The Brothers-In-Law Strike Again! (60s satirical LP) Canada

Oh, we share a common border with a country that you know. Just take a look at your atlas. It's the one that is down below. There's 50 states in the union. And something should be done to forget the war of 1812 and make it 51. There will be color television, social security, racial segregation, and the burnt society. You can take the fifth amendment. You can vote for LBJ. You can even burn your draft card when we're Canada, USA. Now, some folks think we're English, which isn't true at all. And some think we're a colony that's run by Charles de Gaul, but we're looking up to greater things upon the glorious day. When the capital of our little state is Ottawa, there'll be color television, social security, racial segregation, and the V society. You can cheer for Jimmy Huff. You can join the clan today. You can even be a commie when we're Canada, USA. There's a bunch of stripes and 50 stars upon the Yankee flag. There's going to have to be 51 when Canada's in the bag. But when we see the flag unfurled, we'll know we've won the fight. We'll be just before Connecticut in the third row from the right. There'll be color television, social security, racial segregation, and the B society. You can take the fifth amendment. You can vote for LBJ. You can even burn your draft card when we're Canada, USA. We'll all be very affluent in the great society. Their buck is worth a$110 in Canadian currency. The economy is going to take a boost for his very evident that it costs us more to feed a queen than pay a president. There will be color television, social security, racial segregation and the society. You can cheer for Jimmy Ha. You can join the clan today. You can even be a comm USA. There will be no more selling prairie wheat to all the commie crew. There'll be no more Cuban sugar. That's very naughty, too. But think of all the benefits that surely have to come when we're citizens of a country that's got the atom bomb. There'll be color television, social security, racial segregation, and the birth society. You can take the fifth amendment. You can vote for LBJ. You can even burn your draft guard when we're Canada, [Music] USA. Oh, we used to have an army and we had a navy, too. And we had a little air force somewhere up there in the blue. But there is something that I've got to tell you. We've been integrated now by Mr. Helier. The traditions are all dead and now there's just one force instead. And it's three cheers for the near me, the Canadian Defense Force. We follow up all the officers. They beggared up the ranks. They've got brigaders in battleships and admirals in tanks. They've got tunics made of cocky and pants of navy blue. So if you don't know what to be on lander air or on the sea, then air is the place for you. So if you don't know what to be on lander or on the sea, then air is the place for you. Right. And right and middle and right and right and right and bright and bright and center. If you're looking for somewhere dynamic and bold, where commerce is booming and sidewalks are gold, where a fell is welcome to hang up his hat. Don't come to Toronto. It's nothing like that. For Toronto's a place where the climate's unkind. Where the people are dismal and narrow a bind. Where an antique administration drags on. Like a bunch of small villages rolled into one. That's Toronto the good. Toronto the good. The kind of a city to quicken the blood. So don't run it down. It's a charming old town, Toronto, the ever so good. We voice our opinions as much as we dare. At a city owned park in the pure open air, where every young Nazi can speak out his peace and poetry is read by the city police. Supporting our culture, we all play our part. We're bubbling with ballet and oozing with art. with sculptures and paintings including the sword where the artist ends up in the criminal court in Toronto the good. Toronto the good the kind of a city to quicken the blood. So don't run it down. It's a charming old town. Toronto the ever so good. They say that the car can do marvelous things. If you live in Toronto, you'd better grow wings. Take 65 minutes from Young Street to Maine, then 95 minutes to drive back again. But our old city fathers know something's a miss in their ivory tower. They're working on this with the Gardener Expressway. They're forging ahead. And soon it'll take you 2 hours instead. In Toronto, the good. Toronto the good. The kind of a city to quicken the blood. So don't run it down. It's a charming old town. Toronto, the ever so good. But Toronto's our world. And wherever we roam to dear old Toronto, we always come home. Each familiar landmark looks better each time as it picks up its annual coating of grime. We breathe in our fill of the smoke laden air and we know that Toronto will always be there. Well, skeptics may tell us to level the lot. We'll cling to Toronto. It's all that we've got. It's Toronto the good. Toronto the good. The kind of a city to quicken the blood. So don't run it down. It's a charming old town. The ever so winter was never so drunk. Ever so [Music] good. