In the Life: Ep. 1102, "Vital Discoveries"

["In The Life" music playing]. [Host] On this episode of "In The Life"... a gathering place for gay Grio's... [Unidentified woman] We had one on sex toys...which was sold out. [Host]...out an on the road with two gay truckers, plus Paul Rudnick on the Falwell flap... [Paul Rudnick] These guys are not only repulsive, they're truly nuts. [Host]...and the murder of Fred Martinez, Jr. All this and more on "In The Life," America's gay and cultural news magazine. ["In The Life" music playing] "In The Life" in part is funded by The H. van Ameringen Foundation. Additional support provided by the GILL Foundation, the Overbrook Foundation, James Johnson, William J. Resnick, Peter Zimmer and Jim Stepp, the Arcus Foundation, The Mitchell Gold Company...in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and prejudice, and the annual support of "In The Life" members, like you. ["In The Life" music playing] [Host] Welcome to "In The Life," I'm Katherine Linton. Two men, their dogs and the open road... these are the ingredients that go into the unique love story of Tom Walker and Karl Warren. Tom and Karl are life partners whose relationship not only lends new meaning to the word "togetherness" but is a testament to the diversity of the gay community. Later on this episode we'll visit them as they get act together and take it on the road. Also, correspondent Tanya Barfield, introduces us to a group of gay seniors who came together to share their stories and found a community. Correspondent Andy Humm is "OUT and About" and writer Paul Rudnick speaks about the Falwell fallout. [Scene clapper makes clapping noise.] We begin at the American Indian Community House in New York. For more than 30 years this organization has provided support services for Native Americans and worked to foster understanding between native and non-native communities. Our first segment is about a Native American youth and a crime that has become all too familiar. Some of the victims have names you might recognize like Matthew Shepard and Brandon Tina, the real life subject of the film "Boys Don't Cry," but others, like Fred Martinez, a transgendered Navajo youth haven't made the national headlines or movie marquee's. Yet, for the gay community of Cortez, Colorado, Martinez's murder had a major impact highlighting issues of sexual orientation as well as those of class and race. [Music playing]. [Pauline Mitchell] Well, to me, he was happy all the time and he's always outspoken. [Suzanne Casey] He just loved life. He was, you know, he had fun doing whatever he did, you know, he was a really social person. [Mitchell] There was nothing for him to hide. He wasn't hiding anything. He just saying that, "Just being myself." He enjoyed being the way he was. And...enjoyed having a lot of friends [Linton] On June 16th, 2001, Fred C. Martinez, "F.C." to his family and friends, a 16 year old "Nadleehi," or tansgendered Navajo youth, went to a carnival at the Ute mountain round-up rodeo in his hometown of Cortez, Colorado. [Mitchell] He came in and he goes, "Hi mom, I'm home." He went in the back room...got something and came back out and he says, "I'll be back later. I love you, mom." And I told him, "Be careful and take care." So he left again...that's the last time I seen him." [Linton] Five days later, Fred's partially decomposed body was found off a dirt road below a canyon rim, not far from where he lived. He had been bludgeoned to death with a rock. In the weeks following the grim discovery 18 year old Shaun Murphey was arrested for the murder based on tips that he had bragged about, quote, "Beating up a fag." According to reports, Murphey and a friend had given Fred a ride home on the night he disappeared. After dropping him off the two had discussed Fred's sexual orientation. Murphey then left the apartment they were visiting and returned twenty minutes later covered in blood. [John Peters-Campbell] Someones future was gone... was just erased... whom met a violent, brutal death... probably because he was transgender, "Nadleehi...." uhm... changed the world for me. [Linton] John Peters-Campbell moved with is partner Alan Cook to Cortez four years ago. Becoming an active member of the local community as well as a board member of the Four Corners Gay and Lesbian Alliance for Diversity- an educational, social and advocacy organization. Learning about the circumstances surrounding Fred's murder brought home some ugly truth's. [Peters-Campbell] I never thought of this as a dangerous town and then I realized, of course, that is dangerous for some people. I was devastated because Fred was someone, not that I knew personally, but that I had seen around and it made me feel good, as an older gay man, that there were kids who were coming out that early and it never occurred to me that they were in danger. [Linton] In fact Fred's two-spirit- transgender identity- was not something high school officials and many other people in Cortez were prepared to handle. [Mitchell] There was one time they told me that he was wearing shoes that he's not supposed to be wearing and then later on these girls come in, she was wearing the same shoes and I just sat there and I said, well I always call him him Sonny, you know, and I says, "Sonny, look over there? That girl is wearing the same shoes you are, you know. How come she's not being sent home? [Betsy Stephens] Fred was sent home on fairly regular basis because he would be wearing eyeliner. I think once he was sent home he was wearing jellies on his feet, those little girls shoes, and that is, that is not the proper way to respond to a child that is being harassed. [Casey] One time my...little cousin she...uhm... her and a friend and F.C. were walking and she said that these Anglo boys or these white boys came