Nestor Pistor "Live At World Championship Snowgolf, Prince George BC" 70sCanadian comedy LP

And there are so many other people to thank. I want to mention one thing that's happening to show you the spirit of snow golf. A group of forsomes that did a fantastic job on their costumes spearheaded by the beautiful yellow birds or canaries. What were you people? Theyird. >> What? What were you? >> Oh, what kind of dirty bird? Dirty bird. They have been in touch with the hospital and the supervisor of the hospital tomorrow afternoon at 4:00. They're going up in their attire to show the kids that are in the hospital. We're making arrangements to get the Aurora handicapped kids up there too to see the costumes. Ronald McDonald has consented to go and they all cordially invite anybody that has gone to a big effort to do costumes to come with them to the hospital tomorrow afternoon. I know the kids would appreciate it. So, any group that would be interested, we'll have a list of of names uh at the registration desk tomorrow or individuals. Doesn't have to be groups. If you've got a costume you'd like the kids to see, and I know they would appreciate it, and let us know. We'll make arrangements to all head down together. That's super. Thank you all. Um I must apologize. Uh, we were going to have some imported entertainment tonight, but um, unfortunately this guy Uh-oh. >> Hey, are you lock Oh, you want to go to the hospital tomorrow? Uh, >> what's up, Jack? >> Hello, you son of man. How you was? >> I'm fine. How are you? >> My name Pra. I'm from Wagraville, Alberta. You know, >> can I have that again? >> Ragville, Alberta. Masterpiece of good Ukrainian guy. Me. >> That's right. Next to Elephant's Breath, Saskatchewan. Right. >> That's right. Sure. You know Ukrainian? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You know Yakimay is doo drab. You know how to get after. Get out of here. I want talk to these nice people. Oh jeez. I eat too much perogi today. Oh. Oh, that's come from the hill, you know. M you know I have trouble getting here today. Son of manag terrible accident in Wagerville. They drop atomic bomb on us today. Did $1.33 cents worth damage. Son of a [ __ ] You know and my family they're crazy like you never seen before. I got one brother. He got killed in pie eating contest. Kaw was stepped to the back of his head. Son of manag. [laughter] Shoot it, baby. Shoot it. Oh, another one. My brother, he's got so drunk from that snow gulf today. He's got hanging over like you've never seen before. He was taking a drink of milk and the cow fell on top of him and killed the son of a [ __ ] >> What the hell you looking for? Pennies. >> I think you should go back to Vagville. >> Vagville. Listen, you like that stomach? That's for me. Lots perogi. Give it a little kiss on the gun. You know >> we better go throw the bottle. >> We're sure we're going to throw it. Throw them everywhere in machine. Make everything hunky dory. That's a small Ukrainian boat. Honky dory. I don't know what the hell you're doing over there, but did you wipe yourself? >> You know, his mother sent him telegram. He say, "You're in big city, Prince George. Remember, Peter, when you're in big town, remember what to do. Your high class hotel, when you put your shorts on in the morning, remember the brown spot goes to the back. You son of a gun." Drag all you want. What the hell? >> You're not going to be a comedian. >> That's okay. Rose would sing. I was telling you ABOUT MY MY WIFE. SHE'S GOT to me all the time. Every morning she say, "Naster, I got such bad heartburn. Nester, my heart's burning like you never seen before." So I put down Ukrainian newspaper and I look over and her left chichkai in the coffee cup. She say, "Naster, I got terrible news for you. I'm pregnant again." I say, "Son, manag already got 14 kids. Why you don't take birth control pill?" She says, "They no good to me." I say, "Why not?" She says, "Cuz every time I stand up, they fall out. I got another crazy brother. He's got to get job in big city. HE'S GOT JOB TO be a photographer. But he got fired. Son of manag. Instead of using Polaroid, he used hemorrhoid. And he got fired for taking shitty picture. I never seen nothing like that. You know, I need drink beers on my gun. THAT'S HELL OF A BEER. LEATS, EH? I'm going to take two of them. What the hell? Sure. Thank you very much. I was go to Toronto, you know, they got nice advertising the swingers to the beds and then the [ __ ] house and everything. But it's nice to be here. >> I was just Hey, listen. You got nice looking cheeks over here. Let me tell you, boy, they got nice boo. Yeah, give them hand. Yeah. I come, you know, I go to the Ukraine. I sent air express to get new sex pill, you know, make you potency. But they don't got complete yet. Only trouble with those damn things, you got to swallow them real fast or you get A STIFF NECK. >> [laughter] >> OH, HERE COME trouble again. Son of man, >> I think you work for the PCR. >> Sure, I work for PCR, that's for sure. >> And you know, you people got beautiful golf over here. I remember one time one my friend his big doctor in New York City >> his big doctor like you never seen before his dental surgeon his pullet states you know now he's got up this one morning he's got to go to give kids check up for tootses and he's get from his bed and he sleep on roller skate and he's damn near broke his foots he's go to washroom put on shower is cold he shave himself cotton himself 15 18 different place. He's got toilet paper all over his face. Son of a gun. He has go downstairs. His wife, she burned the eggs, the toast, coffee is cold, juice got pits in him. Then he's get in his car. He's got blowout on the freeway. Then he's go to dentist office. 