In the Life: Ep. 804, "On the Move"

on this edition of In The Life gays and lesbians on the Move taking a cruise taking a plane or taking a vacation in the Pacific sexuality and all those phobias that doesn't even come into play here plus lesbians rebuilding women's lives in Nicaragua all this more on in the Life America's lesbian and gay cultural news magazine would love to have a [Music] relationship in the life is funded in part by the H van amaran Foundation additional support provided by Peter Goldfarb in memory of Helen Goldfarb Michael a lepen rick wiland the Lily aenas Foundation the Gil Foundation Richard M and Peggy danziger the Michael Palm Foundation the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and Prejudice and in the Life members like [Music] you [Applause] [Music] welcome to in the life and our travel show hi I'm Katherine Linton America is a country that is on the move a healthy economy a sense of adventure and competitive markets all add up to more and more people traveling for business and for pleasure and in fact analysts estimate that over the next few years the number of passengers on airlines could reach a billion annually and whether by plane or train car or cruise ship a significant portion of those Americans are gay men and lesbians each year gay people pour billions of dollars into the meab buuck travel industry and this growing Consumer Power has spurred a boom in the niche industry that specifically targets the gay community ports are calling and far away lands are beckoning Bali is not a gay party destination it's a fantastic destination that intelligent sensitive Travelers are going to want to go to but it hasn't always been smooth sailing last year the gay cruise industry the fastest growing segment of gay travel hit some Rough Waters incidents like harassment of gay tourists in the Bahamas and the Cayman Island's refusal to allow a ship to dock with gay Travelers raised questions about safety and human rights in our first segment Tanya Barfield has the latest on the gay cruise controversy the warm breeze the Open Seas and the freedom to be out in a relaxed environment makes the all gay cruise a popular vacation choice this is my second my second gay cruise and and I'm planning the third one will be to Alaska in a few months so threes are can't wait for that one uh cruises in general even mainstream have become very very popular we've noticed that there's been a Renaissance in the cruise industry as the gay Market comes of age the travel industry welcomes it with open arms in fact it's estimated that the gay and lesbian traveler makes up 10% of the total travel industry or about $47 billion a year the image of the gay and lesmond Travel consumer has been test Chang changed quite dramatically actually uh they're more confident nowadays definitely they definitely feel more welcome in other nations as well as in our own Nation the international gay and lesbian travel Association started 15 years ago with about 25 members mainly gay-owned travel operators and agencies today their membership is more than 2,000 and includes most of the major Airlines car rental companies and of course Cruise Lines the key to the popularity of the all gay cruise lies in the experience of the trip itself is this a floating disco or a floating bath house or a floating buffed guys from West Hollywood I don't think so I think it's a real large spectrum of this community minus women which we're working on and we're going to get more women we'll get those women on board yet but we are we are everybody there are plenty of cruise options for women Olivia cruises formerly Olivia records offers a variety of cruise packages for lesbians the activities are directed towards women the comedy the music the where we go how we go how many of us go there are all based upon really what women would like to do or at least I hope what women would like to do but it wasn't always smooth sailing for Gay and Lesbian Cruise operators after all these companies don't own the boats they sail on we've dealt with cruise lines that 12 years ago would not let us on their ships because they were afraid that their officers and crew would not want lesbians and Gaze on their ship we're now on those Cruise Lines once they gained admission the all gay tour operators began filling more and more boats cruises provided an ideal vacation where the stresses of a homophobic Society could be left at the dog when pulling into distant ports however a tour operator has the delicate job of negotiating with the host country a sort of unofficial Ambassador for the queer Nation we know it's a conservative country and we respect that and we're here we're here as tourists and whenever you go into a country as a tourist you should respect the local customs and the local laws and we do over the years there have been isolated anti-gay incidents involving cruises but the most publicized was in January 1998 when the Cayman Islands refused to allow an Atlant cruise ship to Doc it is an inherent human right to to travel as As You Wish and to have a country establish a policy that is unwelcoming of of gay people um you know cannot stand at the time the Human Rights Campaign and many others in the gay community were quick to respond we asked HRC to explain where the situation stands today we decided an action plan based on