“Nestor Pistor For Prime Minister" 70s Canadian (putative) comedy LP

WE WANT >> Ladies and gentlemen, we're awaiting the arrival of the man who has announced that he will be running for the position of prime minister of Canada. We are somewhat confused to say the least, because we don't know what party he represents, what platform he's running on, or even if he is for real. One thing we do know though is that he certainly has revived an interest in politics and has gathered a large following already. As you can hear today, hundreds of people have arrived on Parliament Hill to get their first glimpse of the man who says he can get our country back on the track. master [music] for prime minister. What this country needs is me. I vote [music] for this old wine st boy will bring us back to sanity. [music] You ask me what can you do? I [music] tell you this and it is true. I won't be giving you the finger like Trudeau saying things [music] ain't bad. You just got that letter from Vancouver was coming to me [music] postage too. Charge me 100 bucks for storage but that ain't bad. [music] Postmarks at 1892. Nester [music] for prime minister. What this country needs is [music] me. A vote for this old stone plow boy will bring us back to sanity. [music] Now you take it unemployment. You got no [music] job and money's tied. [singing] You cannot live on what they give you. You use [music] two names, get two checks, and live in constant fright. Now, don't you never never never do this when I'm prime minister. Cuz you see, I'm not so dumb like you thinking. I'll catch you quick with that trick and throw away the [music] key. Master for prime minister. What this country needs [music] is me for parties on FL [music] will bring us back to sanity. [music] The van don't split it up the nation. It just doesn't seem right to me. We need the [music] Montreal Canadians. Beat the Russians at our game is [music] top priority. Now does it for just two things [music] that really bugget me and I promise all you people you will get if you will vote for me [music] for what this country needs is [music] me boy [music] will bring us back to sanity [music] boy will bring us back to sanity. Not [music] for me. [cheering] >> Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you too much. You beautiful people. >> You people wonder why I throw my hat in the political ring. Okay, it's >> because the cleaners wouldn't take it. That's why >> NOT EVEN THE CHINESE LAUNDRY. But to GET SERIOUS, I WANT TO TELL YOU PEOPLE right now >> that if I ever have the good FORTUNE TO BECOME A PRIME MINISTER of this GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS, I'm going to run it by the book. [cheering] ONE ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST. [applause] >> Do you realize that thing are in SUCH A MESS UP IN Parliament Hill that even the pigeons won't land around there anymore? >> Trudeau had to go out and buy A CHICKEN TO KEEP UP ON THE ROOF. NOW INSTEAD OF PIGEON DROPPINGS THEY GOT chicken stuff all over. >> I always know it was that kind of a government all anyway. What the heck? >> THE FIRST THING THAT IS essential to be good prime minister is to show the world HOW STRONG CANADA IS. [cheering] SO MY FIRST OFFICIAL ACT WILL BE TO CHALLENGE PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER TO AN ARM wrestling match. [applause] That should be peanuts to me. Our government is being patterned after Christopher Columbus. He didn't know where he was going. HE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HE WAS WHEN HE GOT THERE. >> And he did it all on borrowed money. [applause] >> THE LEADERS OF THIS COUNTRY ARE JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. THEY CAN'T SOLVE IT. THE PROBLEMS THAT TAKING THIS country ass under. [applause] >> That's pretty big word for me. Assander. TRUDEAU HAS A LOT PROBLEMS. HE said if anything of great magnitudes happens today, IT WILL BE 2 MONTHS BEFORE I can start worrying about it. [applause and cheering] >> But one thing I could say it about Trudeau, he's always around when he needs you. [applause] And you can always tell if he's lying or not. If his lips are moving, he's lying. [applause] >> No wonder he won all the outlying districts. THAT'S BECAUSE HE WAS OUT lying in all those districts. But when I really lasted faith in Pierre is when I found it out. He found the show in lie on the hotline >> and he asked him if