up and they were saying stuff, yelling at him, like you know, "Hey, faggot. What are you guys hanging around with this guy for?" And things like that. [Linton] Kids like Fred have to contend with not only anti-gay bias but also with the racism that exists in a border town like Cortez, located right next to the Ute Mountain Indian Reservation. [Casey] I know there's lot of harsh feelings in this area against... a lot of natives. I, I don't know if it's because they, they're...you know, Cortez is right next door to a reservation? [Carolyn Wagner] I think many in the gay community in Cortez and Durango felt like they had this false sense of...security or safety because they were white, middle class, productive, involved members of the community and they really had their world shattered in many ways and they're struggling with what they now recognize is some of their own biases. I'm so proud of how folks are working here. I've never seen such hard word and dedication and the willingness to even go through situations that are painful and I think a lot of us can learn lessons from the community. [Linton] As news spread about the murder, "4cGLAD," the Colorado Anti-Violence Project and PFLAG, or "Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays," combined their resources to provide support to Fred's family, insure that the crime was thoroughly investigated and the media accurately informed. [Peters-Campbell] We realized that this was potentially a very serious situation that had much more far reaching...far reaching consequences than just Cortez and Montezuma County. [Linton] Carolyn Wagner and Gabby Clayton, PFLAG moms whose own son's were victims of hate crimes, headed to Cortez to be part of the support team. [Wagner] We're a rapid response team of parents of hate crime victims to come and assist other families, parents who are in the midst of a situation that we are very familiar with. We went through this alone and what our goal is, is to insure that if parents do not want to be alone, they're not going to be alone, were going to be there and Pauline asked for us to come and help her. Because it would be very hard. Your dealing with the grief and shock of losing a child on top of dealing with the justice system, media, organizations you've never heard of and hate-mongers, always the hate-mongers and it just...it just can be more than one can bear. [Linton] Finally, 4cGLAD and the Colorado Anti-Violence Project enlisted the help of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation to help handle the media. [Cathy Renna] What we bring particularly is media expertise- how to handle the media, how to educate the media and its a really important piece of the puzzle because how the media portrays and writes about bias motivated crimes has a huge, huge impact on the outcome of investigations. It also has a huge outcome in terms of whether or not people learn something from this and, and how families are treated, frankly, because many times the coverage can be sensational and its very disrespectful. [Sage Douglas Remington] I was very concerned about how the media would handle the issue of Fred's murder. [Linton] Sage Douglas Eagle Remington, a member of the Southern Ute Tribe, has been involved in the Indian Movement since the '60's and in the early '90's founded the Two Spirit Society of Colorado to address the specific needs of gay and lesbian Native Americans. [Remington] In my involvement in the gay and lesbian community in the last ten years I've seen it transform itself from crisis management of events to a very coordinated effort and that's what happened in Cortez. I was, I was very...I, I felt very assured that there were a group of people that were in a position to be able to take the issue, monitor it, control it so it doesn't get out of hand and make sure that there was equity in, in the reporting of the news and there was equity in describing Fred's lifestyle. [Linton] Although the circumstances of Fred's murder echoed those of Matthew Shepard in many ways, this story was not one national media outlets were anxious to tell. [Renna] It's hard not to look at a picture of Matthew Shepard and look at a picture of Fred Martinez and not really get why the media were not as interested. Fred was many things that when you add them all up made him very much "the other" for people. He was a person of color, he was Navajo, he was poor, he was transgendered, he also identified as gay. He was a complicated kid in a tough situation with no privilege. [Navajo singing and drumming music]. [Mitchell] My son, Fred C. Martinez, Jr., "F.C." as he was known by family and friends, left this world much too soon because of those who fear and hate anyone who was different. [Renna] One of these days were going to look back and understand how historic the community organizing around Fred Martinez's death really was because this was, in my mind, the first time at this level that we have put together all the pieces to really make positive change out of a really horrifying tragedy. [Remington] The Indians believe that there is no death, only a change of worlds. So, Fred is in another world now and obviously a better place where we will eventually be. [Mitchell] I also know in my heart that he has brought us all together in many places everywhere tonight. That we will now walk together an a path of truth and justice. That never again allow our children and loved ones to suffer in silence and walk alone. [Navajo singing and drumming music]. [Linton] The trial of murder suspect Shaun Murphey is scheduled to begin on February 20th in Cortez, Colorado. He's being charged with both first and second degree murder in the death of Fred Martinez, Jr.. [Music playing]. [Linton] Throughout this, our 10th anniversary season, we airing special segments of "In The Life" archives. This next segment first aired in 1996 [Unidentified host] It's one of the best known landmarks in all of Los Angeles, the Capitol Records Tower. Until recently though, if you were a band or a singer looking to get a recording contract, being openly gay was the kiss of death. Melissa Etheridge, Elton John, and K.D. Lang have all changed things a little and now there's a group of musicians who hope to change it some more. Their organization is called OUTmusic and their goal is to develop and promote gay singers, songwriters and musicians. [Man on stage with microphone] Melinda, Melinda de Mayo (?). [Audience clapping]. [Michael Biello] I think the great strength in OUTmusic has been the explosion of independent records, independently produced records, that are now beginning to catch the attention of the music industry and there are... dozens of excellent, excellent recordings by lots of talented people that are getting attention and deservedly so. [Unidentified host] Three of the many OUTmusic members shared with us their art and the songs that tell their stories- Keith Christopher, Nedra Johnson and Tom McCormack. [Keith Christopher music playing]. [Keith Christopher] I wrote "Pieces of Lies" after having seen the Names Project for the first time in 1987 on the capitol Mall in D.C. [Christopher singing "Pieces of Lies"] "I miss my friends...I can't say how much... No one can measure how deeply we touch... You and I we keep hanging on." [Christopher] The key to the song is, you know, if you love someone... for Christ's sake tell them why you have a chance. [Christopher singing "Pieces of Lies"] "These are more than pieces of lives... "More than the memories left behind... "We cannot mend what's been so torn apart until we accept each man... "And each man's heart." [Nedra Johnson playing blues guitar]. [Nedra Johnson] When I wrote this song I meant to both call in the works of Audre Lorde and Pat Parker and also just, you know, it's..it's a coming out song of sorts. [Nedra Johnson singing] "Where will you be... "When they come.. "Are you going to stand by me...when they come? "Your silence won't protect you, mine never did protect me from you." [Johnson] With the climate in the world today it's like we all need to be out and showing up for each other. So, it's just that where will you be when they come? They're here. [Nedra Johnson singing] "Folks will find a way to hate you... "No matter what you do... "You may pray to Jesus... "You may be a righteous through and through... "Folks just into hating or else just keep on doing what you do." [Tom McCormack] I think my songs came "out" before I did. My songs... told me... that I was gay...or, or informed me or helped me accept that before I ever consciously did. [McCormack singing] "'Woke up today, found out I'd been missing... "'Woke up today, found out I'd been gone... "No sign of violence... "Disappeared into silence, left no trace that I had moved on." [McCormack] This woman came up to me afterwards and she had the most strange look on her face and she said, "You've been following me." And, I said, "What are you talking about?" She said, "That song, that song is about me." [McCormack singing] "I've been erased, been misplaced, I found another face, maybe it found me... "Maybe the sound of my heart scared me away from recognizing what it means... "Or improvising without a guarantee.. "Or realizing what I am, is what I shall be [unintelligible]..." [McCormack] The more you talk from your experience, the more likely your going to trigger a response in someone else. [McCormack singing] "Have you ever been holding for something you cannot name." [Dan Martin] There is a space that needs to be filled by gays and lesbians expressing their personal truth, you know, their special insights to the world. I think its a gift to the world. [McCormack singing] "You've been missing out on your life." [Linton] Since this segment first aired Nedra Johnson has released a full length album titled "Testify" and Tom McCormack has toured the country with his multi media work that targets homophobia called "Hate Speech and Love Songs." Sadly, Keith Christopher died in 1998 from AIDS related complications. [Alan Menken] When Howard Ashman and I were working on "Beauty and the Beast" he was HIV positive and was very concerned about people finding out about his health status. And so he held off as long as possible until he finally had to let people know. Despite his concerns, Disney was wonderful. They sent producers, directors, animators and people to a hotel near Howard's house and worked with him every second they possibly could until...until he was gone. Through "Beauty and the Beast" I was involved in a watershed moment when Bill, Howard's partner, accompanied me on stage and accepted the Oscars for Howard. I'm Alan Menken and you're watching "In The Life." [Music playing]. [Andy Humm] The hottest couple on Broadway, hundreds of gay journalists meet in Dallas and a day when everybody's gay. We'll brief you on these stories and more as we bring you news and cultural events from around the country in "OUT and About" [Choir singing]. [Humm] In response to the tragic events of September 11th members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community of New York came together to renew their commitment to combating hate, intolerance and prejudice. [Kate Clinton] As a result of the World Trade Center attack we are already seeing an increase in intolerance and hate violence. [Unidentified woman singing]. "My soul is free." [Humm] A coalition of local and national groups joined together to sponsor the event at the New York Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center which featured the New York Gay Men's Chorus, the Gay Gotham Chrous and soprano, Aprile Millo. [Aprile