In the Life: Ep. 1204, "Vital Discoveries" [repeat]

on this episode of in the Life A Gathering Place for gay Grio we've had one our sex toys which was sold out out and on the road with two gay truckers plus Paul Rudnick on the fwell flap these guys are not only repulsive they're truly nuts and the murder of Fred Martinez Jr all listen more on in the Life America's gay and lesbian cultural news magazine in the life is funded in part by the H vanam ringan Foundation additional support provided by the Gil Foundation the Overbrook Foundation James Johnson William J Resnik Peter Zimmer and Jim step the Arcus Foundation the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and Prejudice thank you and the annual support of in the Life members like you [Music] welcome to in the life I'm Katherine Linton two men their dogs in the open road these are the ingredients that go into the unique love story of Tom Walker and Carl Warren Tom and Carl are life Partners whose relationship not only lends new meaning to the word togetherness but is a testament to the diversity of the gay community later on this episode we'll visit them as they get their act together and take it on the road also correspondent Tanya Barfield introduces us to a group of gay seniors who came together to share their stories and found a community correspondent Andy H is out and about and writer Paul rudnik speaks out about the fallwell Fallout we begin at the American Indian Community House in New York for more than 30 years this organization has provided support services for Native Americans and work to Foster understanding between native and non-native communities our first segment is about a Native American Youth and a crime that has become all too familiar some of the victims have names you might recognize like Matthew Shepard and Brandon Tina the real life subject of the film Boys Don't Cry but others like Fred Martinez a transgendered Navajo youth haven't made the national headlines or movie mares yet for the gay community of Cortez Colorado Martinez's murder had a a Major Impact highlighting issues of sexual orientation as well as those of class and race well to me he was happy all the time and he's always outspoken he just loved life he just you know he had fun doing whatever he did you know he he was a really social person there was nothing for him to hide he wasn't hiding anything he's just say out just being myself he enjoyed being the way he was and he enjoyed having a lot of friends on June 16th 2001 Fred C Martinez FC to his family and friends a 16-year-old naday or transgendered Navajo youth went to a carnival at the Ute Mountain Roundup rodeo in his hometown of Cortez Colorado he came in and he goes hi Mom I'm home he went in the back room got something and came back out and he says well I'll be back later I love you Mom and I told him be careful and take care so he left again that's the last time I seen him 5 days later Fred's partially decomposed body was found off a dirt road below a Canyon Rim not far from where he lived he had been bludgeoned to death with a rock in the weeks following the Grim Discovery 18-year-old Shawn Murphy was arrested for the murder based on tips that he had bragged about quote beating up a [ __ ] according to reports Murphy and a friend had given Fred a ride home on the night he disappeared after dropping him off the two had discussed Fred's sexual orientation Murphy then left the apartment they were visiting and returned 20 minutes later covered in blood someone's future was gone was just erased um who met a violent brutal death probably because he was transgendered notle um changed the world for me John Peters Campbell moved with his partner Alan cook to Cortez four years ago becoming an active member of the local community as well as a board member for the four corners gay and lesbian Alliance for diversity an educational social and advocacy organization learning about the circumstances surrounding Fred's murder brought home some ugly truths I've never thought of this as a dangerous town and then I realized of course it is dangerous for some people I was devastated because Fred was someone not that I knew personally but that I'd seen around and it made me feel good as an older gay man that there were kids who were coming out that early and it never occurred to me that they were in danger in fact Fred's two spirit transgender identity was not something that high school officials and many other people in Cortez were prepared to handle there was one time they told me that he was wearing a shoes that he's not supposed to be wearing and then later on these girls come in she was wearing the same shoes and I just sat there and I said well I always call him Sunny you know and I say Sunny look over there that girl's wearing the same shoes as you are you know what come she's not being sent home Fred was sent home on a fairly regular basis because he would be wearing eyeliner I think once he was sent home he was wearing jellies on his feet those little girl shoes and that is that is not the proper way to respond to a child that's being harassed one time my um little cousin she um her and a friend and FC were walking and um she said that these um angle boy or these white boys came up and they were saying stuff yelling at him like you know hey [ __ ] what are you guys hanging around with this guy for and things like that kids like Fred have to contend not only with anti-gay bias but also with the racism that exists in a Border Town like Cortez located right next to the Ute Mountain Indian reservation I know there's a lot of harsh feelings in this area against a lot of natives I I don't know if it's because they their you know Cortez is just right next to door to a reservation I think many in the uh gay community in Cortez and in Durango felt like they had this false sense of security or safety because they were white middle