In the Life: Ep. 902, "In the Midst of Change"

on this edition of In The Life the winner of the Charlotte North Carolina young playwrights Festival veteran Dennis Peron promotes marijuana for medical use and a firefighter who Sparks her own controversy on the job and it's hard to get pregnant plus new parents like out and outspoken advice columnist Dan Savage these and Other Stories on in the light America's lesbian and gay cultural news [Applause] [Music] magazine in the life is funded in part by the H van amaran Foundation additional support provided by Michael ale lepen the Gil Foundation the rainbow Foundation the Adolf and Ruth schnurmacher Foundation the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and Prejudice and the annual support of in the Life members like you [Music] [Applause] welcome to in the Life hi I'm Katherine Linton as the gay community enters a time of great change both in how we see ourselves and how Society perceives us we'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to a number of individuals gay lesbian and straight who are all themselves in the midst of change and in the process challenging some very powerful institutions whether it's about medical treatment or the treatment of Art in the workplace or in places of worship these individuals are working to transform traditional institutions in order to open many more doors to the gay community in one segment correspondent Jonathan Kart explores the controversial campaign to legalize marijuana for medical use and profiles one of the leading proponents activist Dennis Peron and will visit two couples for whom life is a family affair as correspondent Andy hum reports on the growing number of gay men and lesbians intent on having or adopting kids but first the story about a gutsy 17-year-old whose play caused an uproar in her own Hometown the young woman soon found herself in the company of another well-known gay playwright by the name of Oscar wild who over a hundred years ago found himself battling the forces of censorship so while controversy over art and homosexuality continues to this day what has changed is the rapid response and total support of other gay and lesbian artists including in the life's own correspondent and writer herself Tanya Barfield Samantha Geller is a teenager and aspiring playwright from Charlotte North Carolina who recently wrote a one act play called life versus the paperback Romance the play is about um a blind woman and a woman who writes paperback romances and they fall in love Samantha submitted her play to the Charlotte young playwrights Festival and was chosen as one of the five winners but her play was the only one that was not produced the subject matter was considered inappropriate for a junior high and high school audience and I thought that was bull crap because I mean when I was in Middle School I was already questioning and I don't see where it could be unacceptable I read the play I'm reading the play I'm looking for it where's the anal sex where's the violence where's the stuff that could get really upset about and I read this Marvel gentle evocation of two women characters who feel real to me I'm a fan of The Hourglass shape hourglass it's like out and in and out show me I have no idea how to show you do you have an hourglass well I guess and how the hell am I going to figure it out uh okay I don't see where it can be all that exciting it is you couldn't pick a more benign lesbian play to get by in North Carolina what is wrong with you people I think first read about what happened to Sam in the New York Times actually Holly Hughes is a performance artist who knows about censorship in 1990 she was one of four artists targeted under a congressional statute on indecency as a result their grants from the National Endowment for the Arts were resented some people called us the nea4 other people refer to us as Karen Finley and the three homosexuals if there's anything that's less fundable than than queer theater it's got to be queer Youth Work Hughes organized a reading of Samantha's play at the public theater in New York City to raise money for gay youth organizations the night before Samantha and Veteran writer Dorothy Allison read from their work at blue stockings a woman's bookstore in New York's Lower East Side how do we want to do this want to go first she it's really exciting I've never done a reading that at a bookstore before I've never attended one I'm just shaking with excitement getting to read with one of the best authors of Our Time Dorothy Allison Allison National book award finalist and author of Bastard out of Carolina had come to New York to help publicize the issue when I was 17 um I didn't know any outgate people at all first of all I want to say how glad I am to be here with Sam I said okay I will come and help you do pre publicity because I've been in this position you know I've been going along doing my work getting published and had somebody slap me in my face and say what the hell do you think you're doing you're a diet which is exactly what happens and then you feel like somebody has grabbed you pull the ground out from under you and told you that the thing you want most to do in the world you really can't and aren't allowed to do and a guy called up and he said you just won you get $100 I was like woo you know he's that was what was surprising that she' won an award you know he's like you're one of five top writers your play will not be performed on stage because usually queer material