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Let me tell you of a truly modern hero who's appearing in a television play when the stupid cops are only batting zero. He comes zooming up and always saves the day. He was born sometime just after 1930 in the pages of a comic magazine. And though Dr. Floyd might think that he was dirty, he's the nicest looking boy we've ever seen. He's the Batman. Batman. The criminals are really scared of Batman. He's a real American beauty. He knows how to do his duty. Even if he's kind of fruity, he's the bad guy. His opponents are all cunning, vile, and stealthy. But he manages to chase them out of town. Though psychiatrists might say that it's unhealthy the way he keeps that little boy around. They shouldn't say such things about young Robin. It is not the kind of talk a boy should hear. Last week, the Batman found his helper saw him when a TV critic said they both were queer. Oh, he nails the poor Batman. Batman. We know that he is not that kind of Batman, for he's just like Robin's brother, almost like his second mother. They worship one another, him and Batman. So whenever someone tries to pull a caper and things in Gotham City get too hot like he used to in our favorite comic paper. The Batman's always Johnny on the spot, assisted by his blue-eyed little brother. He'll tackle one by one the dirty tasks until the country's safe for his mother and those little boys who like to dress in masks. Mr. Batman. Batman. When we grow up, we want to be like Batman. Though accused of deviation and a clean association, the one to save the nation is Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. How? We're trying to describe to you our true identity. The product of a land that runs from sea to shining sea. We never veer till left or right. That's very ill advised. We travel down the middle where you can be criticized for. We're neither fat nor skinn. We're neither short nor tall. We're average Canadians and we hardly care at all. We don't care for elections, but we have them now and then. And to our blessed government, we send the men. We have two major parties. They're both well known by name. It doesn't matter what you choose. They're pretty much the same. For they're neither fat nor skinny. They're neither short nor tall. They're average politicians and they hardly think at all. We've two and one half children and a nicely mortgage pad. We're never very happy, but we're never very sad. We always use two languages and official forms and signs. For we're either French or English, but we can't make up our minds. For we're neither French nor English. Assay. We hate each other like the plague. And we hope it stays that way. We're very well contented in this great and happy land. And those that criticize it, well, we just can't understand. We hope to stay Canadian until our dying day, unless we get our visa for the good old USA. For we're neither fat nor skinny. We're neither short nor tall. We're average Canadians and we hardly care at [Music] all. Old King called for his bowl and he called for his mount three. Every had a red coat and a very red face had he. Which way did he go? said the mountains. Merry man are we? There's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. Old King called first bowl and he called for his jailers three. Every jailer had an excuse and a good excuse at he. He was flooding the skating and rank said the jailer. Which way did he go? said the mount. Merry men are we? There's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. Oh, King Cole he called for his bowl and he called for his governor's three. Every governor had a long face and a very long face had he. He must have flown over the walls, said the governor, flooding the skating rink, said the jailer. Which way did he go? said the mountain are we? There's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. He called for his pole and he called for his minister. Every minister had a fine boat that he'll have back in a week said must float over the walls of the governor. On the skating rink, said the jailer. Which way did he go? said the mounties. Merry men are we? There's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. Old King, he called for his bull and he called for his witnesses. Three. Well, every witness took the stand and he laughed very hardily. Gee, I can't remember a thing, said the witness. Haven't in a week, said the ministers. Must have flown over the walls of the governor. On the skating rink, said the jailer. Which way did he go? said the mountains. man are we? There's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. Old King Cole, he called for his B and he called for his