class uh productive involved members of the community and they've really had their world chattered in many ways and they're struggling with what they now recognize as some of their own biases I'm so proud of how folks are working here I've never seen such hard work and dedication and and the willingness to even to go through situations that are painful and I think a lot of us can learn lessons from the community as news spread about the murder forc glad the Colorado antiviolence project and P flag or parents families and friends of lesbians and gays combin their resources to provide support to Fred's family ensure that the crime was thoroughly investigated and the media accurately informed we realized that this was potentially a very serious situation that had much more farreach far-reaching consequences than than just Cortez and manzuma County Carolyn Wagner and Gabby Clayton P flag moms whose own Sons were victims of hate crimes headed to Cortez to be part of the support team we're a rapid response team of parents of hate crime victims to come and assist other families parents who are in the midst of a situation that we're very familiar with we went through this alone and what our goal is is to ensure that if parents do not want to be alone they're not going to be alone we're going to be there and uh Pauline asked for us to come and help her because it can be very hard you're dealing with the grief and shock of losing a child on top of dealing with uh the justice system media working ations you've never heard of and hate mongers always the hate mongers and it just it just can be more than one can bear finally forc glad and the Colorado anti-violence project Enlisted the help of the gay and lesbian alliance against defamation to help handle the media what we bring particularly is Media expertise how to handle the media how to educate the media and it's a really important piece of the puzzle because how the media portrays uh and writes about uh by its motivated crimes has a huge huge impact on the outcome of Investigations it also has a huge outcome in terms of whether or not people learn something from this and and how families are treated frankly because many times the coverage can be Sensational and it's very disrespectful I was very concerned about how the media would handle the the issue of Fred's murder Sage Douglas Eagle Remington a member of the Southern youth tribe has been involved in the Indian movement since the 60s and in the early 99s founded the two spirit Society of Colorado to address the specific needs of gay and lesbian Native Americans in my involvement in the gay and lesbian community in the last 10 years I've seen it transform itself from crisis management of events to a very coordinated effort and that's what happened in Cortez I was I was very I I felt very assured that there were a group of people that were in a position to be able to take the issue monitor it control it so it doesn't get out of hand and make sure that there was equity in in the reporting of the news and there was equity in describing Fred's lifestyle although the circumstances of Fred's murder echoed those of Matthew Shepard in many ways this story was not one that many national media Outlets were anxious to tell it's hard not to look at a picture Matthew Shepard and look at a picture of Fred Martinez and not really get why the media were not as interested Fred was many things that when you add them all up made him very much the other for for people he was a person of color he was Navajo he was poor he was transgender he also identified as gay he was a complicated kid in a tough situation with no privilege my son Fredy Martinez Jr FC as he was known by family and friends left this world much too soon because of those who fear and hate anyone who is different one of these days we're going to look back and understand how historic the community organizing around Fred Martinez's death really was because this was in my mind the first time at this level that we have put together all the pieces to really make positive change out of a really horrifying tragedy the Indians believe that there is no death only a change of Worlds so Fred is in another world now and obviously a better place where we will eventually be I also know my heart that he has brought us all together in many places everywhere tonight that we will now walk together on the path of Truth and Justice and never again allow our children loved ones to suffering silent or Walk Alone the trial of murder suspect Shawn Murphy is scheduled to begin on February 20th in Cortez Colorado he's being charged with both first and second degree murder in the death of Fred Martinez Jr [Music] [Music] throughout this our 10th anniversary season we're airing special segments from the in the Life Archives this next segment first aired in 1996 it's one of the best known landmarks marks in all of Los Angeles the Capital Records Tower until recently though if you were a band or a Singer looking to get a record contract being openly gay was the kiss of death Melissa Ethridge Elton John and Katie Lang have all changed things a little and now there's a group of musicians who hope to change it some more their organization is called out music and their goal is to develop and promote gay singers songwriters and musicians Alinda alindao I think the great strength in out music has been the explosion of Independent Records independently produced records that are now beginning to catch the attention of the music industry and there are dozens of excellent excellent recordings uh by by lots of talented people that are getting attention and deservedly so three of the many out music members shared with us their art and the songs that tell their stories Keith Christopher Nidra Johnson and Tom [Music] [Music] McCormick I wrote pieces of lives after having seen the names project for the first time in 1987 on the