Male And Female: God Created Us, Part 1 (1982)

What does it mean to be a woman? >> What does it mean to be a man? >> What does it mean to be a woman married to this man? >> What does it mean to be a man married to this woman? I come from a family of three boys. [snorts] My, how lucky you are to have three sons. You must be so proud. Why, I'm sure they'll grow up to be fine young men. It was a matter of honor and real distinction to come from a family of all boys. Oh, how people raved about us. Now, there was a family in the congregation of all girls. [snorts] Six to be exact. Oh, girls. Who cares about girls? Oh, isn't it too bad they couldn't have had a son? Now, I don't remember anyone actually telling me in so many words that it was more important and more valuable to be a boy than a girl. But I knew it. It was assumed. And all the signals I got from my culture told me so. It was dad who decided when and where to move, what car to buy, how much to spend, and for what. All the big important decisions. And that's the way it was in every other family that I knew. Unless, of course, the man was henpecked. You see, it was either or. Either the man was the head of the house and had the last word. You know, wherever dad sits, that's the head of the table. or he was a poor excuse for a man. So in my formative years, it was men who had the power, the authority, the last word. There was the uh the principal and the lawyer and the mailman and the postman, the clergyman, the policeman, the fireman, uh the newsman. It was a man's world. Women, well, you know, they're good for cooking and cleaning and childbearing and sewing and and sex [snorts] when the man wants it, of course. So, when I went out looking for a wife for me, just guess what I had in mind. And look what I got. >> I come from a family of four girls. We were loved and told often that we were special. But somehow with the birth of each daughter, there was increasing pressure on my folks to have that son. Even my sisters and I joined in the chorus. Why can't we have an older brother? We just didn't want a brother, but he had to be older. Someone that we could look up to, someone that would pave the way for us, someone that would bring his friends home and make it easier for us to get dates. But there were no boys. And so my sisters and I took turns helping dad do those outside kinds of jobs. But there wasn't any question about who was to do the inside jobs. We all learned to cook and clean and sew amid stories of how grateful we'd be someday and what good wives we were going to make some lucky men. As generations of women before us, we were never taught that these were skills we should learn for our own benefit and growth, but rather they were things we needed to learn so we could better serve a man someday. Now, I remember dating and I remember waiting waiting for the phone to ring because no matter how much I wanted to spend time with a fella, I had to wait till he got the idea and the courage up to ask me for a date. Wasted a lot of time waiting. And I remember waiting for my dates to open doors for me. I was perfectly capable when they weren't around. But suddenly, I was supposed to stand back and let them show me their manners and their strength. And I remember waiting on my dates to lead when we were dancing. Actually, I could dance much better than most of them, but I was only allowed to show my female passive following along skills. I remember waiting on my dates to bring up the subject about what we thought about each other because nice girls were never forward, never brought up that subject first. I remember waiting on my dates hand and foot, making them pizza, filling their glass, even waiting for their pass. Now, I don't remember anyone saying to me, "Mary, you're a girl, so you always sit with your knees together, no matter what you're wearing, knees together is the first rule." And I don't remember anyone saying to me, "Mary, you've got to let that boy win at tennis if you want him to go on liking you." Boys have very fragile egos and you've got to let them win. And I don't remember anyone saying to me, Mary, you've got to act dumb when you're around boys because boys do not like girls that are smarter than they are. So when you're around boys, just cool it. No, I don't remember anyone telling me that. But somehow I got all those messages loud and clear because I heard of some poor girl who hadn't done it right. some poor girl who hadn't learned to be that nice and proper southern lady. And after all, we all knew that the good men married the nice girls. And that was our real goal in life, marriage to a good man. Someone that would take care of us, protect us, appreciate us. And so when I went out looking for a husband, guess what I had in mind? And look what I got. Mary, every time I come into this house, IT'S SUCH A MESS. WHY DON'T you pick up around here once in a while? Anyway, >> Ralph, I have been stuck in this house all day long. I need to talk to you. You can read that newspaper some other time. I need you much more than Walter Kronite does. >> Look, would you just get off of my back about that? I have said all I am going to say. The argument is hereby over. Case closed. >> Ralph, when we were first married, I wanted everything to be perfect. I had an interesting centerpiece for every meal. I had clean linens. I had good and different menus. But there's got to be more to life than making things look good and taste good. But I do love you. As your pastor, I need to tell you that perhaps you ought to change your attitude. You know that it is your God-given task to free your husband from trivial things. Have you considered reading a good book on better home management? Or perhaps to pray that you might be a better housewife. Mary, I have had a hard day at the office and I just want to sit here and read the newspaper without all your interruptions. Anyway, >> now that's just great. You just every time we have to go somewhere, you just get yourself ready and you go out and sit in the car. If you really wanted to get there on time, you'd help me get all these things done around this house that have to be done before we could leave and then we both could leave on time. >> Mary, why don't you listen to me? I told you the stove does not work that way. Look, I grew up on a farm and I had electronics in high school and I'm the man around this house and I know how that stove works. So, when I tell you how it works, why don't you believe me? Why do you question me anyway? Hello there. I'm going to be your total woman. Are you tired of having a wife who clutters up your life because she has ideas and opinions of her own? Are you tired of having a wife who questions your decisions and doesn't let you have the last word? Are you tired of not having the wife who just dresses super sexy all the time and who's just ready to jump into bed before you've even thought about it? Well, now that you have a total woman, all your worries are over. I promise that I'll never have an idea or opinion of my own that he knows about. And I promise that I'll always let you make all the decisions and have the last word because deep down I really don't think he can handle an adultto adult relationship. And I promise that I'll just pretend that all you have in your mind is sex and I'll just solve all of our problems and then I'll just throw in a little bit of mothering and