Paula Poundstone on Tonight Show Johnny Carson 1980s KCST San Diego

Oh, good. Me, too. I um you know, it's funny that uh Jimmy Stewart was on because I just a month ago was on vacation in Africa. I was right there doing that Africa thing that you do. And uh it was very cool. It was a It was a great thing. And now, of course, I'm completely broke. So, there you have that. I uh yeah, I came home completely broke. I put my clothes in the dry cleaners and now I don't have enough money to get them out again. It's like they're in jail waiting on me to spring them. I got to go in every so often and go, "Well, could I just see the pants?" You ever put your clothes in the in the car to take them to the dry cleaners and then you just forget? So, you don't. You just drive them around a while and bring them back in the house. And I'll wear them again. Like, they weren't dirty. They were bored. It was active wear. I just had to get out, that's all. [laughter] So, I was actually I was away uh I was gone during the earthquake, but um but my cats were home. I I don't know if you heard that one of my cats was injured in a nasty earthquake accident. This is what happened during the earthquake. One of my cats ran into the fireplace. Uh cuz apparently that's what it says to do in the little kitty emergency manual. She ran in there. I don't know. She got some uh horrible cut and I took her to the vet, put her right in the shop right away. And he put one of those Elizabeth and collar things on her. Have you seen those on a pet? It's so awful. It looks like a funnel on her head basically. It's so they can't lick the wound. It looks like she was yelling into a microphone and I mean a megaphone and became overzealous and inadvertently popped her head through the small end. [laughter] It's sort of a weird thing. I don't know cuz apparently it's important while the cat is healing for it to be humiliated. Apparently that actually makes the skin adhere more rapidly. My cat I have two very nice cats only they have fleas right now. Uh which makes me feel kind of bad because well because actually I live in a one-bedroom apartment and um my cats don't go out. So if they got fleas then it means they got them from me. [laughter] Kind of felt like a jerk making them wear the flea collars. Well, sorry fellas, they don't come in my size. [laughter] Then I had to like butter them up. No, they look good. [laughter] Um, did something drop over here a second ago? [laughter] I hoping no that that no band member was injured cuz do they have the band member emergency manual over there? [laughter] I'm noticing you guys have no fireplace and I panicked for you. I uh you guys um let's get out of here. Let's all just go someplace all of us all at once. Like a 7-Eleven. [laughter] Act like it's a complete coincidence. They're just having a rush. [laughter] We don't even know each other. We're just looking at some frozen foods. [laughter] Then one at a time each go up and buy a slim gym. [laughter] It would really mess up their inventory. Next week on like Tuesday night, big old truckload of slim gyms be coming in. >> [laughter] >> We better get ready. They were in here last week. I like to I like to hang out with uh big groups of people because well because I don't date, you know. I never hang out with like an individual person. Uh I don't date because um I don't have sex because I don't like it. There I've said it. [laughter] I don't like sex. And I guess that that's weird. I understand that that's weird. But you know what I think is even weirder is that no matter who I go out with, they always say the exact same thing when I tell them I don't like sex. They always go, "Well, you'll like it with me." What have I inadvertently gone out with Sam? I said, "I don't like sex. I do not like it on a house. I do not like it with a mouse." [laughter] I guess I will probably never Well, I won't. Well, I don't think I'll have kids cuz I understand that sex is very important to the reproductive process [laughter] and I do know that. But actually, I have a place up in San Francisco where I have little kid roommates. So, that's good enough for me. Two two little kids I was babysitting recently. They're like little. I told them it was time for them to take a nap and they got all mad and started to cry. Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't that inconceivable now? I was just like staring at them like they're not even from this planet. I think that's the definition of adulthood right there is that you want to sleep. If a three-year-old came up to me and said, "Listen, I am beat. [laughter] I am just going to crash in the back room here." I would be like, "My but you are mature." All about this. >> [music] [music] >> You can lean on me. [singing and music] I'll be there for you. >> And unspoken trust that is tried and true. [music] >> That's the way it is and will always be. [music] I lean on you. on me. >> Purina Dog Chow. [music] For 60 years, the most researched dog food in the world. Put back the trust your [music] dog puts in you. Pyina Dog Chow brand. A dog food you can lean on. [music] >> [music] >> more profound than words. Diamonds. Arnold Schwarzenegger's back and he's up against the most brutal, terrifying, >> vicious lineup of killers on the deadliest game show [music] of the future. >> SHOWTIME, but he's [music] playing hard to get now. The Running Man, rated R. Starts Friday, November 13th at selected theaters. Since the Johnson's got their Mitsubishi Mirage, they've been driving a lot