capitol mall in DC I miss my friends I can't say how much no one can measure How Deeply we tou you and keep h on the key to the song is you know if you love someone for Christ's sake tell them why you have a chance are more than pieces of lives more than the memories left [Music] behind we cannot M what's been so Tor apart until we accept each man and each man's heart [Music] when I wrote the song I meant to both call on the works of audre Lord and p Parker and also just you know it's it's a coming out song of s [Music] sorts when they [Music] come are you going to St by me when they come your [Music] prot with the climate in the world today it's like we all need to be out and showing up for each other so it's just that where will you be when they come they're here no what you do you may pry Jesus you may be right through and [Music] through F [Music] just I think my songs came out before I did my songs told me that I was gay or or informed me or helped me uh accept that uh before I ever consciously L did [Music] up woke up today found out I'd been gone a sign of vience disappeared into silence left no Trace that I had moved on this woman came up to me afterwards and she had the most strange look on her face and she said you've been following me and I said what are you talking about and she said that song that song is about me I been erased been misplaced I found another face maybe it Found Me Maybe the sound of my heart scared me away from recognizing what was me where from improvising with a guarantee from realizing what I am is what I shall [Music] be the more you talk from your experience the more likely you're you're going to uh trigger a response in in someone [Music] else for something you could not name there is a space that needs to be filled by gays and lesbians expressing their personal truth you know their special insights to the world I think it's a gift to the world you been [Music] missing [Music] on since this segment first aired Nidra Johnson has released a fulllength album entitled testify and Tom McCormick has toured the country with his multimedia work that targets homophobia called hate speech and love songs sadly Keith Christopher died in 1998 of AIDS related complications when Howard Ashman and I were working on Beauty and the Beast he was HIV positive and was very concerned about people finding out about his health status and so he held off as long as possible until he finally had to let people know um despite his concerns Disney was wonderful and they sent producers directors and animators and people to a hotel near Howard's house and worked with him every second they possibly could until until he was gone through Beauty the Beast I was involved in a watershed moment when Bill Howard's partner accompanied me on stage and accepted the Oscars for Howard I'm Alan manin and you're watching in the life [Music] the hottest couple on Broadway hundreds of gay journalists meet in Dallas and a day when everybody is gay we'll brief you on these stories and more as we bring you news and cultural events from around the country in out and [Music] about in response to the tragic events of September 11th members of the lesbian gay bisexual and transgender community of New York came together to renew their commitment to combating hate intolerance and Prejudice as a result of the World Trade Center attack we are already seeing an increase in intolerance and hate violence my soul is free a coalition of local and National groups joined together to sponsor the event at the New York lesbian gay bisexual and transgender Community Center which featured the New York gay men's chorus the gay Gotham chorus and soprano a prle Milo [Music] well as a member of the NYPD and a member of the G's Action League and a member of this community at large it's been really beautiful to be a part of this uh I think it's been very healing back and forth to the firehouse and the site and back and forth so we're a little isolated and it seems like the whole world has reached out to us to kind of touch us a little and it it means a great deal the evening concluded with a candl lighting ceremony and a moment of silence to remember and honor all of those lost in the terrorist attacks in New York Washington DC and Pennsylvania over 400 people gathered recently for the 10th Annual National lesbian gay journalists Association Convention in Dallas Texas founded in 1990 The nlgja Works within the news industry to Foster fair and accurate coverage of the LGBT community Through seminars panel discussions and networking events nlgja members examined the relationship between the gay and lesbian community and the mainstream media we have uh some controversy going on we're hosting some critics of gay lesbians who work for religious right organizations uh they produce what they consider journalism we're we're here to to critique that journalism as well to critique how we cover is eligibity Media or mainstream media critics of gays and lesbians years of lobbying for domestic partner benefits resulted in the nlg ja's most recent success when ganette one of the nation's largest media companies announced at the convention that they will now offer DP benefits to all employees hey baby don't you do [Music] me New York's ever outrageous wigstock Festival the legendary drag stravaganza and celebration of big hair recently had its final performance in New York build as the end of an error founder and producer lady bunny says that the 17-year-old event has become too costly to [Music] produce without wig suck you don't you will never get all of these Queens in one place at one time in New York City many of you may not know the story of wig since 1985 wigstock has spotlighted some of the greatest performers from New York's unique drag scene as the subject and inspiration of a feature film a number of documentary projects and numerous wigstock festivals around the