he DELIVERED >> take Brad. Somebody please take him. >> Politically he's kind of middle of the road now. Both the liberals and conservatives hate him. And the BOY FROM THE PRAIRIES, JOE CLARK. I've been watching him and I must say that he doesn't promise any more THAN THE AVERAGE TV SPONSOR. [applause] But I have to give a joke credit for keeping the envy out of his voice while he's accusing Trudeau OF FOOLING THE PUBLIC. [laughter] >> But he's picking up ground now. Why? Just a few months ago, his own party supporters were added to the list of the endangered species. >> However, he is sprucing up his campaign. He wanted to hire some movie STARS TO HELP HIM OUT, BUT HE FOUND out that Lassie never lifted a leg. >> But Joe [cheering] is a man that sticks to his principles. THE OTHER NIGHT AT THE COCKTAIL PARTY, HE ASKED ONE OF HIS GUESTS TO leave when after three drinks, he noticed he was leaning to the left. THAT'S RIGHT. >> And inflation, that's heavy on people's mind. I believe it. Everyone should live WITHIN THEIR MEANS, >> even [cheering] if they have to borrow to do it. >> Thank you. >> TO COMBAT IT INFLATION, ONE MUST START AT HOME. AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT I'VE DONE IT. MY PART. Just yesterday, I bought my wife A SOLAR POWERED CLOTHES DRYER, a rope tied between two trees. >> I even went so far as to put my engine's head to work and I invented a vehicle that runs on water. It's called a robboat. You realize I just found out that after I deduct from my paycheck, my income tax, my unemployment insurance, disability, and union dos, it cost me $16.30 just to report to work each week. >> And with OUR NATURAL RESOURCES, WHY ARE GASOLINE PRICES SO HIGH? GASOLINE IS SO HIGH IT HAS NOW PUT POLLUTION OUT OF THE REACH OF THE AVERAGE PERSON. [applause] >> Just last weekend I went to BUY TWO WEEKS SUPPLY OF GROCERIES BUT I COULDN'T FIND THE COSIGNER. Take meat prices. They aren't high enough. No wonder everyone is beefing about it. I JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY my TV repairman is becoming a butcher. >> Saw a lady in his STORE WOULD SHOOT TWO SHOPPING CARTS. One for meat, the other for money. [screaming] [cheering] >> Food prices are so high. I know a guy who stole $10,000 worth of groceries and escaped in a Volkswagen. But one thing I can say about inflation, it has brought us true democracy. Now luxuries AND NECESSITIES ARE SELLING FOR THE SAME PRICE. [cheering] [applause] >> BUT LET'S LOOK AT INFLATION OPTIMISTICALLY. The money you don't have today isn't worth as much as it USED TO BE. I EVEN WENT SO FAR as to join a club that IS COMMITTED TO FIGHT INFLATION. >> Today they raised their dues 25%. >> That's right. >> But enough about inflation. >> Okay, >> let us talk about the RPMC police. Are you being bugged by their actions? >> The RPMC POLICE SHOULD BE MORE PUBLIC RELATIONS ORIENTATED. >> They should stop their bugging and latter opening. >> AND THEIR SUBVERSIVE ACTIONS IMMEDIATELY. Find out from the killers, the gangsters, the dope dealers, AND THE CROOKS WHAT'S BOTHERING THEM. >> LISTEN TO THEIR FEARS, TO THEIR DESIRES, then take them down to the basement AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM WITH A GARDEN HOLE. [cheering] [applause] I want to congratulate the RPMC for having one OF THE FINEST SPY SYSTEMS IN THE NATION. >> Too bad it belongs to the Russians. [laughter] >> But I'm not so dumb. I got inside information, too. Just the other day, one of their Sputnik satellites come crashing down to Earth, not far from where I live it. The information I received from a reliable source that it was CONTAINED A SECRET MESSAGE to Alan Eaglesen. >> In short, IT READ, "DEAR ALLAN, you are a busy man. Couldn't get you by phone, SO WE THOUGHT WE DROP YOU A MESSAGE FROM OUTER SPACE." It said you will never NEVER NEVER BEAT OUR HOCKEY TEAM AGAIN. >> Or the next ONE WE WILL DROP will be bigger and MAKE MORE NOISE THAN WHEN THEY SCORE A GOAL AT THE MONTREAL FORUM. [cheering] >> I asked the RPMC how they got the information. They called me dial 411 >> or 113 in other parts of Canada. Talk about obtaining information. One of my friends got a letter from the Mounties the other day who incidentally are working hand and glove with the tax department. They told him they put his IBM tax card in a piano player and it played your cheating heart. [laughter] >> But I going to tell you, if I am elected prime