justices three. Every justice had a good point and a very good point and he we should have been extradited, said the justice. I can't remember a thing, said the witness. And back in a week, said the ministers must have flown over the walls of the governor. The skating rink, said the jailer. Which way did he go? said the mountain are we pray where the hell you hiding? Where the hell you hiding? You've been gone for so long. There's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. No, there's none so rare as can compare with a government inquiry. C clans man clans man. They're the weirdest co cooks we've ever seen. Majestic and mighty wrapped up in a night. Like a bunch of cocoa kids on [Music] Halloween. We're emotionally unsure and we're rather insecure and some of us can't even read or write. We've got no time for reform. And we're all of us conformist. So we dress up in our bed sheets every night. For we're the clan. Oh, we're the clan. Yes, we're the clan. Yes, we're the clan. And the wizard says he's proud of every man. We'll protect your daughter's honor when a rapist falls upon her if he's not a fellow member of the clan. Oh, we're very energetic, anti-negro, and semantic. And our view of Roman Catholics is dim. And we always like to think that Abra Lincoln was a fake. Why sir, I wouldn't let my sister marry him. For we're the clan. Oh, we're the clan. Yes, we're the clan. Yes, we're the clan. And we something to appeal to every man. If your outlook is perverted, you don't need to be converted. We've got room for lots of misfits in the clan. We would like to stay emphatically. We're very democratic. And racially, we never raise a fuss. Though you're black or brown or yellow, you may still be quite a fellow. Just as long as you don't want to eat with us. Or we're the clan. Oh, we're the clan. Yes, we're the clan. Yes, we're the clan. And we live for the equality of man. And if someone says we're lying, we'll respectfully decline. For we love the fifth amendment in the clan. Now, if someone should suggest that our leader's not the best, and they wonder where the members money went, they should realize it's a shame. Casting slurs upon his name, for he's got receipts for almost all height and honest to a man. And the idle tongs keep waging that we've got a dirty dragon. It makes people think we're crooked in the clan. Oh, we've used up all the bed sheets in our Alabama home and we're all hoods together in the clan. Hush little baby, don't say a word. Daddy's going to buy you a Thunderbird. And if you don't like that kind of car, daddy will get you a Jag you are. And if the Jag you are offends, daddy will buy you a MercedesBenz. And if the MercedesBenz won't do, you can have a Ferrari, too. And if the Ferrari isn't your choice, daddy's going to get you a new Rollsroyce. If you don't like the rules, we'd better have a talk. Cuz after that, baby, you can damn well [Music] walk. There's an element that's active in this country and they're trying to get a foot inside the door. They make dirty movie scenes. They sell magazines. And they're trying to corrupt us to the court. But we're the selfappointed sensors of the nation. And we're pledged to fight our neverending fight. We just love to get our hooks into pornographic books. And we watch a dirty movie every night. I read Fanny Hill for purposes of research, for I thought it was the proper thing to do. Oh, I studied all the topics in Henry Miller's Tropics, and I know what Lady Chatterly went through. I'm sure that these are books that could corrupt me. if I got their contents planted in my head. Why I nearly got the staggers when I read the carpet baggers. So I read them when the kids are all in bed. For we're the sensors of the nation and we're pledged to fight our neverending fight. We just love to get our hooks into pornographic books and we watch a dirty movie every night. I'm the man you see patrolling about the news stands and I make them take the filth from off the shelves. I cut all the dirty scenes out of trashy magazines and I keep them in the bedroom for myself. Now calendars are sometime quite suggestive and they print them at a horrifying rate. Think I'll pick up one or two and I'll keep them there a view. But it's only so I'll always know the date for we're the selfarted sensors of the nation and we're pledged to fight our neverending fight. We just love to get our hooks into pornographic books and we watch a dirty movie every night. Now motion pictures can be very vicious for there's something pornographic in them all though they like to call it art. I cut out the dirty part and I've got examples on the bathroom wall. Now there's lentious movies made for little children. And if I had my way I'd bend the lot. Why that filthy bear has got nothing on but fur. And I know Snow White was just a little [ __ ] Oh, we're the selfappointed sensors of the nation and we're