particularly the children's playright contests would have just been censored and you have three choices one you can rewrite your play without the lesbians and actually it was Samantha who decided she wasn't going to take this in fact other plays with gay content had won in the past but the artists had always agreed to edit out the content one last question what is your best hope of what it's going to come out of you're coming to New York and the production of the reading at the public that it will be seen by middle and high school audiences in Charlotte North Caroline the fact that any of the is happening the fact that the reading's happening is just so amazing to me now I'm meeting the people that I just wish I could even come close to when I was a kid good evening welcome we're so glad you're here uh I am Kate Clinton and this evening I'm going to be your MC your dosent the dominatrix for the evening I didn't think it was going to be as as big an undertaking as it's turned it out to be this is how lesbian organizing happens and she says well if I get a certain number of names who will agree to come and do this thing then we can get a theater please welcome hold on Leah [Applause] delaria dear Samantha thank you for providing what the dram turs like to call the inciting event for tonight's extraordinary celebration gay and lesbian artists including myself came to the public theater to support Samantha and to speak out against censorship I started working on this and I started thinking oh I could get really great statements from a queer artists who'd been censored I realized that was all Queer artists look around you take these men and women in these are the people fighting the good fight for people like you and me I'm very clear that this would not have happened as well or as quickly or with as much success if some of us didn't have the kind of power that we've established the opportunity to do something for a young queer kid was great so thank you all for coming tonight please welcome to the stage Mary Louise Parker Lisa cron and Tanya Barfield I like you I love you you're the most amazing person I've ever met and I want to love with you forever I wanted to tell you this but I was scared you might not have wanted me given that that we don't necessarily have to be the same kind of people all the time or even agree when we are attacked we Bond and fight back that's a wonderful thing since the publication of my novels I have received letters from students concerned about the omission of gay and lesbian books from their school libraries this censorship is due to pressure from conservative groups and some parents many schools have pulled books with information about homosexuality from gay role models to HIV prevention from their Library shelves this kind of censorship can further isolate gay and lesbian youth who according to studies are three times more likely to commit suicide than straight teens for a list of websites that offer information and resources for Gay and Lesbian youth visit in the life's website at www.in theel I'm Scott Heim and you're watching in [Music] Theif as coming out in the workplace becomes more and more common gays and lesbians continue to break down stereotypes about sexual orientation next you'll meet a woman who also contradicts several stereotypes about gender not only is Michelle camer a woman firefighter she is also a fire chief second in command at company number 63 in Venice California over the years she has climbed to the top of her profession all while undergoing some major [Music] changes most people today because of the way Society is will look at she's a female C before they'll look at her skills I've been a firefighter for 27 years it's been my uh life for a long time I've been a captain since 1978 first line supervisor on a engine company fighting fire with my crew I'm the uh captain on engine 63 being in a fire inside of a building on fire or at a brush fire with a lot of exciting fire and activity it's it's adrenaline producing and it's great and i' you know I've paid the price too I have a permanent lung damage I have a herniated disc I've had I've been burned I've had ceilings fall on me I've broken my wrist um it's a dangerous job we are looked at many times in the public uh basically male uh big strong and um masculine I think is our image well women in the fire service is a fairly new phenomena and um the fire service just as the fire service resisted you know uh afroamerican people they've really resisted women in the fire service they don't have trouble working with her um they have difficulties in understanding her there wasn't a letter that came in that said you know hey Michelle CER is a lesbian on the fire department or anything like that being a gay or lesbian has been such a um closeted thing for so many years uh it's such an unknown and queer and weird thing that U there's a lot of fear on that if she had come to me and basically tried to shove her lesbianism down my throat or or demand some type of different treatment because she is a lesbian then I'd have probably had a problem with it and does is it threatening because their own uh masculinity or their own femininity is is threatened is it because people in Super Macho occupations have very fragile masculinities in the first place the the men feel and women here feel very stressed out having gay and lesbian U captain and gay and lesbian living you have to realize this is not just a job we live sleep shower eat together change together so it's