minister, >> instead of having mounted police, I'm going to have them stuffed. [cheering] Thank you. [cheering] >> Thank you. THANK YOU. [cheering] >> THANK YOU. >> PLEASE. PLEASE. I know you are going crazy on this page, but please, >> what about the mail system? >> I'll tell you how bad the mail is. >> How bad is it? >> I'm still getting Liberty magazine delivered. But all in all, I can say the post office gives you the best value for your money for 12 cents. >> A letter will go from Vancouver to Halifax, even though you only mailed it to Mushan, Saskatchewan >> and unemployment. What can I say about unemployment? I'm sure you're going to have it lots of questions to ask me about this particular subject. But for now, I can tell you people that to solve it, it's going to take lots of WORK [applause] >> and unity. It's got heavy duty predominantations in everybody's minded. Trudeau says if Quebec leaves, he'd resign. [applause and cheering] >> Well, maybe that alone would make it worthwhile. [cheering] >> And take LC. Remember two things about him. HUMILITY AND MODESTY. TWO THINGS HE doesn't have. >> I understand that Trudeau and LC are going to star in new TV show. Let's make a deal. >> Shown in two languages. >> I expect Le's M for his pleblasite on whether or not Quebec should separate will be vote early and vote often. >> Butler is not that person. He reminds me of person in Bible Goliath. >> He's got rocks in his head. And my message to Renee is learning to speak in two languages is no harder than learning to keep your mouth shut in one. [cheering] >> Thank you. [cheering] >> Do you realize that crime is taking over our country? First thing I'm going to do it >> if I am elected prime minister is take crime off the streets of our cities >> and put it IN THE COUNTRY WHERE THEY GOT NO STREET. [cheering] >> Crime is getting so bad in our cities THAT MOTHERS HAVE STOPPED WALKING AROUND IN PAIRS FOR PROTECTION. [screaming] IT'S so dangerous that even the police won't even make it house call >> and you realize crime is up 20%. AND THAT'S JUST AMONG THE POLICE. WHY? Just the other day, son of a gun, I heard the police captain tell it his poleman, there are a lot OF COUNTERFEIT TENS AND 20s going around. Be careful when accepting bribes. [laughter] >> Crime is so bad that nobody asks the time anymore. They just steal your watch. >> I even went so far as to buy a bulletproof vest. What happened? I got shot in the kneecap by a [ __ ] But the reason that criminals are getting away with murder is that our courts, OUR JURY SYSTEMS ARE ALL [screaming] WRONG. >> HOW CAN YOU LOCK 12 MEN and women overnight in a motel and they COME OUT THE NEXT DAY AND SAY not guilty? Remember people remember this good crime does not pay >> but the hours are great. >> Now I KNOW ALL YOU HOT SHOT REPORTERS GOT LOTS of question to ask me but this is first time I've been back to big city in long time so I got a few things to do. We are going to have a press conference later on and all you hot shot dumb reporters are invited. But for now, I'm back in the city again. [cheering] [cheering] >> He's back in the city [music] again. >> I'm back [music] in the city again. The homestead can wait till the spring. I had nothing [music] to do but get drunk and on home. I'm back in [music] the city again. I'm back where the action is fast. I'm [music] going to have to me a blast. This cowboy's big dream is to land [music] enough on steam. Back in the city at last [music] I watching the girly show. Back in the city again. [music] I get one for me. Back in the city again. Play nice now. [music] going. Listen here. [music] I'm back in the bright city lights and I'll go to the [music] discos at night. I'll cook it real good then go out [music] for Chinese food. See my fortune cookie could be bright. [music] Backward women skin are smooth like silk. They rock with their old bodies with rose milk [music] and they look so nice and cute in their highlegged boots. [music] Back in the city again. This body just won't be the same. I'm itching and scratching [music] in pain. The pills the doctor gave to me don't go good with boo you see search back to the homestead again [music] I watching girl back in the city [music] again I won't get one back in [music] the city again this body just won't feel the name. I'm itching and scratching in pain. The pills [music] the doctor gave to me don't look good with boo, you