on the fact that the British government um in our view held the most influence with the Cayman Island government and we also wanted to pursue a strategy with the US government applying as much pressure on them as possible um we have attempted to contact the Cayman government including their tourism representation here in the US and we get referred to the minister of Tourism which of course um refuses to return our calls so we did in fact attempt to dialogue with the government before um escalating Our concern the Cayman Islands government stands by its policy of barring gay travelers from its Shores meanwhile religious hecklers continue to greet gay Travelers in many places where they dock reports from the Bahamas baliz and Costa Rica have described anti-gay harassment some more threatening than others but God wanted and God says that that is when we were there there was a demonstration by a couple of hundred local Bohemians and it was the day after Easter so we were there when everyone was off as well it was all these things that came together and um at one point they came onto the pier to our ship and started to you know yell slogans at us or and then started to sing hymns the women who were still on board sang back to them the same hymns because they knew the hymns so this sort of took the um energy out of the demonstr it remains to be seen what impact if any these events will have on vacationers I think that the gay and lesbian consumer uh has not been affected uh when they're traveling by cruises by the negative negativity that has occurred in some of the islands reason being is that most of them already expect something like that most of them especially when they're traveling through third world Nations know to degree that they're not may be they may not be welcome like they would be in the United States activists however note that that gay travelers from other countries have met with similar resistance when trying to enter the us we expect that people can come to the United States the same way that we expect that people can go to the kiman islands and that expectation is actually not true up until the early 1990s coming into the US for a gay person even as a tourist was forbidden by law homosexuality was considered a sexual perversion the United States has a policy that a bars HIV positive immigrants or tourists from coming into the country and the United States has a policy which is not written anywhere it's not written but whereby gay and lesbian tourists have harder time getting a Visa the anti-gay Cruise incidents put an international Spotlight on the Caribbean as a result some potentially friendly Nations have made themselves visible the cruises chartering company Atlantis Events through its president Rich Campbell says that by accepting the gay crws Bel has rightly positioned itself as a country willing to accept all tourists and in the Bahamas the government made an official apology to Olivia Cruzes what they were interested in doing was letting us know and letting the public know that they were in support of gays and lesbians coming to the Bahamas that they belied that it was a civil rights issue they wanted to profusely apologize several other Island Nations that consider themselves gay friendly have courted the association and so as a result it actually became a pretty good thing for us because there are several other uh Nations down there that definitely want the Gan lesbian dollar we are asking for our human rights because we deserve them because there are ours not because we are tourists not because we are rich and not because we can travel it's because there are our rights and we deserve [Music] them you have been blessed through some miracle of nature with a sexual interest in men I would love to have a relationship with a stunted and immature man it sounds marvelous you know what I can't understand is how you manage to be queer really just not fair I should have been queer you're totally ungrateful two organizations working together to monitor and get the word out about treatment of gay Travelers abroad by the international gay and lesbian travel Association and the national lesbian and gay journalists Association to find the links to these and other organizations working in this area go to the in Theif website at in Theif tv.org I'm David Marshall Grant and you are watching in the life [Music] there are some places in the world that very much welcome gay business like a tiny Island that's part of the Indonesian archipelago called Bali last March I was one of eight journalists from the gay media who were invited on an all-expense paid trip to Bali it was a place that I'd always wanted to go so it was a dream opportunity in fact I was so excited about the trip that it wasn't until I got on the plane that I began to ask myself what's gay about Bali and why is Bali cing gay Travelers I'll attempt to answer those questions as I retrace my Bolognese [Music] Adventure our trip began last March with a flight on our host Airline Cathy Pacific it was an extremely long flight so I had plenty of time to ask myself myself why 8 gay journalists were being given such an opportunity we arrived 28 hours later only to get on a bus for another hour and a half till we reached our final destination the artistic Center of Bali ubu I was definitely tired well I just traveled 