Steps of Age

[Music] [Music] [Music] I'd been away since morning walking and thinking a long day for an old woman [Music] I had cheeks like flowers I could run all day long and never get tired I wore gingham dresses and I could skate like a boy because the weeks went by so fast and so many Sundays and Christmases and fourth of July and suddenly so many years are gone finished so quickly and you wake up after a fight with your doctor and do something foolish and there you are mad and angry and foolish and face to face with all the mistakes you ever made in all your whole long life where do you learn to land how do you aim to identity but forever and ever how do you leave the house where you were married [Music] my husband Jimmy we buried him a year ago and me but he had died a long time before they [Music] and maybe it was some of my fault [Music] three years since he was retired a clean man in the ironworks over there and all he did for three years was sit in that chair and beat himself at checkers if only he'd taken a job any job but no he wouldn't do anything the radio broke and he let it go he stopped reading the papers and then he even stopped seeing the children it got so I hated to see his face home all day long sitting in that window all day long if only I could move him out of that chair put a firecracker under it or something retired at 65 enjoying life having a fine time doing nothing nothing oh he knew it was coming but he never got ready for it because he would never really believe it [Music] [Applause] isn't this wonderful that's where heat I mean got my blankets put away yet let alone rug well I'm doing a little bitty today I can't do very much but I can do just a little at a time oh you do wonderfully you've always been a good housekeeper how's that today he just sits up there I can't get him down they playing checkers playing checkers as usual that's just about all he cares about it and it rot in my yard she likes anything this little bugs no how are you today well I really came to tell you I stopped to see the doctor on my way over mm-hm what do you think the best news I've had I'm gonna have another baby money I think so too I mean phone jacket what sweetie you're still my baby too you know that don't you mm-hmm and now we'll have a real baby in the house gonna be a mother too he's a wonderful mother I know she is [Music] Jimmy Emma's going to have a baby [Music] three years three years ago the day he really died the day he went back and closed himself up in the crane [Applause] like you know how he got up there I'm not worrying how you got up there I'll get him down oh he's been up there two hours I'll get him down Thomas McJob promised him anything I'm not gonna stand here and tell him any lies Jimmy I want you to come down don't be silly Jimmy you may don't be an old fool they can't do any work with you up there give me I haven't had any breakfast yet and I'm not going to leave until you come down Jimmy you're just doing this to spite me can we come down [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] what could I have done was it my fault could I have in any way humped him giving him a reason to live encouraged him to look beyond his job so he wasn't finished when the job was finished showed him some sure proof that I loved him and taught him to be a man with or without his job is there anything I could have done [Music] [Music] [Music] how was it possible to save him where do you learn to live when the whole world's shaking and changing around you and nothing's the way it was pretty alone to be on [Music] maybe you start within that you're alive that every voice and everything and every second is precious and nothing like it will ever happen again [Music] I wanted to keep on living I wanted more and more and then Jimmy died and I had nothing Emma had her baby so I said yes I'd move in with them so they gave me a room in the house and I thought now I'm settled this is what I must do raise up my grandson and live in my daughter's family [Music] [Applause] [Music] take care of him oh come on back to bed huh he's been very wakeful I think he's hungry hungry I'm going to feed him he's not getting enough to eat you know he's a boy and boys reclaim our foods and girls aren't you drinking too much drink hardly at all I'm being very careful about you know what gets in their milk I think you should wean them put them on the I thought you liked being as though he's not satisfied [Music] which we could get her out of here perhaps you can take a room somewhere no mother and dad have been living by themselves for years and they're a lot older than she is then considering everything they get along swell each other you know what the real trouble that she feel that she's not wanted here that's all [Music] [Music] good morning good morning beautiful stockings aren't they lovely shape too don't you think yes they're lovely nice and cheer this is your lucky day all right I'm putting them on sale over 219 they're beautiful like the shade I see you're wearing dark blue that's you're like a soccer day I don't think I'm interested in toys today have that a nice lift no thank you you have a sign in the window you're advertising for a salesperson I thought maybe I could get the job no sorry that's quite all right thank you [Music] I could have filled that job [Music] but what would that prove to them or to me that I was strong and useful that I didn't need them or just that I was angry and hurt and hadn't yet learned how to live with my children how shall I go back to my family what shall I say how can I love them without hurting them because I'm because growing old is so much easier if someone loves and understands you [Music] [Music] late afternoon I came home house where you live can be a prison or a place of love the room where you sleep can be a closet full of tears are required is and a window for the real voice which can I have which do I deserve some of it depends on me but some of it must be can other people mother I'm so glad you're back I'm trying Alex's recipe and I can't tell how it's coming out I've looked at it about five times and it doesn't look right to me [Music] when you look at it for me yes I'll be right in [Music]