Something for Nothing (1940)

[Music] e [Music] well folks there she is the rub Goldberg door opener upper sure sure I know they have a gadget called an electric guy that does practically the same thing but that's no good for a waiter you see the the electricity might give the waiter a shock then he'd forget to come back to pick up his tip and he'd lose his professional standing how does this door opener upper really work it's very simple but watch close now here's what happens you see waiter places Cap B on pile of dirty dishes a now cat B sees Mouse C of course this is a stuffed Mouse because because he must be used for the next waiter now cat jumps on Mouse C causing lever D to lift lighted candle e which ignites fuse F and sets off bomb G opening door H very gently well folks I suppose there are one or two among you who think that my uh inventions are a bit ahead of their time the shade fantastic perhaps all right go on and say it downright screwy but let me tell you something I've got lots of company genuine inventors guys who've got their stuff protected by the United States patent office and believe me some of it needs protection if you know what I mean for instance now here's an invention that was granted patent number 55648 back in the year 1896 but don't ask me why this little Nifty is a labor saving device if there ever was one it's an automatic hat Tipper for the lazy lotho fitted snugly inside of this Deluxe Derby that is in addition to the wear of slightly addled head is a conglomeration of Wheels cogs gears ratchets counterweights strings and pulleys which gallantly dos the Chapo whenever a young ays passes by well anyway this is just one example of the many queer devices that have actually been patented and here's a copy of the patent approv it oh there are literally hundreds of such patents on file in the United States patent office the inventors were all perfectly serious they really believed that their inventions would make things easier for us and our lives pleasanter and safer but by far the most persistent dream of inventors has been to get something for nothing that is to create a machine that will start itself overcome all friction and still have enough power left to do useful work in short perpetual motion machines now here's a typical example of what I mean a famous old standby of course you all know that when something is dipped underwater it seems to lose weight so this particular perpetual motion machine is designed to have some of the weights in water and some of them out of water at all times it's all very simple and so are you if you think it'll work but confidentially I've got one that will work and if you'll excuse me for a few minutes I'll show you no Mr Goldberg not even your Genius is equal to that task in fact the United States patent office will no longer Grant a patent for the design of a perpetual motion machine because the experts in that office know that you can't get something for nothing that you can't get power out of an engine without paying for it in fuel fortunately for us however man has discovered a virtually unlimited source of power he has paid for that power by years of painstaking research and experimentation that source of power is gasoline the chief product of the petroleum industry gasoline in fact is the greatest single source of power in the world today and the automobile engine is by far the greatest user of gasoline's power here's a device that looks like a cross between a trench mortar and an automobile engine it's just the thing to illustrate the principles of getting power from gasoline liquid gasoline contains the power all right but uned it can't release the force It Holes when a light is applied to it liquid gasoline Burns as innocently as a wax candle this proves what we all know gasoline has to be mixed with plenty of air to release its power then gasoline has more Force than an equal amount of gunpowder into the first cylinder goes a mixture of air and gasoline into the fourth cylinder and equal weight of gunpowder when the cylinders are touched off with an electric sparker the swoosh shows lots of power when a piston is put into these cylinders fueled again with gunpowder and a mixture of gasoline and air a test of power will show up the gunpowder has the better of it here but the gasoline hasn't taken off its wraps gasoline does its best work when it's under pressure in the cylinder fueled with the mixture of air and gasoline the Piston is pressed down until the mixture is under high pressure it is clear that the highest pressure kicks the Piston the farthest develops more power one method of obtaining this added pressure in the automobile engine was to increase the Piston stroke but when carried Beyond a certain point the engine starts to knock so several other changes were made to increase power without causing a knock first the Piston top was redesigned so that it will mix the air and the gasoline together more completely in the latest engines the roof of the combustion chain ber around the intake valve has been lowered just a fraction of an inch but that was enough so that now the gasoline is mixed with free air and compressed more for more power today the driver of the Motorcar doesn't get something for nothing but he does get more power than ever before from the gasoline he buys our available suppliers of fuel now do more work with increasing efficiency and economy [Laughter] folks I've done it I've discovered the secret of Perpetual Motion yes sir long long after you and I have departed from this Earthly scene this machine of mine will be working on and on and on and on never stopping for Sundays holidays or Bank night on and on and on and on oh skip [Music] it