30 hours and I hope we find something gay here I was also grumpy but I couldn't stay that way for long after all tropical views outdoor living rooms and personal plunge pools are perks that don't come every day neither do lavish breakfast where our host from Cathy Pacific explained to me why we'd been invited really Catherine what we've done is we've taken a look at expanding a whole bunch of different vertical markets and one of the ones that we knew that we hadn't tapped into yet was the gay and lesbian Marketplace so we went ahead discussed it back at the office agreed that it was a Marketplace that we hadn't tapped that gay and lesbian Travelers definitely met the profile of the people we were looking for to travel on our Airline and it was a question simply then of moving forward with the trip the luxury hotel chain the Four Seasons joined up with Cafe Pacific for the same reasons any group of business we're interested in entertaining you know it's like it just makes good business sense uh you know why do anything otherwise and this began to make perfect sense to me especially given the times Bali is an island that over the past few decades had come to depend more and more heavily on tourism but Bali was suffering from a depressed Asian economy and political upheavals in other parts of Indonesia that were keeping tourists away so we represented a new and important niche market understanding that I still wondered as gay journalists if we were supposed to find gay Bali if so it wasn't easy very good the elephant ride they sent us on didn't seem like a gay event neither did the White River Rafting the Snake Man didn't seem gay or the sacred white cows but finally we found one thing that was very gay a drag show in kouto and of course all my favorite singers were there [Music] Whitney [Music] and doly singing a captain and tal song this was a gay bar like so many gay bars in fact aside from the bamboo roof and one very traditional Banes dance I could have been anywhere but I wasn't anywhere I was in Bali and that explains scretch and Kelly is exactly the point Bali is not a gay party destination it's not a place where it's not Australia it's not Sydney it's not specifically a gay destination it's a fantastic destination that intelligent sensitive Travelers are going to want to go to so while I was looking for what was specifically gay about Bali I was missing what was unique to Bali for one cultural expression as I had never seen [Music] before performance art and music seemed to be everywhere yet the most visible aspect of balones culture is their religion Bali Hindu known officially as a Gamu Hindu and while I couldn't pretend to understand everything about the rituals and public gatherings I witnessed I was beginning to understand one thing it is the Bali Hindu religion that helps Foster an open and tolerant Society a lesbian couple I met who live in Bali and recently had their commitment ceremony there explained why this is the beauty of the religion here is that people do not judge on their own they believe that you'll be judged later in in the next life with Karma and that the most important thing in this life is to believe in God to do well by your friends and family to care for nature and just be a good person so sexuality and all those phobias that doesn't even come into play here I later understood that it's not that the balones Embrace homosexuality they just don't believe in denigrating any living thing of course you can have your personal judgment as long you don't really uh extremely put some something inside or corn somebody or see this minority if you call it minority and you don't want to look at it and the most important thing for one is how to Coop with the situation because again nothing you can do about it you know and then why you talk about it so negatively if you want to talk it negatively you better just keep your mouth shut this Live and Let Live concept was genuine and uniquely bonese it was in fact the thing we all wished we could take home with us so by the end of our trip I knew why I would recommend Bali to anyone I knew gay or straight because of the people and the culture because Bali is like no other place I'd ever [Music] been [Music] not just countries but companies are waking up to the formidable clout of the G lesbian market and as we just saw with Cathy Pacific the airline industry is no exception they're beginning to recognize a consumer base that they had never targeted before Paul Mueller reports from Atlanta on three of the nation's largest Airlines and tells us about some friendly Skies but also about some turbulence ahead imagine your dream vacation you and your partner lying on a white sandy beach on a Mediterranean aisle or how about skiing down the powder pack slopes of the Swiss Alves now that some US airlines are cashing in on the lucrative gay and lesbian travel dollar gays and lesbians are reaping the benefits customized tour packages sponsored by major US Airlines but some still experience insensitivity and even discrimination when taking to the not so friendly Skies Kirby Frank is a computer consultant living in Atlanta traveling frequently for both business and pleasure last year alone he logged nearly 1 million frequent flyer miles on Delta his airline of choice one day while surfing the web he discovered Delta advertised