In the Life: Ep. 2102, "Finding Home"

[Announcer, over music] "In the Life," is funded in part by, [Announcer] The H. van Ameringen Foundation. [Announcer] Dewey and LeBoeuf. [Announcer] The Estate of Richard W. Weiland. [Announcer] Arcus Foundation. [Announcer] Gil Foundation. [Announcer] And these funders. [Music] [Announcer] And by the annual support of, "In the Life," members like you. [Music fades] [Music] [Narrator, Triple Edwards] There are an estimated 1.6 to 2.8 million homeless youth in the United States. [Edwards] Up to forty percent identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. [Edwards] November is homeless awareness month. And, "In the Life," examines the plight of LGBT youth experiencing homelessness. [Edwards] We begin with the launch of New York's first permanent affordable housing units to be offered to LGBT at-risk youth. [Edwards] Followed by, a stark look at youth kicked out of their homes. [Edwards] What services are offered to them on the street? [Edwards] How do they cope and survive? [Edwards] And to look at new research concerning family intervention. [Theme music] [Voice over music] We brought everybody together. [Larry Kramer] Act up. [Crowd] Act up! [Pauline Mitchell] There was nothing for him to hide. Make a promise. [Theme music] [Edwards] On September 9th, 2011, [Edwards] the True Colors Residence was officially recognized as New York City's first affordable housing for LGBT homeless youth. [Applause, over music] [Colleen Jackson] Back in May of 2007, [Jackson] West End had a fundraiser, and we honored Cyndi Lauper. [Jackson] Cyndi said to me, "You know, you do such good work at West End is there anything that you could do, "for this population?" [Cyndi Lauper] And I said, you know, I just came back from the pier. I saw kids that were homeless. It's too bad you don't have a place like this, for homeless LGBT youth. I realized that, yes, there was something we could do, ah, if we could get people to buy into it. And that it should not be a shelter. That we really wanted something that was, a long term solution. [Tim O'Hanlon] Individuals here will have their own apartments. They will have rent stabilized leases. And they will pay rent. [Bill Yates] I gotta say I've never in a credit committee call before, used the words LGBT. I've never used the name Cyndi Lauper. [Lauper] I believe that a strong society is an inclusive society. And if we want to win big in this world, we better include everybody. 'Cause we need everybody to win. [Applause] [Edwards] Offering a total of thirty units, residents moved into their first permanent homes on September 1st. [Angela Louis] My name is Angela Louis. I'm twenty three years old and I currently live in True Colors Residences. [Louis] You know, before you start transition, you're not fully aware of, "Oh, my God, wow, I want to go outside looking dressed, "as a transgender female." My mother raised me as a single parent. I was actually seventeen, at the time, she said, "I love you dearly. "But you can't live in this house no more. And I'll give you a thousand dollars for you to rent a room, but I just can't raise a child that's gay." [Marquis "Teddy" Perkins] My name is Marquis "Teddy" Perkins. [Perkins] I am from Buffalo, New York. Eight hours away. This is my little studio apartment. Came with, you know, the frigerator/freezer. What brought me to the city is that, um, like, my mom has a drug problem. But, it's nothing new, you know, back and forth. You know, so when she does have a relapse. I would, like, pick up the slack. And  I guess I just got tired. When she lost a permit, and then I was gonna live with my grandmother. But my aunts and uncles kind of have a problem me being gay. So, I didn't want to put that pressure  on my grandmother either. I'm just excited. My first apartment, you know, so. I think I almost cried when I got it. It was cool. I stuck out the shelter 'cause, if I would've went back, I would've just been a failure. And, I, and I guess, my, I was, I can prove to them, like, I can make it here. Even if I am gay. [Lauper] You don't throw your kid away. But sometimes people, because of the religious dogmas that they believe. They feel that their dogma is more important than their children. My best friend in grammar  school, moved, well, actually ran away to New York when he was seventeen. And he'd been through the, um, Ali Forey shelter and got an apartment. When he found out I was coming he said I can stay at home. From twelve to six, I have to leave at night. I kind of rode trains all night and then I'll go back in the day and just kind of sleep all day. [Louis] I used to live in Covenant House. [Louis] And I used to get up, from Forty first and Tenth and travel to Canarsie, Brooklyn. And went to South Shore High School, which is on one of the most, bad like you know worst high schools in Brooklyn. [Louis] Being homeless is hard when it's cold and you really have nowhere to go. [Louis] That's what hurts the most. There's days where, you know, [Louis] this building was open yesterday. Damn, it's locked today. What the hell am I gonna do? [Perkins] The shelter is only, is, ah, it's only for thirty to sixty days. He was lucky to get the sixty days if they see that you're trying to find a job. Or trying