15,000 kids scream and holler to him all the time. He said, "The hell with this. I'm going to go golfing." So he goes golfing and for nine holes he shoots 136. He's got completely tired. This he say I'm going to go to clubhouse have nice cocktail have shower then go home. He's go to have a shower. He going to wash room zipper open his pants and he pee all down the side there. Then he go sit on bench. You know when you sit bench on bare naked you know something is hanging out like that you know just as we sitting there two guys walking by and this guy has got couple of golf balls over there that he chewed up pretty bad. Just as he walked by this other guy said to other guy aren't those the shittiest pair of balls you ever seen in your life? THIS GUY'S GOT TOO MUCH ALREADY. Too much. He goes home. The kids are screaming. House like a mess you never seen before. Supper not ready. Newspaper torn up by the dog. He say, "Jesus Christ, what the hell YOU DOING, WOMAN? WHY YOU DOING GOT SUPPER READY? HOW COME NOTHING'S DONE AROUND this place? Looks like pigsty." She say, "You don't give me no never mind. I so busy around this place. I don't even got time to wipe my ass." and he say, "And that's another thing I want to talk to you about." That's for sure. One of my friends he has got so much trouble with his shakra don't know what to do. You know what shakra mean? That's me in the you know here you know he has got pile hang but like my brother over there like Danny Purcell he's could hardly walk just go like this little bits all the time you know he go to doctor doctor put him over table look good he say well Peter you got a hell of a case hemorrhoid what I going to do give you this suppository you go home use one every 6 hour but he's little bit cuckoo ego to the head he's don't know about minute suppository. He don't want to say nothing because he think doctor think he's foolish. So he's go home he say to his wife honey what's mean this sopa horritory she says no what doctor told you he said use one every 6 hour so for whole week every 6 hour he swallow one these goddamn things with glass water come Monday he could hardly move it just like that he's get to half ton truck he's got put in your tube, you know. Just drive to Dr. Office first gear. He's got to Dr. Doctor says, "Well, Peter, how's your hemorrhoids?" He said, "Geez, they killed me. Here, come to mine." He said, "Don't you use those suppository I give you." He said, "Those goddamn thing for all the good they did me, I could have shoved them up my ass. That's for sure. Never seen nothing like that. Jesus Christ. I finally got you laughing, you son of a gun. I thought you were sitting there making number two. You were That's okay though. Another one. My friend, you know, he has got his mama's little boy. She never let them do nothing. Finally, they got big marriage wagon. 6,000 people there make everything. Nice dance perogi. See, I'm hungry. Anyway, they go to motel room. He never been with woman. Not one time his life. Never even see his sister in that room. They was late in bed. He says, "You know, sweetheart, you know, I never seen woman's privates before." He says, "Think maybe I could give it a look." She says, "Why not? It's 50/50. We're married, aren't we?" He has go down. He reached to the bed lamp, turn on the bulb. Son is burnt out. But you know this Ukrainian guy not so dumb like you think you know not dumb like Polish. He's reaching to bed lamp and his take match and his get down and his look there and his look and he's looking he says honest to goodness sweetheart I couldn't believe it. He says, "Confidentially, between you and me and the get post, tell me, can you pee through all those hairs?" [laughter] He said, "Of course I can. Why you ask such a stupid question?" He says, "Well, you better start peeing cuz they're on fire." That's for sure. Yeah. Hey, how many people HERE UKRAINIAN? PUT YOUR HAND UP. Don't be afraid to admit you're Ukrainian. Everybody should own one. What the hell? Son of a gun. You're cute, son. Oh, you know I know a couple Ukrainian guy that was go to hunt in jungle. One guy he's got at last never had any water, nothing to eat for three day. He's come to this village. He see this meat market. They got scotchmen $133 pound. Irishman $249. Englishmen $563 pound. Jews $1.98 Ukrainian $44.97 pound he say to butcher how come such heavy extra expense for Ukrainian butcher looked to him he say h you ever tried to clean one them BASTARDS [laughter] Another guy, he was going