First Friends (1973)

[Music] what is it Carol it's a great great what else do you have all right K's gonna come around and give everybody [Music] more seems only yesterday that these same youngsters were throwing their food around or trying to climb out of their high chairs or spilling their milk all over the place their mothers were patiently or impatiently spoon feeding them and then suddenly they grew up a bit and here they are away from their mothers feeling quite secure in the more or less formal environment of a preschool group this dramatic change from year to year in fact from month to month in feelings attitudes and behavior is What Child Development is all about too great all right put it on your spoon Carol such changes are connected with body changes at this age large muscles are growing stronger what a joy to use them fully in new kinds of play what sense of self-fulfillment in exercising Newfound Powers obviously it is more than just the bodies that are growing just moving independently can strengthen the sense of self and [Music] Independence deep come this is play to be sure but looked at with Insight it is growth and development we are watching the children are becoming something different from what they were yesterday they can cause their own Splash in the world their self-centered existence is opening up to admit others of their age who can do things to them and to whom they can do things the things they do may seem hostile to us but often they are merely overtures demands made for the sake of getting a response ways of making a connection and in the play situation one can learn how far one can go without getting into trouble much of the initial interchange at this age is physical hands and bodies are our first tools of communication and so are simpler to use and understand it's all give and take this free play it's fun to give to pour water it's fun to take a nice cool bath on a hot day but it's still more fun to connect or relate to other people that's what these youngsters are practicing with their buckets and hoses each small person who splashes or a splashed enters into a new experience this is a change from personal isolation call it play call it group activity it means doing things with others the doing can be competitive and physical one can act with or against one's companion the difference is not as important as the interaction this step toward becoming part of the world around one has many aspects an important one is the development of skills for little muscles and brains are growing along with the big muscles little fingers can learn to do things to shape to make to create and when there is production there are other people to watch to help to advise for Creative action is interesting and reassuring we make a lot of our friends while doing the same thing they're doing we have common problems we learn from one another we help one another it's a way of making us feel we belong to a group we share an experience together and gradually learn to share things not an easy lesson to learn at first it is easier to socialize in pairs usually of the same sex the relation of just two is simpler especially now that words are being used more for communication these two are together in the midst of the crowd they can separate in space and still be together words are being used by this too but they are reinforced by a curious ritual of physical caresses and insults the two boys have devised an elaborate initiation ceremony with wet sand as a substitute for less acceptable dirt this is their technique for making friends and working out [Music] feelings some games involve learning how to do things together sometimes it is helpful to destroy first and then rebuild unbuilding it might be called This is truly a joint project there's room for everybody to take a hand to do a part of the job to contribute that's the real secret of belonging contributing and receiving something from the group effort [Music] [Applause] helping one another what impossible task cannot be accomplished by Cooperative effort no one needs to tell the other what to do no one has planned the operation but children who have done a job together will recognize each other a little later as friends they have made a connection and each feels stronger but not all preschool children use the same skills in coping with the task of making friends some of them are more complex Betty has chosen Paul as the boy she'd like to play with but Paul is engrossed with his own games and pays no attention to her she decides that if he likes toy trucks so much this one would make an effect of lure and so she captures it and runs while he gives Chas she is happy she has his attention and is in control but when he stops pursuing her she is left holding to no value what is a girl to do give up Betty desperately needs assurance that she is not unwanted so she is compelled to continue her Quest Paul has moved to the pool area [Music] well and it's all in play play that can be imaginative inventive and sometimes a means of expression some forms of play seem to suggest more than just practicing skills do they emerge from a remembered or an imagined past is she playing Mommy now is he playing newborn or even unborn infant play often reveals fantasies children have as they try to deal with questions that are puzzling [Music] them some children do not seem to be ready to make friends this can be a danger sign suggesting hidden fears of nonexistent threats or it can simply indicate a need for quiet a time for meditation or even Greening certainly the child who persists and seeking Solitude Bears careful observation the clue to the meaning of the self-imposed aloneness is whether or not the child himself seems upset some of us are better mixers than others but we all have our own timetable sometimes it's important just