Tim Thomerson on Evening At The Improv 1980s

Uh, Mammoth is that way and it's breaking. Okay. Short skis suck. Long skis truck. I'm going to get that out of the way. Hey, can I have a sip of your drink? Man, I'm really parched. You know, I'm a little bit bummed out cuz I just got a call from my future ex-wife. You know, thank you very much. Uh, don't drink out of that glass. I have a sore in my lip. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, but any rate, uh, but any rate, uh, but any rate. Yeah. You know, but I met this real nice gal. I was playing this club out in the valley, a place called the Velvet Sloth. You ever You ever been there? They got grubs on a half shell. They got a real hot item with squid with Hershey's syrup. It's uh, you know, it's like really bitching, man. You know, really, really for sure. Really for days. Okay. Wow. Stepped out again. All right. But anyway, but I met this real nice gal there. You know, she's got like a fake afro haircut, you know, looked like somebody put a funnel in her ear and blew her head up. But, uh, damn, she's fine, you know. She wanted to turn me on to health food, you know. And I'm uh I'm your basic burrito head, you know. So, we went to one of these health food restaurants, you know, up here on Sunset Strip, like and the the waiter brought the menu over in this giant PIECE OF WOOD LIKE I MEAN, YOU KNOW, JUST A giant Ten Commandments etch out and it's going. So, my date and I were looking at the menu, you know, and we're checking it out and I'm going, I don't know, guy, you know. So, I I called the waiter over. I gave him my best MP, you know. Do I wait? Hey, uh, nice place you got here. A lot of plants and wood and tile and stuff. And, uh, no, really, I swear to Buddha. I, uh, my date and I were looking at the menu. kind of wondering uh hey what are the chances of us getting some uh BEEF meat hurt protein now this is what organto man says to me right this guy's an ex acid head you know just you know I mean the guy fried his brain okay you know the guy's an acid casually all right so he's you know like really one of those guys man you know like Malibu's breaking and the waves are honing, you know, and it's like, no, man. Like, you know, in the cosmic reality of life, you know, you've got like these food grouping trips, you know, and then like if you mesh them together in this other thing, you know, and like it like comes flowing through. No, really, for sure. Okay. Right. And of course, >> so you know, man, like meat is just totally bad vibes, you know, bad vibes. I want to give the guy a Popeye. Just Scooby, I don't need this. You know, I'm a veteran. I'm an older guy and I pay taxes. All right. So, I grab my date, right, who happen to be qua looted out, right? Just Come on, honey. We're going now. Give your date to Lou. You will get Okay. >> Okay, folks. But we went on down to the Golden Arches, man. You know, I'm going to get some greed. You know what I'm talking about. This happened over here in Hollywood. And uh now this really happened. I swear to God, now the guy standing in front of me was Charles Bronson. You know, this is true. And this is what he said. This is hard to do. A zip face. I'd like 35 quarter pounders, a large order of fries, a file of fish. You don't have any burritos, do you? That kicks me off. That really ticks me off. You better hold the pickle and hold the lettuce or I rip your throat out. Remember I dug 17 tunnels with my face. Thank you. Can you turn the audio up a little? YES. Can you guys hear that? >> Can you hear that? >> No. I'm not kidding now. Can you hear him? BECAUSE THE POWER OF GOD. OKAY. Do you know that JESUS WAS IN MY BACKYARD THE OTHER DAY? I said, "Get out the room." Okay. Turn that up just a little. Uh, stage coach the entire film. >> Thank you. Table C. HANG ON THERE, BINGO. WAIT A minute there, SANDY. >> HORSES. There I stood sitting on a hill throwing beer cans at Buffalo Bill. Come tie my to a tree to a tree. Come tie my liver to a tree TO A TREE. MY NAME IS LEONARD. Stupid ugly ignorant Leonard. Old boy sitting next to me, his name IS SHOTGUN. HE DON'T say a whole lot. He just sits there and reads. THERE'S HOW YOU READING THERE. I DON'T KNOW MAN. I CAN SEE NOTHING AT the inside of her stage coach. There's a businessman from Marina del Rey. He's drunk on Jade East. He's got them cranberry double knits on them white shoes. The only thing he can ever say is, "Hi Bob. Hi Phil. Hi." St. Listen about that merger. I'd like a beefier. 20 Puerto RICANS LATELY. HA. ALSO INSIDE IS YOUR STAGE COACH, >> there's the little tiny pregnant girl and her name is Kathy and she's so stupid cuz she can only read Reader's Digest and her husband's stationed in the Philippines right over there. There's nine million Indians and they all going like this. Hey, shotgun. Get my phone. You best prom up your 410 B. I see someone standing there in the stage line. Dust, dirt, cactus, Zane, gray. They're all back there. Hey, you. What you doing? stand there in the middle of the stage line. By God, I don't need this. Really? I really don't need this. You better put your clothes on, boy. Go get yourself sunburned. I give you right. I'm going to tell you something right now. You ain't about to bring that their side sale on board my staging. No sir, we bobcat kale. Now hop on board. Don't get him. A lightfooted old boy. Anyway, let's go. OW. OH, YOU my husband. My husband like a my mother. It's a long movie. HEY. HEY. >> HEY RIO, YOU GOT ANY WEAPONS BACK THERE? I HAVE A daringer someplace. Sam peck and pod. Bye. Bye.