to continue education. [Jackson] This is permanent housing. Um, it's not shelter. But the criteria, [Jackson] for entering is pretty simple. You have to have a history of homelessness. You have to be homeless at the time. [Jackson] You have to be eighteen to twenty four years old and you have to identify as LGBT. [Jackson] The leases are, [Jackson] Section 8 leases. So that anyone who moves in here their income has to be, [Jackson] under fifty percent of the area median income. [Bill Yates] What this project does is it takes a proven affordable housing finance model. Applies it to the needs of LGBT youth who otherwise, are at risk of having to leave foster care without support. Are at risk of being on the street. So we recognize that this project I think, more than ever is truly, life-changing for the residents who are going to move in here. And we're just proud to have played a role. [Mildred Ramirez] A lot of our residents were homeless. [Ramirez] They lived from shelter shelter. So we're trying to give them some permanence here. Showing them, that, um, you know, financial workshops, educational workshops, job readiness workshops. I'm doing one-on-one counseling on relationships. And you know just giving, [Ramirez] everyone basic skills that will last you through your whole lifetime. [Melaney Mashburn] We use what's called a harm reduction model. Helping them get the education that they want to get. Helping them get established in the careers they want to be in.  Helping them learn how to pay their bills. [Perkins] Now I make a little list, right here, like all my bills, for instance, to start off, like to have money. [Perkins] It's just, so it's just like this is all the stuff I paid already. So, if I have to really figure all of this. [Mashburn] And these are the things that hopefully you would learn from your parents but because that, relationship was so damaged, they're not getting it from that source so we have to be that for them. [Mashburn] When you look at Angela and Teddy. They really are the survivors. [Louis] When I first came in here, Kim brought me upstairs, she said, "Are you ready?" I said, "Yeah, I'm  ready." [Lauper] These kids, this is their first apartment. [Lauper] And they're beautiful kids. [Louis] I currently work for, Partners in Care, as a home health aide. This is my home health aid certificate, um, right here. Certificate of Completion. Angela Luis, core training, as of July 28th, Twenty Eleven. [Perkins] Currently, I am a beauty advisor for Duane Reade. And it's so comfortable now. After the first couple days, of really adjusting to it, it's just like, uh, huh, I love it. I love it. [Edwards] It was Cindy's deep connection to her friend, Gregory Natal, that inspired her to record the song, "True Colors." [Lauper] I just, I, you know, cried, sort of a little cornerstone for Gregory. My friend, Gregory, he was, um, [Lauper] one of my best friends, when I was in my early twenties, before I became famous. [Lauper, singing] You with the sad eyes, [Lauper, singing] don't be discouraged. Though I realize, it's hard to take courage. [Carl Eagleson] My name is Carl Eagleson. Gregory was my lover, [Eagleson] for six years. [Eagleson] His mother kicked him out when he was twelve or thirteen, because he was gay. He was dying, of AIDS, in '85. We just shot the, "She Bop," video. He's in it with Carl. [Lauper] The disease got worse and worse. And as he was in the hospital, he said, well, you know, "That's What Friends Are For," came out. He said, "Could you write a song like that for me?" And I was like, "Yeah, I will." [Lauper] But in the meantime, [Lauper] a song was sent to me. [Lauper] And it was Fran Murray. And it was kind of a, [Lauper] country, gospel song. [Lauper, singing] But I see your true colors shining through. [Lauper, singing] I see your true colors, [Lauper, voice over singing] 1997, I was on email. Every other letter, [Lauper, voice over] was from somebody in the community, who felt depressed about the fact that they were gay. Was gonna kill themselves and then they heard True Colors and they  felt better. [Lauper, singing] Your true colors are beautiful. [Lauper, singing] Like a rainbow. [Lauper, speaking] Thank you. Peace. [Cheers, applause] Gregory got his wish. I did sing a song for him that became popular. And helps the community. [Applause] [Theme music] [Edwards] LGBT youth are kicked out of their homes by the families at alarming rates. [Edwards] Up to forty percent of homeless youth identify as LGBT. [Edwards] And one in four LGBT teens are kicked out after coming out. [Sassafras Lowrey] The LGBT community has, historically and continually, systematically ignored queer youth homelessness. You know, it's not, [Lowrey] as sexy as Marriage Equality. It doesn't have good sound bites like, Don't Ask Don't Tell. It's not, been an issue that has risen to the level, of other things that we see is important. [Door slams] [Typewriter keys tap] [Lowrey] My mother and I had a really complicated relationship. She's an alcoholic.  