Person To Person Communication (1956)

this is not a vacation I'm asking for a week off right now is it yes or no the last time the answer is no all right if that's how you feel about it I quit get yourself another boy this Perry get me Sam broken personnel [Music] most of our knowledge of the world we live in is gained through words spoken or written words which are symbols for sane people idea events some of the most crucial events in our lives involve words our understanding of people and events therefore depends upon the successful transmission or communication of these words from one person to another yet strangely enough many of us handle this important and complex process incorrectly the film you are seeing is a dramatization of three major factors in person to person communication take that scene in the office has that ever happened to you or someone you know what you caught was the last round of a fight that never should have taken place why was there a fight because mr. Lewis the boss and Bob Wheeler the employee carried on a conversation without even listening to each other we spend much of our business life in conversation which normally should be a kind of person-to-person communication but sometimes things go wrong let's turn back the clock and see what led to the disagreement between mr. Lewis and Bob Wheeler come on could I see you for a minute mr. Luce oh sure bud come on in uh everything all right out there what everything's fine we just shipped that order yourself then how about the Woodsen or did you get that out yes sir we ship that out Express this morning Oh fine what's on your mind huh well mr. Lewis I'd like a week off now I know good talking Oh Barney yeah yeah I called you but I'm tied up okay go ahead yes yes of course I want the payroll out early on account of the holiday well put your people on overtime don't worry I'll take the responsibility I'm sorry about now what were you saying something about your vacation no I said I wanted to take a week off well you see it's an emergency and I've got to get up north right away I've got a wire from my brother's attorney and how can I give him what we call for next week you know as we've done a backlog of Hoarders agenda the wheel and then Dundee I guess is true state no matter how long a man works for it only takes about itself never occurs to him and we're running a business here okay and maybe I can use some of my vacation time and still settle the details of the family estate well what are you saying mr. Lewis can I take off a quittin time I don't know Jack Harmon is away on his vacation there are all those new parts to be packaged and Robin you know how important it is to get those orders out on time another piece oh my all right even talking leave now walsim all the way uh but this is an emergency it were just an ordinary vacation trip I'd understand but it is in to them I've got to stay with that vacation schedule we'll never get through the summer winter things you can move things around us with himself will he he'll find Alice hot sauce now everything seemed okay yesterday she called me and said that he'd taken a turn for the worse I've just got to go uh-huh what was that I've just got to go I'm sorry I can't change that vacation schedule without tying up the whole plan but this is very important to me and my family important no more important than anybody else around here there's gonna be no favoritism and he'll learn that before he leaves us off I've got to leave right away I'm sorry but I can't juggle that schedule at this late date besides next week we need you for that special shipment Oh surely cash Tommy you're on a tight schedule that's the way it has to be I worked here for ten years and if you can't hire some extra help for just one week now wait a minute you know I can't put the company to that expense for just one person you'll have to wait for your regular vacation I don't mean to be arbitrary get around here well I can always get a job with Frank Evans when I get back from up north I'll call him it was just one more chance but we worked out this vacation schedule perfectly and nobody in it 20 B two or three weeks surely I can wait that long this is not a vacation I'm asking for a week off right now is it yes or no for the last time the answer is no all right if that's the way you feel about it I quit get yourself another boy miss Perry get me Sam broken personnel and the company loses another good man why was it necessary for Bob wheeler to change jobs after so many years and was there no way for the company to avoid having to hire and train a new man I think there was but first let's analyze what really happened we know that each man was so involved with his own thoughts he didn't even hear everything the other man had to say this alone would have caused misunderstanding but both men were guilty of more than just not listening they each started to talk with a wrong picture of the other instead of listening directly to Bob wheeler Lewis tuned in on a private channel of his imagination and pictured something like this Changez schedule who cares you'll get the work done somehow my problems are more important in the companies this happens every day and may be considered normal but during a crucial conversation it can lead to disaster Bob wheeler too has a distorted image this is what he assumed the boss was saying as far as I'm concerned you're nothing but a cog in a machine you'll do things my way or you'll get out there plenty of men waiting in line to take your job so don't give me any of your lip ridiculous one thing but all of us have somewhat false ideas of other people which we must clear up if we are to reach an understanding with them we can do this and make good communication possible by tuning in on some things that are not actually voiced I mean as we listen we can ask ourselves these three questions first what is being taken for granted have either of us assume things which are not true in other words what preconceptions do we have that might get in the way of understanding an agreement second what are the points of view how does he see things do they look different to him than they do to me are we seeing only those points which help our own position and are we blind effects which might hurt it are we burying our heads in the sand what feelings are coloring our thinking to get a clear understanding of the situation you must make an estimate of the other fellows needs and desires as well as your own are these feelings keeping us from thinking straight have either of us an unconscious fear or dislike of the other which is blocking an understanding now let's imagine what might have happened if mr. Lewis and Bob wheeler had been good listeners let's just see if the mere process of listening with understanding makes any difference in our daily conversations the scene is the office of the manager the time ten minutes ago could I see if a minute mr. loose but sure about come on in everything all right downstairs Oh everything's fine we just finished that order to South Bend and the Woodson order yes sir shifted this morning good fine sit down thank you miss Perry hold all calls for a few minutes will you please thank you now what's on your mind mr. Lewis I'd like to have a week off it's an emergency and I have to go back to my old hometown how can I give him time off with all that work to be done next week yes my problem I wonder what his trouble is my brother just passed away and I've got a telegram from his attorney telling me that there's going to be a reading of the will and I'll be needed in court yes people's problems are all away this reminds me of the time I'm terribly sorry Bob is there anything I can do thank you nothing except give me a week off well I don't know Jack still Alan's vacation all those new parts to package and ship he was gonna say okay tell me go Guinea fried away maybe maybe can't spare me now after all the ten years of company does get to rely on you yes I know I was hoping we could work something out let's see if we thought about the company's problem a spotty be putting hustle if he leaves today any ideas Bob well Richards has his vacation coming up on Wednesday why don't you see if you could change dates with him if he would then you could leave Tuesday night you could wire the attorney and have him ask for a postponement sounds like good I guess I don't have to consider this part of putting mr. Lewis into a fight doesn't work off I'll do that mr. Lewis and I think it'll work thanks a lot for being so helpful that's all right let me know if I can do anything takes even less time doesn't it just a few minutes to listen to the other person maybe a few questions to find out what's on his mind we spend so much of our time in person-to-person communication why not learn to do it well remember it listening is more than just hearing the words it means we must constantly be seeking to answer these three questions first what is being taken for granted by him and by me second what are the points of view how does he see things as against the way I see them and third what feelings are affecting our thinking and are they getting in the way but of all these factors feelings stand as the major barriers to good person to person communication feelings when out-of-control caused us to say and do things we later regret they blind us to careful observation of a situation feelings may force us to be stuck with a bad idea they tend to make a rigid and inflexible in controlling our reactions to what we see in here in seeking to answer these three questions as we listen we will improve our understanding of the other fellow our person-to-person communication is only as good as our ability to listen with understanding [Music]