to get off by oneself as when we have work to do the ability to lose oneself in productive activity is a strength even though it suggests being oblivious of the noisy children all around the world can sometimes be peopled more satisfactory by one's own imagination or the imagination of writers and artists the attention SP of preschoolers is limited yet some youngsters can Retreat from the hurly Burly of play for long periods to concentrate on something they find engrossing this vicarious experience can substitute for active play the girls seem able to relax enjoying themselves alone or and Company how close the Friendship seems when it grows out of such tranquil moments of togetherness we leaned against a tree and started to count to 500 by five can you count by five Carol five good that's pretty hard other youngsters cannot share easily at this age especially not the attention of an adult they seem to need it all for themselves temporarily they have a sense of control over the needed person [Music] [Music] I had it first fair and equal sharing isn't the first inclination of most children these values come from family and group EXP experiences and inner feelings of belonging children need adult support to help them learn to share with for a while then we we'll play with it later okay you have good boy thank you want to play that okay you to okay you take this and pull your car pull your car thank you R you're a good boy okay good boy you're a good boy okay you go play you going to have a race the race ready okay go ahead the crisis subsides but like other legal decisions no one seems pleased with the outcome and so it is not surprising when the altercation resumes after a few minutes of peace make a you want you want this truck you want this he let you at this age the power of logic is not very effective because children's ways of thinking are different from adults one would think that a crying child is concerned Prince i l with his pain but no this one is more interested in being believed having his aggressor identified is more important than bom for his wounds and only after this has been attended to is the victim ready to seek comfort in Solace maybe the insult hurt worse than the sand in his eye [Music] often the social behavior of children is extremely complex and difficult to understand Robert first tries to bother Nancy but fails so he gets into a chair pushing contest with [Music] Alan but Allan isn't having any of him either so Robert has left without the reaction that he seems to need he goes on to challenge one child after another why what do he looking for is he just learning how far he can go and being provocative in a social situation why does he keep checking up to see if the teacher is [Music] watching none of the other children are bothering him and he seems to get no satisfaction out of bothering them even when they [Music] cry what happened is he jealous of the contentment of others every toy in his hands becomes an instrument of assault and always Vigilant look his is no simple motivation he seems compelled to keep at it until a climax has [Music] reached and now finally success success a major catastrophe the climax but Robert is still waiting for something is it a punishment long feared but also needed as a show of his power over his environment take all the blocks and put them over there on that table put right over there on that table that table right there in the meantime Sally has given plenty of sympathy children often come running to the rescue when there's trouble sometimes they just stand and look they seem to be learning how to handle their own crisis by identifying with a child in trouble this too is a technique of socialization socialization in a larger group structured by the teacher is more difficult some children join in without really participating hurry up we going to bump oh another one all right Others May find a place that satisfies them but does not contribute to the group goal oh all right very good good boy very good all right you ready now let's hear Choo Cho I don't hear any Choo Cho from anybody you going to say cho cho oh Nancy are you going to say choo ch okay you ready let's go your feet get them going other structured activities even learning games when they are made attractive provide a chance to learn more about participation and taking turns another aspect of socialization right you want to play too okay you want to play too can we let you want to do it again all right you want to play too and some interaction is pure the light children of this age we know are finding out who they are what a wonderful feeling to discover it is possible to be someone else just with a change of hats what makes you want to sing and dance just because you're wearing a costume dressing up is not only fun it is a projection of other worlds and draws one deeply into a social relationship with one's peace very nice who is the strange person in the mirror is this another insight into the self that is emerging from the anonymity of babyhood is this a chance to check on sex differences that have not yet been fully understood has not yet become rigid all these subjects are fascinating to a [Music] preschool all right everybody and so our lunch table is surrounded by interesting developing unique members of a society the thing most wonderful about them and the hardest to see of fleeting glands is the changing process itself but as they eat together or talk together or play together they sometimes reveal the distance they have come from infancy and sometimes they give us a glimpse of where they will be tomorrow for the development of a healthy child is a continuous happening today they join the group tomorrow they will interact with it nothing in the process is static a child cannot stop [Music] developing my [Music] foot [Music] [Applause] fore