more. >> Nice car. >> But who can blame them? With its [music] sleek styling, roomy fullcloth interior, and its many features others don't offer. >> Nice car. >> And considering the Johnson's Godly Mirage for just over $8,300. >> Nice car. >> They can spend more time and money in their car instead of on their car. >> Once more around the block, Dad. >> Mitsubishi. Suddenly the obvious choice. >> [music] [music] >> Okay, Linda Hopkins is here tonight. She's a marvelous singer. [applause] As a matter of fact, Mayor Tom Bradley has proclaimed this Friday, November the 13th, Linda Hopkins Day, and she's also going to receive the Film Advisory Board's Award of Excellence on that day when she plays Carlos and Charlie's here in Los Angeles. She's a marvelous singer. Linda Hopkins [applause] [music] if I [singing] should take an ocean. Yeah. To go and [singing] jump in the ocean. [music] Well, it ain't nobody's [singing and music] business if I do. If I do, if I [singing] do well, [music] if I I said if I go to church on Sunday and [singing] I want to get out and I want to share your day on my [music] [singing and music] if I do [music] if I do. [singing] If I If my man ain't got no [music] money and I want to say come on and take all my mind, honey, you know you [music] might give it to him and that man would take it. I want to tell you that [music] you live [singing] your business if I do. [screaming] If I'd rather my man would hit me [music] then you jump with me. If I like it and you know I [singing] can tell [music] you [screaming] my power in my life by my power. [music] Let me tell you about it. You know they say that a half a man is going to be no man. [music] [singing and music] Oh yeah. [cheering] [applause] Weekends, days off, [music] don't want to work no more. Take my time now that it's mine. And I don't want to be where there's no [music] corner. This is the life. These are the real things. You're the [music] hard every day. Every week is a [music] part of your life. Is a part of your [music] life. You can't beat the feeling. [music] >> If you bought a new car from Ford Motor Company in 1981, good. [music] Because surveys show on average our 81s have had fewer reported problems all through the years than the 81s you could have bought from any other US car maker. That's also true of our 82s, [music] 3es, fours, 5, sixes, and 87s. With quality like that, whose 87s would you rather be driving in 1994? [music] >> And at four, quality is job one. >> This baker has just tasted [music] Milbrook's new bakery bread. He is stunned. You see, he bought the bread at the grocery store, but Milbrook tastes just as good as bread from a bakery. He is not alone. More and more bakers are making the same discovery. [music] Try Milbrook's new bakery breads like buttercrown white and wheat. It's the taste that stun the bakers. >> I think I think when you start to design a car, you begin with a person. You you think about the person you're designing for and then you design the car around it. >> There are other people involved. There are uh mother-in-laws involved. There are kids involved. It's about individuals. It's about how they feel. It's about their egos. What we're doing is humanizing technology by approaching it from a human standpoint. >> I hate to sound like a cliche, but you are what you drive. >> You sound like a cliche. [laughter] >> Nissan built for the most important race of all, the human race. [music] >> Okay, we just have time to tell you about [applause] tomorrow night. Uh, tomorrow night, Arnold Schwarzenegger will be here and bench press Shelley Winters, [laughter] country singer Roseanne Cash, and plant expert Theasa Cruso. And I guess it's just you and me here. >> Good night. >> Good night. >> Good night seeing you. [cheering] [music] [cheering] >> [music] >> Based on the true story of Aerys Barbara Hutton, you've just become [music] the richest little girl in the world. As a child, she had everything except love. As a woman, she loved too much. Would you spend the night with me? >> Just one night. >> Farra [music] Faucet stars in Poor Little Rich Girl Monday. >> What does it take to make a great date? >> Take off all your clothes and I'll be right back. >> A sophisticated woman. Yes. >> A courageous man. >> You think there are rats back here? >> Well, I don't know. Possibly. >> A little adventure. >> What are you doing? >> We're just getting our underwear and leaving. >> And a moment of truth. [music] >> Have you ever heard of the word commitment? [screaming] >> Martin Short. [music] Ato. I thought you had naturally big shoulders. Cross my heart. Rated R. >> Starts Friday at select theaters. >> We dance. Something like a crackle. More like a snack. Just for you snackers. [music] Crunchy delight. Kind of like a crackle but with more snack bite. Oh, they're thin and square in there. Light as air. Honest to goodness. >> Just [music] for you snackers. Something like a cracker bite. More like a snack. >> Try our low soft nutty and cheese flavors too. [music] [singing] [bell] >> Living in San Diego is a luxury. Like here at Lacasta. I'm John Haroff [music] of Harloff BMW Chevrolet in Insanus. And when it comes to luxury, choose from our complete line of BMWs, the ultimate [music] driving machine. I will absolutely guarantee the lowest prices in all of San Diego. So whether [music] you buy or lease, we're just a short drive to Haroff BMW Chevrolet, one mile east [music] of I5 on Insane Boulevard. >> Deserting your job for your family tomorrow [music] at 4 on Danahue.