a partnership with sandals and it sounded like a great vacation package and then you know I started looking through just to see what it all involved and came across the the wording that said that you know that it was for you know heterosexuals only so I was stunned I was taking back I'm like wait a second I'm on the Expedia website and I see this this this wording that says basically I can't even if I won the contest or the sweep sakes I wouldn't be able to get the prize Delta refused to comment on Kirby Frank but regarding the company's relationship with sandals said this Delta airlin strictly prohibits discrimination of any kind in the workplace or on Delta flights while we do not agree with any form of discrimination Delta cannot dictate the business practices of other companies that are included as part of a vacation package sold by an independent tour operator as competitive as the airline industry is today I can't I can't understand why an airline would suggest hey you know what we're not sure we really want your business well that's not true we really want your business but just not in this part of our business you know we we gladly will take your money but we're happy to discriminate you against you on this particular thing Delta sent Frank a $50 travel certificate Frank calls it a smack in the face I mean I spend $25,000 a year on Delta Airlines and they're going to send me $50 to try and buy me off don't think so but further investigation shows that many airlines have relationships with sandals so where does this leave gay and lesbian Travelers even though Delta has made no identifiable efforts to attract gay and lesbian cons consumers another airline known for being something special in the air has taken off in its efforts to land the gay and lesbian travel dollar American Airlines was the first major airline to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation it was also the first airline to initiate and sanction a gay and lesbian employee group American Airlines efforts to reach the gay and lesbian Community is more than just selling tickets gay people need to look at who who is really out there supporting the community and giving to the community and we we that that Airline last year alone American earned $177 million in revenue from the gay and lesbian Market 5 years after it started marketing to the gay community American is also the official Airline for the Human Rights Campaign glad and P flag where the Affairs are competitive and the gay lesbian Market if they know which many of them don't know that American has been in the market and contributing in the market for The Last 5 Years most of the time will take American Els because of what we do for the community but American has not always been the gay and lesbian Flyer's favorite Airline 5 years ago an American Crew ordered the pillows taken off a plane carrying gay men and lesbians from a rally in Washington DC an action which put American in a precarious situation but American also turned around and became one of the most Pro Pro active in terms of uh dealing with the lesbian gay community supporting gay organizations and going after the gay and lesbian market and American has constantly drawn criticism from pro- family groups and the religious right but even with the threat of a nationwide boycott looming American hasn't given in it's definitely in American Airlines own best interest to continue to support the gay lesbian community and organizations as well as targeting the gay Market I think they found that it's in their own best interest as well otherwise they would not be doing it to to such an extent we have come the furthest and gone the longest we're the first actually we're the first Fortune 100 company to have a whole department get dedicated to the gain lesbian Market in a step towards offering domestic partner benefits American offers past Privileges and bereavement fairs for the partners of its employees one important point though American Airlines doesn't offer domestic partner benefits to its employees an issue which is currently pitting the number one US Airline with the city by the Bay United is now suing the city of San Francisco to overturn its equal benefits ordinance which prohibits companies that do business with the city from discriminating in the benefits offered domestic Partners since United was the first Airline whose lease at the airport came up for Renewal it's the first to contest the ordinance United Airlines is basically failing to give equal pay for equal work we know that benefits can can be up to 40% of employees toal total compensation package yet United rather than do the right thing and treat their lesbian and gay employees fairly and give equal benefits has decided instead to Sue and they're spending more money on the lawsuit than what it would cost them to comply with the law United and 23 other airlines including American and Delta are members of the Air transport Association and argue that a city cannot regulate a National Industry the fact that United Airlines is the first one to come up against this ordinance um with San Francisco Isco it makes it seem at first glance like it's the only carrier that's not offering domestic partnership benefits to its employees when really no US carriers do none of the major carriers offer it and remember Kirby Frank's beef