In the Life: Ep. 903, "Open and Visible"

on this edition of In The Life hanging on to Hope in Texas AIDS in the Artistry of dance and the next British Invasion plus a life lived as art remembering Quenton crisp well England doesn't believe in sex all listen more on in the Life America's lesbian and gay cultural news magazine this is [Music] me in the life is funded in part by the H van amaran Foundation additional support provided by Michael a lepin Jeffrey B sorif William J Resnik the Lily aen class Foundation the Gil Foundation the rainbow endowment the snow Foundation the New York Community Trust the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and Prejudice the gay network gay.com and the annual support of in Theif members like you [Music] welcome to in the life the cultural news magazine that brings you stories reflecting the richness and reality of gay and lesbian life hi I'm Katherine Linton on this episode we report on how openness and visibility are challenging the status quo in the medical field The Dance World on British television even in the Heart of Texas Tanya Barfield reports on a groundbreaking television drama that's testing the limits in the UK Jonathan Kart spotlights two Dynamic choreographers who are dancing for life with Works informed by their experience with HIV and AIDS Andy hum looks at an organization working to educate the Highly Educated doctors and we remember a man whose lifes spanned most of the last century Quinton crisp our first story takes us to Texas where gay and lesbian film Festival has triggered a showdown with a San Antonio cultural center and the city government it's a confrontation that has forged some unexpected alliances Paul Mueller reports High ATP this thriving Metropolis you can see the hustle and bustle of San Antonio it's the eighth largest city in the US with nearly 3/4 of its residents of Hispanic descent nestled in this big city a reminder of the city's cultural Roots 170 years after thousands of Mexican troops tried to capture the city people still remember the Alamo its people managed to retain the city's sense of history and tradition while carefully blending in Cosmopolitan progress but it hasn't always been easy especially for Latinos in their fight for civil rights hope is an integral part of any struggle for civil rights for without it one might never be able to push ahead especially during those hard times in Spanish the word hope is Esperanza San antonians who have felt the pain of social inequality and perhaps have nothing but their hope no there is a place they can turn to esparanza waiting to greet them at the door The Esperanza peace and Justice Center is a 13-year-old nonprofit arts and education center offering programming in the Visual and Performing Arts and Cultural studies that are politically relevant to the local San Antonio Community you know as sped doesn't just do art you know without talking about issues we wanted to talk about the issues that divide us and we want to kind of break down stereotypes about you know brown people gay people women feminists uh and we wanted to try to create s sort of thinking where communities could come together to talk about the issues that divide us and learn about how we're really similar on some levels but at the same time we want to also have people respect difference Sanchez is a native of San Antonio's West Side she's a Chicana a lesbian and a filmmaker a woman who works for Change and has been involved in the arts and culture of the city all of her life we're the home boys and the home girls of San Antonio whove been here centuries um and who are human beings and want to be treated as such and respected as such in 1997 the city cut the center's $76,000 funding which not only affected Esperanza but two other arts groups for which it acted as Fiscal Agent at issue the center's sponsoring of the San Antonio gay and lesbian media project the evidence I think clearly shows that homophobia and the lesbian anday Film Festival was used as a way to uh stir up the community to stir up that prejudice and that fear uh and to bring then a lot of public attack casty says a local dis junky went on the airwaves inciting residents to barrage the mayor and City Council Members with negative calls and letters about the center and demanding that the city take action the Esparza was attacked as a gay lesbian organization that was uh corrupting the youth that was uh promoting so-called homosexual agenda Sanchez says racism is a taboo subject in San Antonio homosexuality on the other hand was and is an open Target the center claimed some City Council Members made anti-gay comments on the radio a claim the City attorney denies I am not aware of any council member doing that I would be very surprised if that occurred surprisingly after the city defunded esparanza a group of prominent local gay men wrote a letter of support to the mayor and City Council Members commending their decision they thanked the council for seeing through what they called Esperon is rhetoric thereby representing the interests of all San antonians but why would these gay men support the defunding of an organization which provides services to the gay and lesbian Community I do not consider the esparanza to be a a gay lesbian organization and I think the real reason it got defunded was about 90% political it had about 90% to do with with uh with what drives most of the politics in San Antonio which is patronage and and favors gay conservatives who were opposed to the esparanza because of their support and their advocacy for cultural diversity used homophobia in Alliance with the Christian