SIBLING RELATIONS AND PERSONALITY

[Music] Heat. Heat. [Music] Hi. Good to see you. Let's go, Wendy. Come on, Wendy. Let's see you go. Hi. [Music] These are normal teenagers just acting their age. No doubt they once acted this way because they follow the normal pattern of development that all children follow. Much of their behavior does depend on their age. And yet partly due to heredity and partly to environment, each one of them is developing a special personality of his own. Though there are many other factors shaping personality, one of the most important is the kind of relationship he has had with his family throughout the years of his development. In this film, we shall consider various factors which have affected these family relationships and hence the personalities of these particular teenagers. Wendy's personality, for example, has been strongly affected by the fact that she is the oldest child in a large family. [Music] Eric has been influenced by the fact that his younger brother was born prematurely. Sally by the fact that her older sister is altogether different in appearance and temperament. [Music] Jeff is gifted musically. He has a brother who is less talented but works harder. The interaction of the two personalities has had a surprising influence on both. [Music] The vivaceious, outgoing personality of Sue is partly the result of a long and serious illness of her younger sister. [Music] Paula has always believed unhappily that her father is disappointed because she wasn't a boy. Sonia's quiet demise is partly due to the fact that for the first four years of her life, her father was away overseas. Arthur's unsuress in all situations is strongly influenced by the attitude of his grandparents towards him and his sister. Let's examine the various factors which have so affected these personalities. Take Wendy's family for example here. The order in which the children were born has strongly affected their relationships right down the line. Wendy is the oldest. Being a girl and of a reliable nature, she has taken a great deal of responsibility throughout her childhood years. She feels that she has a right to criticize the younger children, particularly Pat, who came after her. With adolescence, old rivalries often flare up with renewed strength. But if Wendy is openly jealous of anyone, it is Jennifer, her only sister, who is now at a very cute age, and is naturally the apple of her father's eye. It isn't that Wendy dislikes the baby. It's just that she wants father, who is her ideal just now, to like her best. If this feeling of not being as attractive to her father as she would like to be, becomes too dominant, it can affect Wendy's attitude towards boys and make her teenage social life difficult. It's not true, of course, that dad likes Jennifer better than Wendy, but unfortunately often what children imagine to be the truth has a much greater effect on their personality than has the actual truth. Next, in order of birth came Pat. Sandy hasn't finished his milk. Shut up. You don't finish yours sometimes. I had two glasses. If there is a middle child problem in this family, he's it. He's jealous of Wendy's position of privilege and in turn tries to make himself important by teasing the smaller members of the family. I just have a little we be that much. It isn't up to you to decide whether Sandy drinks his milk or not. The middle child problem requires all the tact and understanding that parents can muster. Anyway, you were scared to jump off the fence, wasn't you, Rody? Yeah. The smaller boys, of course, are constantly torn between trying to be big and thus get as many privileges as Pat and acting the baby and trying to get as much attention as possible away from Jenny. Jenny seems to be the lucky one. The trails have all been broken for her by the older ones. She enjoys the affection they all have for her babyhood. She has all the security of being loved and protected by both parents. Yet even she finds it necessary constantly to assert her personality in this world of rivals who are bigger and more learned in the ways of the world than she. Thus we see that the personality of each of these children is affected by living with these rivalries and feelings day in and day out. Eric here is rather quiet. As a little boy, he had a speech difficulty and he still has no great assurance in speaking. A large part of his difficulty is a result of the way in which his younger brother was born. Another factor which may affect sibling relations. When Eric was four years old, his life became suddenly troubled. His mother was brought home from the hospital in an ambulance. A nurse came with her and a baby brother born prematurely. Mother almost died. It was a complex situation which nobody took time to explain to Eric. He was a sensitive child. Didn't want to cause any more trouble to his muchloved mother. So he withdrew from competition with the baby tucked away in his crib. Somehow the little brother seemed to be responsible for mother's illness and to take all the attention of everybody. The premature baby Nikki became in time a healthy robust boy. But mother unknowingly overprotected him, carrying over the extra precaution she had taken when he was a baby. She felt that Eric, being older, didn't need all the mothering she gave to Nikki. Significantly, it was Eric who developed a speech difficulty. Some boys were chasing me. Chasing me. Oh no, dear. I don't think they did very much damage. Run along and get my basket like a good boy. Huh? Eric was always a good boy, working hard to win mother's approval. But his tension showed up in the form of stuttering. It was the result of a deep inner insecurity because he hadn't ever really adjusted to the shock of the new and delicate little brother. With all the care his parents have given him and all the sound healthy influences in his life, Eric is coming along fine. But there are still aspects of his personality which can be attributed to the long years of adjustment to the new baby. Differences in appearance and temperament among siblings may also affect personality. These two sisters, for example, 14-year-old Sally is plain in marked contrast to her per vivaceious older sister, Lillian. [Music] Somehow, Sally feels overshadowed. Naturally, being only a year and a half apart in age, the girls were thrown together, sharing a room, and expected to share friends and parties. Liil's interest in boys developed early, and she has a personality that made boys like her. Sally looks and feels differently, and even if she is interested in boys, she wouldn't let Liil know it. Her lack of success compared with her sister in all social situations has made her shy and afraid to try. Liil's efficiency and neatness have repeatedly been cited as an example to Sally by parents and teachers, but this has widened the gap between them, and Sally has become quietly and steadily messier and slower. Faced with this, Liil has become more impatient and perhaps conceited. Sally has developed an attitude of superior indifference. This is partly a result of her