Standing Up For Yourself

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] most of the time when people are together they're able to get along with each other and make each other feel good one reason is that usually people respect each other's rights like the rights people have to their own space to the things they own to their own bodies and their right to feel good about themselves but unfortunately people don't always make each other feel good every now and then someone might do something to you that you don't like that makes you feel bad that takes away one of your rights for instance suppose someone calls you a name or crowds you or takes something away from you or pushes you or kisses you when you don't want to be kissed when things like this happen they might make you angry or scared or sad especially if they happen over and over again and they might make you wish you were bigger or stronger but wishing you were different and getting angry aren't much help when these things happen you need someone to stop them from happening someone to protect your rights to stand up for you and the person who can stand up for you the best is you you just need to know how there are many things you can do to stand up for yourself for instance suppose you're minding your own business and someone calls you a name you might not like that and it might make you feel like calling the person a name back again well suppose you do that that the two of you might just end up calling each other more names and the next time you meet you might have the same problem all over again you wouldn't have solved anything so instead what might be a good way to solve the problem one thing you could do is just ignore the name calling don't pay any attention to it you could even act as if it doesn't bother you why would you do that because the person might only be trying to upset you to have the fun of seeing you angry so if you don't act upset the person might lose interest and the problem might go away by itself it's not always easy to ignore someone who's calling you names but you might be able to make it easier for instance if you think of the problem as just too small to worry about or if you think of the person is not worth paying attention to or if you imagine yourself in a suit of armor so nothing can bother you but what if the name calling really does bother you and what if ignoring it doesn't work you have a right to feel good about yourself and to want other people to feel good about you too for instance suppose you do something that's a little clumsy and someone calls you stupid in front of your friends you need to stand up for yourself by speaking up for yourself you could say that the thing you did might have been dumb but that you're not dumb or that everybody does dumb things once in a while which is true sometimes it's a good idea to speak up for other reasons suppose someone at school takes up two places by spreading things all around and there's no place else for you to sit and let's say you decide to stand up for yourself by pushing the things away that might not be the best solution to the problem problem the person might just push back again and it's even possible you could find yourself in a fight you could get hurt and you'd probably just make a bigger problem than you had before so what could you do instead maybe all you need to do is tell the person what you want in a friendly way but in a clear way you could say something like I'd like to sit here would you mind moving your things please often people just don't think about what you want so sometimes you need to tell them speaking up will make you feel better and if it works you haven't made any new problems you've just solved one but sometimes just telling someone what you want isn't enough sometimes people know what you want or don't want and do something to you anyway for instance suppose someone thinks it's funny to push you and you say you don't like it but suppose that doesn't help you'd have to do more than say what you feel you'd have to say it so the person could understand that you really mean it and when you do that the way you say it might be just as important as what you say you should look the person in the eye and speak in a strong voice I don't want you to do that to me and I really mean it and if that doesn't solve the problem you might have to say it again and again because people who want to be mean sometimes think that their rights are more important than yours so they often pick on other people who look weak people who look like they won't stand up for their rights if you show that your rights are important by acting strong that alone might solve the problem but it isn't always easy to act strong it might help for you to practice in front of a mirror until you feel good doing it you could even plan ahead with your parents exactly what to say and do so that when a problem comes up you feel ready don't do that anymore and I mean it acting strong doesn't always work but it's usually worth trying because sometimes it does there are times though when acting strong might not be the best idea Suppose there is a bully who is bigger than you are and who sometimes does something really mean like take your lunch money or knock you down or even worse Suppose there is a gang of people who do these things to you sometimes people are mean because they don't think much of themselves and they want to make themselves feel big and important and they think they can do it by making you feel little and unimportant or they might just be angry and want to take it out on someone or or something or they might be afraid for some reason and try to hide their fear by being mean whatever their reasons are if things like this happen it might be dangerous for you to try to act strong if you do you might really get hurt so what can you do suppose you've tried saying and doing everything you can think of and nothing works then it might be best to stay away from the problem or make it stay away from you for instance you might be able to stay away from a bully by taking new streets to or from school or by taking old streets at new times or you might be able to keep a bully away from you by staying with friends or walking on streets where there are a lot of other people but but what if even these things don't work then you might be able to find a person who can help you when you need help it's okay to get it it isn't tattling you might go to a cashier in a store or to a police officer down twice and now he's following me or you might just have to yell to get help this guy is bothering me when you have problems standing up up for yourself just talking with an adult you trust might help you and it might give you ideas about more things you can do on your own and when nothing else works sometimes an adult can do things to solve a problem that you couldn't do yourself there's one problem especially that you never need to handle alone one that might seem very confusing suppose you're with an adult who wants to touch you where you don't want to be touched you need to say in a strong voice no I don't want you to do that and I really mean it then even if the adult says something bad will happen if you tell you need to get away and tell someone you trust remember if something like this happens it's never your fault this is one time when standing up for yourself means letting someone else stand up for you too if you do all these things let people know what you want make people understand you really mean what you say stay away from some problems and get help when you need it you can probably stand up for yourself pretty well not always or with everybody but more often than you could before e [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] oh [Music]