not just a job we live together 10 days a month our whole lives they're forced to live with a lesbian yes and it doesn't rub off that was part of part of the reaction you know it seems to me some of the fear about being around gay and lesbian people but they respect her as a good firefighter and a great Captain so there's tolerance and respect but there's definitely no support for her here it's hard for her there was people that refused to work overtime uh on my shift because I was there and weird or whatever so they women's locker room is a fairly new thing here we have three women working here myself and two other paramedic women so we have a temporary sign saying women's locker room and then somebody put up this sign that says female and male occupied unoccupied but I hate this sign cuz if it's redundant then somebody put a screw in here so you can't change it so it's always female occupied or unoccupied it's so bizarre have a nice day uh I used to work with Tom's brother Tom's brother was a paramedic here when I was a male or Captain so this is my second time here as a captain uh and uh first time as a male second time as a woman it it's kind of shocking and confusing for people that you know here um I was a heterosexual man man and now I'm a woman and still chasing women that you know huh where's that come from so that's confusing to people they can't separate sexual orientation from sexual identity it's they're two separate things so my sexual orientation really didn't change it's my sex that changed so my interest in my and my in my attraction is to women and always has been they do not understand how she could be a lesbian having changed her her uh physical being into a female and still um having a desire sexually towards female the drawer reminds me of my life it's quite cluttered so tell us about your life my life oh wow my life my life I've had a very problematic childhood because my gender identity from as early as I can remember has been girl woman female and I was uh born uh with male genitalia and I was a normal male uh baby and child and so I was extremely confused um fearing uh embarrassment shame and being beaten I didn't uh you know I couldn't express myself or ask ask my parents or my mother to dress me up as a girl because that's what I thought I should be or who I was so I kept it all inside for many years and and I secretly crossr I felt certain as I as I grew up that it was uh a woman as a woman I am a woman in the meantime I got on I was in the Navy and I married a sweetheart from high school we had two kids and then I decided to keep exploring myself and growing and trying to figure out who I am when I came out of the closet and became a woman full-time I was in a little fire station not far from here with a crew of three people under benath me it was very difficult for them and and it's very difficult for a lot of people to make that switch has been hard no it hasn't been hard at all she's just you know it's just another person to work with as far as I'm concerned um comfortable it's just um like something I've that most people don't come across in their day-to-day life you know so it's a little different we had a person the other day that could not work with her he had some real psychological Hang-Ups and just being around her uh just because he knew her when she was a man and he couldn't handle it so you had to go home and I've had to deal with those old feelings of sharing a locker room with a man I've known for 15 years that changed into a woman and now she has feelings for a woman and yet I'm changing in a locker room room with her I had to deal with with those feelings I think being a lesbian was in my favor because I was far less threatening than if I had transitioned and become a woman then suddenly was interested in dating men I think the firefighters would be would have been a lot more uncomfortable because of the homophobia and the fact that they may have thought that you know I would you know be scamming and trying to pick up men often I've tried to be as accommodating as possible and uh sometimes I will get my bed and I will put it on the floor in like the workout room or the weight room and sleep in there anyway that's what I've done and that's an alarm coming in seems to me I was very successful in my transition uh from male to female because I had such a good um reputation you know as a as a strong worker and a productive firefighter she sheds a good light on gay and lesbian in the workplace because she's positive and entic very professional hardworking devoted and so it makes it a heck of a lot easier than to somebody who might have been um not the caliber that Kevin C [Music] is my new play another American asking and telling is based on more than 150 interviews conducted all over the country with straight gay lesbian and bisexual military personnel like Michelle camera the service members I interviewed are professional hardworking and devoted to their jobs however because of don't ask don't tell gay and lesbian service members are forced to conceal their sexuality or risk losing their careers to find out more about these issues as explored in the new group's production of my play visit in theel life's website at G I'm Mark wolf and you're watching in the life one of the most controversial facets of this country's War on Drugs has been the use of marijuana for medical purposes California's proposition 215 passed in 1996 legalizes its use as a Painkiller by a patient or caregiver perhaps the most