with Sandals Resorts and their partnership with Delta and other airlines well American and United are two of them either either you want my business or you don't want my business why don't you just tell me which it [Music] is [Music] well I wrote the most fabulous Story Ever Told for one reason only to get on in the life now this play was inspired by that Christian fundamentalist remark that God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve and I thought well what if God did I have enslaved hundreds of thousands of homosexuals to build my pyramid oh look at them all just sitting there criticizing for more about the stories you see on in the life we invite you to check out a fabulous resource for information reaction and personal Insight our viewers go online and surf your way to in theel life's discussion forum at inthelife tv.org there you can take part in a discussion about the issues raised tonight on this program this is Paul rutnik for in the Life still to come on in the life the documentary hit Rock the Boat Moving audiences with its Chronicle of HIV positive men on a transpacific boat race and de gays and lesbians fight ignorance and invisibility about their unique culture but first so far in this program we focused on TR primarily for vacation or for leisure in our next segment we follow some women many of whom are lesbians who are on the road for humanitarian reasons last year hurricane Mitch devastated much of Central America killing thousands of people and destroying millions of dollars with a property Nicaragua was one of the countries hard hit by Mitch and is now receiving financial aid to help it rebuild but in the small town of kega there are some Wom women who have been left homeless who don't qualify for assistance two women's groups though are transcending language cultural and National boundaries to help these women rebuild their homes while building coalitions my name is Margarita Suarez and I started the kga Homemakers project which is sending women's building gates to Nicaragua we're going down to Nicaragua to to help a group called uh Lao which means the collective Association of women construction workers they teach courses in carpentry iron work and building construction we've gotten a lot of support from the gain lesbian community and I think that's really interesting because we didn't start the group as a lesbian group the leadership of the group is lesbian I I identify as lesbian and a lot of my connections are through the lesbian Community getting the the gain lesbian Community to support this project is important because I think it's just really important for people who are committed to struggle to realize the struggle is really Grand and there are ways in which our struggles here in the United States pale in comparison to a natural disaster leaving you know killing 10,000 people and leaving thousands and thousands of people homeless in Nicaragua so it's a way to to channel our energies and and find a connection between us and the women in [Music] kega [Music] well in the 1980s an American Brigade came to build a school to help them build that school they recruited local women just like we do now I'm a lesbian to this day we owe the infrastructure of our group to that network of lesbian women our contact with lesbian women has allowed us to form an international network of volunteers who support this project unconditionally as far as the objective of our group we State our objective like this to contribute to diminish the lack of gender equality in the field of labor for a woman's self-esteem it is very important for her to look back and note what she has accomplished it's not enough that she has a new piece of furniture but that she'd be proud to have made it herself well being here during the hurricane was very very scary we heard there was going to be a hurricane passing through Honduras we were told that it wasn't going to affect Nicaragua all the rain that we were having having was because of this this hurricane so we were just on the tail end of it and then it was one Wednesday morning we woke up and the alarms had already gone off or the church bells have already gone off a whole block that was washed away people were just staying in their houses because they just didn't believe that they would have to get out and they didn't want to get out cuz if they they went they left their houses that would mean that they were kind of accepting the fact that they might be washed away with all their things it was horrible we never expected such destruction we were afraid when the storm began and we asked God to please protect us house was here where we are standing now it was 10 yard wide by 15 yard long it had a big living room two bedrooms a kitchen a nice bathroom I had lived here for 20 years now that Mitch has left me homeless I'm very depressed because I'd never been without a place to live I've never even had to rent it's terrible to lose your house and be left with nothing after so many years well we and the red and Moes which is the network of women hoping to build 25 houses that's our that's our aim that's what we' have the funding for at the moment we've been playing with all the budget and trying to see if we can maybe build more in the future maybe bits more money come in then we can build more houses and the Brigade EAS they've