pro-life foundation and other right-wing Christian organizations to attack the espanas Katherine Acy is head of the australa national lesbian action Foundation the leading source of financial support for lesbian Le organizations which promote an end to political and social injustice last year it gave esparanza a $10,000 Grant you have people of color as well as lesbians in the leadership who were vocal and I believe it wasn't to to this particular group of gay men to their to their interests I think it was about power we we have you know absolutely no power to speak of I mean I'm flattered that she thinks that we you know we have some sort of power which which just isn't true the people that took her funding away were the the Hispanic majority on the city council the threat that we have towards you know the larger communities the fact that we're outspoken women of color we're expected to say C seor you know and not look up at you know at the mayor and the city council as we speak to them it's like Po fav can we ask you for you know money but esparanza wasn't the only Arts agency who lost funding the city cut Arts funding across the board that year by 15 % there were other agencies to fund it and with regards to agencies that are focused more on the homosexual lifestyle there we still have some that we still fund at that time in 1997 decided that they wanted to focus more on Back to Basics that was their theme uh sidewalk streets uh basic services and they decided to cut back on most art agencies in August of 1998 Esperanza took legal action and sued the city and its mayor Howard Peak for Vi violating its right to freedom of speech and taking away their rights without due process of the law it's a violation of equal protection for the government to implement animous fear Prejudice of the community the city has since filed a motion for summary judgment which they hope will eliminate the case Garza anticipates the case won't go to trial for at least another year in the meantime esparanza continues to provide hope for so many in San Antonio we are out about being queer we're out about being people of color we are out about being feminist I mean Sena means hope so we've always got to maintain the hope it would be so much easier though not to stir the pot it would be for me it would be like being dead as one of the nea4 I've experienced censorship firsthand cuts and arts funding have had a chilling effect on many many diverse artistic voices in our country the National Coalition against censorship is an alliance of over 40 National nonprofit organizations United by the conviction that freedom of thought inquiry and expression must be defended to find the link visit inthe life's website at inthe tv.org I'm Tim Miller and you're watching in theif [Music] when HIV positive choreographer Bill T Jones debuted still here in New York in 1994 the revealing piece was a painful acknowledgement that perhaps no other artistic Community has been as hard hit by HIV and AIDS as the world of dance like Jones Chris Ramos and David Rusev are two choreographers whose work and lives have been shaped by the epidemic David Rusev is a Los angelis based dancer choreographer and performance artist whose critically acclaimed company David Rusev reality tours internationally performing mixed media dance operas which incorporate spoken word if you take this dance and live gospel music and historical narratives including those of his own Creole ancestors since she was was the darkest of us all they'd give my bom all the hardest gotten to pick in 1992 we did a piece called Urban scenes quo dreams that was our first very large um fulllength uh work and that was about justos in my grandmother's life who was an elderly Creole woman in the swamps of Louisiana in the early 1900s with contemporary Urban America radio stations like black as they call us a black but we'll see you play Rusev's most recent work love songs appeared recently at New York's Brooklyn Academy of Music love songs finds inspiration in vogner's tragic Opera Tristan and isol adapting the kelt myth to create a story of two Southern slaves whose Forbidden Love flourishes under cover of the night I knew that I wanted to create some sort of a dialogue about love and seemed like a lot of our social ills are due to the fact that we uh are seemingly losing our ability to be compassionate with each other I beg you Sarah do not let him destroy our love for without each other we have nothing but the cruelty of day life I didn't want it to be an easy statement about love while while certain it's romantic piece I really didn't want to shy away from just the fact that for me life and love are very complicated I think I love you [Music] Weirdo And there's a certain bleakness which is why the piece refers to Triston quite and Vagner quite a bit uh because that's actually a morbid story tone you know they're kind of infatuated with the KN but in fact they're saying they want to kill themselves and cross over to death and order to love each other [Music] eternally Dan historians argue that the legacy of AIDS has been preserved in a great deal of today's choreography since Rusev's work deals with forbidden relationships HIV and AIDS are hard to miss well I think because the company members uh are from so many different uh communities that have been affected by AIDS um all of us have had some personal experience uh whether it's the company's primarily African-American also primarily gay uh primarily it's a downtown dance company so certainly the dance Community the black community the gay community have all been so devastated when when you go from