world wig Stock's lasting Legacy to pop culture will be more than just big hair the dogs had wig I think also so you see the people out in the audience and it's a they're expressing themselves they're doing something they wouldn't normally do they're allowing themselves to be who they really are [Music] at the calicon community center in rural Upstate New York nearly 200 residents of the area recently came together for a day to be gay in Sullivan County both gay and straight people alike were invited to come and enjoy an afternoon of gay music and culture you know gay people are everywhere and it's important that you know it be known and that uh that we get exposure that way this first annual event was a fundraiser for radio station wjff in Jeffersonville New York Kathy reer the longtime host of a weekly radio show on wjff called out loud and queer produced the dayong festival I thought out loud and queer should have a fundraiser because there's money in this community let's support the station who's been supporting the program but not everyone wanted a day to be gay a number of residents in the small community object to using the local community center as the site for the event it started out by ripping down our Flyers it's just sort of been um a lot of calls to the radio station calls to the community center threatening to withdraw financial support from the uh Community Center it was important for the event to happen here at the Delaware Community Center uh because we have a large group of gay people here and you know there was no other reason they shouldn't be here in recognition of gay and lesbian pride month a public library in Alamagordo New Mexico installed a small gay pride exhibit inside the library but the Public's reaction was not what the library expected and the exhibit was quickly taken down people actually cut up their library cards uh generated a ton of letters to the editor and they were so worried about how their children were going to be affected by that horrible display but yet they couldn't see how are your children going to be affected by your hatred one local columnist not only protested the dismantling of the exhibit in her column she made a personal life-altering decision I had thought about doing it writing a column and coming out but I never had the guts her coming out article prompted a visit from a local man who thought he was the only gay person in the area reading her column saved his life he had been contemplating suicide now I know why I happen to find the courage to write that column and to come out in such a public way a happy end will up your and won't bomb if he winds up with Mom keep it gay keep it gay they are Roger debr and Carmen Gia and they are the hottest couple on Broadway right now and though you may not yet know their names you almost certainly have heard of their show melbrooks The Producers actors Gary Beach and Roger Bart play the very out and proud couple in this Juggernaut of the current Broadway season in the producers I play Roger debris the uh the director of Springtime for Hitler and this man Roger Bart plays Carmen Gia my uh common law assistant once it said you are dead we we I remember we used to say that that it would be the kind of couple that you would love to go over to their house and have dinner some nights and because you just know that it would be a a wonderful wonderful evening and you would end in a conga line maybe yeah out yeah out show should be more pretty show should be more witty show should be more what's the word yay exactly even the most conservative audiences that that perhaps start at the beginning of our scene like oh my God what is going on here by the end of that scene I like to say they go gay but the entire audience enjoys us keep it light keep it bright keep it gay but some critics of the show have complained that their over-the-top Antics feed negative gay stereotypes I have heard a little bit about some of the gay and lesbian press coming down on us a bit we're just too gay for words I mean that that we're just that one side of of of gayness and and maybe that's true I don't know but I do know this we also project two men who totally love each other totally are themselves and they do what they want to do and I see that's the strongest individual in the world who can do that and if two people can love each other and do that that's miraculous so I think we're something to attain comedy's Joy is a constant Delight drama's annoy our [Music] night sign Roger Elizabeth [Music] [Applause] debris during the decade that in the life has been on the air the movement for Gay and Lesbian civil rights has made progress on a number of fronts according to the Human Rights Campaign only 12 companies offer domestic partnership benefits to their employees in 1990 today 4,34 employers are known to provide samesex partnership benefits including more than 117 state and local governments and 148 companies in the Fortune 500 this represents a 36,000 per increase I'm Patricia Clarkson and you're watching in the [Music] live hi I'm Edward Ali and you're watching in the [Music] Life still to come on in the Life a gay couple keeps on trucking and Paul rudnick's outtake but first in West African culture agrio is a person often a senior member of the group who keeps an oral history of the tribe or Village in our next segment the village is Brooklyn New York and we meet a group of gay African American Elders who are finding community and support through sharing history and experience Grio is a organization it's like a center for seniors for lesbian gay bisexual transgendered seniors of all colors it's an organization to uh make a safe space for these seniors and uh provide some kind of programming such as uh Community forums uh seminars to disseminate information and to have some kind of a social outlet because it is an organization for over 50 we have volunteers