Has, [Lowrey] a lot of her own issues. [Lowrey] So growing up, [Lowrey] was kind of this constant, [Lowrey] battle of trying to understand, what was going on for her. That really only compounded further once, once I came out. [Lowrey] The violence intensified pretty quickly. I mean, within a couple of months I was out of the house. [Lowrey] I knew that if I left that she would hunt me down and bring me back and that I, I wouldn't have a chance to run ever again. [Lowrey] And then, so I waited until I had enough bruises that I thought they would do something. And I went, um, to the sheriff's station in my county. [Lowrey] And she was arrested that night. [Lowrey] I was too old, [Lowrey] really for them to think I should be put in the foster care system. It was too much work to have me emancipated. It was much easier, [Lowrey] just to sort of let me go and assume that, you know, [Lowrey] I was an honor roll student, I'd somehow be okay. [Lowrey] That was, the first time that I felt completely alone. [Lowrey] I had no idea where I was going to go. I had no idea, [Lowrey] where I was going to sleep. How I was going to get to school the next day. And it was, I was pretty profoundly lost. [Lowrey] LGBTQ youth homelessness really happens in every community. And yet, [Lowrey] this is something that so few people are talking about. [Edwards] Away from the media spotlight, organizations like, The Night Ministry, [Edwards] provide food, necessities and overnight emergency shelter. [Volunteer] Do you want a sandwich? [Paul W. Hamann] If the youth is on the streets and especially if because they're GLBT, or questioning, ah, has a whole 'nother dynamic, ah, to their experience of homelessness. [Rabbi Menachem Cohen] We have a philosophy of meeting people where they're at. [Cohen] We're learning their names. We get to know people, build trust over time. And hear from them what they want to work on. [Typewriter keys tap] [Music, ambient room noise] [Destiny Gordon] We actually need these programs so these are places for us to go. [Gordon] 'Cause some people if they can't get into the Crib for them to go shower.  Or for them to eat. [Resident with white head scarf] I'm thankful to live another day. I'm thankful to see everybody once again. [Resident with braclets] I'm thankful for working with the crib. I'm thankful for having another day on this earth. Thank you for my brother, to see him for another day. I just wanna see everybody in my family. [Resident in blue t-shirt] Again, I am grateful and always thankful for the Crib being open, of course, for all of us, who, [Blue t-shirt] are a family, because we all stick together. We all try to take care of one another as best we can. [Music] [Lowrey] There are absolutely horrendous instances when kids come out and are immediately kicked out of the homes. And other times parents are, [Lowrey] trying to mold their child back into this image that they had, of who they were going to be, or what they were going to look like. [Lowrey] And in doing that, are inherently rejecting who their child is. [Typewriter keys tap] [Music] [Gordon] My father was very abusive. He was an alcoholic. [Gordon] Him telling me if you ever be homosexual, I'm a break your neck. For you to turn out to be this, that, the other. [Gordon] It scared me. So, I started running away. [Gordon] I went back home one day and he just beat me up. He really beat me up bad. [Gordon] My lip was busted. My eye was black. Everything. [Gordon] I knew at sixteen, it was over for staying with him. I told him to his face I hated him. I didn't want to be like him. I didn't want to be around him. [Gordon] The message I have to those parents that don't know what to do, is to sit back and actually, [Gordon] ask your child, [Gordon] what is it that they're actually going through. [Gordon] Take the time out, actually sit back and talk with them. [Gordon] And try to get an understanding. [Music] [Edwards] Once youth have entered the system, [Edwards] organizations like Green Chimneys, offer supportive housing, basic life skills and career training. [Theresa Nolan] When you've come to Green Chimneys, they tend to have been somewhat stabilized. [Nolan] And by that, what I mean, is that we typically, since we don't run a shelter and we run a transitional living program. [Nolan] That we don't usually take you through, you know coming right from the street. [Typewriter keys tap] [Music] [Tiffany Viruet] My experience has been very, um, enlightening. [Viruet] I was couch hopping. No job. No income. [Viruet] Um, completely depressed. Not knowing where I was gonna be tomorrow. [Viruet] My biggest goal was a stable home. Like some place to actually call home. I was, consistent. [Viruet] I'm Puerto Rican, Dominican. So, in the Latino culture, it's a very big taboo. [Viruet] Various people in my family just don't understand that, love isn't supposed to have a gender. They don't really get that. [Viruet] My mom, she believes she provided stable home for me, when, [Viruet] really she didn't. [Viruet] She loves me regardless. But, [Viruet] she just, [Viruet] she thinks it's a phase. She's very judgmental. This is my room. Nothing fancy. There's a bunch of graffiti that, um, people who used to live here, um, did. [Viruet] Um, it's really weird, and ugly. I hated it when I first came. I just, like, I, I want to say that I wanted to go home, but I had no home to go back to. [Door opens, footsteps, door shuts] [Counselor] Hey, Tiff, how are you? [Viruet] How are you. [Counselor] How