choreographer Chris Ramos has been addressing that same reality his new york-based company Ramos dance has been characterized by critics as explosive lyrical and athletic but powerfully controlled good my style is pretty much they call people say it's quite lyrical but I call it lyrical with an edge it's very very athletic uh it's kind of nonstop going from one person to another they are dancing together as one they are dancing together as a group and there is a sense of community there's a sense of involvement with one [Music] another until recently Chris Ramos's work had steered clear of topical themes but as Ramos explains his first commissioned solo piece could hardly avoid the topic which has so strongly own altered his existence my partner in life for the last 10 years lover passed away and he died of AIDS hello how are you doing better way better doc makes sense you've responded well to the new drug cocktail and the thing that I'm dealing dealing with right now I'm HIV positive for the last uh three years so that's something I've been dealing with facing the reality as they [Music] say there is a gesture with a gun it's the same thing with touching with a crotch because your crotch is an HIV positive that's a lith weapon creative energy drives the dancers but the physical stamina it takes to to maintain a dance career is greatly compromised by HIV I have two profession I'm a bookkeeper a computer analyst for one for company in New York City and I also run a dance company of six dancers plus myself to qualify for health insurance most dancers must work full-time jobs but their medication regime can prove devastating to their art your livelihood you know and also your art is depending ended upon your body you know a painter has a canvas uh but a dancer has his body that's our tool while choreographers like Ramos and Rusev are making individual statements about AIDS in their work they are also coming together and benefit performances to raise badly needed funds for the fight against the disease helping to coordinate these efforts is dancers responding to AIDS an organization formed in 1991 by Paul Taylor Dancers Hernando Cortez and Denise Roberts we are a fundraising program of Broadway carees Equity fights AIDS and the money that we raise through this event and various other special events um we pull together with the money that they raise so the money that we raise helps um people with their rent their insurance payments for their car uh for um continued medication health insurance utilities basic life needs for people living with AIDS every year the organization host the remember project at St Mark's Church in New York City 1999 uh celebrates our fifth year for the remember project and it's a 12-hour celebration of dance it's a remembrance of those uh dancers who were lost to AIDS when people talk in numbers about a a group of people dying or being lost the number means one thing but a name means something else when you can see a list of names of people it's just just makes it a more profound [Applause] statement I think one of the powers of choreography and of movement is to really transcend our difference and to speak about what we all have in common to really speak on a human on on a universal level the dance and its ability to do just that becomes more and more important [Music] AIDS has had an enormous impact on the Arts the disease has cut short so many great artistic lives and influenced us all artists of different disciplines have expressed this influence in diverse ways and the Arts Community as a whole has been a leader in the fight against AIDS dancers responding to AIDS is a fundraising program of Broadway cares Equity fights AIDS the American Theater community's ongoing and committed response to this urg worldwide health crisis to find the link to Broadway Care's Equity fights AIDS please visit in the life's website at in the tv.org I'm Sam Harris and you're watching in the [Music] Life some gay men and lesbians are reluctant to see seek medical care fearing rejection or mistreatment if they're open with their doctors about their sexual orientation gay and lesbian Physicians face similar fears about being out in their profession for almost two decades now the gay and lesbian Medical Association has been trying to remedy the situation working on two fronts to educate the medical community about the needs of both gay doctors and patience founded in 1981 the gay and lesbian Medical Association or glma is a national membership organization of 2,000 lesbian gay bisexual and transgendered Physicians glma Works to combat anti-gay Prejudice in the medical profession and in the rest of society it plays a critical role in bridging medicine and the LGBT movement the gay and lesbian Medical Association has the two major goals one is we advocate for the health of gay and lesbian patients and two is we advocate for the safety of the careers of the gay and lesbian physician since I've been on the board of directors of the gay and lesbian Medical Association there have been so many instances where people can't be themselves in their professional work that you know that's why we need to exist what we're most proud of is our work um networking with other medical specialty organizations um doing education with our government officials and educating our fellow Physicians about the healthcare needs of LGBT people close personal contact is our most common to support LGBT Physicians glma offers accredited workshops and panels for further medical education at its yearly conference glma offers everything from the latest research on hepatitis to studies on the use