In the Life: 1908, "It's About Time" [repeat]

[Michael Billy] Coming up on "In the Life", coping with the realities of LGBT aging. It's dangerous out there for them to let people know who they are. [Billy] A Conversation With... AARP's Jennie Chin Hansen and Michael Adams of SAGE. [Jennie Chin Hansen] We have to find that common denominator that unites us as human beings. [Billy] And, a very long engagement. [Edie] Why should it be different if you've  lived with somebody for all those years? [Billy] All this and more, on "In the Life." [Announcer] "In the Life" is funded in part by: the H. van Ameringen Foundation; Arcus Foundation; Newpol Foundation; the Estate of Richard W. Weiland; The Ted Snowdon Foundation; and these funders; and by the annual support of In the Life members, like you. Welcome to "In the Life". I'm Michael Billy. There's a dialogue starting at the national level about how to fully recognize the rights of LGBT senior citizens. Tonight we explore what it means to grow old as a gay person in America, and how a generation once on the front lines at Stonewall, now finds that retirement does not provide a break from the challenges of living life as an openly gay person. ["In the Life" theme music] According to the National Gay and Lesbian Task  Force over 3 million LGBT people are over age 65. This number will more than double by the year 2030. While seniors are protected against discrimination by the Older Americans Act, the lack of LGBT specific protections can drive our movement's pioneers back into the closet when entering long-term care facilities. Activists are now taking matters into their own hands, creating safe spaces for our elders from affordable housing and assisted living to community service groups. In every one of the LGBT organizations that I see around me they're all clamoring about youth. It's not that I think that that's not important. But another community that's as vulnerable as young people are old people. [music] [Gloria Donadello] People here are very conservative. Various con-, very, very conservative. I don't feel that I can be my person here - to be the person that I am. If they were born around the time I was born, you know, in the '20s or the early '30s, they grew up in a society that was openly hostile to... us. And so that has been inculcated into their brain that it's dangerous out there for them to let people know who they are. [Hilda Rush] One night I was walking one of the main streets and, and since I happen to be in love with this person that I was walking with, I wanted to hold her hand. And she just - I don't know whether it was her, or me or  the other way around, but I know that we couldn't do it, because... somebody might have seen it. [Rush] I ended up in the United States in 1956 and I was 43. But within three or four months I got a job as a sales rep. New England was my first area. [Joy Silver] We moved a lot. We moved because of opportunities  or just places where we felt freer to be who we were, and created our family of choice. So here we are sitting around with our friends, and we're kind of thinking, "Wow, what's going to happen to us when we get older?" [Silver] It's taken us eight years to put the project together and to get the financing for it. In our attempt to include as many people as possible into the community, we've incorporated condos and then we have independent living rentals. And from there, we also incorporated the assisted living. The key to our philosophy about assisted living is that those people who are in assisted living need to be integrated into a community. [Donadello] I'm not an outcast a lot. People like me. But people don't understand me here. So when I say, "I'm leaving," here and they say, "Well  where're you going?" I say, "I'm going to RainbowVision." "What is that?" And I tell people what it is. And I can tell them that I will be more comfortable there than I am here. [Woman] This is Gloria's - this is her place. She's really excited to get out. And she's in a conventional setting right now and  she wants to move out because she's a lesbian. This is the view that Gloria's gonna be  seeing out of her main living room every day. [Silver] This building is Hilda Rush's home, now being manifested. [Rush] I'm looking forward to moving there and I'm hoping that it'll happen soon. People that I've met who are going to be my neighbors and so on, seem to be awfully nice and I'm looking forward to it. [Silver] In 1968, civil rights took a historic move forward, like that yesterday. RainbowVision and all the people who make up RainbowVision celebrate this historic moment, the first community of its kind in the world! [Rush] I think the idea that Joy has is, that she wants people who are in my situation, who are alone, that they suddenly have a family. And that is exactly what is - what I've been missing all my life. [Michael Adams] There are a small but growing number of residential communities that have been built specifically for LGBT older people, and we see them as  a fantastic development. Having said that, they will never be affordable in the ways that  so many members of our community need. [Herb Larrimore] The only thing we've got is this house. I had stocks and I had savings here and there, but Harry got sick for the last five years or so. The money's gone. There's no - nothing to fall back on now. We have no pension. He gets $180 from Teamsters. And then I'll - the rest of it's Social Security. Been living on food from [Harry Park] Project Angel. [Larrimore] Project Angel Food. [Park] We call them happy meals. Happy for me because I don't have to cook. [laughs] [Amber Hollibaugh] Most