outspoken advocate for medical marijuana and the person behind behind proposition 2115 is a Bay Area gay man and AIDS [Music] activist the cannabis farm in Northern California is a place where people can grow marijuana legally for their own medical use with the sanction of their doctor the pioneering advocate for the legalization of medical marijuana and founder of the farm is an HIV positive Vietnam veteran named Dennis Peron my name is Dennis Peron and I have a lot of titles I'm the founder of the Cannabis Buyers Club I'm the author of prop 215 I'm a c ex- candidate for governor and now I'm the founder of the cannabis farm so I got a lot of titles what do I do I'm a farmer we found this farm from one of our members of the club who had cancer who has since died uh but he has a dream that uh someday the marijuana would be grown here and he uh Ed it to the club and now it is a co-op of people from the club uh essentially people who have recommendations from their doctor who have AIDS cancer Ms it's a loose Co-op of about 20 people who got it together cultivated this marijuana and now we're going to share in it together taking off all the water leaves which we'll use for baking later on and uh just trimming up all the leaves and stems to where we have just just the beautiful Bud left you want my impression of the farm yeah it's a real Haven and it's a place for people to get healed marijuana takes away the pain of the arthritis which I have in my neck and my shoulders and it takes away the pain in my legs I have neuropathy of my legs and sometimes they're painful my feet hurt it really takes away the pain well it helps me eat it helps me uh take my pills I wouldn't even begin to try the pills without it uh I don't have any appetite without it um so I eat and stay healthy and stay taking my pills been getting healthier and healthier and healthier we have known for a long time that marijuana increases the appetite how that works is unclear whether or not it enhances the sensory of peal of food uh collapses the so-called satiety mechanism which tells us when we're full or enhances the hunger mechanism it's unclear there's not anything any pharmaceutical out there that causes hunger I mean you can do as much research as you want there is nothing on the market that will actually make you hungry Marinol is supposed to I have a prescription for take it every day don't notice it Marinol again was first approved in 1986 for nause and vomiting associated with chemotherapy and then that was expanded in 199 to to increasing appetite for patients with AIDS wasting people sometimes say that they get more zoned when they swallow a Marinol than when they smoke marijuana they take the most psychoactive ingredient in marijuana reproduce it in a in a lab some petrochemical analog uh throw it in a pill and tell a wrenching patient here this is marijuana take this pill a lot of people who are opposing smoking of marijuana say well gee why do you want to use a whole herb and why do you want to smoke it and I I become somewhat of a student of traditional Chinese medicine where many therapies are herbs in the whole herb the plant that's been identified for thousands of years as having medicinal value there might be interplay between a number of different components of the plant not everyone agrees that advocating the use of marijuana is good medicine Dr David Smith director of the hate aser free clinic is one critic medical marijuana contains a lot of baggage it contains tars and nicotine uh it's a crude plant uh use of marijuana as a medicinal goes counter to the whole thrust of modern pharmaceutical research which is to identify the therapeutically active property isolate it and use it in a therapeutic setting in fact some suspect that marijuana Advocates have an ulterior motive to promote the legalization of marijuana in general The Advocates of marijuana legalization now saying well gee all marijuana use is medicinal proposition 2115 was voted on by the people of California in November of 1996 which allowed for uh individuals to uh possess or cultivate marijuana for medicinal purposes if it was approved by a physician and fit into a a list of various diseases including AIDS cancer glaucoma multiple sclerosis and then at the end a big catchphrase or any other condition for which marijuana may have benefit so I think many people were concerned that that was sort of opening all doors and basically leading to the um legalization of marijuana for recreational use despite all the controversy Dennis peron's medical marijuana programs have served thousands of people before the cannabis farm there was the Cannabis Buyers Club which was founded by Peron in 1992 and operated in the heart of San Francisco for 4 years there's a club that I started for sick and dying people it started out with a couple hundred people and then got to be 10,000 people and we started out in a little place and then we moved into this five-story building right on Marcus Street and we had an elevator we had the Jerry Garcia elevator and you go up to my club and you see things that you never saw before you saw people to hundreds of people in wheelchairs you saw black people and brown people and gay people all sitting at the same table smoking a joint you saw the bonds and the stereotypes breaking down the medical marijuana movement has a uniquely gay history joining Dennis Peron in the battle for legalization was Mary Rathburn also known as brownie Mary an out lesbian who devoted her life to humanitarian