of medical marijuana by people with AIDS good morning GMA The Physician referral program gives callers a list of gay friendly doctors in their area okay are you sexual with men or women or both or neither men what we do is when uh patients who are looking for a G lesbian friendly doctor can email uh the office and get back the names of primary care physicians in their area who gain has been friendly currently glma receives 70 calls each week from people looking for gay friendly doctors it's a much- needed service but glma members lament that there aren't enough such Physicians to meet man right now there are huge areas of the nation where we just can't give people the name of a a gay friendly dock I would say that you know if there are people out there who are not members of glamma at this point we need them we need their help our strength is in our numbers a major Initiative for glma was the launch of the lesbian health fund we started the lesbian Health Fund in what like 1992 because we weren't seeing the LW in any of the mainstream medical literature since the lesbian health fund has started we've raised now over $200,000 that we've given in Grants for a variety of different um research projects uh We've now uh funded proximately 30 different research proposals and of those 15 have already been published in peer- review journals and a recent Institute of medicine report has put the call for lesbian health research on the map The Institute of medicine report is just such an exciting document because it's the very first time that a governmental agency has said that it's important to know about lesbian Health that it's important to ask the questions and that it may really influence the health of the population that you're studying we're looking and almost two decades after it was founded a longtime glma goal is about to become reality this fall they plan to open an office in Washington DC I kind of look at the dc2 office as an opportunity for us to develop closer ties you know HRC is in DC lambed legal defense is in DC not to mention all the other heterosexual organizations that you know we really need to be trying to establish bonds with now with the DC office opening they finally can go to a National Organization who represents all Specialties of medicine and say to us you know give us advice on this particular subject how does it affect your population but what's been real surprising to me is the straight Community has come out in support saying you do need this you know we do need you to help lead us in this community right from the Secretary of Health and Human Services right down into the general project offices of government we are now doing projects with the government as to healthc care in the country for LGBT people glma works hard to enlist younger members at its conference in San Diego last August several students spoke of the difficulties of being out in medical school we as when I first got to Stanford I was like really scared cuz on the first day of orientation this Dean cracked like a homophobic joke in front of everyone like the opening address and I was like oh my God what am I doing here like how am I ever going to do any work in a lot of schools that aren't as Progressive sometimes you need to educate the Educators there are so many students out there who feel incredibly isolated and one of the great things is having National organizations like the gay and lesbian Medical Association where we can network with each other and share our experiences and Mentor with uh people who have already gone through the entire process and who can really show us that they can be successful and can live out their dreams of of being Physicians DC 2000 is about um making change at the federal level and it's something that I don't know a lot about but that's one of the reasons why I wanted to get involved with glma some wondered if glma might lose touch with its constituency and its bid for National influence will things change when we move to DC will is there really a connection between what we claim to be representing and the needs of the people in the the G the glbt community all agreed that as glma grows it must remain Vigilant we also need to start in the medical schools letting medical students know that we're here uh we want to be role models we want to serve them need to be you know we just need to be the role models for the Next Generation hi I'm Charlie ham from Cru folk playing the character Nathan um on the set in Sunny Manchester the gay capital of the world and you're watching in the [Music] [Applause] life last November the national g lesbian task force or NGL TF held their annual creating change conference in Oakland California for 12 years the creating change conference has brought gay people together to explore new visions and debate new strategies for social change also on this year's agenda an organized March protesting a hate crime against a transgender person in Oakland since its founding in 1973 ngtf has worked to eliminate Prejudice violence and Injustice against gay lesbian bisexual and transgender people elected officials in Oakland acknowledged the conference presence we must not tolerate hate crimes at any cost we must not tolerate them in October the Reverend Mel White and 200 members of his organization's sole Force met with a conservative Reverend Jerry fwell at his church Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg Virginia the meeting was to address confrontational rhetoric that both sides agreed leads to violence anything that leads to anger to fear to Violent acts is hate speech Reverend Mel White made it clear