fight to fight our neverending fight. We just love to get our hooks into pornographic books and we watch a dirty movie every night. It's a blessing that we're here to save the country. For we'd hate to see your morals start to sink. So just follow right along for it won't be very long till we try to tell you how you've got to think for we're the selfappointed sensors of the nation and we're pledged to fight our neverending fight. We just love to get our hooks into pornographic books and we watch a dirty movie every night. Amen. [Music] [Music] There's a most disturbing rumor that's been lately going round of the cost incurred if anyone should die. That it cost a mint of money just to put you underground. But your friendly undertakers going to prove it's all a lie for weave an inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. The cheapest in the land. We've got many types of caskets in exotic kinds of wood. We've got cherrywood, mahogany, and tea. Well, if this kind of casing is too rich to suit your taste, we can wrap you in a plastic bag and drop you in the creek. We will well appoint a chapel where we'll put you up on show in the public and conven you for a fee. Or we'll put you in the basement where it's not too bad, you know, and your relatives can stop in there and sit with you for free. For that's an inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. The cheapest in the land. [Music] We have a little plot of land we're keeping just for you. It has lots of shade. It's really quite complete. But if the costs a little high, we have a budget plan where we'll take you out at midnight and just drop you in the street. There's another little extra which we always like to do and we try to use formal to hide, you know. But the people may not notice that you didn't have it done. If we leave the windows open and the fern is very low for that sign. Inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. The cheapest in the land. If you'll just sign this agreement right up on the dotted line. We'll be standing by to take you when you go. You'll get the whole production and you'll go to rest content. It'll only cost your relatives a,000 bucks or so. And that's an inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. An inexpensive funeral. The cheapest in the land. It's the most delightful, right? Fantastic, sanctimonious, very restful, inexpensive, money making funeral in the land. [Music] the Ten Commandments. And it came to pass that in the 99th year of Confederation, the corporation was sore beset by a plague of enlightened producers who followed not the path of righteousness. So did the high priest decree that those who listened not to the word should take up their beds and walk. And he said unto the remainder, "Follow ye these ten commandments." The first commandment, "Thou shalt honor no other corporation but this, for the corporation is a jealous one, and the sins of the producer shall be visited upon his associates, even unto his children, and his children's children, and his children's children's children, and his children's children." The second commandment, thou shalt not take the name of the corporation in vain, for the corporation will not hold him guiltless that taketh its name in vain. And he that doeth these things shall be as an outcast, and may as well go back to teaching school in Montreal. The third commandment, [Music] six days shalt thou labor. Don't you mean seven days? We don't speak of that around here. Oh, sorry about that. And do all thy work. And on the seventh day, at the 22nd hour, thou shalt not project thyself unto the people in a manner sensational, neither shalt thou mock the corporation for the multitudes to behold. The fourth commandment, honor thy executive producer, that thy days may belong within the program which thy master, the corporation, hath bestowed upon thee. The fifth commandment, thou shalt not disturb the corporation by nonconformity, for the corporation is like unto a pool, and he that rippleth the waters shall be cast into the wasteland. Uh, is that television? I mean, Egypt, the sixth commandment. Read not the fowler report, for it is a plague unto us, and would destroy us as the locust. The seventh commandment, thou shalt not steal, that is, exclusive interviews from the corporation's news department, that they may be humiliated. For know that the corporation loveth its news department like a son. The eighth commandment, thou shalt not bear false witness against thy immediate neighbor, that is one office each side of thine. The ninth commandment, thou shalt not coveret thy neighbor's executive suite, nor his secretary, nor his girlfriend, nor his boyfriend, nor anything that is his. The 10th commandment. Thou shalt not consort with those that hold not the corporation to be above all, that ye may be clean, and walk in the path of mediocrity all the days of thy life.