Millo singing]. [Edgar Rodriquez] I was a member of the NYPD and a member Gay Officers Action League and a member of this community at large. It's been really beautiful to be apart of this. I think its been very healing. [Thomas D. Ryan] Back and forth to the firehouse and the sight...and back and forth, so we are a little isolated and it seems like the whole world has reached out to us to kinda touch us a little and it means a great deal. [Humm] The evening concluded with a candle lighting ceremony and a moment of silence to remember and honor all of those lost in the terrorists attacks in New York, Washington, D.C. and Pennsylvania. [Music playing]. ["In The Life" music playing]. [Humm] Over 400 people gathered recently for the 10th Annual National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association convention in Dallas, Texas. Founded in 1990, the NLGJA works within the news industry to foster fair and accurate coverage of the LGBT community. Through seminars, panel discussions and networking events NLGJA members examine the relationship between the gay and lesbian community and the mainstream media. [Pamela Strother] We have some controversy going on where there's been some critics of gay and lesbians who work for religious right organizations... they produce what they consider journalism. We're...we're here to...to critique that journalism as well to critique how we cover LGBT media or mainstream media critics of gays and lesbians. [Humm] Years of lobbying for domestic partner benefits resulted in the NLGJA's most recent success when Gannett, one of the nations largest media companies, announced to the convention that they will now offer DP benefits to all employees. ["In The Life" music playing]. [Lady on stage singing] "Hey, baby, don't you do me wrong... "Come and love me mama all night long, all right." [Humm] New York's ever outrageous Wigstock Festival, the legendary Drag Extravaganza and celebration of big hair recently had its final performance in New York. Billed as the "End of an Error," founder and producer Lady Bunny, says that the 17 year old event has become too costly to produce. [Lady Bunny singing]. [Unintelligible] [Shasta Cola] Without Wigstock you don't...you will never get all of the queens in one place at one time in New Your City. [Off camera woman at microphone speaking] "Many of you may not know the story of Wigstock..." [Humm] Since 1985, Wigstock has spotlighted some of the greatest performers from New York's unique drag scene. As the subject and inspiration of a feature film, a number of documentary projects and numerous Wigstock festivals around the world Wigstock's lasting legacy to pop culture will be more than just big hair. [Unidentified off camera man speaking] "The dogs had wigs." [Cashetta] I think also seeing people out in the audience and its... they're expressing themselves, they're doing something they normally wouldn't do, they're allowing themselves to be who they really are. [Music playing]. [Humm] At the Callicoon Community Center in rural, upstate New York nearly 200 hundred residents of the area recently came together for a "Day To Be Gay" in Sullivan County. Both gay and straight people alike were invited to come and enjoy an afternoon of gay music and culture. [Unidentified man talking] You know, gay people are everywhere and its important that you know, it be known and that...that we get exposure that way. [Music playing]. [Humm] This first annual event was a fundraiser for radio station WJFF in Jeffersonville, New York. Kathy Rieser, longtime host of a weekly radio show on WJFF called "Out Loud and Queer," produced the day long festival. [Kathy Rieser] I thought "Out Loud and Queer" should have a fundraiser because there's money in this community, let's... support the station has been supporting the program. [Humm] But not everyone wanted a "Day To Be Gay" a number of residents in the small community objected to using the local community center as the site for the event. [Rieser] It started out by ripping down our flyers. It's just sort of been a lot of calls to the radio station, calls to the community center threatening to withdraw financial support from the community center [Marcia MacLean] It was important for the event to happen here at the Delaware Community Center because we have a large group of gay people here and there was no other reason they shouldn't be here. ["In the Life" music playing]. [Humm] In recognition of Gay and Lesbian Pride Month a public library in Alamogordo, New Mexico installed s small gay pride exhibit inside the library. But the public's reaction was not what the library expected and the exhibit was quickly taken down. [Sharon Anderson] People actually cut up their library cards...generated a ton of letters to the editor. And they were so worried about how their children were going to be affected by that "horrible display" but yet they couldn't see how your children are going to be affected by your hatred. [Humm] One local columnist not only protested the dismantling of the exhibit in her column she made a personal, life altering decision. [Anderson] I had thought about...doing it, writing a column and coming out but I never had the guts. [Humm] Her coming out article prompted a visit from a local man who thought he was the only gay person in the area. Reading her column had saved his life. He had been contemplating suicide. [Anderson] No I know why I happen to find the courage to write that column and to come out in such a public way. ["The Producers" cast singing] "A happy ending will pep up your play... "Oedipus won't bomb...if he winds up with mom... "If he'd be gay...if he'd be gay...if he'd be gay." [Humm] They are Roger De Bris and Carmen Ghia and they are the hottest couple on Broadway right now and though you may not yet know