that's younger than 50 and we you know inform them that when they get 50 they can become a member you know it's no fee to join we don't charge a fee because we're a nonprofit or organization I'm sure there are gay people in senior centers and other senior centers but in with us it's it's more open it's free people can can discuss and feel comfortable being who they are I grew up around here and I grew up with many lesbians and gays and as we're getting older I was seeing less and less and I would talk to my friends we were seeing less and less and some of our friends were going through a lot of different um problems they met together as a group like they had known each other since teenagers and they happened to run into each other on the street and they said you know one thing we need to we need to form some kind of group some kind of thing not a social thing but something that would help us you know we mailed out a mailing that um we were trying to start a group for lesbian gay seniors you know who's interested and many many people came and they told everybody that know somebody to bring somebody So eventually there came a time when we needed to have our own space and uh we looked around and we uh negotiated with the Y to get some space and so that's what we've been doing now and that's how it all started back in 1996 lesbians and gays uh when they're old they not only have to suffer agism and sexism racism you know homophobia all that added in the mix is kind of much I mean and um we come from a tradition that supposed to take care of the elders and uh that's we have to remind ourselves that we what we're supposed to be doing that's what is about it's not about you know trying to take care of the world but it's trying to take care of our own you know let them feel that they have a support system behind themselves we try very much to keep you know make things available that people can become you know U more active we have dances we have um uh game nights and we have um computer classes three times a week we have Fitness aerobics and swimming classes we at the computer class must be about 18 of us in the computer class this one lady came in and she sat down and she says oh those seem like y know yall know each other you know everybody here team so fam me so one of the girl say yeah we're a gay organization she said you what she a gay organization she sat there a few minutes for you see she got her back and she ran out the room know CU she said so many of us in there I guess she said my God what are these people going to do to me and she ran out we started giving a forum the second Saturday of every month and we would have such top and whenever we had a forum we would have someone from our community do it for example if we had uh Legal Information we would have a older gay lawyer do it if we had uh financial information we had a wonderful U African-American lesbian who does that as a living we've had one of sex toys which was a sold out you know almost turn turn people away you'd be surprised we have people that come to Grio from all over the city we even have people that live in other states that insist that they want to be on the mailing list you know so what we're doing we found that it actually works when you go to a senior center first of all you have to realize that only a fraction of seniors even go to senior centers and of that fraction that go of course many are G but the older gay community is really used to living what you call in the closet so when they go they hide most of themselves and they're afraid of discrimination and they can never really completely relax I can respect and understand those who have to still be in the closet because of the homophobic that we have out here um their jobs their neighbors the community and also their family so I could respect that but that does not say that uh they're they're not in the life or they're trying to hide something they're just cautious is the word I would use and so you come up in that kind of culture in addition to that for lesbians and gays I mean there were serious serious consequence if you were found to be lesbian or gay I mean you live in a very different time now I was born in Manhattan I grew up in the Bronx I went to school primarily in the Bronx I was in the Navy um I'm a recovering alcoholic I'm a man who's who's gay I grew up in bedy I am a grandmother of five grandchildren um I have three kids I am a single mom I was married twice I have a mate now of 16 years as of today and we're very happy uh my lifestyle is a open book at one time it was not I went into the Navy uh 1960 so I was 19 years old and I was a year out of high school in the Navy I had well I was stationed in two places I had a boyfriend when I was in Illinois um I had a boyfriend also in in in Massachusetts you know but all that was off the base I kept I kept my life separate but you see when you coming up as a a young lady or young gentleman and they right away you have to get married they put that stigma on you you know something is wrong if you don't get married so what do you do you get married and you still want to do what you want to do the boyfriend in um Massachusetts almost costus me an undesirable discharge cuz at that time it was it was before don't ask don't tell you know don't let me find out I look back and say look at where I am at today opposed to if I had have still been in the closet and be unhappy what would I have been would I be here would I have committed suicide never know real Circle um says that it's okay to be who you are and um it's okay to be comfortable with yourself I'm not going backwards I'm not I don't walk backwards I don't talk backwards I'm going forward with my life and within my life I thank God for Gat because G is a part of my life there are lesbians and gays in every town city state in every church every school the black community knows that