got their own project and they're applying for funding we want to build 25 or 30 houses we need to get $3,500 each for the houses because that's how much the town determined the house would cost we need to find women to come and help build the houses seeing the um the devastation just first seeing uh laying eyes on the devastation from the hurricane was pretty [Music] profound as gay men and lesbians or as queer people in the society we're often fighting against the status quo we're trying to make conditions better make make uh make life easier for people I think all the battles are connected I can't I think there's no such thing as separating them out I think that the only way that any of these particular groups really makes change in the world um is is when we see those connections and when we work with one another I am very grateful to both organizations because they have both stood by me since the moment I lost my house I have faith in God that I'm going to pass the class at the workshop that I'm going to remain employed there that makes me happy because during during these hard times it is very hard to be without a job we need work in order to move forward I feel so much like I have so much to learn from these women who have been through so much more than I have perhaps they're going to teach us things but we're going to teach them new things as well there are an awful lot of us especially um gay and lesbian people who have plenty of energy and resources you know financial and otherwise that we could be giving a lot we could be giving so much more and even though even even if we're not necessarily working on things that are specifically gay and lesbian we're still furthering our own cause by making real sustainable lasting change in the world you know I have to believe believe that I've seen so much evidence of [Music] it hi I'm Wesley SNES hi I'm Katherine Linton this is Pula Clark no wait a minute I'm Kate Clinton Pete Seager David Marshall Grant Quon Chris Jason Alexander we're Betty and you're watching you're watching you are watching in the life in the life in the life now I think that's fabulous in our next segment we excerpt a film about a group of gay men who took to the high seas for sport for adventure and for an affirmation of life the documentary charted the exploits of 10 HIV positive men who competed in a grueling 2200m Yacht Race Across the Pacific and as Jonathan Kart reports for most of the crew this was the second greatest challenge of their lives [Music] am we have a hurricane worst case scenario we all die we break the Mast we end up in life rafts no big deal filmmakers and life Partners Bobby Houston and Robert Hudson battled the windy Pacific fought off a hurricane and risked their lives in a yacht race from California to Hawaii and they chronicled the entire journey in a new film called Rock the Boat having AIDS and sailing to Hawaii is is not your everyday activity I think I'm spiritually in tune for this and it took me a while to accept my illness and to realize that I can go on this movie about people who have HIV and coincidentally they're gay it's like a World War II movie where you get total strangers thrown into a crisis and then go out there and survive 11 men 2200 M of ocean 10 days at sea and a camera those are the ingredients that set sail in the critically acclaimed new documentary Rock the Boat you got the notion I like know you got the notion [Music] I was talking to a friend of mine about going sailing and this big guy from the back jumped into the conversation and said sailing did somebody say Sailing In The Summer of 1997 Houston Hudson and a crew of nine men living with HIV and AIDS set sail on the Survivor in the transpack race this is it we're out of here let bothos leaving now trans Pack's probably the oldest race in California dates back to 1906 it races every 2 years from Los Angeles to Hawaii wanted HIV positive crew that ought to grab them putting together this team was overwhelming to me because I had to not only go in a matter of six months and get a a trained season transpack yacht team I had to get all HIV positive Sailors Saturday July 5th so that's this morning the Pharmaceuticals are everywhere evident pil time happens all the time I think about 3 weeks before we left we finally let the transpack yach club know that this team is all HIV positive we thought for sure they'd throw us out but they didn't the race is one part of Robert Hudson's nonprofit organization called get challenged it's dedicated to redefining the self-esteem of people living with HIV and AIDS nobody tries to hit home this is what you should do being HIV positive this is what you shouldn't do this just shows the guys being guys going for their their dreams racing across the Pacific so it gives a great image for the 21st century for people with AIDS and that was my original goal and that's why it did the whole thing I knew that there was a story I had no idea what the story would be and there's not a team on this boat there is a team on this boat don't say that there's a very very powerful team an athletic competition has a starting gun and a Finish Line and in between something happens we have a hurricane Delores not a hurricane yet people wanted to be in this race they wanted to sail I believe this race was keeping people alive it was like you got