Listening Speaking And Nonverbal Language Skills (1977)

[music] M. [music] I can [music] [music] m Oh. [music] Hey. Hey. >> Wow. What a ride. >> I almost didn't make it. >> What happened? >> Well, I knew I was in trouble when I woke up late this morning. And if I hadn't seen that don't walk sign in time, man, they'd still be scraping me off the street. But I got the message. The fact is I got a lot of messages on that trip. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Communication. It's not such a big word, but it is a pretty important one because it describes the way people give and get messages. When I talk like now, I'm giving a message. And when you listen like you're doing now, you're getting my message. And lots of times we give messages without saying a word nonverbbally. >> Nonverbal. Did you know she's standing on a box? >> Ow. Ow. >> Ow. Ow. Hey, Al. >> Oh, hey. I'm sorry, man. It was such a good song. You know, I was really getting Anyway, I wasn't listening. And that's kind of what we're talking about, isn't it? >> Sure is. >> And listening can be a pretty important part of getting a message. >> Yeah. And you just gave us a great example, >> right? And there are a lot of others. Think of all the sounds and voices that we listen to every day. >> Once Viking 2 lands on the Martian surface, a camera at top the lander. >> Management says the unions have submitted 21 pages of irresponsible. >> You know, there are lots of things that can get in the way of listening and hearing things correctly. Um um >> Carolyn, pay attention. >> And one of them is not paying attention >> here. There's going to be more triath and this time it's really going to be really tough. >> Oh, it won't be so bad. >> Yeah. Well, there are a lot of >> All right, girls. I've got an inspiration now. Instead of doing kickstep, kickstep, three steps in. >> Are you listening? All right. Now, I would like kickstep, kickstep, four steps back. >> It's kind of awkward. >> Okay, let's do it. Ready? And kickstep, kickstep, four steps. >> You weren't listening. It wasn't three steps in, it was four steps back. You know, Wendy, I think Frankie really likes me. Why? He even sat next to me at lunch today. I laughed at his joke so hard that he punched me. Okay. You know, [music] I think that means that he likes me. What do you >> I think I THINK >> Are you all right? >> Oh, no. >> I warned you about it, but you just didn't listen to me. >> Sometimes we don't listen with an open mind, and we let our prejudices get in the way. Just because a person looks or acts a certain way, we think we already know what they're going to say. Like this. Hi folks, this is Lella Barrett from Hollywood. Oh, and we're here to interview Tex, one of those great country western stars. Tex, great show. I bet you love singing those country western songs, don't >> you? >> Well, actually, I'm getting tired of them. >> Great, Tex. And I bet you love doing this show with all these famous people. >> Man, I tell you, those people were rude. And I'm never coming back in THIS TOWN AGAIN. >> TEX, I BET THE audience wants to know, do you have a real farm? Now, I live in the middle of Chicago. >> Oh, a farm. Isn't that wonderful? Folks, Texas has a farm. I bet you'd all love to live on a farm, wouldn't they, Ted? >> Ted, >> good listening means just that. Really hearing what someone is saying, not judging them by what they do or how they look. >> And how about people who are constantly interrupting you? People who are so anxious to talk themselves, but they don't give you a chance. Well, mostly it's just bad listening habits. >> Hey, Dusty, where are you going this weekend? >> Nowhere I guess. How about you, Rich? Well, I'm going to be in the tennis. >> I didn't know you played tennis. You know, I took lessons once, but I found it wasn't my racket. >> Seriously, Rich is good at tennis, but I prefer scuba diving. >> Scuba diving? You know, isn't that kind of expensive? You can rent equipment, but I >> You know, I used to know some guys who went scuba diving, but one said he got his ear chopped off by a shark. >> I'm sure. >> Sure. Like I was saying, this weekend. >> Yeah. Do you know where my uncle's taking me this weekend? >> No. Where? >> The zoo. >> Good. I hope he leaves you there. >> There's no two ways about it. If you want to listen, you've got to let the other person speak. And you've got to pay attention and listen with an open mind. Listening well just isn't easy. And speaking well can be just as difficult. >> That's correct. >> When you speak, if your thoughts are disorganized, it's hard for people to understand you. Like giving directions to someone. They're never going to get there if you keep jumping around and repeating yourself. >> Well, you go down Magnolia Street and turn right at the Hammerstand. But before you get there, you have to get off the freeway at Columbus. Anyway, then you turn right. Oh, did I tell you about the Hammerstand? and the hammerstand. You know you have to turn right. When you get off the freeway at Columbus, you turn left. The hammerstand will tell you you're close to my house, which is the top of the hill. To find the hill, you got to find the pink apartment building. And my house is the third house down on the left side. Got it? >> Huh? >> And we've all heard people who talk a lot but don't say anything. No one wants to listen to a lot of hot air. I have come to the conclusion that this problem must be answered here, here and here today. Here now, now and forever. >> Then there are those people who talk too much. They dominate any conversation and make people lose interest in what they have to say. And those last two movies I told you about are nothing compared to this next one I'm going to tell you about. Oh man, it was the best movie I have ever seen. Hey, it starts out it starts out in his kitchen. This guy's making a salad, you know, with lettuce and tomatoes and everything. All of a sudden, this mushroom says over here. Well, the guy looks around like, "Did that mushroom just talk to me?" The mushroom says, "Yeah, I just talked to you." Waving these little mushroom like arms, you know, and he's making this sound like this. >> Sometimes the tone of our voice can send a message more clearly than the words we use. Watch. >> I beg your pardon. I beg your pardon. >> Well, excuse me. >> Well, excuse me. >> Sometimes that old saying is true. It's not what do you say, but how you say it. >> I suppose so. I suppose so. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> Funny. It's good to know the right kind of language to use with different people and in different situations >> cuz we don't talk the same way with everybody. >> With family and friends, we're more casual, but with people we don't know too well, we speak more politely and without a lot of slang. Like, what if your father talked to you at home, just like he does to people at work? >> Dad, will you help me out with this homework? Well, Rich, as I see it, there are two ways to analyze this problem of composition. I'll present you with the two alternatives. After much study, I feel that the structure of this particular sentence needs to be supported with additional clarifying adjectives and several pronouns. >> But Dad, all I want is a simple answer. >> How we say things is important. We have lots of words that can mean two or three different things. Can you imagine what it would be like if we took some of our favorite expressions literally? Like go fly a kite now. Will you get off my back? Man, you just got to meet this chick. She's the greatest. Really hip and super intelligent. [laughter] [screaming] >> That's funny. I told you speaking is mighty tricky business. You think you can just open your mouth and the right words come out, but it just isn't so. You have to think about all these things. Being disorganized in what you have to say, talking a lot but saying nothing, talking too much. Using the wrong tone of voice, using the wrong kind of language for your listener. Now, if you're careful to avoid all these mistakes, then good speaking involves more than just using your mouth. It means using your head as well. >> You're getting mad. I'm really mad. Hate someone. >> Oh, what's wrong? >> Something funny. >> What's funny? >> I think my body is one of the most expressive parts of me. When I use my body and my face to express myself, people really get the message, even without words. That's nonverbal communication. kind of an extra dimension in communicating. Umpires use non-verbal communication all the time. >> Say out. >> See if you can tell a little about these people just by watching their faces and their bodies. >> Watch. >> Well, here we are folks at the World Championship Checkers Tournament between Boris Olenov and James Billingsley. There are some very tense moments as Olenov is checking his move. You can see the tension in their bodies, the concentration in their faces. Folks, this could be the game's key move. Olenov is getting ready. And the winner is James Billingsley with a brilliant use of nonverbal psychology. >> Many times people say one thing but communicate something very different non-verbbally like this. >> Go ahead. >> No, you go ahead. >> That's all right. Go ahead. >> No, I I don't mind. Go ahead. >> I don't either. Come on. Ladies first. >> Come on. What's the matter? Are you chicken or something? >> Me chicken? No, I'm not chicken. >> Wake up. It's not over yet. >> Using nonverbal communication to help us express ourselves can make our conversations more interesting. >> Sharks are mostly marine fishes and range from large to medium in size. They have a tough skin that is usually a dull gray in color. Sharks are able to lie on their back. >> Boring. >> That guy was pretty nervous and boring, huh? Watch what the next person does to make it more interesting. >> Sharks are mostly marine fishes and ranged from medium to large in size. They have tough skin that is usually dull gray in color. Sharks are able to lie on their backs and grab food from the surface of the water. This is one of their characteristics. >> Sometimes, if we're not careful, people can get the wrong vibes from our body language. They look at us and think we mean one thing when we really mean something else. [music] >> Fine, Delia, that's just fine. Now, um, for next week, I'd like you to learn three new chords in the chorus to Red River Valley, if you could, but uh, you don't seem to be too excited about playing the guitar. >> No, Mr. Martin, I like playing it. Really, I do. >> Oh, I must admit, you don't seem overjoyed with your progress. Maybe you'd like to play another instrument like the tuba. >> The tuba? Really, Mr. Martin? >> Well, how about the bassoon or the kettle drum or possibly this kazoo here? Well, there you have them. Three very important communication skills. Listening, speaking, and nonverbal. >> Listening. >> Too anxious to talk. >> Meet you there. >> Not listening with an open mind. >> The Chicago text. >> Not paying attention. >> Okay. >> Speaking disorganized. >> Third house down left side. Got it. >> Huh? Lots of talk but says nothing. >> Talks too much. >> Wrong kind of language for your listener. >> This particular sentence needs to be supported. >> Nonverbal. How you act doesn't match how you feel. >> Wrong nonverbal for your listener. >> Really? I do. And there you have all the things that can get in the way of good communication. If you make just one of these mistakes, it can change the way you give a message or it can mess up the way you get a message. >> Communication >> communication. >> And now it's my turn. Goodbye, gang. >> Bye-bye. See you later. >> Sharing [music] our feelings. [singing] It's good to relate. We need [music and singing] each other in so many [music] ways. Communication [music] opens the door. [music] In every [singing] relation there is more.