their names, you almost certainly have heard of their show, Mel Brooks' "The Producers." Actors Gary Beach and Roger Bart play the very out and proud couple in this juggernaut of the current Broadway season. [Gary Beach] In "The Producers" I play Roger De Bris, the director of "Springtime For Hitler" and this man, Roger Bart, plays Carmen Ghia, my... [Roger Bart] Uh...common law assistant. ["The Producers" cast singing] "Once it's said, you are dead..." [Bart] We, we...I remember we used to say that, that it would be the kind of couple that you would love to go over to their house and have dinner some nights because you would just know that it would be a wonderful, wonderful evening. [Beach] And you would end in a conga line. [Bart] Maybe [Beach] Yeah. [Bart] Out! [Beach laughs]. [Bart] Get out! ["The Producers" cast singing] "Show should be more pretty...show should be more witty... Show should be more...what's the word?" 'Gay?" 'Exactly" [Beach] Even the most conservative audiences that, that perhaps start the beginning of our scene like, Oh my God...what is going on here," by the end of that scene...I like to say, "That they go gay." But the entire audience...enjoys...us. ["The Producers" cast singing] "Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay." [Humm] But some critics of the show have complained that their over-the-top antics feed negative gay stereotypes. [Beach] I have heard a little about some of the gay and lesbian press coming down on us a bit. Which is too gay for words, I mean...that, that were...that one side of, of "gayness" and maybe that's true, I don't know. But I do know this- we also project two men who totally love each other, totally are themselves and they do what they want to do and I see...that's the strongest individual in the world who can do that and if two people can love each other and do that, that's miraculous. So I think we are something to attain. ["The Producers" cast singing] "Comedy's joyous a constant delight... '"Dramas annoy us and ruin our night... "So keep your Strindbergs and Ibsens at bay,... 'I'll sign...sign...sign...sign...sign...sign...sign! "Roger Elizabeth De Bris... "Keep it gay." [Audience clapping]. [Patricia Clarkson] During the decade that "In The Life" has been on the air the movement for gay and lesbian civil rights has made progress on a number of fronts. According to the Human Rights Campaign, only 12 companies offer domestic partnership benefits to their employees in 1990. Today 4,304 employers are known to provide same sex partnership benefits, including more than 117 state and local governments and 148 companies in the Fortune 500. This represents a 36,000 percent increase. I'm Patricia Clarkson and your watching "In The Life." ["In The Life" music playing]. [Edward Albee] Hi, I'm Edward Albee and you're watching "In The Life." ["In The Life" music playing]. [Linton] Still to come on "In The Life"...a gay couple keeps on truckin' and Paul Rudnick's outtake. But first... [Tanya Barfield] In West African culture a "Griot" is a person, often a senior member of the group, who keeps an oral history of the tribe or village. In our next segment the village is Brooklyn, New York and we meet a group of gay African-American elders who are finding community and support through sharing history and experience. ["In The Life" music playing]. [Regina Shavers] Griot is a organization. It's like a center for seniors, for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered seniors of all colors. It's an organization to make a safe space for these seniors and provide some kind of programming- such as, community forums, seminars- to disseminate information and have some kind of social outlet. [Bernice Mapp] Because it is an organization for over 50, we have volunteers that's younger than 50, and we, you know, inform them that when they get 50 they can become a member. You know, there's no fee to join. We don't charge a fee because we are a non-profit organization. [Ronald Walker] I'm sure there are gay people in senior centers...in other senior centers but...with us...it's, it's more open, it's free. People can, can discuss and feel comfortable being who they are. [Shavers] I grew up around here and I grew up with many lesbians and gays and as we're getting older I was seeing less and less and I would talk to my friends...we were seeing less and less and some of our friends were going through a lot of different..uhm... problems. [Marion Murdough] They met together as a group...black, they'd known each other since teenagers and they happen to run into each other on the street and they said, "You know one thing, we need...we need to form some kind of group or some kind of thing. Not a social thing but something that would help us, you know." [Shavers] We mailed out a mailing that uhm... were trying to start a group for lesbian and gay seniors, you know, who's interested? Many, many people came. [Murdough] I told everybody that knew somebody...to bring somebody. [Shavers] So eventually there came a time when we needed to have our own space. We looked around and we negotiated with the Y to get some space and so that's what we been doing now. [Murdough] And that's how it all started...back in 1996. [Music playing]. [Shavers] Lesbians and gays when they are old not only have to suffer ageism and sexism and racism, you know, homophobia and all that added in the mix. It's kind of much. I mean...uh...we come from a tradition that is supposed to take care of their elders and we have to remind ourselves of that...what we are supposed to be doing. [Donald Yearwood] That's what it's about. It's not about, you know, trying to take care of the world but it's trying to take care of our own. You know, let them feel that they have a support system behind themselves. [Walker] We try very