how real the problem is the fact is we've got to get over the characteres we've got to get over these demeaning dehumanizing kinds of fundraising letters that shoot out at each other from both sides Reverend fwell agreed that we need to build a bridge I failed to build the same bridge to the gay and lesbian community that I've built to those and every other by the end of the meeting both sides hoped a foundation for further dialogue had been built in November Sage or senior action in a gay environment held its fourth annual Lifetime Achievement Award celebration in New York Sage is dedicated to celebrating supporting and advocating for senior lesbians and gay men this year Sage celebrated the life of artist Paul Cadmus whose 1934 painting the fleet's in was as provocative and controversial as Robert maple thorp's photos were in our time honored as well was feminist Theologian and author Virginia Ry mcot Pioneer male impersonator and activist St deare and Tony award-winning composer Jerry Herman whose Broadway musicals laa F Hello Dolly and MIM are some of the most celebrated American musicals of all [Music] time still to come on in the life people will say I majored in F actually a tribute to author actor and iconic clast Quenton crisp also from the in Theif archives being deaf and outspoken but first Tanya Barfield reports on a groundbreaking British television series that could change what you see in your living room not better listen I uh want to drink over the past several decades Americans have engaged in a heated debate about what images of gay and lesbian life should appear on television in 1997 Ellen caused a great stir with her coming out Splash I'm gay and in recent years more and more programs have added gay characters to their story lines but take a look at what's been happening in Britain just across the [Music] Atlantic C your tapes s the [Music] tapes in just the past seconds you've already watched something more explicit and more gay than anything ever broadcast in the US and there's more where that came from much more than we're allowed to show here those were scenes from Queer as Folk a ground breing British series centered on the lives of three gay men living in Manchester England Queer as Folk aired last year on Britain's Channel 4 a broadcast network with a mandate to produce programs serving diverse audiences Channel 4 has courted controversy for the past two decades and Queer as Folk perhaps their boldest offering to date has generated a mountain of both criticism and praise why from a different it shocked the British public as much as it attracted them and by the end of its run it was drawing 3 and2 million viewers Now by popular demand a sequel to que's folk is in the works and in the Life traveled to England to spend 2 days on the set with the cast and crew we asked them about the phenomenon they created the whole series came about because I've been writing television for years soap operas and dramas always putting in gay subplots because I'm a gay man and so I'm interested in that and and it was just channeled for bringing out the obvious actually saying you're gay you write about gay stuff you should put it Center Stage and make a whole series about it when I was reading the scripts I I I couldn't believe what I was reading I thought there's no way like I mean particularly the sex obviously I I thought there's no way they can shoot this there's no way that it could be broadcast as it's written two men in bed completely naked you know in the famous first seven minutes who just like you know you can imagine so many people just going on the level that it was so different I thought that it would cause a huge stir but I also thought it might never get shown even while we were making it a lot of people spent a lot of time saying how on Earth did you get that on screen have I learned anything about game men cameras everywhere leave me alone people have praised us for being brave but now I I just thought I thought it was some of the best writing that i' I'd read in in a number of years have you ever seen anything when I first read it it was so assured you know I mean it been written in such an assured way that I knew that whoever you know wrote it knew exactly what they were writing about talking about there was no kind of doubts about anything it was serious it was real it was good it was exciting and I wanted to be in it and the British public wanted to see it in Queer as Folk Stuart and Vin have known each other since the age of 14 king of the world I'm always Kate winsler king of the world they spend their days living for their nights out in the vibrant gay club scene of Canal Street in Manchester Stuart is able to snare any man he sets his sights on and he does this often while Vince has much less success in this Arena oh my God the series begins when Young Nathan Ventures out to Canal in search of love and experience he finds it in steuart who is nearly twice his age got somewhere to go no when I come back to M things are never again the same for the trio mix in Vince's mother Hazel who enjoys the gay club scene as much as her son the wildly flamboyant Alexander look this is me under quid bargain and a lesbian couple who choose Steward to be the sperm donor father for their child oh my god well all the debates that happened around it were sort of the ones that we expected which were uh the Tablo press sort of up in arms saying we should all be burned at the Stak what a surprise and what did surprise some of the street people on the production team was gay politicians and gay spokespeople reacting equally militantly and saying they