causes Between 1979 and 1996 brownie Mary was arrested and imprisoned five times for Distributing brownies made with marijuana to people with AIDS I met her in the 70s at the cafe floor and someone said hey this old lady wants to hit the joint We Were Young at the time and I look over and she was about 50 60 and I she wants a hit I'm sure give her a hit and it really started a 20-year relationship bronnie Mary just died this year she used to wheel patients back and forth to x-ray take their blood specimens to the lab and also bring her kids she called them brownies that she made with marijuana Brandy Mary just rolled up her sleeves and take started taking care of these kids that would die in the aads and uh she uh in the end just wound up calling all of them her sons her kids Dennis Peron started his Crusade when his lover Jonathan West was dying of AIDS I started the club in memory of Jonathan West to help all these young people who with AIDS my friends are dying of AIDS they were buying pot in the park they were being threatened by the cops someone them were being robbed and stabbed I had to do it I had to save my friends hi I'm Aiden Gillan and uh I play Stuart Allen Jones in quer folk which we're filming in Manchester at the moment and you watching in the life this past September on Labor Day weekend our nation's capital Washington DC was the host City for the 10th Annual International friendship weekend the international friendship weekend is a gathering of gay Asians and their friends from around the world members come together in workshops to share their experiences as well as to socialize Network and make new friends early in October the national Latino lesbian gay bisexual and transgender organization Oro held its seventh annual National Convention in San Diego California followed by its second International Conference in Tiana Mexico the event was one of the largest political Gatherings of queer Latinos both in Mexico and in the US joo's mission is to organize Latino communities nationally and internationally to overcome social health and political barriers San Diego activist Nicole Ramirez Murray outlined some of the ways that the queer Latino Community can continue to empower itself we must more Latinas and Latinos to public office from school boards to the state house to Congress and the White [Applause] House also in October President Clinton and New York Senator Chuck Schumer were guest speakers at the Empire State pride agenda's 8ighth annual fall Awards dinner the dinner raised more than $1 million a record for a non-ads related gay and lesbian event Empire State pride agenda is New York's only Statewide organization dedicated to maximizing the power of the gay and lesbian vote as President Clinton noted that vote has become a major force in today's politics you deserve most of the credit and you will get more as you fight harder but also as you are human to people who do not see you [Applause] still to come on in the life you don't know how happy publisher Sheila Alexander Reed a Trailblazer for Washington DC's black lesbian community and a story of two couples having kids and creating families including proud parent writer Dan Savage but first our next segment is from the in the Life archives which first aired in June of 1998 in it we profiled two United Methodist min who are working to make their parishes more open and welcoming to gays and lesbians We Begin our story in Nebraska where the Reverend Jimmy Cree elicited outcries of Hellfire and Damnation when he performed a commitment ceremony between two [Music] women First United Methodist Church in Omaha Nebraska it was here that the Reverend Jimmy Cree first Drew national attention by breaking a rule in um July of uh 1997 I was asked to do a covenant ceremony for two women I agreed to do so and uh then in September did the Covenant ceremony a ceremony which as of 1996 had been forbidden by the church's social principles principles that are voted on every four years by the Methodist hierarchy in 96 there was added to our social principles a Prohibition of clergy celebrating to use the language of the discipline homosexual unions and it was on the basis of that prohibition that charges were brought against me and I was taken to trial a church trial with a bishop presiding in a jury made up of 13 clergy members it was the first time a pastor was tried for conducting same-sex Union in our church the uh there is administrative law and there are social principles and the principles are really guidelines uh some people have wanted to treat them as if they are law but they're they're not and I conscientiously acted in conflict with them because I believe that the social principles are unjust and discriminatory in this particular case acting in conflict with the principal forced the jury to vote on whether Reverend Cree had disobeyed the order and discipline of the Methodist Church the jury's response five voted no and eight voted yes they needed nine to convict so he was acquitted what was I think significant about it is I was not certainly the first ever to do a covenant cereem Cy I have I have celebrated more than a dozen Covenant ceremonies uh since 1990 but it's the first since the legislation was passed in 1996 and it was the first one that was made public performing a covenant ceremony in the church is T amount to sanctioning the behavior he is no good he should be dered and and clear out of the Methodist system and out of everyone's system as far as I'm concerned on this