see. So, it's back to the [music] homestead again. It's back to the homestead again. Please [music] God, wait. Ladies and gentlemen, we're at the first press conference granted by the man who recently announced his intention of seeking the position of prime minister of Canada. His name is Nester Pister. [applause] Thank you very much. Privilege to be here and uh I'd like to answer any questions that any of you people might have in the audience over here. I'm going to answer them straightforwardly right from the heart. and as glibly and as honestly as I can. Uh the first question uh reporter I'm going to call reporters my number here because I don't know any faces. I'm new to this business, you know. Reporter number two, you got question for me? >> Yeah, Mr. Fister, how about a little of your background? >> A little my background. Well, background. Uh you uh how many people here uh from this uh newspaper and TV and radio ever watch it? That's program roots >> to TV roots. Um ru tz roots. [laughter] My background's comet roots. Uh I finally founded my roots. My grandfather named Ka Capusta. [laughter] He was great magician to all country. You know he was travel all over do terrific magic tricks. Poor son of manag. He's got some trouble. Couldn't pull a rabbit out of his hat. So he pulled the hair out of his ass instead. Yeah. [laughter] out of his what? >> Out of his ass. Stupid. But uh he's not so crazy, you know, cuz he was first guy who was invented toilet seat. But 20 years later, some smart German son of a [ __ ] came along and cut a hole in it. [laughter] Number two, you got another question. >> I understand you came from a large family. >> Yes, very large. Very large. We had such big family that you had to take a number to get breastfed. >> Really? Since you came from a large family, what are your thoughts about artificial insemination? >> Artificial insemination. I don't like the artificial stuff. Really? I like the real thing. You know, jiggy jiggy [laughter] pushy push. You know, I could see some guy in the year 2025 tracing his root back to a syringe in Edmonton. [laughter] Yes. Reporter number three. >> Mr. Per, what are your thoughts on marijuana? >> Maruna. >> I'm really high on that stuff myself. [laughter] >> Why is that? >> Well, if I'm going to be elected prime minister, I will allow it people to have small amounts of maruna cuz it's going to save water. >> Save water? >> Yeah, certainly. Certainly, dummy. Now, there won't be all those toilets flushing when somebody knocks on your door at 3:00 in the morning. Yes. Number four, >> Mr. Pister, what do you think of our armed forces? >> Our armed forces. Well, our rockets travel about as fast as our mail. That's what I can say about them. >> What about our penal system then? >> Our penal system? I'll >> leave it alone. >> I don't care how people pee. [laughter] I always say we should stay out of the people's bathrooms, you know. [laughter] >> No, no, Mr. Mr. Pister, the penal system. >> Mr. Like like when law sends people to jail, you know. >> Oh, you mean like my friend Peter? He's in jail, you know. [laughter] Not too bright. That son of man, he pasted dollar bills all over his face and robbed the store of 50 pair of nylons. [laughter] That's not bad. Now he's doing five years running. This country has something for everyone. Poverty. [laughter] >> Mr. Fister, do you think television today is educational? >> I sure do. >> I sure do, dummy. I sure do. [laughter] What's that? >> Well, it put my cousin's three kids through college. >> How did it do that? >> He's a TV repairman. [laughter] As a matter of fact, boy, you're stupid. One of them in psychology. You know, psychoseramics. >> Did you say psychoseramics? >> Psychoseramics. What's that? >> That's a guy that studies crackpots. Not only that, but another one of his kids just found out nudism is hereditary. >> Surely you're kidding. >> I'm not kidding. Why would I kill you? He just found proof that most people who become nudist were born that way. >> Yes. Number six. Number six. >> Okay. I understand you believe in reincarnation, Mr. Pister. Yes, I believe in reincarnation. >> What do you think Prime Minister Trudeau will come back as in his next life? >> As a violin string. >> A violin string. >> Mhm. >> Uh, what makes you say that? >> Oh, I just got this gut feeling, >> Mr. Fister. >> Yes. Number seven. >> What What about what they're doing