much to keep...make things available that people can become, you know, more active. [Louise Lovell] We have dances, we have...uhm...game nights. [Walker] We have computer classes three times a week. We have fitness, aerobics and swimming classes. [Murdough] We have the computer class. Must be about 18 of them in the computer class. This one lady came in and she sat down and she says, "Oh...does seem like y'all know each other, you know, everybody seems so familiar. So one of the girls says, "Yeah, we a gay organization." She says, "You what?" She said, "A gay organization." She sat there a few minutes before you see she got her bag and ran out the room. [Murdough laughs]. There were so many of us in there, I guess, she said, "My God, what are the people going to do to me?" And she ran out. [Shavers] We started giving a forum the second Saturday of every month and we had such topics...whenever we had a forum, we would have someone from our community do it. For example, if we had legal information we would have a older gay lawyer do it. If we had financial information...we had a wonderful...uh... African-American lesbian that does that as a living. [Lovell] We've had one on sex toys which was sold out, you know, almost turned people away. You'd be surprised. [Shavers] We have people that come to Griot from all over the city. We even have people that live in other states that insisted they want to be on the mailing list, you know. So...what we are doing, we found that it actually works. When you go to a senior center... first of all, you have to realize that only a fraction of seniors even go to senior centers and of that fraction that goes, of course, many are gay but...the older gay communities really used to living what you call, "in the closet." So when they go, they hide most of themselves and their afraid of discrimination and they can never really completely relax. [Mapp] I can respect and understand those who have to still be in the closet because of the homophobic that we have out here. Uhm...their jobs, their neighbors, their community and also their family. So I can respect that... but that does not say... that... their not in the life or their trying to hide something...their just "cautious" is the word I would use. [Shavers] And so you come up in that kind of culture and in addition to that for lesbians and gays, I mean, there was serious, serious consequences if you were found to be lesbian or gay. I mean, we live in a very different time now. [Walker] I was born in Manhattan. I grew up in the Bronx. I went to school primarily in the Bronx. I was in the Navy...uhm...I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm a man...who's gay. [Mapp] I grew up in Bed-Stuy. I am a grandmother of five grandchildren. Uhm...I have three kids. I'm a single mom. I was married twice. I have a mate now of 16 years, as of today, and were very happy. My lifestyle is an open book. At one time it was not. [Walker] I went into the Navy in 1960, so I was 19 years old. I was a year out of high school. In the Navy I had...well, I was stationed in two places. I had a boyfriend when I was in Illinois. I had a boyfriend also in, in Massachusetts, you know, but all that was off the base. I kept, I kept my life...separate. [Mapp] But you see when you coming up as a young lady or young gentlemen and right away you have to get married, they put that stigma on you, you know, something is wrong if you don't get married. So...what do you do? You get married and you still want to do what you want to do. [Walker] The boyfriend in...uhm... Massachusetts almost cost me an undesirable discharge because at that time it was before "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," you know... don't let me find out. [Mapp] I look back and say, "Look at where I am at today opposed to if I had still been in the closet and been unhappy. What would I have been? Would I be here? Would I have committed suicide?" Never know. [Walker] Griot circle say's it's okay to be who you are and uhm... it's okay to be comfortable with yourself. [Mapp] I'm not going backwards. I don't walk backwards, I don't talk backwards. I'm going forward with my life and within my life I thank God for Griot because Griot is a part of my life. [Shavers] They're lesbians and gays in every town, city, state, in every church, in every school... the black community knows that. They've always known that there was lesbians and gays among them. [Lovell] I think that, that gay people were invisible. All gay people were invisible heretofore but now we becoming visible and we are going to let you know what our needs are so that we can age with dignity right along with everybody else. [Yearwood] When you come here to Griot you do see a little "homeness" to it, you know, we can sit down and joke with each other, laugh with each other. As we say, "read each other" but still we can turn around and ask, "Are you alright today?" You know, that's what it breaks down to being, "Are you alright today?" [Lovell] I don't have family of my own certain to say. The Griot is my family...Griot is my family and if I have a problem or just feel lonely, I know I can find someone to talk to. [Walker] There are people here that I have met that...uhm...I plan to have as a friend for the rest of my life. [Music playing, people laughing]. [Barfield] When the Griot Circle started in 1996 it was just a small group of friends. Today, it has more than 400 members. The elders say they would be happy to help other communities create Griot Circles of their own. ["In the Life" music playing]. [Keith Boykin] On the morning of October 16th, 1995 about 300 hundred black gay men took part in the Million Man March. We weren't quite sure how we would be received that day but as we marched through the streets carrying signs and placards