and then I went and helped her with a package and I took it inside and everything then she was going to give me some money for just taking a package from across the street into a house you know and I said no it it just didn't you know like I I didn't think it was something n that great but she did think it she she told me I don't you know these kids today it's very hard to find one that would do that for you [Music] I don't think the family should feel as guilty as they do putting a person into an institution because they do legitimately have problems of their own but people aren't willing to face what their own problems are and what the realistic approaches [Music] are no I was just thinking like I will never put my parents in a home never I my parents have six kids there's no reason for them to be put in a home home with six kids to take care of them there's just no way that I'm going to put my parents in a home and I hope that I bring my kids up having them never want to put me in one really I just I don't think a parent is ever a burden or should ever be a burden [Music] there's there's a lot of things to consider where a nursing home is the best result and some nursing homes are very good it takes them maybe a few months to get adjusted to it you know get over the the initial uh feeling of rejection a lot of people adjust to them and uh get along well and they they're with people of their own age I can't expect my mother to stay home and take care of her you know we as a family have our own life to live too next December and my doctor son says when you get to your 90th birthday mother I'm going to give you such a time of it he told me that the last time he said when you're 9 I'm really going to do something we're going to have a real party so I've got that little thing to look forward to if I live that long but I think I will because I'm pretty strong you know or else I couldn't run this house house like I do if I wasn't pretty strong but my difficulty is with the arthritis in the knees it's hard to get up when you've once sat down old friends sat on their park bench like bookings a newspaper blown through the grass falls on the round toes of the high shoes of the old friends old friends winter companions the old men lost in their overcoats waiting for the sunset the sound of the city sifting through trees settled like dust on the shoulders of the old friends can you imagine us he from today sharing a park bench quietly how terribly strange to be 17 old friends m hry brushes the same years quietly sharing the same fear [Music]