in Vancouver with whales? >> What you mean whales? >> Well, you know, like they just captured one off the coast. I believe it was a sperm whale this time. >> Sperm whale? Sperm whale? What's that? 500lb hooker. >> No. >> Yes. Number seven. >> Uh, Mr. Fister, what do you think of our new metric system then? >> I don't like it. That changes too many things. >> I don't understand. Such as what? >> Well, sounds kind of stupid, don't it? 28.49 g of prevention are worth.453 kg of cure. >> Yes. Number eight. >> Weren't you quoted the other day that you thought the country was going to the dogs? >> You sound pretty horny, CHEEKY BOO. [laughter] NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I said the government has a big dog in Ottawa and we're the trees. That reminds me of a story, you know. I remember one of my friend is coming to beer parlor and he said to somebody, "Hey, who belongs to that big ferocious government pincher outside there?" One fell put up his hand. He says, "That's my dog." He said, "I got terrible, terrible news for you. My Chihuahua just killed your Doberman pincher. Say your Chihuahua [laughter] just kill it. My Doberman pincher. Ferocious dog like that. How could your Chihuahua kill my Doberman pincher? He says he's got stuck in his throat. [laughter] Number nine. Number nine. Any special plans for fitness and amateur sport, Mr. Fister? >> Sure. I'm going to make it my cousin Nick in charge of something over there. He's real athletes. You remember him? >> Can't say as I do. No. >> Oh, he become a very very famous as pingpong player. He developed the look no hands table and was immediately arrested. [laughter] >> Who will be your minister of amateur sport and physical fitness? >> Well, I got two people in mind. Either my Greek book maker, he's smart when it comes to picking winners, >> or else my hairdresser. >> Your hairdresser? >> Yeah, he too likes to bet on sports, particularly teams that come from behind. >> Number 10. >> Uh, Mr. Pister, what are your thoughts on capital punishment? >> That's okay as long as not too severe. >> [laughter] >> I say leave and let live leave live and anyone who doesn't agree with me should be hung. >> Yes. Number 11. >> Excuse me, Mr. Pester. >> Yes. >> Would you please speak into the microphone? We can't hardly hear you in the back. >> What's the matter? You got bad years. >> Reminds me a joke. You know, >> I got this one beautiful couple, 23 years old, they got married. 9 months later, they got this beautiful baby to hospital. W So cute. You never believe it. But got terrible deformation. He's don't got no years. Now they was look to this baby something pecular. Couldn't figure what the heck was wrong with don't got no years but they was take this baby home and he's grow up to be nice fat baby. Two and a half months was late to that script. Google Google all the time you know. So the person soon got over that melodies though don't got no ears you know. So one time dad's husband he's go out to street and he's meet one his goofy friend his friend said Louie I hear about this terrible constantation you got with dad's babies don't got no years when he was born it say oh that's all right they said don't worry about that cuz he's grow up to be nice fats baby everything okay say you know I like to pay it my respects to your wife and baby I could come it over some nights say sure but Whatever you do, please don't be stupid guy. Whatever you do, don't you ever mention this baby don't got no years. Say what the heck you think I crazy? I'm not going to mention one thing to that. That's fitful day was arriving. He's not to that door. This lady was open up door. He's looked to her. He's got to be very diplomatic, you know. So holy smok Johnny don't you look terrific you was lose all your fat you look better like even before he was married so I couldn't believe you lose so much poundage says I come to see baby got nice gift for him so she says he's in bedroom she's taken to bedroom he's give dad's baby gift and he looked to baby and he said look how Cute. That's baby [crying] is I never see such fat goodlooking baby to my whole life. He's look so healthy. She say, "Oh yeah, he's healthy. Eat everything good. Don't cry at night. It's perfect baby." He's looking. He say, "Look, that's beautiful blue eye. That's baby's got it. I never seen such beautiful blue eye to my life." She said, "That's true." And you know