Jimmy Walker on Tonight Show Jay Leno 1980s KCST San Diego

Monday in Jacksonville, Florida. Tuesday in Savannah, GEORGIA. PLEASE WELCOME JIMMY WALKER. [cheering] [music] [applause] [cheering] [cheering] >> PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. NO, NO, NO, NO. PLEASE, PLEASE. I deserve much more. BUT NO, IT'S ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO BE here because everybody around here, especially in the area right here in Burke, just so wonderful. It's so nice. People are so THEY JUST WALK RIGHT UP TO YOU AND TALK TO YOU LIKE they know you. HAD A GUY WALK UP TO ME OUTSIDE TODAY SAYS, "JIM, HOW COME BLACK PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TATTOOS?" I said, "YOU EVER SEEN SKYRITING AT NIGHT? >> [applause] >> AND AS IF BLACK PEOPLE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS as it is, here we are on television commercials dressed up like raisins saying I heard it through the GRAPE VINE GOING BACK AND FORTH irritated me cuz see they make the black folks look so bad on TV. You guys know what I'm talking about. Y'all seen the commercials. You know the commercial I'm talking about. I am stuck on band-aids and band-aids stuck on me. Little Caucasian lady. I am stuck on band-aids and band-aids stuck on me. Black brother, I STUCK ON BAND-AIDS AND BAND-AID STUCKS ON ME. [applause] I get upset. [laughter] But I am happy because the black people are doing better. We're making progress. I see now running for president, JESSE JACKSON. >> THAT'S RIGHT. And in the lead, TOO, A BLACK MAN IN the lead. That's right. Cuz he runs faster than anybody else. He's there. But, you know, as soon as they find out he's really in the lead, there will be a black man in America soon. [laughter] AND THERE'S ANOTHER black man running for America. A lot of people don't know who he is. He was in Time magazine this week. Ronald Johnson. You read about him. Ronald Johnson. And uh he was just walking past the capital one day, looked up and says, "I want to LIVE IN THAT BIG WHITE HOUSE." I SAID, "ALL RIGHT, COME ON IN, MAN. It's wonderful." AND RONNIE REAGAN, OUR PRESIDENT, HAVING PROBLEMS, lots of pro another nose operation. That's right. Fourth nose operation in the last year AND A HALF. I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT ALL THESE NOSE OPERATIONS ARE. It's what I call the Pinocchio theory. >> [applause] [cheering] [applause] >> Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. And you know what it is? The country's gone berserk, man. The American dream is NO LONGER POSSIBLE. YOU remember the American dream? Go to college. Get yourself a job. Buy yourself a house. Get married. Have a couple of kids. Then you die. YOU GO TO COLLEGE NOW. IT DON'T MEAN A THING. HAD A FRIEND OF MINE JUST GRADUATED WITH A MASTER'S DEGREE IN PHILOSOPHY. JUST GOT A JOB proofreading M&M's. It's amazing WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU KNOW, I'M TELLING THE TRUTH. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? YOU CAN NO LONGER GET A PIECE OF THE ROCK OUT THERE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT A PIECE of the ROCK IS? A HOUSE. BUT YOU CAN'T AFFORD A HOUSE WITH THESE INTEREST rates out here. I'm trying to GET A LITTLE APARTMENT. I SEE A NICE TWO-BEDROOM. I see a telephone number OUT FRONT. CALL THE TELEPHONE NUMBER. FOUND OUT THAT WAS THE PRICE OF THE APARTMENT. [laughter] And you know what it is? is these landlords, THEY WANT EVERYTHING. THEY WANT THE FIRST MONTH RENT. THEY WANT THE LAST MONTH RENT. I SAID, I WASN'T EVEN HERE LAST MONTH. [applause] My goodness. And you know the PROBLEM IN EVERY APARTMENT THAT YOU move into, NO MATTER HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE, NO MATTER HOW delightful you are, YOU KNOW WHO'S WAITING FOR YOU WHEN you get there? Roaches. AND NO LITTLE GY BABY ROACHES EITHER BIG MUSCLE BUILDING ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER ROACHES AND YOU CAN'T SPRAY THEM BECAUSE THEY GET MAD WHEN YOU SPRAY THEM, YOU KNOW, AND THEY COME WALKING IN AND SAY, "HEY MAN, WHAT YOU DOING SPRAYING THAT STUFF IN HERE?" YOU KNOW, I'M THAT CLEAR. I'LL BE BACK IN A HALF HOUR. I MADE A MISTAKE, Y'ALL. I WENT OUT to some OF THIS ROACH MOTEL. WHAT A RIPOFF. NOT ONLY DID IT NOT WORK, THE NEXT DAY ALL MY DAMN TOWELS WERE GONE. >> [applause] >> You know what I'm talking about. AND I'M CHECKING OUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE MIDDLE EAST. I cannot believe it. It is killing me. I I can't this thing in Lebanon with all these hostages. YOU KNOW THE THING WITH THE HOSTAGE THING? I WONDER in the first place, what are these people doing in LEBANON IN THE FIRST PLACE? I MEAN, REALLY, THE LEBANESE government said to us six or seven years ago, they said, "Americans do not come here. We hate you. We will kill you. I TOOK THIS AS A SIGN NOT TO GO THERE. [applause] WHERE IS THE FIRST PLACE AMERICANS GO FOR VACATION? LET'S [screaming] GO TO LEBANON. PEOPLE WHO WOULD NOT GO TO A GHETTO IN THEIR OWN NEIGHBORHOOD will go to Lebanon. [applause] WOO! I mean, really, when you GET TO CUSTOMS, THEY STAMP ON YOUR PASSPORT HOSTAGE. And this [laughter] [applause and cheering] is amazing. DID Y'ALL READ ABOUT THIS? MORE VIOLENCE IN NORTHERN IRELAND, Y'ALL. PROTESTANTS AGAINST CATHOLICS. MORE VIOLENCE IN NORTHERN IRELAND. Protestants against Catholics. This just goes to show that in a country without ANY BLACKS, JEWS, OR MEXICANS, PEOPLE CAN IMPROVISE. Thank you. Good night. Have a good evening. [music] [music] [applause] And we're going to be we're going to be right back after this message to talk with Mr. Walker. >> [applause and cheering]