should be taken off air because um because it shows gay men having sex like gosh what shocking news that was but some gay men took issue with queerz folk and its portrayal of them in the fast lane of drugs alcohol and promiscuous sex oh nice especially controversial was the plotline of a sexual relationship between Stuart a 29-year-old man and Nathan a 15-year-old high school student obviously there's um issues about the age of Cass sentence because you know 15-year-old boy you know straight all gay can't have sex you know at 15 I mean it's illegal I'll have to go anyway I've got College college or school people were kind of six College a little bit shocked by that I don't think it was shock tactics at all I think that it was just an interesting scenario for to base a drama around some gave viers thought that plotline offered fuel to the furer and complaints of the conservative right it them a long time to realize that a writer of fiction has no such responsibility to political correctness and and an honest piece of work might actually be showing stuff that they might not want the straight world to see but that's their problem and it's not mine I cannot edit myself in that way a lot of people were disappointed but it didn't represent their own Lifestyles CU they'd waited so long I guess for a gay drama as they call it they expected it to exactly reflect the way they live what happened was we we made a good drama really well written Scripts really well acted and if it hadn't have been that then just because it was gay sex it wouldn't have got that much attention I believe Russell wasn't weighed down with oh should I represent this should I represent that should I make gay men look this should I he's just shown a world through these characters and um so that's why it's taken off I think because you know it's sexy it's just got its own its own life it was about relationships and sex basically which is what life's about and then once transmission had finished that's when the amazing things started happening like the video went to number one the soundtrack was number three stuff like that the DVDs just got into the top 10 of DVD sales in Britain which is extraordinary and just proved that this wasn't a small gay Niche audience we were reaching that it was crossing over into a bigger mainstream audience it was also crossing the Atlantic which is amazing that it's not even been shown in America and whole sections of Community are all buzzing about it that is I think what we didn't expect to happen on such a grand scale American critics were buzzing as well with Entertainment Weekly calling it the best TV series you'll probably never see and that raises the question whether or not a drama as Frank about gay life as Queer as Folk could Heir in the United States we may soon find out the other thing that is happening um is in development at the moment is a pilot for a series an American series which is being put together by Joel schumacker I would imagine it's going to get very diverse reactions I'm sure that uh people who are against gays and lesbians to begin with we'll find a lot to rant and Rave I think we'll see the late night talk shows fill with them ranning and raving which I think will be a lot of fun I enjoy the circus Joel Schumacher has been directing in Hollywood for decades his work includes the recent Batman films St Elmo's Fire the Lost Boys And His Latest flawless very rarely do you see anything where people are allowed to just be they're part of a community and they're just living symbiotically you know that one character works in a supermarket and you know one person's in high school and they're ordinary Extraordinary People they're not bigger than life they life the American version of queerz folk is slated for Showtime Showtime which advertises No Limits we'll soon find out what that means won't we I guess we have issued a gouret to America if Joe Shack's project does come off they will be picking up where we left off if one person one young person in the entire United States of America got Comfort or or that something happened in their life from this show it would be worth the whole thing in the meantime gays in Britain and indeed around the world anxiously await the sequel to que's [Music] folk it's been more than 20 years since American television introduced its first recurring gay character jod Dallas played by Billy Crystal in the sitcom Soap as a writer I'm thrilled that Russell T davies's script for Queer as Folk actually made it onto British television in 1999 despite the fact that there are now numerous recurring gay and lesbian characters in Prime Time on both sides of the Atlantic there is still a reluctance to depict realistic gay and lesbian relationships broadcasters count viewers so let them know what you think and don't forget to visit in thee life's website at inthe tv.org I'm Michael mustow and you're watching in the life [Music] this episode is a very important one for us at in the life because it's the first that's closed captioned for our deaf and hearing impaired audience many people have written us because regrettably they couldn't enjoy our Series so we are very happy to finally be able to reach all of our viewers to mark this occasion we bring you this story from the in the Life archives that takes us inside the world world of gay men and lesbians who are deaf and as you'll see to them deafness is a challenge but definitely not a [Music] handicap deaf lesbians and gay men were a visible part of the 1993 March on Washington exhibiting pride in their identity and culture like gay men and lesbians who belong to other minority