Should I Marry Outside My Faith? (1962)

[Music] I guess the folks are watching TV I still think we ought to tell them no Pete you promised let me break the ice okay but make sure you do a good job of it don't worry I will good night [Music] oh Jan I thought I heard you come in I didn't think you'd be up this late I wouldn't have except your mother got me trapped in the L don't you believe him you know your father in a western do you have a good time oh wonderful good well I think I'm going to hit the ha dad mhm I um I've got something to tell you and mother oh what is it dear well uh well Pete and I we uh well he proposed to me tonight and I said yes uh you and uh Pete want to get married I had no idea there was anything serious I didn't tell you before because I wasn't sure myself but I know for sure now that we do love each other well I have to admit that uh Pete is a fine boy oh yes he certainly is but he's not a Catholic is that it well we want you to be happy look I know you're going that I ought to marry a Catholic but Pete is very considerate very understanding we have so much in common I just know that our marriage is going to work out wonderfully oh well dear it's true that sometimes Protestant and Catholic marriages do seem to work out as you put it but there are so many things to be taken into consideration mother don't you think I've thought about those things but we're in love now that's most important isn't it well honey I I I think you ought to talk this over with Father Manning yes just to make sure you really understand what's involved I intend to but I'm sure that nothing father Manning could say would change the way I feel about Pete hi Pete hey you're just in time how about joining us no thanks sis what's the matter are you sick yeah never felt better we just got home from the young mared couple's party at the church how was your date well it was wonderful I asked Jane to Marry Me Marry You you're kidding well what's wrong about that well nothing Pete I think it's wonderful sure Jane's a swell girl but I didn't realize you were that serious it's quite simple we're in love we want to get married Jane said yes she's all for it so just as soon as she breaks the news to her folks what will they say about her marrying a Protestant they're reasonable people they know we'll work it out somehow I don't think it's going to well look don't tell me I'm going to start getting objections from you well it's your life Pete and I mean it when I say I like Jane she's a wonderful person but she's a Roman Catholic is that what you're really trying to say Pete as your brother-in-law this is uh this isn't my Affair whatever you want to do that's that's up to you but one of the reasons that Betty and I have been so happy is that we've been able to share the things matter most we have nothing against Jane but well you're a Protestant what'll mom and dad say I don't know sis we going to get a letter off to them right away haven't you ever told them about Jane of course perhaps not about our being serious but I'm sure they'll understand after all Jane and I worship the same God that's not the point but what is no matter how much you and Jane love each other you'd never really become one spiritually there'd always be a barrier you know how much our church means to us our beliefs the way we worship the things we do together Jane and I realize this isn't the ideal setup look at all the people who have opposite convictions about lots of things and are still happily married all it takes is some intelligence and a little Mutual understanding well thanks thanks anyway for the advice I think I'll start that letter to the [Music] folks hi hi there K we brought you some flowers oh how Lov thank you congratulations thank you on the table we saw your baby to the nursery window oh he's darling thank you but will he ever un wrinkle you know that's been worrying me too sit down Al what's with you two now that graduation is over and you're out in the cruel cold world well first we're thinking of getting married you are hey how about that congratulations listen anytime you want any advice from a couple of Old Pros maybe we'll take you up on that right now advice We need oh problems yeah religion how did you two work it out well it wasn't easy all my folks like Dev and all right but they always figured outd marry a Jewish girl you know my family acted like it was the end of the world or something I think by now now they can see that we've worked it out all right though right honey I think so uh-oh the visitors Bell afraid so when will you be going home H not for another day it'll take me at least that long to wash all the dirty dishes the doctor says I can go home day after tomorrow you come on over we will nice seeing you dear thank you for coming thank flowers goodbye bye B goodbye Hy bye see you tomorrow brother Pete promise me that you won't get into an argument honey I don't want to argue but if any just promise me okay hello mother oh hello we just got back from the hospital yes we saw evely and Dave and the baby oh I bet the baby's cute Simply Adorable how's EVN she's very happy I'm glad she's such a nice girl well I guess I better be going Pete if you don't mind i' like to say something yes well I think you know that both Jane's father and I like you personally very much but we are rather concerned about Jane marrying a Protestant well there would have to be a lot of adjustments we know that Mrs Sullivan and you understand that there would be many things that Jane as a Catholic wouldn't be able to share with you I suppose so well just as there would be many things that you as a Protestant wouldn't be able to share with Jane