to want to live to live these people are recommending him he can't sail he's never been on the ocean I don't even know if he can swim who knows maybe he'll pull somebody out of the drink you know there was nobody on the boat that actually was qualified there's a rule in the trans pack that you must have one trans pack veteran in your crew but because of the the project that rule was waved we couldn't have cast a better film we've got the dishy cook the crazy Captain the comedic Helmsman everyone's just going to be so close and it's going to be such a rewarding experience the thrill for me was how much people let down their guards and how much they showed inside when you get that on film it's it's really you should lighten up on your back State pressure too our M's ass I think you should lighten up you know book The Old Man in the sea and he had a big hat sleep deprivation was probably the most difficult um negative we were working with sleep becomes the biggest luxury I think I slept for the first time last night about 2 and 1 half hours over here when I woke up I was completely disoriented and people get dingy and they and they get emotional dingy they get angry testy you guys have so much resentment there's resentment everywhere and you both know that it's just natural you put 11 guys on a boat you're going to come no talking me and you that's not natural well John and I been through a lot in the last 6 seven months you know we work to get along with each other there's things John doesn't like about me there's things I don't like about John but I mean we're not going to wrestle on the deck there's a moment where the crew comes to John and basically says what's up are we going to make it or not and John said look you know if we break the mask we end up in life rafts no big deal the crew kind of I'm the camera going you know it's a big deal life rafts is a big deal you know we're a thousand miles from Land the anxiety Bob had was he kept having this reoccurring nightmare that the boat would be sinking and everybody would be climbing into a life raft and his film would be floating away in different directions and he couldn't get it all together fortunately that never happened Rock the Boat has been a big hit at film festivals across the country and the New York Times called it moving and says it leaves you cheering for the the first time in my life I made a film that was about being gay about being out and what that looks like for me and it has changed my life entirely rock the boat is now in theaters across the country and makes its television debut on HBO this summer this is Jonathan Kart for in the [Applause] [Music] life you and you and you you and you to people living with living with living with not dying from disease during the cast of rent was an incredible experience in rent there are many messages but one that's really emphasized over and over again is that you have to love and live every moment in the fullest way you can because it's not promised you for the next day or the next [Music] minute I play Tom Collins in the Broadway musical Rent And my character as well as several others are learning to live with HIV V and aids for more information about AIDS related issues a good first stop is the national AIDS hotline at 1 1800 342 AIDS they can answer your questions give you the numbers for State hotlines or direct you to a service organization in your local area get the right information know the facts stay healthy I'm Michael mcel for in the [Music] life [Music] sometimes to explore another culture you don't have to venture very far from home our final segment takes us inside the world of gay men and lesbians who are deaf people who share a language and experience unfamiliar to most of us yet who see that as a challenge and definitely not a [Applause] handicap deaf lesbians and gay men were a visible part of the 1993 March on Washington exhibiting pride in their identity and culture like gay men and lesbians who belong to other minority groups deaf men and women live in more than one world and where they feel most at home may be surprising Bob RoR and his partner Ed Aldridge live in Alexandria Virginia with their dogs they both work for the federal government and both are in their 30s they have one major difference however Bob is deaf and Ed is hearing when I first met him he didn't know how to sign at all but his roommates parents were deaf so he had a TTY a device that allows the deaf to communicate over the telephone he talked to his roommate and his roommate taught him some signs some finger spelling and how to use the TTY I think the first thing was I saw that he was very patient with uh people that were trying to communicate so I figured you know I I could make an effort and uh you know I didn't have to be perfect so that's how I started I learned finger spelling and at some point when we were dating I I decided I'd take a sign language class we started out writing with a pen and paper then I wanted him to get involved in Deaf culture there were a lot of of things he didn't understand so I had to explain things like the differences in behavior for example tapping the shoulder for attention or using facial expressions sometimes I would respond to what he was saying with a facial expression and he would interpret it to mean that I was upset when in fact I wasn't I