own temperament. She wasn't the energetic type to begin with, but it is also largely a reaction against the widely different appearance and temperament of her sister. Who can say what these two girls might have been like if they had not been sisters? or even if Sally had been encouraged more by parents and teachers to develop her own personality. [Music] Of course, differences in natural endowment may work in the opposite way to influence personality. Jeff Scott here has musical talent. This has affected both Jeff and Ken, his younger brother. By an objective rating of musical ability, Ken is inferior to his older brother. He was not nearly as gifted naturally. But as a small boy, he entered wholeheartedly into an unspoken competition with the more gifted brother. [Music] Ken practices assiduously. He works hard, steadily, with determination. Jeff, the more gifted, meanwhile, has dabbled. He studied piano for a while. Then, just as he was showing real promise, he lost interest. At the moment, it's the flute. Are you going that recital or not? Don't think so. You going to play? Well, if I can get this piece ready, I am. Success has not been easy for Ken. But unlike Sally in the previous episode, he has the kind of temperament that responds to competition. Jeff may well be outstripped in the end by the more determined competitor, for things come just a little too easy to Jeff. [Music] Rivalry may act then as a spur to greater effort and ultimately greater achievement. [Music] Instead of sticking to the job doggedly as Ken does, Jeff has allowed his feeling of superiority over his brother to make him a wee bit lazy and somewhat conceited. [Music] Sue is an attractive girl and she seems to have lots of assurance. She loves attention and she's getting it. An important factor in the shaping of Sue's personality was the very serious illness of her younger sister, Joe. Joe is well now. Three years ago, she had rheumatic fever. She didn't go to the hospital. Instead, she was nursed through the long months to good health at home by mother. This meant naturally that Joe got a good deal more attention from mother than the robust, vigorous Sue. In fact, it might have made Joe into a dependent, babyish little girl. But fortunately, it didn't, thanks to a combination of Joe's characteristics and mother's sensible treatment. Did Sue resent the care that was lavished on Joe? not openly, but her mother has found her hard to handle and not very affectionate. Actually, what happened was that Sue turned for comfort when the illness struck to her father. An affable, friendly, easygoing father came through nobly. Sue and her father are great pals and Sue gets along better with boys than with girls. Thus, we see that a serious illness can permanently affect the personality not only of the child who is ill but of brothers and sisters as well. [Music] A more disturbing factor in sibling relations may be difference in sex. Paula is frequently moody and hard to get along with. She has a young brother with whom she quarrels continuously. Very interesting guest on our show. Just what do you think you're doing? Oh, buzz off. It's a baseball GAME ON. THAT WAS MY program you just turned off. Well, I DON'T WANT TO. I'VE GOT AS MUCH RIGHT TO WATCH THAT TV as you have. A buzz off. Superficially, one would say it was a mere difference in taste. But when Paula scoffs at what she calls the stupid sports program Junior wants to watch, there's more to it than meets the eye. Anyway, Dad wants to see it, too. Okay, have it your own way. It's my one chance to see James Mason. I've got all my homework done, but you've got to watch that silly old baseball game. What a brain. I'll do more in time. Those darn sports programs, mommy, why do they have to watch them every night? Sit down, dear. The problem really isn't that Paula likes drama or hates sport. The problem really is that dad and Junior love to watch sports together. Paula has always believed that her father really wanted a boy when she was born and that he was only really satisfied when Junior arrived. Talking this out with mother will help. Life in Paula's family is usually agreeable despite such flare-ups. But the flare-ups do indicate underlying tension and an unhappiness like Paula's might affect her relationship with outsiders too if it persists. The best word for Sonia here is demure. [Music] A good part of Sonia's personality comes from the fact that father was away overseas during her early childhood. Now they are together as a happy family. Mother, father Sonia and the new one Rhonda. When father was away 10 years ago, mother lavished all her attention on the one chick in clothes, in manners, in department. Sonia was to be the model child to surprise Daddy when he came home. Much later came Ronda. There wasn't so much time or so much reason to fuss with her, and daddy was there now to take some of mommy's attention and to contribute his sort of easy gayity. In her early childhood, Ronda has had the chance to enjoy the excitement of dad's games, unlike Sonia, and has enjoyed in general a freer, easier upbringing. Sonia of course enjoys dad's humor too, but she can never equal the freespirited uninhibited joy of living of the younger one. Sonia has retained the standard of decorum that was imposed on her when, as the only child, she was groomed to be the model to please daddy. A final factor affecting personality of siblings is the attitude of relatives, most importantly grandparents. Arthur at 15 is very shy and lacking in confidence. When he was younger, the greatest treats were the regular visits to Granny's house. But somehow his sister Elizabeth, four years older than he, always managed to attract most of the attention. And of course, she behaved better than he did. Arthur, don't make such a noise with your lemonade. Drink it quietly like Elizabeth. It wasn't that the grandparents weren't fond of Arthur. They just failed to realize that he was a boy and younger than their well- behaved granddaughter. Elizabeth naturally basked in their admiration of her accomplishments. Her grades at school, her piano playing, her role as soprano lead in the opereta. I can sing, too. Don't interrupt, Arthur. Elizabeth was speaking first. I'm sure you can sing nicely, Arthur. And when you're as old as Elizabeth, you'll be able to take piano lessons, too. Over the years, Arthur got the idea that he wasn't very important. and through comparisons, the things he could do didn't amount to very much anyway. This feeling of insecurity may be overcome in late childhood, but may return again when the young adolescent finds himself in new and competitive situations. [Music] However, most of our teenagers are moving happily enough through the difficult years of adolescence. As we have seen, the influence of sibling relations on their personalities is strong and varied. About many of these influences, we can only say, well, that's life. And yet, a better understanding of these deep inner feelings enables us to help our children towards a happier and more useful maturity. [Music] [Music]