mother Pete and I have gone into all this many times well what I'm leading up to is that I think it's very important that Pete discussed this with Father Manning to fully understand what's necessary if you marry each other well of course there'd be no problem Pete if you'd agree to become a Catholic I've been a Protestant all my life but I will talk to Father Manning he's very nice Pete you like him I've known the Sullivans for many years and I don't blame you for falling in love with Jane she's a wonderful girl there's no argument there and I wish that I could tell you to go ahead and get married and everything would' be fine but speaking quite frankly there are a number of things that both of you must face that's why I'm here first of all assuming that you intend to remain a Protestant you'd have to agree to certain conditions before you could be married in the church so Jan is said did she explain these conditions to you well in a general way I understand our children might have to be raised as Catholics yes they would that was be a prime obligation now here's a copy of the pre-marriage agreement that you'd have to sign your children would have to be baptized and educated in the Roman Catholic faith you see Pete even with this agreement our church believes that mixed marriages are not good we believe that marriage if it is to be as God intended should be a complete Union physical and spiritual and in the case of a mixed marriage we hope that the non-catholic partner will be converted as a matter of fact that's one of the requirements that Jane will have to agree to she must do everything in her power to bring you to her faith and you of course will have to take a course of instructions that sounds reasonable enough I'd like to know more about what Jane believes I'm glad to hear you say that and I'd like her to know more about my church she could attend a pastor's class with me well I'm sorry Pete but under our rules that would be impossible well what would happen if well if Jane and I didn't sign this well Jane could not be married in the church and uh the marriage would not be recognized but if we were married by my pastor or a a justice of peace it would be legal wouldn't it no not in the eyes of our church and if Jane took part in such a marriage she'd be considered by us to be living in a state of sin now Pete I don't mean to be harsh this a very serious step that you and Jane are considering at best the mixed marriage is a dangerous thing that's why we try to safeguard it by insisting that the Catholic partner's Faith be maintained I see what you mean I'll give you some literature to take home and [Music] study may God guide you and Jane to making a wise [Music] [Laughter] decision well I'll say one thing for this literature father Manning gave me it lays it right on the line I don't know maybe it's a good idea to put everything down in black and white before marriage that way both parties know exactly where they stand that's just it where would you stand what do you mean if two people getting married have to sign an agreement as to what they can't share especially about such a personal thing as their spiritual life isn't that just building a wall between them even before they get married it depends I think it's how you live and Let Live I think it's much more than that couples in love usually want to go to church together it's an important part of the experience of being married sis I'm sure there going to be plenty of other things we can share together do you realize that Jane could never attend a service with you in your church why well it's one of the rules of her church and if your children are racist Catholics they could never attend a service with you in your church would have each other that's the main thing but you wouldn't have each other not all of each other okay so families ought to go to church together oh it's more than just going to church together there'd be so many many things that you wouldn't be able to share together like Grace at meal times and and family prayers with your children having the same church friends I can tell you from my own experience that our marriage is complete because Craig and I share the same faith in Christ sis I know there's a lot in what you say but it please Pete for yours and Jane's sake go see the pastor okay all right I know it's not going to make any [Music] difference I know how you feel just out of col colge with all the uncertainties and challenges ahead come to know a very fine girl and you're in love that seems to be the most important thing in the world right Pete I I've known you since you started high school and i' like to see you do the thing that's best for you I'm sure you realize that marriage is a very serious step of course I do but I can't see that it's as complicated as some people make it out to be well that depends there can be many complications in in a mixed marriage basically it's like any other marriage from it will come love companionship a home and children now let's analyze these things in terms of what you would get from a mixed marriage I think you'll agree that love is not only physical it's mental and spiritual too and if your married partner does not share your own faith then she cannot completely share the spiritual aspect of Love Therefore you both would be missing something important as a companionship in a home here again in a mixed Marriage Partners can never really enjoy complete companionship or a United home life Pastor I know but it it just doesn't seem that important both Jane and I are reasonable people we respect each other's differences and our marriage would be built on mutual respect Pete how many times have