groups deaf men and women live in more than one world and where they feel most at home maybe surprising Bob RoR and his partner Ed Aldrich live in Alexandria Virginia with their dogs they both work for the federal government and both are in their 30s they have one major difference however Bob is deaf and Ed is hearing when I first met him he didn't know how to sign at all but his roommates parents were deaf so he had a TTY a device that allows the deaf to communicate over the telephone he talked to his roommate and his roommate taught him some signs some finger spelling and how to use the TTY I think the first thing was I saw that he was very patient with uh people that were trying to communicate so I figured you know I I could make an effort and uh you know I didn't have to be perfect so that's how I started learned finger spelling and at some point when we were dating I I decided I'd take a sign language class we started out writing with a pen and paper then I wanted him to get involved in Deaf culture there were a lot of things he didn't understand so I had to explain things like the differences in behavior for example tapping the shoulder for attention or using facial expressions sometimes I would respond to what he was saying with a facial expression and he would interpret it to mean that I was upset when in fact I wasn't I just didn't understand what he was saying you know when you're tired you're not necessarily going to be walking around with a smile on your face and so if I'm coming around and I'm thinking about something you know the drive home from work that really aggravated me and then I turn and say to Bob something about um you know is it your turn to make dinner it comes across much differently than it was intended because facial expression is the punctuation of sign language Bob and Ed have considered adopting a child but are afraid that the child could one day be taken away from them by the courts however their desire to expand and their family LED them to rescue two dalmati deaf dalmati who they've taught to understand sign language being very different I think we kind of add some kind of balance to a relationship you know he has one set of strengths and I have another set of strengths um I think there's a certain amount of tension on the con side anytime you have uh different cultures involved in a relationship it's amazing what you what you can do when you think something's worth it you have to have the desire to make something work gadet University in Washington DC is the only undergraduate University in the world for the de and heart of hearing it was here that Candace Mulla and Sharon ducho met Candace is now back at galet working on her doctorate in Clinical Psychology and Sharon works as a mental health counselor the two live in Bethesda Maryland and are the mothers of a 2 and a half-year-old girl we discussed it and we really wanted to have our own child we discussed who the donor should be we wanted our child to know the donor we wanted the donor to allow our child to meet him if she wanted to we didn't want to keep this a secret from her we also wanted to know the donor's medical history Sharon and Candice were looking for a donor that would enable their child to share their unique culture it was important to us that the donor beat a hereditary deaf person since we would have a better chance of having a deaf child this doesn't mean we wouldn't have wanted our child if she'd been born hearing we would have loved her just the same so we asked him and he agreed and we worked out all the details everything went as planned the day our daughter was born we felt that she was deaf we tested her hearing by turning up the TV to a loud roar and she remained sound asleep she was tested at 6 weeks and it was confirmed that she was deaf we were thrilled having Jean has brought us more out into to the open about our relationship our family we don't want to keep this hidden we don't want her to grow up embarrassed or ashamed about our family it's our responsibility to let people know who we are and that we're proud of our family this started with letting people at school know we're lucky that all the parents were supportive and accepting of us one of the teachers even wrote a supporting letter for us when one of us went through the adoption process that was very nice and we feel very accepted by the school and by the other parents it was important for Candace and Sharon that their daughter was born at home surrounded by a support system of other women women like Jan deap Jean's godmother who lives with them and takes care of Jean while her mothers are at work some people ask me what I'll do if kids tease her about having lesbian moms I know that may happen because kids can be cruel at times and they tease other kids about many things like wearing glasses or having divorced parents so I'm not worried about the teasing I expect it will happen but our job is to teach her how to deal with it in the right way I think Jean will develop a gift of sensitivity to others because of being different she'll be a good person I hope in comp with it agreement under sometimes I wish my partner was deaf so he wouldn't get up complaining about the dogs barking all night long I tend to be living uh kind of in both worlds um but I don't always experience the two issues simultaneously it's either one or the other if there was a party of straight people and they were deaf and a party of gay people but they were hearing and didn't know sign language I would prefer the straight party that's because I'd be able to communicate with people at the other party although the people