was your day? [Viruet] Oh, had an interview. The job searching. All that good stuff. [Viruet] I've definitely built my own little family and support system  here. [Viruet] When they get on me, it's about getting my life together and keeping me on track. It's not about who I am. [Viruet] They just want to make me a better person. Hopefully in fifteen months, when I'm out of Green Chimneys I'm, independent enough. Financially, emotionally, physically, legally, all that good stuff. Um, to live on my own. [Ambient noise, chatting, laughter] [Nolan] You know, when we have a twenty year old who's getting ready to move out and go into their own place. [Nolan] And we think about, okay, they know how to cook a meal. They know how to pay their bills. [Nolan] Um, they got a job. But, you know, when their birthday comes up, who do they spend that with? [Nolan] You know, when they need something in the middle of the night, who do they call? Um. [Nolan] And, so maybe some of those answers aren't a biological family. And that's absolutely fine, as well. [Nolan] But, who is that? [Nolan] It's great that it's the program that there with, for a little while. But, it's not going to be in five years or ten years. How are we building that piece, for them in their lives, I think is a big key. [Viruet] My mom, I'm back in contact with her. We're back and forth. [Viruet] We've developed a better relationship now that I'm in the system. [Viruet] We see each other every few weeks. I keep it very short. [Viruet] A couple hour visits. [Viruet] Just to keep us from fighting. A sad reality is just, like, parents don't change. Like, you will never change a parent's mind. [Nolan] What I've noticed, in the homeless youth field at least, is that for a long time we've been, [Nolan] very youth empowerment focused. But what we've tended to ignore a little bit, is the family piece of that. [Nolan] And if we as providers keep ignoring a potential support network for young people, then, we're really doing a disservice to young people, in the long run. We may be helping them in the short run. But, we're really not setting them up to have a stable future. [Nolan] Our newest addition, is the family therapy intervention pilot. Which will be working with LGBT youth and their families. [Edwards] This year, New York City awarded a grant to Green Chimneys to start a pilot program, [Edwards] to reunite homeless LGBT youth with their biological families. [Edwards] This grant is one of the first of its kind in the nation. [Edwards] The model for their program is based on research by the Family Acceptance Project. [Caitlin Ryan, PhD] Well, we're actually developing very specific interventions. [Ryan] We start by having a family, [Ryan] talk about their experiences and what that's like for them. Of course we, learn more about their faith tradition and cultural background before we work with them. [Ryan] We help them make the connections between, behaviors that they're using to try to, respond to their child. And what actually is happening in the life of that child. [Edwards] The Family Acceptance Project is conducting much needed research on the harmful effects of family rejection. [Shannon Minter] The Family Acceptance Project has allowed us to talk to families and parents and say, look, we can prove to you with this data, that if you're doing these five things to your child. [Minter] Isolating them. Not letting them go to LGBT events. [Minter] Telling them that you're ashamed or embarrassed about them. Or even just being silent, [Minter] about their identity. You are putting your child at really high risk. [Laura C. Hughes] There's very few dollars that are actually allocated towards family preservation. Most of our emphasis has been on removing a child from a home. [Hughes] But the reality is, [Hughes] that I also don't want them to stay in a residential facility until they age out. I want every young person to be in, be in a home . Um, I want them to have a dog. I wanted to have a parent. I want that. And, and there's, [Hughes] there's something that is very different about that than a residential facility. That's just the reality. [Minter] There are definitely instances where there is no alternative but to remove that young person, [Minter] from their home. That said, we have simply assumed, as though it's inevitable, that families will continue to reject, and abuse their LGBT children. [Minter] There are no communities, [Minter] that we should give up on in terms of working with them to increase understanding and support. [Ryan] We actually interviewed what happens in families when they end up out of home. [Ryan] And saw families that were really devastated by something that they didn't understand. Their child ended up out of the house. Maybe they, threw them out. Very rarely did a parent ever want that to happen. Very rarely would they ever want to be separated forever from their child. So we can change that by early intervention and by reunification programs. [Typewriter keys tap] [Chorus singing] [E. J. Plata] I really didn't want my parents to know, at all. [E. J.] I'm sure they suspected something but I never wanted to admit it to them because I was, [E. J.] afraid of getting kicked out or afraid of losing my family. [Edward J. Plata] I had expressed my, [Edward] um, concerns, that he could be gay and what that meant. [Edward] Where I grew up, ah, macho Hispanic. [Edward] Being gay was a weakness. [Edward] As far as the way I was raised. [Edward] He had some feminine qualities. [Edward] And I thought that I could change it. [Edward] I remember looking at E. J., [Edward] with disappointment and even maybe, with disgust. He was young. [Edward] But I know he felt it. [Edward] That at such a young age there was already a gap starting to form between us in our relationship. [Elizabeth Plata] One night when he drank too much. [Elizabeth] That was really, really scary for both of us.  