take care of all your meals and clothes and pick up action and all that kind of thing and just sort of treat you like the little boy that doesn't want to grow up that both of us really want him to be. Oh, Ralph, I'm not going to play those kinds of dumb games. I don't want to manipulate you. I want a real relationship with another live growing person. I'm not going to play those dumb games. >> Mary, you know, it's just very hard for me to share how I really feel deep down inside. You know, we didn't grow up in the farm talking about our feelings. And I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak or that I'm confused. After all, I am a man. Well, Ralph, I must say there just so many things to get done around this house, and if I don't do them, nobody else is going to in anyway, it's a woman's prerogative to be late. And after all, I am a woman. Where we once were in our relationship and where we are now is separated by several light years. >> It all began when we were both students at Bethany Theological Seminary. We took a course in Genesis with Bob Nef and we began to get a whole new understanding of what the biblical record is saying is meant to be the relationship between women and men. We'd like to share with you the biblical basis that caused our attitudes and our marriage to drastically change. I'll start by reading from Genesis 2 18 and following. Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him." So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name, >> goat. >> The man gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the air and to every beast of the field, >> that's a butterfly. >> But for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, took one of his ribs, and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, God made into a woman and brought her to the man. And then the man said, "Oh boy. Oh boy. [laughter] Wow. What is this?" Hungawa. Oh, at last bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called a woman, because she was taken out of man. [sighs] >> Therefore, a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed. What kind of a helper is fit for me, a man? Well, my commentary on Genesis says that the Hebrew word for fit for him is uh kgodo. And kgodo literally means one who is like him, one who corresponds to him, his counterpart. one who is over against him and Kane though contains absolutely no notion of inferiority. In other words, the one who is fit for me, the one who completes my being as a person. Well, you Mary, you are created as my equal, which means that I too am fit for you and I complete your being as a person. >> Right, Ralph? According to Genesis, we are created bone of each other's bone, flesh of each other's flesh. Your flesh isn't superior to mine. My flesh isn't superior to yours. Were created of one flesh and therefore equal in importance. >> Say, speaking of flesh, what's all this naked and not ashamed business anyway? >> Well, according to my commentary on Genesis, it doesn't have anything at all to do with clothes. but rather when the writer is talking about being naked and unashamed. It's talking about taking off our masks and being who we really are, not pretending to be people that we're not or play out roles like those old male female roles that cause us to do things that are not really ourselves. The writer is saying be open and honest with each other as if naked. >> All that come out of Genesis. >> Out of Genesis >> sounds like it came out of a marriage manual or a psychology book or something. >> No, Genesis. Say, Mary, I understand there is another account of creation in Genesis that has some more to say about the nature of the manoman relationship. Uh, would you read it, please? >> Did you say we're created equal in importance? >> Sure. Right. Equal. >> Well, since I read the first creation story, I'm going to give you an equal opportunity to read the second creation story, which I am sure you can do equally as well. >> I get the point, Mary. So God created humans in God's own image. In the image of God they were created. Male and female God created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. And have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." Boy, that's a very beautiful account of creation, Mary. What does it say to you? >> Well, it seems to be saying some of the same things as the first account of creation. It's saying, first of all, that we're created out of the same stuff. That we're created equal in importance. Here it says that we're created at exactly the same time. But more important, it's saying that both of us, male and female, are created for exactly the same purpose. Both of us are to have dominion over the entire world. Notice it doesn't say that one of us is to make the decisions and the other other to carry them out or that one of us is to be aggressive and the other passive but rather it says that both of us are to be responsible for what happens in the entire world. You know Ralph I think that means my waiting days are over because if I'm to be responsible for the world as you're responsible for the world then certainly my life is a part of what I'm to be responsible for. So that means I shouldn't wait for you or any other man to define my sphere or give me permission to act. That's fantastic. >> That sure isn't the way I was raised. But you know, the part I like best in that account of creation is where it talks about being uh fruitful and multiplying. Now I can show that I am really a man. Move over Hugh Hefner and John Wayne. I'll show you what it's like in bed. Yes, I will. >> What are you doing? I don't like what you're doing and I don't like the implications of what you're doing. You know, I happen to have sexual desires just as great as yours, if not greater, according to some recent studies. But I don't have to go running around and bellering like an old bull in order to prove it. And and while we're on the subject, Ralph, I didn't like the way you pawed all over me in that first creation account. You know, here I was a newly created being created to be your partner. I didn't even know you from Adam and you were pawing all over me and treating me like I was your property. Now I am not your property and I do want sexual companionship, but I want it from another secure growing human being, not from some insecure male out to prove his manhood and use me to do it. [sighs] Now remember, Ralph, we said we were in this together as partners and as friends, not to play those old male female games. Remember? Thanks. I needed that. Now, let's see. Where were we? Oh, yes. God said that the woman and the man are created to have dominion in the total world and that we are to be caretakers of that world together. Notice that God did not take the man aside and say to the man, "You are created to have dominion in the big important affairs of the world and to be in charge and to have the last word." No, God didn't say that. And neither did God take the woman aside and say to the woman, "Now look at here, young lady. Uh, you are created to have dominion only in the small, narrow, confined, limited sphere. And if you want to be happy, just stay in your place." No, God didn't say that. God created the woman and the man jointly together as partners of the same [snorts] worth and value. And God said to them both that they are created to have shared dominion in the whole world. Period.