what? We take him to eye doctor Oculus and he told us he's going to have it 2020 vision. And he's looked to her and he say that's damn good thing. He wouldn't be able to wear it any glasses, would he? [laughter] Let's get down to some serious talk here. Reporter number two. >> Uh what do you think about the decline in our Canadian dollar, Mr. Poster? I think terrible, terrible, terrible. In fact, I got so broken up about that I was sit down and wrote a poem about Canadian dollar going down. It's called up your dollar. >> Are you going to read it for us? >> Yes, I going to read it for you. Listen closely. One day way back in 29, our Canadian dollar dropped one whole dime. And here we are in 77 damn near drop in cents to 11. Our economist expressed great surprise at our Canadian dollar's quick demise. Well, surprises are good at the baby shower, but not too damn good when it comes to our dollar. [laughter] Two money traders in the US of A gave us two reasons the other day. said Quebec's plan to buy us bestos corporation LTD was one reason for our drop in our dome. Another one says that the layoff on Inko was another reason our dollar went stinko. Now what does this mean to you and me citizens of this great country? Maybe we should all go out and spend more nickels to get inkl out of their terrible pickles. The workers then wouldn't be unemployed. Poof. There's one reason. Now that's void. All right, LC to buy is not for you. Poof. There goes reason number two. What left is no surprise to me for the blight that's hit our dollar tree. What we need now is more economic fertilizer to make our dollar grow higher and higher. But what the hell can you and I do when the boys up in Ottawa are stuck in glue? I say, "Okay, up there in Ottawa, get off your ass and bring to our dollar a little more class." That's what I think about that. Thank you very much. THANK YOU. [applause] ALL RIGHT. BY FAR. >> YES. REPORTER NUMBER 13. >> MR. MISTER, what do you think of the wholesale price index just going up again? I mean, what are you going to do about it? >> I'm going to buy retail, not wholesale. [laughter] >> Number 14. >> Mr. Pister, are you going to deal with air pollution? >> Sure. As soon as I can see my way clear. [laughter] >> Yes. Number 15. >> Mr. Pister, we've been having so much trouble with our post office. How do you plan to solve the problems? Well, I think I'm going to make it Xavier Hollander, postmaster general. >> You mean the happy hooker? >> Sure. Who else knows more about how to make mills come quickly? >> N second thought, I'm not going to hire her. She probably blow it. [laughter] But she's sexy, you know. She reminds me of one couple I know. You know, this lady awful sexy, too. But she's awful nagger. She's complainant all the time. Every time her husband come home from work, SHE SAY, "LOLLY, YOU NEVER DO NOTHING. You always sit over here, do nothing, eat your supper, drink two beer, lay down chest and feel, fart, go to sleep, [laughter] never take me any place, not even one time. Go to movie theater." Say, "Shut up, you crazy bugger. What you need from me?" [laughter] >> SURE. SIT THERE, COUSIN. NOW THEY GOING TO GOT married next week. I don't even got a dress for wedding. He's got too much already. You know one day his figure he going to give her treat. He said I'm going to take you to zoo. She never been to zoo. But that son his wait till he's got the most windy blasty day you ever seen to your whole life. Was rain and sleet and slow. He's take his wife to zoo only done two people there. >> [laughter] >> Lots of animal ms to cages you know. They go hippopotamus elephants tiger giraffes polar bear walk by monkey cage was got chimpanzins over there. He's looked to those crazy people just give you say sweetheart look that's crazy monkey kiss you know cousin Ellie get married next Saturday you want to buy dress I going to give you $100 if you could make that chimpanzini sexy [laughter] she say what you crazy how going to make him sexy said, "Take off your blouse." She said, "What the hell's matter with you? You crazy. Take off my B public place over here." Say, "You want this $100 for dress?" She's got so excited. She want that dress. She take off her blouse. That chimpanzini look. [laughter] I said, "That's not good enough. You got to make them really heavy duty sexy. Maybe you take off your Brazil, you going to got them really going good. She