on the issue of gays and lesbians in society or in the church we are divided um what I simply did was to to take an action that caused people to address that Division and decide whether they could still remain together while divided on this issue or whether they had to separate there has been significant U disagreement within the congregation and withdrawal of members uh we really are hurting uh because of the loss yet the voices of dissent however loud have not overpowered the strong show of support that has also emerged the day we arrived Reverend cree's supporters were showing their acceptance of diversity in the congregation we're very much uh in support of Jimmy cree and his efforts to be inclusive particularly with the gays and lesbians his life his very career was placed on the line and he stood up for uh me as a gay guy we've had a lot of great ministers but I think he's been the greatest I really do something special is happening here this congregation is is living out its faith in a very bold and courageous way to say that we are open to lesbians and gay men bisexual transgender persons there has been so much oppression and abuse of this part of our community that I believe the church cannot just quietly say we welcome you we must shout it out as first United and the Reverend Jimmy Cree struggle through this period of transition perhaps they can draw strength from another Methodist Church that has been a strong and bold witness to diversity for 35 years this is San Francisco this is Cecil Williams this is Glide Church we're one of the most integrated churches in America probably the most diverse church so when you look at us you look at diversity not not only in sexuality or diversity not only in race but diversity in in ideology so this is a it's a strange place but it's the church it is Reverend Williams interpretation of what a church is that has propelled Clyde's [Music] Vision first of all the church is the people not the building secondly the church it seems to me must have some sense of of belonging a sense of being with each other no matter how difficult things may be no matter whatever they have to face they do it because The Church Must lead always lead that means that the church must take risks now my brothers and my sisters and with the support of his Bishop Reverend Williams has taken risks during his tenure glide's congregation has grown from 40 to nearly 9,000 parishioners it is one of the leading social service providers in California and certainly a leading Advocate on many social issues including gay unions we've had same-sex couples coming together in commitments or marriages or whatever you want to call them for some 34 35 years here at Glide no matter what their sexual orientation of the people who grow there they grow there because they are considered human beings hurts very deeply for people to be disrespected humiliated and denigrated to be put down and that's what the church is doing what it in fact says to homosexuals you you don't exist unless you get like us and I don't understand why we're so frightened about people being gay or people I guess you know the real thing was people also felt threatened and frightened by black folks coming into the fold we have messed up too much have we finally more important than United Methodist policy to these two heterosexual ministers are the teachings of Christ you know it's amaz strange thing about it I don't see anything that Jesus did at any given point did Jesus Jesus I'm saying exclude anybody so if I'm to be a pastor and if I'm to follow Jesus in that kind of example then uh I cannot uh discriminate against anyone I cannot tell anyone that because of who they are God's love is not available to them perhaps the starkest example of the division of the Methodist Church over the issue of homosexuality is this while Reverend Williams continues to attract members because of his vision Reverend Jimmy Cree for the same vision was recently fired the Reverend Jimmy Cree lost his position at that Nebraska church and and has since moved to another Parish in North Carolina where he continues to perform same-sex unions despite continued reprisals from church [Music] officials recent studies show that as many as 14 million children in the United States are being raised by gay men and lesbians next we profile two couples who were part of this growing phenomenon The Gabby [Music] boom Seattle residents Dan Savage and his partner Terry adopted their son DJ in 1998 Dan who was a widely syndicated columnist humorist and author recently wrote about their adoption experience in his book The Kid what happened after my boyfriend and I decided to go get pregnant we decided to have a kid I'm allergic to dogs so we couldn't go the usual uh sort of gay male offspring route um when we met I had been talking to some lesbian friends about co-parenting about making a baby for a very long time and uh so kids were always on our radar from from the start of the relationship and then when that Arrangement fell through with the lesbians we just sort of very naturally progressed into adoption we didn't really look at other options um once we kind of learned about open adoption it just seems it seemed like the smart thing to do because we did an open adoption there were things that that we got to do that most adoptive couples don't get to do we were at the hospital for the birth we were with the baby when he was 10 minutes old we were there when the um birth mother gave him up probably the most difficult