of us do the best that we can to live the lives we've got with the kind of paychecks we bring home. Very few companies give good pension plans. Very few people have much resource and they live right up against what they have. [Ivy Bottini] We started planning an affordable living space for lesbian - LGBT people. It's called Triangle Square. There's no choices if you don't have the money. If you need affordable housing, this is it. [applause] [Park] Groundbreaking of yesterday. They only had 100 and some odd units available. [Larrimore] But when there's 6000 people already on the list, you know? [laughs] I have been hounding these people by phone for about two years or so since I first heard about it. When can I get on the list? When can I see the plans? And all of that and here I am today. [Bottini] We're looking for land. We're going to be building another one. And, we go out and consult, you know, around the country trying to get people to then invest their time to do the same thing. It's imperative that this happen, that there be more than one, that there be many across the country. [Adams] There are few options for LGBT older folks when it comes to housing. So an increasing focus are finding more ways and, and deeper ways that older people can get  engaged and stay engaged in their community. [cheering] There's no reason for anybody to be home alone.   It's very sad because there's so much out there to do. There's so many centers that they can get involved in. [Woman] I had the usual lesbian fears: hiding in the closet, not telling everybody and I found SAGE by accident. Somebody led me to that and, it was a whole world opening up. I started to join committees and I started to talk and people heard me. They listened. And I forgot about the closet, and I forgot about myself, and, I just burst into being. [Adams] SAGE stands for Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders. For 30 years we have been working with and on behalf of LGBT older people. There are a dozen SAGE affiliates in, in cities around the country: Chicago, Milwaukee, San Diego, Fort Lauderdale. So we have a number of other SAGE organizations that do work similar to ours in terms of providing local service programs. We are lucky to have a lot of talent here at SAGE. [Ryan McNamera] SAGE has so many different functions for, for many people. Some people, it's a place for them to pop in, see their friends once a week. I see the people who go to groups, who go to the brunches. [piano] [Jim] I did bereavement through SAGE and the counseling was unbelievable. It was through a period of inner turmoil for me and what I ended up doing was putting a lot of energy into volunteerism. [Jim] And I find by giving back to my community,  it's a legacy to my partner and to myself. [cheering] The group of us, we got together to try to see  if we could make a, some kind of service center. [Regina Shavers] So we used our phone books and we sent out fliers all over and maybe about 70, 75 people showed up. We realized that we had something that was necessary. So we named ourselves Griots. That's what it meant to us: maintaining community, maintaining a connection, maintaining our village, maintaining our people. We're senior citizens that need certain kind of help with our health or to get in contact with somebody. We have a buddy-buddy system. [Woman on right] Yes. Yes. [Woman on left] That's another thing. Everybody helped  to call each other or talk, you know, got a problem. Then they have a counselor here and everything else. I have taken 'em to the doctor's. I have visit. I have cooked and taken food. Oh yeah. I'll buddy to buddy. That's right. [Park] Right now there are so many organizations that give freely to those in need. We're struggling, but we're making ends meet. We're dependent on each other in a community and we have to take care of each other. And therefore, younger LGBT activists have to fight for the resources that some of us will use right now, so those resources will be in place for them when they reach our age. Not because it's a favor to me, but because they'll need it in their own lives, even if they don't need it at this point. [music] ["In the Life" theme music] Since 1958, AARP has been the foremost authority and advocate for the aging American population. 20 years later, SAGE, a national social service and advocacy organization dedicated to LGBT senior citizens was founded. AARP's president Jennie Chin Hansen and Michael Adams, executive director of SAGE, discussed the importance of AARP identifying gay elders as part of their constituency and the meaningful collaboration by these important organizations. [Adams] It's great to see you here and actually have a chance to sit down and talk a little bit. I think really the first time we met was when I had a chance to be the speaker, you know, at the SAGE conference which was the fourth conference you had on the focus on aging in particular, but a celebration of your 30th anniversary as well. [Adams] That's right. And one of the things, Michael, I was just so touched and honored that I could be there and I learned so much from having that opportunity. AARP has always been about all people who age and the whole principle of aging with dignity and respect is something that is our overarching set of principles. Our work and understanding that there are in the aging population, a very strong LGBT community. That is part of the group that we represent who are our members. What kind of response did AARP get from its constituents? And was there any pushback or criticism of AARP's support of the conference? There was none. I mean the fact that people