Many Hear, Some Listen

[Music] [Music] uh [Music] on the other hand Captain dfus was not only innocent he was defended by a marvelous orator the result was precisely the same so you then must you speak of one that loved not wisely but too well training is readily available in public speaking extemporaneous speaking and conversation in a variety of languages comperable courses in the art of listening are rare let's look at various styles of listening and some of the problems that listeners encounter see if they remind you of anyone you know well take this enrollment card to section e upstairs in the South wing and tell Mr Damon that you want into drama 2 but if that section's filled you've talked to Mr Lee about switching to drama three but you better stop by the business what is really difficult is listening active as a opposed to passive listening listening is presumed to be so easy and automatic that many people hesitate to admit they have not understood what was said when this student does get enrolled in a class her rence about seeking clarification when she doesn't understand could add to her difficulties and she won't be the only one make the listeners receptive to what is to follow there are there any questions on that do I hear any questions do I hear any breathing this girl isn't necessarily a poor listener she's just reluctant to ask questions when she's perplexed poor listeners fall into several General categories three of these categories are called Joe Helen and Maurice Joe is a non attender he specializes in looking wide awake and alert while thinking about something else right Joe what Helen is an assumer she always assumes she understands not only what you said but what you meant to say and even what you intend to say next I know what you mean I'm quick on the uptake right no you assume that my meaning and your ideas are the same thing you don't have to explain I understand [Music] perfectly Maurice is a word picker he picks out and zeros in on certain words he attends selectively attends I attend regularly I'm here every day that's not the point I'm making Maurice he said attends didn't he well that's what attends means being someplace everybody knows that you get Joe Helen and Maurice in the same room and what have you got probably an average audience Mr Meyers has the task of trying to communicate to them some of the techniques of playwriting an incident is an everyday occurrence such as meeting a friend or going to the store an event is an unusual or significant incident such as being attacked getting caught shoplift thing you see the difference I see what he means if something bad happens it's an event something good happens it's just an incident are you sure that's what he means ask him Helen only uses questions to reinforce her own assumptions she seeks only a yes or no answer if something very disastrous happens to you that's an event right yes by contrast an alert listener will seek more information or a more clarifying explanation before assuming what is meant can you give me an example of something good happening that would be an event sure meeting someone and falling in love that would be an event going to the theater would usually be an incident going on opening night to a play in which you had an important role would be an event in your life now the great plays usually consist of a series of major events not just minor incidents major events let's see what our listeners have learned Maurice the word picker every play has to have a a championship prize fight or a National Convention something like that a major event Joel the non-attender I was wondering if he's going to ask us to write a whole play what about the difference between event and incident well it makes a big difference to me because I'm just not very good at writing Helen the assumer I think Mr Meyers didn't say exactly what he meant to the way I got it he was really talking about the climax of a play if you think we're exaggerating ask any reader of examination papers Marge Clawson an otherwise efficient secretary has a bit of the assumer and word picker in her nature she will ask questions yes and what time will that be fine no that's all right I understand her questions are few proud of being alert Marge generally assumes that she does understand Marge I'm going to have to cancel that meeting this afternoon see if you can make it or sometime next week will you I'll take care of it Mr George gosh short to call those Vice persons at the last minute but here [Music] goes Mr Ramsey and Mr Smith are here shall I send them in who Ramsey and Smith I told you I couldn't see them our principal client has a problem that has to be solved this afternoon I have a meeting with four their vice presidents in half an hour you know that no Mr Jordan I canceled the meeting you what you told me to I did not I said cancel my appointment with those two sales representatives no you said cancel the meeting yes my meeting with the two salesmen this is not a meeting this is a sales call I canceled that [Music] meeting Marge may make the mistake of assuming she understands when she really doesn't but John Jordan has a bit of Joe's weakness sometimes he is a non-attender here are your airline tickets and you have confirmed reservations at the travel man Hotel 2418 East Bergen travel man okay oh I don't arrive there till 11: pm. I'll be bushed what do you mean No Reservations my secretary phoned you she probably called one of the others did she tell you an address oh maybe if she did I didn't hear her I thought all I had to remember was travel man I'll have to call the other places and see which one I'm booked into how many travel man motels are there in San Diego anyway 26 oh no a large part of a marriage counselor's job is simply trying to get people to listen to one another sometimes a husband and wife will both be word Pickers drinking bothers me there she thinks I'm an alcoholic I drink like one or two beers is that an alcoholic she didn't say alcoholic Maurice you did the way she says his drinking it means the same thing does it no she thinks it's wrong to have even one see he says I'm wrong no matter what I say I'm always wrong he didn't say you were wrong he said you thought drinking was wrong his drinking is the whole she's calling me an alcoholic again is there something wrong with drinking one beer wrong see I'm wrong again I'm always the one who's wrong or a couple could even be two Helens both quick to make wrong assumptions then there was a time on our vacation he's going to tell you about the time I got lost no I'm talking about the time I wanted to go fishing was it my fault you didn't catch anything I mean before we even got started just as I was getting oh that let me tell you what he did on Christmas one time I I forgot to bring home a present until too late that's not the Christmas I mean I'm talking about last Christmas when I didn't come home till 2:00 in the morning I'd forgotten about that no the point is she doesn't like my kind of vacation that's their point you know what she's always saying that's not true I never say that she says it all the time sometimes they are a couple of Joe's both non-attenders so I told her I can't stand having her parents live with us they're driving me crazy another thing Joe runs up bills he opens charge accounts her father thinks he knows everything here I'm working to help him through college and he's charging a new color television set hey are either of you listening to what the other one's saying her mother complains about her arthritis but she just likes to complain and then he bought a motorcycle they're trying to run our lives we can hardly pay the rent and he's buying a motorcycle Mary did you hear what Joe was saying about charging things did you hear what Mary said Joe sure she likes having her parents live with us where oh where are the listeners fortunately there are some around just try to remember this the alert listener makes an active effort to listen and to understand he or she stays in focus on the speaker the alert listener willingly admits to difficulties in comprehension I'm not sure that I understand what you're saying asks clarifying questions you don't really mean that play can never make use of incidents the alert listener is aware of the ambiguities of language that word subsidies bothers me how is it different from calling it welfare The Listener may even be wise enough to know that the person who loses an argument is the one who has gained a new idea maybe living with my parents makes Joe feel too dependent maybe that's why he buys things to show his is Independence Could That Be Right Joe what