moment was when we actually had to um sort of take DJ out of his birth mother's arms and put him in his you know child safety seat and walk out of the hospital room and down the hall and to our car with him right after he was born our birth mother has legally enforceable visitation rights four times a year if we want to meet more than that we can if she wants to meet less than that she doesn't have to come but we have to be available four times a year to her and that's not much of a sacrifice to make considering what she's given us Pam and Helen live in a suburb of Los Angeles and are the new parents of 6-month-old Grace when we first decided to get pregnant the original plan was for Pam to carry the baby with my brother's donated sperm um but for various reasons uh Pam's work schedule my work schedule the timing um we decided that it was not the best thing so we explored other avenues and then one day we woke up and said well we you know we really really want to have a half Filipino half Caucasian baby and Pam looked at me and said well I know a really easy way for us to do that and that would be for me to carry the child we went to the California cryo Bank uh and we searched a lot of different donors and looked at their profiles once we found a pool of of guys that had a clean health history we found a guy that was coloring very much like my dad's he must be devilishly good-look because uh the child is just I we think she's beautiful every month I'd call the cryo Bank pick up the sperm take it to the doctor's office get inseminated and uh um and see what happens it was an amazing process psychologically because uh you know here you you you grow up um thinking that if you come within a country mile of sperm you're going to be pregnant at least that's the impression my mother gave me for sure growing up and now we're buying the stuff for $110 for a little tiny vial and it's hard to get pregnant because they live in California Pam is able to secure a second parent adoption which will give her the same legal rights over Grace that Helen her biological mother now enjoys however laws on this issue vary widely from state to state there are currently more than 20 states that do not permit this kind of adoption and three states that expressly prohibit it they do the paperwork exactly as though Helen were giving up all her rights to the child but they attach a rider that says except the birth mother is not giving up parental rights it's roughly the same amount of paperwork you'd need to do to close a transaction on a hundred million uh commercial building it's unbelievable amount of paperwork though Dan and Terry had DJ baptized in a Catholic Church neither considers himself very religious Pam and Helen on the other hand are both very active in their church and hope that their faith will guide them in raising Grace I think that faith has guided us through our decision to marry it's guided us through our decision to have the baby it's going to guide us on how to raise her and how to deal with the issues that she's going to need to deal with Reverend Larry Keane is the senior minister of the Church of the Valley in vanise California they came to me and asked me if I would like to share in the public uh dedication of the their daughter and we were very excited about that it's a ceremony where we're making a commitment um to one another to Grace uh to our families uh and to God when we talk about family we're not just talking about heterosexual families but that we have an opportunity to embrace not only homosexual couples but the families that come from the love that homosexual couples have together both couples agree that a strong support system is vital for any household headed by gay men or lesbians given the many myths that exist about gay parenting I think the most common one is that at the most basic level is that children will be influenced by the gayness that they'll be exposed to a sexuality that um some people are uncomfortable with um and that they themselves will grow up to be gay Virginia Casper is a developmental psychologist and educator and that's the simplest one to um dismantle because it's evident that most if not um you know 98% of gain lesbian people were raised in straight families and so it's clear that that uh we need to think about that I think all the data shows that children who are raised by gay and lesbian families have all the building blocks that any other child would have plus there are some built-in potential posit poses such as having to deal with being different being able to express who they are and make an argument for themselves we went into the whole process expecting to encounter a homophobic judge a homophobic social worker and nowhere did we encounter it and we quickly realized that the only people at these meetings of the agency who were feeling it that we were gay who were noticing it or having a problem with it was us it's not for everybody it doesn't just change some of your life it changes every minute of every day but it is such a wonderful experience and just because we're gay people we shouldn't miss that it's so enriching according to the family Pride col there are more than 14 million children being raised by gay and lesbian parents in the United States these children and their parents face unique challenges at home at school and in their communities for a list of organizations that offer support information and resources for Gay and Lesbian families visit in theel life's website at www. inthelife