I heard a fine young person like yourself contemplating a mixed marriage state these same convictions and how many times I've seen their homes break up but Jane and I are different but the facts remain the same statistics show that mixed marriages have more than twice as many separations and divorces as families with the same religious Faith well there's always a chance that Jane may see things as I do religiously it would be your obligation Pete to try to bring about her conversion just the same as it would be her obligation to try to convert you to Roman Catholicism well I still think Jane and I can work things out all right let's discuss this from another aspect children I know what you're going to say but my having to agree to let them be raised in the Roman Catholic Church can go further than that Pete what about raising a family planning on how many children you'll have what do you mean while truly responsible Parenthood intelligent planning for children might be impossible I hadn't realized that another thing one of a parents most solemn responsibilities to a child is to give that child the best spiritual Heritage that he or she knows as a Protestant it's your duty to rear your children in your faith as a Catholic it's Jane's duty to bring up the children in her church goes without saying this can lead to Discord but worse than that it could lead to both of you giving up your church life and raring your children with no faith [Music] yes hello Pete oh hello H tried to call you just a little while ago I was talking to Evelyn she wants us to come over and see the baby she sounds like the happiest person on Earth I'm glad somebody feels good what's the matter oh it's a talk ahead with Pastor Wadsworth why can't we work out our own problems I talked to Father Manning today too between him and my folks I'm just about ready to alope to a South Sea Island it sounds like a good idea dear what are you doing tonight my folks insist that I go to some Parish affair with them but tomorrow afternoon let's go over and see Evelyn right bye H I love you and I love [Music] you yes Mrs LaVine yes I'm Rabbi Kramer oh won't you come in thank you David asked me to drop over well he went to the store but he'll be right back won't you sit down thank you well how's the baby oh fine thank you I just got him to sleep you must be very happy the both of you I know David was bursting with pride when he phoned me about arranging the bris the the what the bris hasn't David discussed it with you no well that's why I'm here I thought I don't quite understand what do you mean a bris well the bris is the circumcision ceremony performed on boys of the Jewish faith the 8th day following their birth I thought you knew oh I've heard about it I guess but Dave and I we've never discussed such things very much well it's a Holy Covenant dating back to the days of ab Abraham and your husband would like now to keep that tradition with his son I wish David said something to me I mean h Rabbi hello David Dave the rabbi was just talking about the bris well I uh I meant to tell you about it honey um perhaps it would be better if I come back later thanks Rabbi before I leave I'd like to point out that because you are of different Faith you face new problems as parents that can be solved only by mutual love and understanding Mrs LaVine listen to David consider carefully what his faith means to him in this matter of the bris and David you must be understanding with your wife call me when you'd like me to come back I'm anxious to help in any way I can goodbye rabby I'm sorry I meant to talk it over with you honey I don't want this kind of a ceremony honey after all he's my son too what do you want me to do forget I'm a Jew forget this is one of our most sacred Traditions but what about my faith honey remember when we got married we promised we'd never fight about religion all right then let's forget this Miss bris I can't my parents wouldn't understand what about my parents it's taken us all this time to get them and your folks to even be friendly but something like this would just split things wide open again now look Evelyn I've given into you on everything religious for all practical purposes I've lived my life as if I weren't a Jew but this ceremony with my firstborn son it's deep it's part of my roots can't you understand the only thing I can understand is if we start out with this Jewish ceremony for our son it's the beginning of something something between us maybe the walls already already there and we just haven't admitted it huhuh perhaps you're [Music] right hi Evelyn good to see you up and around how you feeling oh oh okay I guess come on in is something the matter Evelyn maybe we should come back later no please stay I've got to talk to somebody what's happened here nothing yet who would ever think a little baby would lead to this lead to what Evelyn our first quarrel over religion [Music] I can't get over it [Music] yeah perhaps father Manning was right he said that it all narrowed down to certain choices a husband and wife could stay active in their own churches or one of them could change Faith or both could give up their faith which I could never do or both could accept a third Faith together could you no could you no father Manny had one final Choice he said that people do recover from being in love and while it could be terrible at first it would be easier than all the heartaches we might have if we did get married is that what you want to do call it off no darling no I love you so what do we do I don't know I don't know [Music] I think I'll go to mass in the morning and [Music] pray [Music] Lord what shall I do what shall I [Music] do l