to go bear hunting. York, Saskatchewan. You know where York is it? >> That's good national town, son of a gun. He's got Indian guy. Then they go and put snowshoes on. Got some kubasa, some tobacco, some home brew it. Go have a hell of a good time. Indian he say listen I going to show you how to hunt bear. They walk to cave. This Indian he put his head in cave. He go don't got no answer. Walk a little bit more. Put head in cave again. Go. Don't got no answer. [ __ ] Another one. Give it a woo. Pretty soon come answered. He say you wait here I'm going to be back couple minutes. Now my friend he has way out there for 6 and 1/2 hour. He's run out of kubasa. Don't got no more haruko no more tobacco. His pile start to hurt and py goods. He said what they doing there? He's walked to cage and in back of cage this Indian guy he has got some goodlooking chicken the blankets make a jiggy jiggy push push you know says a hand that's what this voodoo is all about. So he goes out, he put his snowshoes on again. He's run to cave. He go woo, don't got no answer. Run to another cave. Woo! Don't got no answer. Run to another cave. Woo! But soon come reply, "Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Jeez, he get all excited. He's take off all his clothes, hat, shoes, stranding shoes, sock, shorts. He's running to cave. Please don't got stitch your clothes on nothing. Next Monday morning, York Enterprise got a big headline. Bare naked Ukrainian killed by freight train. I never say like that, you know. Son of a gun. Listen, I got to tell you some more. Ukrainian army, tough army. You don't got hardly anything to eat, nothing to drink, got to fight all the time. But worst like anything, you don't got change of shorts for a whole year. Not bad in summertime cuz you could move around a little bit, you know. But winter get pretty hard and crusty. Hard to dodge those Polish bullets. Let me tell you. Monday captain come say fellas, we got it some good news. We got some bad news. What you want to hear first? Say give us good news. Say today everybody going to be changing shorts. Holy smokes. Everybody's dance do cool and make a pass around frozen koopas. I have hell of a good time. Say what's bad news. Say bad news is John. You're going to change shorts with Louis, Louis with Mike, Mike with Peter, Peter with John. You like that, eh? You were in the same predicaments, huh? [laughter] You know, one time Yes, sir. No, I don't drink Coca-Cola. It doesn't ruin my stomachs. No, no, honest to God. No, don't don't no. Thank you very much. I don't know what to do with my hands here anymore. But anyway, you know, this one guy, he was going around Yorkho traveling the town around to see what's happening. Pretty soon he's driving his half ton truck and he's got to go to bathroom. So he's go to fireman. And he say listen mister could I use your facility he say sure go ahead what the hell in the back of the house. So he's go to the back of the house. He's open door is too holy. And there is one guy. He sit there like that. He said come in, come in, don't be worried. What the hell? So he's go down there. He's pull his pants sit down there start to do his business. Fell said kind of cold. So yeah, put breezy on the man. Say I think the cold weather going to hurt the corn. He said, "Well, if it was asparagus, I wouldn't give a [ __ ] but corn I happen to like, you know." He say, "You from around these parts?" He say, "If you don't mind, I don't feel too chatty." The guy said, "Okay." He's get up, he start to pull up his pants. Pretty soon, tinkle piece change fall down hole. This guy reach into his pocket. He take out $20 bill and he throw down hole. Friend say, "What the hell? You throw that $20 bill down the hole for you crazy. You say you don't think I'm going to go down there for 35 cents, do you? [laughter] Another couple of guys, they was go hunting and this one guy, he's pretty fidgety. You know, he don't know how to do it. So my friend said, "What's the matter with you?" He said well he said I got to go to bathroom got to do number two it will go to bush he said I don't got no paper he says use dollar bill what the hell's matter with you so he says good idea he's come back about 10 minutes later let me tell you people this guy he has just one big mess he's covered with kaka between his finger got on his shoulder and on his elbow underneath his fingernail friend says, "What the hell happened to you?" He says, "You son of man." You say, "You ever tried to wipe your ass with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. We got one guy from Vagville. He's come home from Korean War. He's got a bunch of souvenir to his napset, you know. And he's got bunch souvenir and he's got some make big party, homecoming party. Everybody's there. Auntie's uncle, cousin, every neighbor, everybody got hell of a home brew, perogi, kuba, sona, everything nice, good. Pretty soon grandpa has got to go to toilet, you know, but he doesn't want to make no never mind. So he's go to one and bush way out in there, you know. He sit down do his business. Somebody said, "Peter, what's that damn thing is look like small pineapple." He said, "That's heavy danger. Heavy danger." He say, "You put that to your teeth, pull that pin and throw, make a big explosion, kill 20, 30 people." He said, "I don't believe it." He said, "Show me." He said, "All right, I'm going to show you." By this time, he's had too much huruku. He's probably drunk it. He's take that thing and he's put to his feet and he throw this damn thing and he's miss his aim and it land right beside outouse. Jesus is make a big explosion and the leaves and branch fall from tree the [ __ ] house in smitherin. Grandpa he come out with his pant around the ankle and he say Jesus Christ it's a good thing I didn't let that one go in the kitchen. HUH? AGAIN. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're beautiful. Love you. You're beautiful. Thank you. Okay, I'm going to keep telling. Thank you. There's one Ukrainian guy, his own apartment house. His vacuum, you know, with Bissell broom cleaner. All of a sudden you hear help. He's run to check every door. Son of a gun. Nothing's happening. Finally one door open. He's run. Nobody in living room. Help. Help. He figure somebody's got kill in bedroom. He run to kitchen. Grab it. Butcher life. Run to bedroom. Here is chick lying on bed. She's having baby. He's a mister help me. I don't know what to do. You grab the head. I going to push you. Pull it. See what's going to happen. He's get down there and heels pull and she push and heels pull and she push. Pretty soon baby fall right in hand. But it's don't say one damn thing. She's got heavy extra excited. She say mister mister SPANK IT. SPANK IT. HE GRABBED THE baby by the feet and he give it. YOU SON OF A GUN DON'T YOU EVER GO IN THERE AGAIN. That's going to help you. Thank you. You [laughter] we got we got that place you know in Saskatchewan is called Musha. They having great community-minded and they were going to put on opera going to do the opera Aido by Verie but they come to the dad scene they don't know what to do because this guy's got to stab at this woman and she's got to look authentics to kill it you know. So one guy has got that brain wave. He say we're going to put hot water bottle there fill with ketchups. We're going to put a little bit spin on your sword. Then when you stick it in there, rip it. That's ketchup's going to run all over her white dress. She's going to fall down. It's going to be perfect. He they sell about 5,000 tickets. Musha auditoriums gem packed. One Ukrainian guy. He's drink pretty good up in back row, you know. It's come time for final scene. Now they start to fight. She's got to give him some lips. She start to sing. Give him [ __ ] like you never seen before. She give him back. HE'S TAKE HIS KNIFE, STAB HER, CATCH A RUN ON THE FRONT of desk. She's fell down. He's realize what he's do. And he start to sing in real sad voice. What have I done? [singing] What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? This drunken in the back row. He say, "What you done? WHAT YOU DONE? YOU SON OF A [ __ ] I TELL YOU WHAT YOU DONE. YOU JUST KILLED THE BEST PIECE OF ASS IN MUSHA. THAT'S WHAT YOU DONE. LISTEN, my girlfriend, she's waiting half truck. You know, we're going to go out and make lots of fun. But before I go, you beautiful people. I like to tell you about Mrs. Job Chish. She's in hospital. She's got beautiful baby. It's come time to feed baby. Nurse bring baby. She take one chichai out put in baby's mouth start to sing nice Ukrainian lollip she's looked to this baby something peculiar to him couldn't figure to her capa what the hell finally she realized look at my babies don't got no eyelids he get heavy extra excited she call to nurse nurse call to doctor come over say What's wrong, Mrs. Jobician? He said, "Look to my baby. What are we going to do with his don't got it some mileage? How we going to drive combine? That's going to go to his eye. Can't look to son. What we going to do?" Said, "Don't worry, Mrs. Jobchian. You lucky woman. You happen to be gotted boy baby. What we going to do? Circumcise him little bits. We're going to take that skin and we're going to put one eyelid over here and another eyelid over there. Now she scratched to her kapusta and she say you know doctor that's not bad idea that's not going to make him look little bit cockeyed. Hey, say Mrs. Job Chician, don't you worry. It's going to make him look cockeyed. Look how the foresight is going to have it. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU beautiful people. We're going to see you again sometime. Thank you. Bye-bye. Lovely. Thank you very much. here. Why don't you take it? >> Take a drink out of it when we get a chance. That is courtesy of Ken Lock in the in staff. We were going to pour it right into the boot and have you drink out of there, but uh >> but we didn't think that appropriate. >> Thank you very much. I'll take it. >> Look, I want to thank Don is here at the last minute request from uh one of our biggest snow golf boosters, Don Purcell of Midtown Securities. Don, thank you. Don asked from Edmonton a very special snow golf. Thank you. Thank you very much. Appreciate that. Thank you.