Jerry Seinfeld on David Letterman 1980s KCST San Diego

Good. Doing good. How you doing? >> Good. Good. Good. And how are you doing? >> Well, that's all the time we have. >> What have you been doing? Traveling, working >> all the time. So, where am I? Chicago. I don't even know. >> The Vic Theater. These the cough drop people or what? >> That's great. Yeah. Doing the big vapor rub tour. >> Do you know I This is I mean, it's a plug, but I mean I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon the day before that. >> Uhhuh. >> Okay. So, it's New York, Portland, Oregon, Chicago. You know, this is the kind of >> That's a tough agenda. >> It's brutal. Living out there on a smile and a shoe shine. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So, uh, where have I been? >> What have you been doing? >> Oh, >> how you been doing? >> Well, I was just in the south, which I love because I love I love humidity. >> My idea of a good time is get out of the shower, dry off, get right back in. But, uh, you know, every sports show I watch pickup truck commercials, right? Every always and I don't Where are these pick? You go to the They're there everywhere. >> And there's nothing in the back of any of these trucks. There's just driving them around. >> The only thing I saw in the back, I was down there for a month. I saw a big dog, a guy, and a guy with no shirt on. That's about all you see. Sometimes I ride together and talk about how someday they're going to get some shirts and ride up there in the front. So, somebody says to me, "Let's go horseback riding, >> which uh now I've done this. Can you do this? >> Can I do what? horseback rides. >> Oh, no. >> They can't do this at all. >> No, I don't think it's a good idea >> when you can't, you know, the horse knows you can't do it. >> Yeah. >> You know, and they everybody at the place knows you can't do it. The stable guy, he says, "Well, uh, what level rider are you?" You know, he's going to pick out a horse. >> So, I said, "I don't know. Zero, nothing. Whatever your system is, you know, I can't do it." >> So, the guy says, "All right. Uh, is molasses back yet? Can we use him one more time? How about almost dead? Why don't we saddle him up? So, I get on this U-shaped lightning quick animal here. I mean, it's I got the only horse where you can put your feet flat on the ground while you're riding. You know what I mean? I'm like I'm like riding a hammock. It's not, you know, and the horses, you know, they they have this way that they just stop and look at you, you know, they just stop and they and they got that eye is so big, you know, they got a head like 18 ft long and this giant eye that and he looks at me like, you know, just chill out, hop along. I know the trail, you know, it's just and I and I really appreciate the kicking while I'm relieving myself here. >> So, I don't I can't do it. You know what I mean? So, >> I don't understand why we even, you know, you get out of a car that has 200 horsepower. I get on a horse, one horsepower. I'm losing 199 horsepower in the deal. >> But which is and there's another term. >> What's that? >> The horsepower. >> Why do we say horsepower? >> I don't know. >> It's just >> I'll tell you why. Oh, yeah. Do you Do you even need me out here? >> Yeah. No, >> cuz I can go over there. >> All right. Go ahead. >> No. No. No. I You have a part. Go ahead. You >> Well, I was I was going to ask you if you've been making a lot of money lately. >> Money? >> Right there. Oh, yeah. I'm making dough. Good. Sure. >> Spreading it around. >> Yeah, that's good. >> Let's see. Uh, money. Well, I was at the bank. >> Oh, wait a minute. DON'T DON'T ACT like it's a surprise. It's right there. >> But I don't have an answer for that money. Yes, I make money. >> And when I make the money, I go to the bank with the money. >> There you go. There you go. I had to see the uh the notary person, >> right? >> Which uh I don't even know what this is. >> To me, this is another horseback riding thing to me. The public, >> you have to see the notary. Who is this? It's Oh, it's a special person with special degrees, special only. They can take the stamper. Okay. It's >> special person. What do I just want to grab that stamp? I'm trying to go there. I have the POWER NOW. HE'S just a man. But I mean they do they teach these people have notary classes where you press and stamp and hold and press and hold and you're not breathing. Breathe. Higgins too. >> Yeah. Now, >> now um >> now you can't you can't get into that. >> People will eat amazing things. Who did this question? >> A revered member of our staff put these together for us. Number three, >> people will eat amazing things. >> It's so true. >> Well, let's uh food. >> You want to come back to that one? >> No, I got something for that. Wait a minute. Uh >> jawbreakers. That's kids food. Let's talk about kids food. >> You're amazing. >> Yeah. When now Halloween just passed now that was always a great holiday. I I never I remember they that's how they sell it to you cuz kids want candy more than anything else in life. The whole the first 10 years of any human being's life is get candy. I must get candy. Where is candy? I need candy. I want candy. So they tell you, "All right, we're going to dress you up in these ridiculous outfits. Go around the neighborhood. Let everyone see what a jerk you look like. They will give you free candy." You go, "Okay, I will go. I will do this. I will get candy. I must get candy. Just get candy. I need candy. Where is candy? I mean, who are these people? Why are they giving candy? I must get the candy. Candy. You know, I always I remember how they would tell you not to take candy from strangers. >> Of course, that's good advice. >> Well, because you would take it. You know what I mean? If you're a kid, go I will go live with this man. You know what I mean? >> Now they'll tort you. They'll I don't care. He has Oh, Henry. I have to take that chance. You >> have to take that chance. >> But candy, people will eat amazing things. today. >> All right. Do we have time for category number four? >> No, I'm afraid we don't. >> Oh.