PATROLMAN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

[Music] [Laughter] [Music] qsl 860 wreckers crane and other emergency vehicles are enroute a significant part of a police officer's job involves making decisions that affect other people's lives generally speaking the difficulty of decision making is inversely proportional to the degree that it affects the person involved in the process it's as simple as this the more that the decision will affect you personally the tougher it is to make the following incidents are designed to bring the patrolmen face-to-face not with textbook situations and solutions but rather with job-related situations he may experience and the alternatives he must explore patrolman you have a problem i think it's about it and i think you're gonna have a problem with internal security oh yeah what the hell's that all about look i heard it through the grapevine they're supposed to call you in for conduct unbecoming a police officer you've got to be kidding me you mean that punk had against the register a complaint against me what'd he say i don't know brian all i know is he's supposed to be the son of some big shot hey i didn't do nothing in that dirt bike and ask jonesy was riding with him that night look man i'm not involved my hands are out of this i don't want to ask anybody anything i just wanted to let you know in case something came up okay hey brian do me a favor keep your nose clean would you hey no problem thanks a lot [Applause] what the hell's eating you i'm getting fed up with this chicken [ __ ] department sergeant just called me in about the punk we stopped last week you remember the hippie that i had to straighten out bastard claims a hassle or some [ __ ] like that hey jack you you dig him down pretty hard on that kid come on jones the puke deserved it i should have put him in jail that night yeah you're only going to push this cop too far thank you i'm not here to take that kind of [ __ ] anyhow they may call you in the back of my statement we'll stop and have some coffee and get a story spread okay pal patrolman you have a problem son of a [ __ ] pull it over to the right pull it over [Music] pull it over to the right now [Music] wrong officer what did you do wrong you damn near hit the police car you busted a stop sign now let's go some license i don't have my license with me i left my wallet with my id and license at home let's go you're under arrest hands on the car hey what are you gonna do i'm gonna throw your truck away and put you in jail that's what i'm gonna do just give me a ticket and i'll see you in court oh no way creep you may beat the rap creep you can't get up ain't gonna beat the ride hey man that hurts i bet your mother's proud of you she is now [ __ ] [Applause] where the hell do you hit me for many i didn't do nothing this cop just hit me and knocked me down after he handcuffed me i want to see a doctor and i want something done about it guys a man stopped for traffic he punched me in a mouth he can ask jones he saw it all he's also charging what the hell is he trying to do to me first he wants me to back him about the kid last week now this what will the other guys think patrolman you have a problem problem problem [Applause] [Applause] the uniform looks good and the weight of the gear hanging at this guy's waist tells him he's finally made it a cop a rookie but nevertheless a police officer ready to begin his first tour of duty where's the guys what's the firewood okay let's go i'll drive okay everything's all right [Applause] [Music] okay up to 27th street here he got spooked solid and from 54th street you start the specs all the way on down until you get to about 62nd street and then it's just all downhill from there man you're gonna love it he sure explains things differently than they did in recruit school you had enough yet partner you ain't talking very much partner look around you parker that's where all the kites live this is money country what do you say partner let's go have some coffee huh you know a lot of what they told you in the academy it just ain't so out here that ain't the way we do it you can take it from me kid you can forget it so according to steve about half the stuff we learned in school doesn't apply on the street damn it some of the things steve said just don't sound right i wonder who is right patrolman you have a problem [Applause] kids [Applause] let's get that mustang just barreled by oh we don't chase punk kids that's the way you get hurt that's the one [Applause] okay [Applause] [Music] [Music] hey kid yeah half of this is yours no you go ahead and keep okay hey sarge you got a minute hey how did you ah not bad i guess but uh i'd like to talk to you about something that went on out there today go ahead well it's about my partner we stopped this speeder and he got out to write the ticket and he acted like he was writing a ticket and i thought he was writing a ticket but when he got back to the car he didn't have no ticket he offered me a ten dollar bill he had two ten dollar bills and he said half of this is yours kid if you want it now listen sarge i don't want to get involved in any of that stuff i'm on probation i didn't hang this badge or be a crook if i wanted a steel i'd have been a thief come here kid let me explain