said, "Lie, don't be crazy. That's public place." You say, "Huh? You want that $100?" [laughter] She's Look around. Nobody there. She's on hooker baz. [laughter] This monkey looked [laughter] says, "Sweetheart, I bet you take it off all your clothes. You're going to make him go apehit." [laughter] She says, "You crazy Louis already. Take my You want that $100 for dress? You take off your clothes." She's take off her clothes. That's monkeys. He's just He swing it from those swing branches. He go completely crazy. Now this guy look around. He see door to monkey cage open. Here's grab his wife by dad's arm. Push it into monkey cage. Close that door and they say there you son of a [ __ ] Tell him you got a headache. [laughter] Yeah, it's number 16. >> Tell me, Mr. Poster, is it true you said the other day you were going to outlaw hitchhiking in Canada? >> No, no, no, no, no. You crazy reporters always dumb like I don't say that. You're cooker ego. YOU ALWAYS TAKE ME OUT THE PRETEXT. Don't you understand English? I didn't say nothing about banning hitchhiking. I just told a two story about friends of mine. They was going back to Edmonton was cold, feet were frozen, fingers frozen, toes cold. One guy said, "John, how you feel it?" Said, "Don't talk to me. Don't you ever ever ever talk to me. You stupid son of Maganda. I don't want to see you no more." Say, "Why you treat me this way? What I do?" They say you crazy booger. I tell you what you do. Next time we meet the two beautiful girls and you tell them either they come across or they walk. Make sure we own the car. [laughter] >> Number 17. >> What [laughter] are you going to do about unemployment in this country, Mr. Pister? I going to start a lot new industry. Too much waste from our natural resources. We need lots of new byproducts. >> Such as what? >> Well, such as pieces wood, you know, leftover scraps and diesel lumber industry. Going to put them on CPR railroad cars and ship them to Nova Scotia to fishing industry over there. Going to make brand new industry. >> What is the new industry? >> Fish and chips. [laughter] going to start another new industry too. Even better, going to take all unemployed inco miners in Ontario and Manitoba and all unemployed lumber workers in BC and give new jobs. >> Doing what? >> Making wooden nickels, stupid. [laughter] >> Yes. 17. >> What about the farmers? >> I'm going to relocate 200,000 of them to Northwest Territory to become farmers. Farmers in the Northwest Territories. Uh, what are they going to farm? >> Oh, you crazy son of a gun. Frozen food. What else? [laughter] Some of them need to even raise cattle >> in the Northwest Territory. >> Sure. Best cold cuts in the world. [laughter] We needed more enterprising people in this country. That's what we need. Take my two friends who owned hotel. Got beautiful hotel dining room. got that beer partner cabaret beautiful 100 room hotel one guy was go to vacation his phone over there after first week vacation was Saturday night he say tell me Peter how you was doing to that hotel saying you never believe we got the business like you never seen before 100 room 98% occupancy already we make $19,000 two room say $19,000 say how's beer parlor do it. Said those kids come to beer parlor, listen to that rock and roll band already. We do $11,000 business over there. Say, "Son of a gun, that's heavy duty. What about dining room?" He says, "Since we changed it, that's menu. Got a new cook. We got that people coming in there made $22,000 already." Say, "What about cabaret?" He say, "Everybody shook and jive. Have a hell of a time. Make a $23,000 this week. I can't believe how happy I am. Say, "Yeah, but I got some bad news." Say, "Bad news? What's that?" He said, "Last night we got it robbed." He said, "Lou, don't be crazy. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK." [laughter] >> But enough about unemployment. You know, >> Mr. Pister. >> Yes. >> Do you have any thoughts for the youngsters across the country? Do I have any thoughts about the youngsters across the country? That's my final question I'm going to answer tonight. I do have thoughts about the youngsters in the country. Kids, if you're going blind, you're doing it right. EVERYBODY, [applause] [music] what this country needs is me. Our white stone FL [music] boy will bring us back to sanity. Our white flower boy [music] will bring us back to sanity. What for [music] me?