they've always known that they were lesbians and gays among them I think that gay people were invisible old gay people were invisible here to for but now we are becoming visible and we're going to let you know what our needs are so that we can age with dignity right along with everybody else when you come here to G you do see a little homeness to it you know we can sit down and joke with each other laugh with each other as we say read each other but still we can turn around and ask are you all right today you know and that's what it breaks down to being are you all right today I don't have um family of my own s to say degree I always my family he my family and if I have a problem or just feel lonely I know so I can find somebody to talk to there are people here that I've met that um I plan to have as a friend for the rest of my life something I miss when Grio Circle started in 1996 six it was just a small group of friends today it has more than 400 members the elders say they'd be happy to help other communities create Grio Circles of Their Own [Music] on the morning of October 16th 1995 about 300 black gay men took part in the Million Man March we weren't quite sure how we would be received that day but as we marched through the streets carrying signs and placards that announced that we were both black and gay we gained confidence as we arrived at the side of the March the group of people assembled greeted us with Applause and cheers and support we learned something valuable from that experience we learned that when we have the courage to be open and honest about who we are people in our communities not only accept us they respect us more I'm Keith boyin and you're watching in the life our next segment is about two men their two dogs and their two homes one of which rides at top 18 Wheels Carl Warren and Tom Walker are Partners in life and in work they share everything including a victory over stereotypes and the status quo their Story shows us that there are few walks of life left untouched by gay America in the Life caught up with the pair at their home in Tallahassee Florida just before they went out on the road if you want to learn about somebody become a trucker and go out with her you learn everything Trucking is a unbelievable intimacy because we're with each other so much you get to know each other better than than we would if we had separate jobs here at home and only saw each other at night on the [Applause] weekends Carl Warren and Tom Walker live in Tallahasse Florida and a number of other states while on the road as gay truckers the couple met at an HIV support group after years of casual friendship something more developed I liked him a long time ago but here with somebody else I'm like I'm I won't cross that line you know if they break up and I see them again then I'll make my move I knew it was that's what happened I knew it was love and we went out for coffee that night we hadn't seen each other in a while and the restaurant was closing so we came back to my house I was living around the corner at the time and made coffee and about 1 or two in the morning looked into his face and there was that I call it the perfect moment time stops and your entire world exists in that one moment in time and that's when I knew and it was okay it's time to run with this there's something here and so we have since then we've never been apart Carl Warren and his semi are leased full-time to one of the largest trucking companies in the nation on paper Tom Walker is Carl's employee together they haul Freight throughout the US and Canada when their relationship began however Carl did all the driving and Tom was just along for the ride basically that's all he's doing is sitting in the passeng you he watching the world go by BM gets the best of you after a while so worked out um he went to school and shortly after that we bought the truck and that's when it got interesting interesting because while Tom now had his commercial driver's license he lacked The Experience required by the trucking company to be on the road as a team driver the company requested that we not identify them citing fears of negative reactions among customers and the general public but they tell us at the time of Carl and Tom's request company policy allowed only legal married couples that is husband and wife teams to pair up in an on the- job training type situation Carl and Tom wanted that policy changed there were certain hiring requirements if I hired another driver which basically was what was going to be happening and he needed a years experience th uh this type of training that type of training the list went on and it was our my driver manager uh who still is came up with the idea of putting him on under the spousal program program I mean for God's sakes all that was missing was a marriage certificate house checking account the car our lives are so intertwined it's not even funny and she initiated going through the spousal program I was impressed with it like you know this you apparently she really cares about you know her drivers and it's like we'll do she'll do what she has to to try to make them happy you know uh you keep your drivers happy they'll work harder for you it took 6 months but the company rewrote its policies to include all non-married domestic Partners including gay and lesbian couples Carl and Tom say their huler responded positively to their requests but it took time to write the policies properly the efforts of these out and proud pioneers and those of their immediate supervisor helped pave the road ahead for other gay and lesbian truckers there's a lot more gay truckers than you'd think actually for gay couples who especially lesbians oh lots of women lots of women gay couples who don't do the circuit don't do you know I'm going to The Hamptons this weekend we're we're home bodies when we're home we're home we don't go to clubs and