see that our inclusiveness. [Jennie Chin Hansen] Our membership is made up of close to 40 million people. About half of our population is under 65 and half of it is over 65. So we really are quite an umbrella organization, with these core issues that do ultimately unify people. And that is recognizing, having healthcare access and quality, is one. Having that kind of economic security that affects us and, you know, we have the blessing but also the challenge sometimes of living a long life but worrying about money. And then being part of a community that we've called livable communities that are supportive of our, our well-being and our contribution. [Adams] The more that AARP is, is able to demonstrate that inclusivity around LGBT issues and be public about it, it seems to create a sense of, of course, of course, that LGBT people should be part of these discussions [Chin Hansen] Right. [Adams] and that shouldn't be a remarkable thing and but it certainly is an indication of some of the progress that we've made. It's a lot of negotiation going on on Capitol Hill around the contours of what we hope is going to be really comprehensive health care reform legislation. Some of that's focused on, you know, health disparities, cultural competency, etc. [Adams] And the reality is an organization like SAGE that doesn't have a deep presence in Washington, isn't really part of those discussions. And yet the interest of our constituents are very much embedded in those discussions. [Adams] So there are discussions about data collection and the importance of collecting comprehensive data on health issues so that the country can learn more and plan for the future. [Adams] Data collection is one area that LGBT people in general have been almost entirely excluded from, especially when it's government-sponsored. [Adams] Just two weeks ago, we were on the phone with a policy director at AARP going through specific healthcare issues and what the concerns of SAGE are in those issues. And knowing that, that AARP can then take those concerns and integrate them into discussions I think it's, it's a really important thing. Now whether we'll see that translate into actual legislative provisions this year, we don't know that, right? [Chin Hansen] Right. [Adams] That takes time. But we know what the first step toward that is getting, getting the issue out there. One of the things I gave in my speech at the SAGE conference was just some of the barriers, for say partners, [Chin Hansen] who - somebody who goes to a nursing home [Adams] Mmm-hmm. Yes. [Chin Hansen] and the partner from a legal standpoint now cannot necessarily be a part of that process in that same way. And so that's a very specific issue of how laws define certain relationships in all. [Chin Hansen] On the other hand, you know, one of the things that AARP is really advancing and has pushed forward in health care reform which we hope can, you know, still stay  in focus, is the creation of care systems that are more home and community-based. [Adams] Mmm-hmm. [Chin Hansen] And, and when you do it in a broader sense, it allows for partners, couples to support each other quite differently. This is, this is a really important area, and areas where I think that we can work even more closely together. I mean there are some very unfortunate realities within the LGBT context for older adult.  Lack of primary caregivers, lack of adult children, disconnection from families of origin. There's, there's evidence indicating that LGBT older adults are actually at heightened risk for premature institutionalization. Having to go to a nursing home well before it would otherwise be necessary, because there's simply nobody to provide the kind of assistance that would otherwise allow people to stay in their homes, to age in place. [Adams] And that the reality is, is the way that organizations like SAGE and the LGBT community have had to address that is by building community structures. [Chin Hansen] Right. [Adams] So that's why we have at SAGE friendly visitor programs and volunteer caregiver programs and things of that nature. [Adams] For us, the, the notion of community-focused support and care is critical because without it, our constituents are going to end up in really unfortunate situations. They often do. [Chin Hansen] You know our support for helping develop the structures on which the communities can, can... circle around to fill it in. Because even right now, we're so well aware that 80% of anything that has to do with long-term care is really done informally. [Adams] Mmm-hmm. [Chin Hansen] You know. Only 20% is really kind of governmentally financially supported. So it's really those of us who are our families, communities that really take up that slack. And I think especially, you know, given the, the statistics that we're aware of with vulnerability of the LGBT community that much more you have to have at least that, that, that architecture on which to build that strength of support. SAGE and many organizations like us are - a lot of our work gets done by volunteers and, and people tend to assume that, that all of our  volunteers are LGBT. And although many of them are, the reality is that we have many volunteers who are straight allies, who come in because they recognize the importance of the work and they want to, they want to help out. [Adams] What do you see as being some of what maybe is the shared opportunity for, for straight allies who are interested in learning more about and being supportive of LGBT aging issues, or just LGBT issues in general? I think it comes down to the fact that when we get  to know each other as people, you know, as they