But when we went online and started looking at all the statistics. [Elizabeth] About drugs and suicide. [Elizabeth] That was the turning point. We knew that, [Elizabeth] what we were doing, wasn't enough and that we had to do more. [Elizabeth] I saw an article about Family Acceptance Project, [Elizabeth] and the importance of supportive families. And it was like a lightning bolt. [E. J.] It's kind of hard for me to to think back when I was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen and how things used to be. [E. J.] Now it's like completely one hundred percent turned around. [Edward] Everybody can change. Anybody that is out there, that has any kind of heart, can, we can change their mind. [Elizabeth] We have a wonderful relationship and our son is gay, so what. [Elizabeth] It's wonderful, you know. [Elizabeth] And I want that for everybody. [Music] [Ryan] There are enormous policy implications of this work. One of the things that I had an opportunity to do, was to talk with Senator Kerry's staff, about our findings. [Senator John Kerry] My president listened to me. [Ryan] They then included a provision in their recent bill. [Edwards] In early 2011, Senator John Kerry from Massachusetts, [Edwards] introduced the Reconnecting Youth to Prevent Homelessness Act. [Edwards] This is the first Senate bill ever to directly address LGBT youth homelessness. [Edwards] It focuses on helping youth reconnect with their families and escape life on the streets. [Nolan] John Kerry's act, I think, is another sign, that people are paying attention to the fact that providing shelter and immediate service needs, [Nolan] obviously addresses the need that's happening currently. But, if we'd like to reduce it in the future we have to do more than that. [Viruet] Politicians talk so much  about, [Viruet] education and, helping the economy. And, [Viruet] how do you expect to do that if you have thousands of homeless kids who have the potential to actually be someone. [Lowrey] One of the first things it needs to happen is that we need to start talking about it. [Lowrey] And then putting our resources and our energy with the organizations that are doing great work. [Lowrey] Donating to them. Volunteer at your local queer youth center, youth shelter, [Lowrey] across the country. There aren't enough services, just on a really basic level. [Hamann] Any homeless youth. They're your brothers and your sisters. I mean, my God, this is a part of our community. [Hamann] And these are people who are struggling. Just because it hasn't been your experience, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist and you can't respond to it in some way. [Lowrey] The thing that helped me cope most, was really, [Lowrey] starting to realize that there was a community out there, that even if I couldn't access it, even if it was nowhere near, you know, the county that I was living was this idea that there were other people in this someday I could maybe get there. [Lowrey, voice over herself] You know, if I was lucky enough to escape. [Music] [Lowrey] I promised myself that if I made it that I was going to make a book so that no other queer kid would feel as alone as I felt in that moment. And here it is, "Kicked Out." My life is going to be in a better place when I leave here. I'm gonna be almost done with a bachelor's degree. [Viruet] I can be in a position of leadership and power to really help someone out. And be able to look back and say, "I won't do that. So, yeah I get you. Like, I won't do that." [Gordon] The youth that see their self going out. [Gordon] Just understand that you need something in this life. [Gordon] To look forward to. [Gordon] Find out one thing that's gonna keep you on a straight path. And don't let, don't let anything, nothing, you know, steer you away. [Edwards] Thank you for watching, "In the Life." [Edwards] To watch historical coverage from the last twenty years of, "In the Life," visit our website at I, T, L, Media, dot, org. [Lauper, singing] I see your true colors shining through. [Lauper] I see your true colors, [Lauper] and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid, [Lauper] to let them show your true colors. [Lauper] Your true colors are beautiful. [Lauper] Like a rainbow. [Announcer, over music] "In The Life," is funded in part by, [Announcer] the H. van Ameringen Foundation. [Announcer] Dewey and LeBoeuf. [Announcer] The Estate of Richard W. Weiland. [Announcer] Arcus Foundation. [Announcer] Gil Foundation. [Announcer] And these funders. [Announcer] And by the annual support of, "In The Life," members like you. [Theme music] [Theme music]