were gay I'd feel frustrated trying to communicate with the hearing people it's because I identify First and formost most as a deaf person I grew up in a hearing World struggling and feeling frustrated trying to be a hearing person until about seven or eight years ago I don't want Jan to go through that struggle over speech and feel incompetent my whole childhood I wondered what was wrong with me why I was different I didn't know until I entered the deaf World finally I understood it was all about communication I was finally able to relate to others is on the same level that's what I'd been missing I want to say something about self-esteem if you're told it's bad to be deaf it's awful and very deflating to be constantly told you must be like hearing people it's the same with gays and lesbians if you're constantly told you must be straight and you struggle to be straight deep down inside you don't feel good about who you really are [Music] we end this episode with a tribute to a man who over the years became a friend to us here at in the Life Quinton crisp he was an author and actor who lived a life that could be called performance art certainly his wit and unique opinions made him a true original in New York you do of Fame into career in itself he was a living legend he was a great Observer of the human comedy he understood more about human motive than I think anyone I've ever met in my life whatever pain that he suffered through his life he always fought back with wit and humor I describe myself in America as an elderly foreign person of ambiguous gender quinton's early life in England as a sort of pansy at a time when that wasn't very popular was much more troubled than the life he later LED as a celebrity in America and my parents knew I was different how could they help it I was wandering around the house in clothes I'd found in an attic belonging to my mother or my grandmother saying today I am a beautiful princess Quenton couldn't hide that was Quentin's great tragedy because he never thought he was Brave he he said I had no choice he said every closet door that I pounded on they said not in here the naked civil servant had been a big hit on television I'm not a woman I don't want to be a woman I happen to be a fully formed male person who happens to be attracted to other men that's all at a time when most people were retiring he without knowing anyone in America basically moved here he loved and thrived on the idea of being before the public interacting with them putting on a show being creative he put out numerous books was constantly performing and Lov the idea of being in demand as a celebrity with something to say what would you like to be remembered for now that's a question which I think is asked by people who think they will lean down from a cloud and count the people at their funeral I've got news for them they'll be dead I found some of his politics to be not only pre-stonewall but in a way kind of pre- stone hinge he never needed an apologist he said exactly what he thought about everything you neither confirm nor deny you if someone says are you gay you have to say yes if they don't ask don't mention it real people don't walk into a room and say I'm straight or I'm I'm heterosexual they say nothing why do homosexuals think they have to make a statement he didn't try to be funny he didn't try to be smart he tried to be true to himself and to his own Vision I couldn't live within the barriers set for me so I I didn't really defy them because I didn't really know they exist did when I was a child in his writings that's where you find his legacy I think they were brilliant I think they go across the board whether you're gay or straight they're not just for gay people they're Universal his writing was dotted with aphorisms very carefully phrase little sayings and they were all brilliant all things you would put on a pillowcase or a welcome man uh you know like don't keep up with the Joneses just drag them down to your level all of his books have the same pleasure that the pleasure of sitting down with him had which is that this abundance of observation and and humor he understood Hollywood I think better than anyone he knew it for the Mount Olympus that it is he had a supporting role in the movie Orlando in which he played the queen Queen of England and he was perfect cuz he was the Queen of England I want you here in England with me you will be the son of my old age and the limb of my infirmity I wore a wig I wore makeup I had a body so tight that it blistered my stomach he was the most generous man in terms of his Spirit his entire M Mo was not to force a subject but to be and I think to him the great sorrow of his life of his intellectual life was to be identified with gay rights when what he was after was human rights the Legacy he left was to be yourself to live the person of your dreams they're all mad about decades they merging to one another getting louder sexier nastier faster and that's the only difference they just get worse and the 21st century will be worse than the 20th and you'll have to go with it I shall have [Music] gone from all of us at in the life thank you for watching and we'll see you next time [Music] [Music] in the life is funded in part by the H van amaran Foundation additional support provided by Michael a lepin Jeffrey B sorif William J Resnik the Lily aen class Foundation the Gil Foundation the rainbow endowment the Snowden Foundation the New York Community Trust the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and Prejudice the gay network gay.com and the annual support of in Theif members like you [Music]