say, a lot of the other packaging in which we are has a much different way of being seen but for the fact that there's work to be done together. [Chin Hansen] I mean I think about a couple of my college friends who did not come out at the time we were in college and are now aware of the fact that I'm in this role. And they're so happy that the ability to have  somebody who happens to be straight begin to be a part of the team of raising these these matters that oftentimes are invisible. So I think the more we get to that point in our society the more this crossing together, you know, of what our identities are, whether it's gay/straight or whether it's race, in terms of differentiators. We have to find that common denominator that unites us as human beings. [Adams] I just want to thank you for taking the time and for all of your support and for just really being such a great ally. Thank you for your working with AARP and for your particular leadership of SAGE. [Adams] Thank you. ["In the Life" theme music] The documentary filmmaking team that brought us "The Brandon Teena Story" in 1998 now explores the meaning of the word marriage with the film "Edie and Thea: A Very Long Engagement". This tender double portrait received a six minute standing ovation when it premiered at the Frameline Film Festival this summer. [Thea] Holland? No, Venice?  [Edie] I think so. [Thea] Venice, Venice, yes. [Thea] Oh god, that's a one miserable person. [laughs] Ah, you're not so happy either. Good. Good. I think I'll look at this picture for an hour while everybody has lunch. [laughs] [sentimental music] [Susan Muska] We met Edie and Thea through Brendan Fay who runs Civil Marriage Trails which is an organization that helps gay and lesbian couples go to Canada to get married. He was simply determined. He had just arranged our marriage, that is to say he had introduced us to the judge, and they were just going to interview us as a favor to Brendan. [Greta Olafsdottir] Those ladies they really grow on you. Once you meet them, it's really hard to - you know, there was no way we're not going to do something about them. It was easy to talk to them.  But, but as the, as we worked with them we really did fall in love with - I mean this couple fell in love with that couple. So it was so easy. We stopped being self-conscious in any way. And it's just like we were just telling our friends about our life. [sentimental music] When was it, about 1962. [Edie] I certainly couldn't take it anymore and I called an old friend of mine, a very good friend, and I said, "If you know where the lesbians go, please take me." Okay. So she took me to the Portofino for dinner.  The lesbians used to go there on Friday night. And somebody brought Thea over and introduced her and we ended up dancing. [Thea] And we immediately just fit. Our bodies fit. And we danced the whole night through, as the song goes, such that at the end of it, Edie had danced a hole through the bottom of her [Both, together] stockings. [Thea] And that was the beginning of it. What we learned about aging from Edie and Thea and maintaining a relationship and staying in love was very much about the word "engagement".  And having - I mean a very long engagement, it's not just about a wedding ring, but it's about being engaged and being interested. [sentimental music] I always wanted to get married. And, and  well Thea's the one who, who proposed. [Edie] As time went on it began, and it began to be possible in some places. [Officiant] Now therefore, I, Harvey Brownstone, Judge of the Ontario Court of Justice, by virtue of the power vested in me under the Marriage Act of Ontario, do hereby pronounce you, Edith Windsor and Thea Spyer, to be legally married spouses and partners for life. [Officiant] Congratulations! [cheering and clapping] [Olafsdottir] This is a film that needs to be seen by people who are putting themselves on a pedestal and being against gay marriage. Why should it be different if you've lived with somebody as if, you know, certainly not stealing single for all those years? You know, what, what's the big deal if it's not financial and economic? And the big deal is something symbolic, okay, having to do with this this somehow worldwide recognition of the word. [music] [Edie] Well the film for me is like a gorgeous gift to me. Okay, this woman that I adored is talking to me every day if I want, you know, saying her vows. [Edie] Usually people do this because they're making a commitment, as they say, at the beginning of their lives. For us, it's at the other end. [Muska] We premiered the film at Frameline. It was really a tremendous experience. [Olafsdottir] Edie had a six and a - over six minute standing ovation. [applause and cheering] I don't think there was a dry eye in the auditorium. People kept stopping to, you know - "Could I hug you please?" I got asked to autograph somebody's thing and it was the relationship that they were talking about. [Edie] It's exactly how I would want people to see us [sentimental music] Thank you for watching "In the Life". To learn more about the issues in tonight's stories and how they affect you, visit our website at inthelifeTV.org. You can also watch extended interviews, sign up for monthly air date alerts, and download past episodes, 24/7. I'm Michael Billy. Thanks for tuning in and please join us next month. [lyrical music] [Announcer] "In the Life" is funded in part by: the H. van Ameringen Foundation; Arcus Foundation; Newpol Foundation; the Estate of Richard W. Weiland; The Ted Snowdon Foundation; and these funders; and by the annual support of In the Life members, like you. [logo music] [logo music]