you'll find that most of the gay truckers are exactly like that it's the perfect way to get to know someone better because you're together all the time it's just a great way for gay couples to be able to stay together and there's so many of them come on Jake truck truck truck fzy truck along with their dogs Jake and fzy the couple spends an average of 21 days in a row out on the open road taking turns behind the wheel let's go let's go every now and then you know it it gets a little bit tedious whenever I get really aggravated or anything I just kind of get real quiet you know I guess we've kind of learned to tell when the other having a bad day or if they're in a real nasty mood or something like that um you know just basically just let him alone spending that much time together especially on the truck in such a confined space if he gets quiet I'll ask everyone how you doing oh I'm fine okay we'll just leave it at that but if we're running hard believe it or not we'll only seee other three hours of that day because either he's in the bunk or I am and the other one's driving because we have to take so much time off before we can drive again remind me of be service to have that clutch readjusted again slipping ever since the fuel pump blew each clocks hundreds of hours and thousands of miles between return trips home home time is very busy in fact we do more at home than we do on the road have to maintain the house you know laundry just make sure that you keep the Basics up in some ways it's like having two homes to take care of because when we come in not only does the house have to be taken care of routine maintenance and bills getting paid and taking care of the dogs making sure they're all set then we have our home on the road that has to be completely stripped down cleaned and put back together again before we go back out well this is going to be good the only disadvantage that I don't like about is you may have to go two or three days without a shower you know yeah so you know it's like a shower is a luxury is a luxury it's like a gift from the gods when he starts talking about a a good hard peel your skin shower I know it's time to go home whether on the road or at home the couple tells us they don't get too many hassles from other truckers about being gay they attribute that in large part to their open and honest approach to their lives we're also not the flamboyant type we don't like we're gay here we are I mean it's obvious that we're a couple so we've been told it's it's just that obvious that we're more than just friends and more than just driving Partners but we don't go out of our way to say you know High we're gay and all that I'm quite happy with the way things are uh if I feel that I need time to myself I'll stay home let him go back out by itself you know but basically I enjoy being being around him and being with him and all that and I I really wouldn't have any other way myself in a few years Carl and Tom planed to buy a new truck and customize it just the way they want so they can continue living life on the open road together the highlight of my day and we've been together 2 and A2 years now is still having time where we can just cuddle up and watch TV or have a night where we can actually sleep together even on the road sometimes that gets hard to do despite the fact we're in the same space uh that's still the highlight of my day I love being around him he complements my life in so many ways [Music] be sure to tune in to the next episode of in the life for an in-depth report on gay parenting a look at the inspiring life of father Michael judge and a camp that teaches tolerance all this and more as in the Life celebrates the holidays with an encore of some of our best stories on families and friends next here's writer Paul rudnick's take on Jerry and Pat in our new series out takes following the terrorist attacks in New York Washington and Pennsylvania Jerry fwell made the following statement quote I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle the ACLU people for the American way all of them who have tried to secularize America I point the finger in their face and say you help this happen his host on CBN 700 Club Pat Robertson replied quote I totally concur both men later apologized for their remarks without quite retracting them these guys are not only repulsive they're truly nuts they blame a global tragedy on everything except long hair and that rock and roll music they still love that phrase alternative lifestyle which always sounds like a retirement community in Florida and those pagans and feminists what about the Pink Ladies or the Olsen twins the immediate outcry against Jerry and Pat seemed to stun them at least for a moment Jerry later said on his website that quote in retrospect I should have mentioned the national sins without mentioning the organizations and persons by name so being gay is now a national sin who chooses these sins is it like Selec ing a national anthem or a state bird is a national sin like a national Pastime take me out to an alternative ball game Jerry also said that he quote had no intention of being divisive what was he after a thank you note a big warm hug here's the only possible apology that could really make a difference I propose that Jerry and Pat get married to each other on a very special broadcast then all will be forgiven I'd even throw rice well I'd throw something amen for all of us in life thank you for watching and we'll see you next month [Music] [Music] [Music] in the life is funded in part by the H fanam ringan Foundation additional support provided by the gild foundation the Overbrook Foundation James Johnson William J Resnik Peter Zimmer and Jim stpp the Arcus Foundation the Mitchell Gold company in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and [Music] Prejudice and the annual support of in the Life members like [Music] you e