just didn't understand what he was saying you know when you're tired you're not necessarily going to be walking around with a smile on your face and so if I'm coming around and I'm thinking about something you know the drive home from work that really aggravated me and then I turn and say to Bob something about um you know is it your turn to make dinner it comes across much differently than it was intended because facial expression is the punctuation of sign language Bob and Ed have considered adopting a child but are afraid that the child could one day be taken away from them by the courts however their desire to expand their family LED them to rescue two Dalmatians deaf dalmati who they've taught to understand sign language being very different I think we kind of add some kind of balance to a relationship you know he has one set of strengths and I have another set of strengths um I think there's a certain amount of tension on the con side anytime you have uh different cultures involved in a relationship it's amazing what you what you can do when you think something's worth it you have to have the desire to make something work gadet University in Washington DC is the only undergraduate University in the world for the death and heart of hearing it was here that Candace Mulla and Sharon ducho met Candace is now back at galet working on her doctorate in Clinical Psychology and Sharon works as a mental health counselor the two live in Bethesda Maryland and are the mothers of a 2 and 1/2-year-old girl we discussed it and we really wanted to have our own child we discussed who the donor should be we wanted our child to know the donor we wanted the donor to allow our child to meet him if she wanted to we didn't want to keep this a secret from her we also wanted to know the donor's medical history Sharon and Candice were looking for a donor that would enable their child to share their unique culture it was important to us that the donor be a hereditary deaf person since we would have a better chance of having a deaf child this doesn't mean we wouldn't have wanted our child if she'd been born hearing we would have loved her just the same so we asked him and he agreed and we worked out all the details everything went as planned the day our daughter was born we felt that she was deaf we tested her hearing by turning up the TV to a loud roar and she remained sound asleep she was tested at 6 weeks and it was confirmed that she was deaf we were thrilled having Jean has brought us more out into the open about our relationship our family we don't want to keep this hidden we don't want her to grow up embarrassed or ashamed about her family it's our responsibility to let people know who we are and that we're proud of our family this started with letting people at school know we're lucky that all the parents were supportive and accepting of us one of the teachers even wrote a supporting letter for us when one of us went through the adoption process that was very nice and we feel very accepted by the school and by the other parents it was important for Candace and Sharon that their daughter was born at home surrounded by a support system of other women women like Jan deap Jean's godmother who lives with them and takes care of Jean while her mothers are at work some people ask me what I'll do if kids tease her about having lesbian moms I know that may happen because kids can be cruel at times and they tease other kids about many things like wearing glasses or having divorced parents so I'm not worried about the teach I expect it will happen but our job is to teach her how to deal with it in the right way I think Jean will develop a gift of sensitivity to others because of being different she'll be a good person I hope in compliance with agreement sometimes I wish my partner was deaf so he wouldn't get up complaining about the dogs barking all night long I tend to be living uh kind of in both worlds um but I don't always experience exp erience the two issues simultaneously it's either one or the other if there was a party of straight people and they were deaf and a party of gay people but they were hearing and didn't know sign language I would prefer the straight party that's because I'd be able to communicate with people at the other party although the people were gay I'd feel frustrated trying to communicate with the hearing people it's because I identify first and foremost as a person I grew up in a hearing World struggling and feeling frustrated trying to be a hearing person until about seven or eight years ago I don't want Jan to go through that struggle over speech and feel incompetent my whole childhood I wondered what was wrong with me why I was different I didn't know until I entered the deaf World finally I understood it was all about communication I was finally able to relate to others on the same level that's what I'd been missing I want to say something about self-esteem if you're told it's bad to be deaf it's awful and very deflating to be constantly told you must be like hearing people it's the same with gays and lesbians if you're constantly told you must be straight and you struggle to be straight deep down inside you don't feel good about who you really [Music] are from all of us at in the life thank you for watching and we'll 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