MDA Telethon Martin & Lewis November 25, 1953 (Part 6 of 10)

And that's how the whole thing happened. And nobody really laughed. [Applause] Raen said that and did the deal to orchestra. Ladies and gentlemen, Dean and I take great pride in presenting a gentleman who on the ABC network has certainly made it a very, very prominent network. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Danny Thomas. Let's be happy everybody. Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen. privileged to have been invited here at Bayonet Point to participate in this very worthy benefit and I sincerely hope that it's as big a success as Dean and Jerry hope it will be and I have a suspicion that the American Heart will make it so. I uh am quite thrilled to know that tonight we'll have many many stations added. I don't know what this is for, but just You want me to work in here? Would you rather? I see. Thank you very much. I uh I know that there are more stations tuned in tonight than on an ordinary network setup. And it makes me think of the time. Excuse me. This is nothing. It'll be over in a minute. You see, I have been all over this nation. And in the old days, I traveled exclusively by bus. [Music] I don't know whether or not you've ever been on a bus, but sometime if you have a few years to kill, take a trip from New York to Los Angeles by bus and walked like this for 92 days after the trip was over. That you get from reading old crow billboard ads. Of course, we got some relief from the situation. And that's when we made what is commonly referred to as a rest stop. They have the audacity to call them rest stops. Every 50 miles, brother, tired or not, you could be fast asleep. It's everybody out rest. You could be dead. They'd get you up to rest. And that's not all. It was one woman used to get tired between stops. She didn't care where we were when she got tired either. Could be over a bridge or in the Mojave Desert. You'd holler, "Hold it, witch. I'm tired now." That's how the Charleston came back. And in every restaurant, something fantastic would take place. And I heard practically all of the stories that I've ever told on a nightclub floor or from a theater stage on this one bus trip in the spring of 1940. There was an Irishman on this bus by the name of Callahan. He looked something like this. Don't be alarmed, ma'am. The fleet go all the way down. [Music] He got to calling him Crotchy Callahan for obvious reasons. He was a comfortable dresser, you see. And Callahan was one of these fellas who was Irish through and through. Well, mostly about seven parts Irish and one part vodka. Excuse me, Smirnoff. Anyhow, this one day he was really shining. I mean, he was lugging a load and driving in his brand new automobile. There's one thing about Pachchi Callahan. Nobody drives his car but Callahan and he was blind. He couldn't see the dashboard. And he got into his car and he started to drive and he drove in a short circle far through the night. He was lost. Somebody moved the town. Finally, he saw a tail light. He began following the tail light. He followed the tail light for quite some time. Finally, the tail light came to a stop. But not Galahan. He smashed his car and the other fellas, too. Then he gets out of his car very, very indignant. He said, "What's the matter with you, wise guy? Don't you know you're supposed to put your arm out when you come to a stop? The fella says, "What? My own garage?" As we were, that's the story Jerry tried to get to, but he was cut off. As we were going through Nebraska, a baby was born on the bus to a couple who were married in Buffalo. It was a long trip and we got to tell them baby stories and I don't believe there's a cuter story on earth as far as baby stories go as the story told about Antonio Pachalu Pow get a baldy junior the two Antonio is an American through and through with one failing his misconception of the English language the English language written no matter how close to the paper means nothing to him. His wife had presented him with a bouncing baby boy. Highly elated, he named the child Tom. He said, "That's going to be TO M." But when he received the birth certificate, naturally the inscription read Thomas. And he didn't like that. He figured some wise guy was pulling a fast on him. Time being a great healer, he got over it. And now, two years later, again, by the grace of the deity, his wife presents him with a bouncing baby boy. And this is where the story starts. Antonio shall not name the new child until he can speak to the wise guy in charge of the birth certificates in the county building. And it sounds like this. As you can imagine, this is a telephone. He says, "A hello. Hello. Operation. Hello. Hey, Baan. Open up your house. Hello. Operation. Operation. Give me circle of two. Couple of hoes. Another two, please." No, you ain't got I say circle of two. A couple of hoes. Another two. Couple of hoes. A hole. Ho. That's a couple of hoes. You know, and another one too. No. No. One. Two. Another one. Two. Hey, you know the two you got on the top? Put the same color on the bottom. Hello. Toots of shores. Who's asking for tots of shores? I got them anyhow. Put up the UN. I say put up UN. Jiggle your hook. I'mma jiggle them a couple of time. Put up. Hello. Hey. Operation. Hey Goomba. What number I got to call? I got a circle of two. A couple of hoes. Another tool. You got in a place to make you quick. Is hot in the boots. They say it's hot in the boots. The telephone boots is hot. Hello, I got you. Huh? Hey, I want you make a stick with a phil certificate. You got an afraid to push him up. He's hot in the boots. Hello. That's you. That's to me. Who's me? Who's you? Hey, a couple years ago this time my wife's got a little bambino. I'm says the name of Tommy. You put it down with Thomas. This one is the name of Jack. I don't want to have enough trouble with you. Thank you very much. Traveling across this magnificent country of ours, day by day in every way, you will discover, my friends, that regardless of all the anti-anti propaganda that you read about, that you hear about, even that that you see in minor and minute circumstances, just remember that this is still redblooded, god-fearing America. And being such, she is a charitable America. She is an America that's a corny America. She was founded upon corn, upon neighborliness, upon love of God and love of man. This is a nation that is thriving because it lives in a dream. When it so desires, when it's necessary to live in reality, it does so. Unfortunately, our realities have always been bloody realities, war. But we are happier in our dreams. We are a corny people who sing corny songs, but we're a charitable people. Open your hearts to your fellow man. If God has given you the use of your senses and your limbs, you're a very lucky fellow. You don't need any money at all. And if you think that I am saying this while I'm sitting on a big bank account, I have a tall flash for you. I am more in debt today than ever I was when first I was floundering and begging for a career. But I still sing corny songs because I believe him. You believe him, too. You'll never have a sick day as long as you live. Give to this cause musculardrophe. They need you very badly. and sing this kind of song. The world belongs to everyone. The best things in life, they're free. Hey, the stars belong to everyone. They shine right there for you and for me. Count the flowers in the spring. Hey, listen to the birds that sing. Sunbeams that shine, the yours and the mine. Hey, love can come to anyone. Oh, the best things in life are free. Yes, the best things in our lives free. [Music] Thank you. Thank you. A real wonderful man. Real great. Thank you very much, Danny. In the bottom of our hearts, we thank you. Right now, uh I'd like to do a little number that uh was written by a very good friend of mine, Mr. Sammy Conn, and his uh I think Mr. Holt helped you write it. Is that right? David Hold helped me write this little Christmas song entitled Christmas Blues. So with Sammy at the piano and Dick the Bill behind the piece of stick, we're going to do this whole thing. So I'll run over. You put the camera on, Sammy. [Music] Don't play. The jingle bells are jingling. The streets are white with snow. The happy crowds are mingling. But there's one thing that I know. I'm sure that you'll forgive me if I don't include. I guess I got the Christmas. I've done my window shopping. There's not a star I've missed. But what's the use of stopping when there's no one on your list? You'll know the way I'm feeling when you love and you lose. I guess I got the Christmas blues. When somebody wants you, somebody needs you. Christmas is a joy of joy. [Music] But friends, when you're lonely, you'll find that it's only a thing for little girls and little boys. May all your days be merry. Your season's full of cheer. But till it's January, I'll just go and disappear. Oh, Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes, but Santa only brought me the blue. Those brightly packaged tinsel covered Christmas. [Music] Hello over there.