that announced that we were both black and gay we gained confidence. As we arrived at the site of the march the group of people assembled greeted us with applause and cheers and support. We learned something valuable from that experience. We learned that when we have the courage to be open and honest about who we are people in our communities not only accept us, they respect us more. I'm Keith Boykin and you're watching "In The Life." [Linton] Our next segment is about two men, their two dogs and their two homes- one of which rides atop 18 wheels. Karl Warren and Tom Walker are partners in life and in work. They share everything, including a victory over stereotypes and the status quo. Their story shows us that there are few walks of life left untouched by gay America. "In The LIfe" caught up with the pair at their home in Tallahassee, Florida just before they went out on the road. [Traffic noise]. [Tom Walker] If you want to learn about somebody... become a trucker and ride with them. You learn everything. [Karl Warren] Trucking is unbelievable intimacy because we're with each other so much. You get to know... each other... better than we would if we had separate jobs here at home and only saw each other at night and the weekends. [Sound of truck in reverse]. [Linton] Karl Warren and Tom Walker live in Tallahassee, Florida and a number of other states while on the road as gay truckers. The couple met at a HIV support group. After years of casual friendship, something more developed. [Tom Walker] I liked him a long time ago but he was with somebody else. I'm like I won't cross that line...you know, if they break up and I see him again, then I'll make my move. [Karl Warren] I knew it was... [Walker] That's what happened. [Warren laughs]. [Warren] I knew it was love when we out for coffee that night. We hadn't seen each other in awhile and the restaurant was closing so we came back to my house, I was living around the corner at the time, and made coffee and about 1 or 2 in the morning...looked into his face and there was that... [Warren sighs]. I call it the perfect moment. Time stops... and your entire world exists in that one moment in time and that's when I knew. And it was, "Okay, it's time to run with this. There's something here." [Unintelligible] Since then we've never been apart. [Linton] Karl Warren and his semi are leased full time to one of the largest trucking companies in the nation. On paper Tom Walker is Karl's employee. Together they haul freight throughout the U.S. and Canada. When their relationship began, however, Karl did all the driving and Tom was just along for the ride. [Warren] Basically, that's all he's doing. He's sitting there in the passenger watching the world go by. Boredom gets to the best of you after awhile. So it worked out...uhm...he went to school and shortly after that we bought the truck and that's when it got interesting [Warren chuckles]. [Linton] Interesting because while Tom now had his commercial driver's license he lacked the experience required by the trucking company to be on the road as a team driver. The company requested that we not identify them citing fears of negative reactions among customers and the general public. But they tell us at the time of Karl and Tom's request company policy allowed only legally married couples, that is husband and wife teams, to pair-up in "on-the-job-training" type situation. Karl and Tom wanted that policy changed. [Warren] There were certain hiring requirements if I hired another driver which basically what was going to be happening and he needed a years experience, this...this type of training, that type of training...the list went on. And it was hard...my driving manager at the...who still is, came up with the idea of putting him on under the spousal program. I mean, for God's sake's, all that missing was missing a marriage certificate. House, checking account, the car... our lives are so intertwined it's not even funny. And she initiated going through the spousal program. [Walker] I was impressed with her. [Warren] Mm-hmm. Like, you know, this...you know, apparently she really cares about, you know, her drivers and it's, like, would do, she'll do what she has to, to try to make them happy. You know, you keep your drivers happy they'll work harder for you. [Linton] It took six months but the company rewrote it's policies to include all non-married domestic partners, including gay and lesbian couples. Karl and Tom say their hauler responded positively to their requests but it took time to write the policies properly. The efforts of these "out and proud" pioneers and those of their immediate supervisor helped pave the road ahead for other gay and lesbian truckers. [Warren] There's a lot more gay truckers than you think. Actually, for gay couples who... especially lesbians- lot's of women, lot's of women... gay couples who don't do the circuit, don't do, you know, "Oh, I'm going to the Hampton's this weekend," we're homebodies. When we're home, we're home. We don't go to clubs. You'll find that most of the gay truckers are exactly like that. It's the perfect way to get to know someone better because your together all the time. It's just a great way for gay couples to be able to stay together- and there's so many of them. [Walker talking to dog]. [Linton] Along with their dogs, Jake and Fozzi, the couple spends and average of 21 days in a row out on the road taking turns behind he wheel. [Walker] Every now and then, you know, it gets a little bit tedious. Whenever I get really aggravated or anything, I just...kind of get real quiet, you know. I guess we've kind of learned to tell when the other one is having a bad day or if they are in a real... nasty mood or something like that. Uhm... it's... basically, just let 'em alone. [Warren] Spending that