tv.org I'm Susan morbido and you're watching in the life [Music] [Music] as the gay community continues to change and evolve many people of color still sometimes struggle to have their own voices heard in 1993 activist Sheila Reed started a newsletter in Washington DC to fill the void of Publications for and about lesbians of color existing magazines didn't quite uh feel the need that we had it wasn't the fact that they were ignoring black lesbians but they were from a white male perspective similar to The Washington Post is from a white male perspective it's just a reality today that publication called women in the life is not only a nationally distributed magazine but also an organization that actively Works to create a community for African-American lesbians black lesbians were sort of the stepchildren of the gay community you have white gay male white lesbian black gay mail and at the bottom of the totem pole you have black lesbian and we didn't have anything we didn't have a magazine we didn't have any clubs we didn't have any outlets and so it sort of became a necessity once I saw how little we [Applause] had I had been throwing parties with my brother for years at our parents house whenever they went out of town that's what we did as teenagers so we are very familiar with how much liquor to buy for a party where to set up the DJ how much room you need for a dance floor and how to Market it the key component to any women life event is the women themselves typically woman's over 25 she's educated she has some ambition she has some drive and she's interested in meeting other people like that Sheila Alexander Reed is an account executive at Washington City paper and brings those business skills to women in the life now with 1300 members Sheila was able to hire her first paid staff person Diana kenow the usually the first qu question is when's the next party we get that all the time women in the life also brings people together through poetry readings earrings just a Swing Swing that's a very small small minuscule part of what we do but it's really really important the curve of your tongue the most aesthetically pleasing things since sun setting on beaches the taste of summer solstice I cannot believe it's a a women's space not that men aren't welcome but it's a space that's safe for women which is very important um here we do a lot of uh dialogue about what it means to be a woman what it means to be a woman of color me when you kiss [Music] me when you kiss me when you kiss me I become a language perfectly spoken wom love it the people who come they come with serious regularity writing has saved my life in a lot of ways um because there are a lot of things that I express I'm a pretty quiet person so I don't express things openly and it's the best way for me to express everything that I feel as long as we have a space as long as women life is in existence I'm going to make sure that we always keep that poetry going if we have to bring it over here to my house we will do it because I think that we are as a community at risk of destroying ourselves and I think this is something that we have to do to preserve ourselves just just to survive Sheila is most proud of publishing Zora's journal the personal stories of lesbians of color with breast cancer that project gave women in the Life a purpose just beyond entertaining if you can get these people to read this stop in just for a minute to read something that could save your life it becomes empowering and that has been um the most significant thing that I think as a person not just women in life but as a person that I could ever do and now that I've had a taste of that I'm all over it Sheila lives in Northwest Washington sharing her home and her name with her partner of four years Lois Alexander Reed okay women in the life at 39 she has no plans to slow down the magazine which has been struggling financially like every other lesbian publication in the country is taking a dramatic turn to be online if you think about it there's nothing out there on a huge level of that type that is strictly lesbian only not just black lesbian but lesbian only and I think that that is a huge Market I get emails from people in Germany Iraq Iran and they all want to know can they get a subscription to the magazine and of course the answer is yes but we could be doing so much more I could put them in touch with some people in Idaho you see what I mean we'll set up chat rooms and so this is sort of the next level of women in the life the magazine and as as black people become more and more familiar with the internet we hope to not have to print the publication at all spring Sheila received an uncommon woman award from the Legacy Foundation people have asked me are you an activist and I've always shied away from those type of titles but it's like I I get this knowledge I see what's wrong with the world and I now I'm forced to speak out about it because no one else is doing that so defining myself a person who's very driven black woman who loves women who's very driven that's how I would Define myself from all of us at in the life thank you for watching and we'll see you next time [Music] [Music] [Music] in the life is funded in part by the H vaning in Foundation additional support provided by Michael ale lein the Gil Foundation the rainbow Foundation the Adolf and Ruth schnurmacher Foundation the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and Prejudice and the annual support of in Theif members like you [Music]