something to you a little closer you're becoming a real pain in my ass you got a stand-up partner that's got more time working in the rain than you have on the job he's got a sick wife and four kids and he wants to make a buck now and then and you're going to turn them in right if i hear any more garbage about you i'm going to have you walking a beat in pigtown do i make myself clear patrolman you have a problem problem problem problems got a couple more minutes for a roll call i want to draw your attention to this new order up here on gratuities and we consider free meals gratuities look at this no more goddamn free lunches starting the same [ __ ] again you can't you can't even get a coffee around this place well maybe you'll lose some of that gut of yours all right hear that rookie [Applause] hey o'neill what are you trying to do sell the records for running tickets or just make everybody in the chef look bad look i'm just doing what i'm supposed to do keep that [ __ ] up and they'll expect us to write that many more tickets right nice theme i write them besides i give about five warnings for everyone i do right besides you get five one for the one you do okay dick tracy keep that stuff up sheesh [Applause] 1638 what's your pleasure boys hi ruby what's what's the special today leaf stew that sounds good yeah okay two beef stews louie [Applause] let's go we've been here two hours already okay how much um do we own nothing we don't get a check just leave her a good tip that's all we got just just a tip okay patrolman you have a problem man we've been assigned to handle traffic the motorcade starts at 11. it'll run for about two hours we get a man they have their meeting and we get them out brown you take the intersection at second avenue and 12th street warner you take second and 11. adrian second and seven jackson takes second and ninth [Applause] huh [Applause] [Applause] what is it sergeant jackson go over to northeast 2nd avenue 4th street take care of traffic but sergeant travis my sergeant told me to stay here and handle traffic for the motorcade look dammit i don't care what anyone said i want you second and forth to handle traffic but sergeant hanley told me to stay well i'm telling you now to go patrolman you have a problem problem problem problems campbell i want to see a minute you want to see me sergeant i hear you up the old tricks again hang around after the ship brown knows him but sarge look i'm fed up with you when you came on this shift i told you what i expected of my men but did you listen no you had to be a big shot you've been on the department six months and i've been stuck with you from the beginning but sergeant all you college parks are the same know it all you want to change everything well this is the last time i'm going to tell you you better shape up understand i don't understand i don't recall any negative feedback so tell me specifically what have i done wrong if you really want to know you'll never make a cop but sergeant that's just a value judgment obviously what we have here is a personality conflict personality conflict my ass you think you're better than everybody else before i'm through with you i'm going to show you patrolman you have a problem problem [Music] injuries so [Music] [Applause] foreign take it out of the wallet for me what do you want to see my driver's license for i ran a stop sign about seven blocks back then you gotta be kidding officer i'm not kidding sir you ran one about seven blocks back looked officer i've been driving a car before you were born and i know what's right and wrong and i didn't pass any stop sign and furthermore i never do anything illegal i know a lot of men in the department here you want your job taken away you want that badge you know what you can do with that now listen to me office i'm in a hurry to get to the track give me back my license i noticed this is an out-of-state driver's license mr strauss what do you do for a living you've got to be kidding officer don't you notice california on that what kind of a dummy are you look at me again don't you ever watch the tube don't you ever watch motion pictures you don't know who i am [Music] you better let me have that license back or i'll have your badge i happen to know your boss well you're not talking to him you're talking to me now oh really what are you with the head dummy on the squad well if it isn't marvin makeout hey what's going on this creep tried to pick me up before oh he did diddy why you're nothing but one of them guys on wheels who goes around trying to steal a guy's fraud i about that mr strauss i don't like your attitude well screw you buddy i don't like your attitude mr strauss would you mind stepping out of the car and we'll talk about these attitudes but of course officer i'd be happy to get out of the car now what was it you were saying about attitudes i happen to be a professional actor i can give you all sorts of attitudes let's say first obsequious what would you like officer would you like me to kiss you on your little badgy poo or something hey and what about gallant why of course officer i certainly ran a red light in a stop sign and what about demanding a demanding attitude i demand my license back patrolman you have a problem problem 1804 5 439 county 11.5 109. 11 31. you