much time together, especially in a truck in such a confined space, if he gets quiet I'll ask every once in awhile, "How you doin'?" "Oh, I'm Fine." "Okay." We'll just leave it at that. But if we're running hard, believe it or not, we'll only see each other 3 hours of that day because either he's in the bunk or I am in and the other one's driving because we have to take so much time off before we can drive again. [Warren] Remind me at [undecipherable] service to have that clutch readjusted again. [Walker] What, it's slippin'? [Warren] Ever since the fuel pump blew. [Linton] Each clocks hundreds of hours and thousands of miles between return trips home. [Walker] Home time is very busy. In fact, we do more at home than we do on the road. Have to maintain the house, you know, laundry, just...make sure we keep the basics up. [Warren] In some ways it's like having two homes to take care of because when we come in, not only does the house have to be taken care of- routine maintenance and bills getting paid and taking care of the dogs making sure they are all set- then we have our home on the road that has to be completely stripped down, cleaned and put back together again before we go back out. [Warren] Boy, this is going to be good. [Walker] The only disadvantage that I don't like about trucking is... you may have to go 2 or 3 days without a shower. [Warren laughs]. [Warren] Yeah. [Walker] So, you know, a shower is... [Warren] A luxury. [Walker]...is a luxury. It's like a gift from the gods. [Warren] What he's just talking about a good, hard, peel-your-skin shower I know it's time to go home. [Warren laughs]. [Linton] Whether on the road or at home the couple tells us they don't get too many hassles from other truckers about being gay. They attribute that, in large part, to their open and honest approach to their lives. [Walker] We're also not the flamboyant type. We don't, like, "We're gay, here we are." [Warren] It's obvious that we're a couple. So we've been told. It's just that obvious that were more than just friends and more than just driving partners. But we don't go out of our way to say, you know, "Hi, we're gay" and all that. [Walker] I'm quite happy with the way things are. Uh...if I feel that I need time to myself I'll stay home and let him go back out by hisself, you know, but basically I enjoy being around him and being with him and all that. I really wouldn't have it any other way myself. [Linton] In a few years, Karl and Tom plan to buy a new truck and customize it just they way they want so they can continue living life on the open road, together. [Warren] The highlight of my day, and we've been together for 2.5 years now, is still having time where we can just cuddle up and watch TV or have a night where we can actually sleep together, even on the road sometimes that gets hard to do despite the fact that were in the same space. Uh...that's still the highlight of my day. I love being around him. He compliments my life in so many ways. ["In The Life" music playing]. [Linton] Be sure to tune in to the next episode of "In The Life" for an in-depth report on gay parenting, a look at the inspiring life of Father Michael Judge and a camp that teaches tolerance. All this and more as "In The Life" celebrates the holidays with an encore of some of our best stories on families and friends. Next, here's writer Paul Rudnick's take on Jerry and Pat in our new series, "Outtakes." [Scene clapper making clapping noise]. [Paul Rudnick] Following the terrorists attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania Jerry Falwell made the following statement, quote, "I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way- all of them who have tried to secularize America- I point the finger in their face and say, "You help this happen.'" His host on CBN "700 Club", Pat Robertson, replied, quote, "I totally concur." [Scene clapper makes clapping noise]. Both men later apologized for their remarks without quite retracting them. These guys are not only repulsive, their truly nuts. They blame a global tragedy on everything except long hair and that rock n' roll music. They still love that phrase, "alternative lifestyle", which always sounds like a retirement community in Florida. And those pagans and feminists...what about the pink ladies? Or the Olsen twins? [Scene clapper makes clapping noise]. The immediate outcry against Jerry and Pat seemed to stun them, at least for a moment. Jerry later said on his website that, quote, "In retrospect I should have mentioned the national sins without mentioning the organizations and persons by name." So, being gay is now a national sin? Who chooses these sins? Is it like selecting a national anthem or a state bird? Is a national sin like a national pastime? Take me out to an alternative ball game? Jerry also said that he, quote, "Had no intention of being divisive." What was he after? A thank you note? A big warm hug? [Scene clapper makes clapping noise]. Here's the only possible apology that really could make a difference- I propose that Jerry and Pat get married, to each other, on a very special broadcast. Then all will be forgiven. I'd even through rice. Well...I'd throw something. Amen. [Linton] For all of us at "In The Life," thank you for watching and we'll see you next month. ["In The Life" music playing]. "In the Life" is funded in part by the H. van Ameringen Foundation. Additional support provided by the GILL Foundation, the Overbrook Foundation, James Johnsn, William J. Resnick, Peter Zimmer and Jim Stepp, the Arcus Foundation, The Mitchell Gold Company...in the hopes of eliminating all types of fear and prejudice and the annual support of "In The Life" members...like you. [WNET Channel 13 New York station identification music.] [American Public Television station identification music.]