Dead Serious (1987)

[Music] What about rejection? Um, like when you go out on a date and you really really like the girl and she really really doesn't like you. Getting good grades isn't really easy and my parents put a lot of pressure on me to do well. Sometimes I can go off into a bit of depression and just not be seen for a couple weeks just because um I got a bad grade. When you're shy, you want to stay in where it's safe. You don't want to go out in the world where it's not safe. You just it's it's too easy to get hurt. It's been it's been pretty difficult trying to deal with the pressures to, you know, get sexually active. I just find that it's very hard dealing with my boyfriend. Um, he always seems to want me to have, you know, do things that I'm not ready for. When you say no and stuff, you feel like you don't fit in. My parents give me a really hard time about everything. I'm going to be 14 years old soon, but I look like I'm 12. And because of that, my friends, my family, everyone, they treat me like I'm a baby or something. Nuclear war scares me because uh the whole world could be annihilated. When my friends have a problem, that is something that's really serious to me. If I'm not trying the hardest that I that I could or know I can, that gets me down, that I'm letting myself down. My friends hurt my feelings when they tell me that I'm overweight. My parents just got divorced and it hurts me more than I think anyone could possibly imagine. my adopted mom now, she's great and everything, but she owns her own business and I don't have a father and she wants me to be as perfect as she is and I can't do it. I've had to move twice during just high school. Once in my freshman year in the middle of my sophomore year and both of those times really hard on me. You do all in your power to be accepted and sometimes that's not enough. If these are supposed to be the best years of our lives, then why is everyone so dead serious? You just heard different kids talk about feelings we've all shared. Suppose these kids decide to throw in the towel, to put an end to their troubles, to kill themselves. Sound ridiculous? It's not. 18 teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19 take their own lives every day. Every hour, 57 children and young adults attempt suicide. 500,000 teens try to commit suicide each year. 5,000 succeed. Who do you talk to when you have a problem? A parent, a teacher, brother, sister? If you're like me, you talk to a friend when you're feeling down. Friends know where you're coming from. Parents and teachers have a harder time remembering what it's like to be a kid. They look back at their younger years as the best years of their lives. They have forgotten all of the pressures and problems. Because we talk to each other, we are usually the first to know if a friend is feeling depressed or suicidal. That means there's a lot we can do to help a friend get through a rough time. You know, most kids who talk about suicide don't really want to die. They just want someone to listen to them, to take their problems seriously, to help them end their [Music] pain. I decided after I graduate high school that I would kill myself. First, I graduate because my parents wanted me to, and then I kill myself. I had a lot of problems. My dad got this this new job. My whole family had to move when I was in 10th grade. I had to say goodbye to all of my friends. And then the day before we left, I got in this huge fight with my boyfriend and we broke up. I'm leaving in two weeks. What do you want me to say? It's just it, Paul. You're not saying anything. I don't know what you want from me. Nothing. Nothing. You don't understand. Understand? What? What do you want from me? Nothing. I don't want anything from you. All right. Look, I'm Just leave me alone. All right. I don't ever want to see you again. Come back and date me in a few minutes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thanks. After we moved, I found out that I was pregnant. I had an abortion. Nobody knew about it. I was afraid to tell anyone, especially my parents. I was afraid that they'd hate me because I wasn't their perfect daughter anymore. I mean, going to a new school is hard and so is breaking up with Paul, but I mean, the abortion, I couldn't deal with that at all. [Music] I made a few new friends and once I got to know them, I told them that I wanted to kill myself and they didn't believe me. They all thought I was having a great time. That's because I was drinking a lot, but I was using the drinking to cover up my feelings. I would laugh and try to act real happy that he would like me. It got to the point where I just didn't care anymore. I didn't feel anything. [Music] I burnt myself with an iron a few times to see if I could feel pain and I used my hair dryer with the water running and if I got electrocuted I got electrocuted. I started driving like a maniac. I was acting really really crazy and then my parents got worried. They decided to take me to a therapist. She thought that I might hurt myself and that I should come here. You know, I wonder if I'll always be like this. And I wonder I'll ever ever be able to feel good again. Like Kate, 75% of all suicide attempters give repeated warnings. They may tell their friends or even their families that they want to die. If they don't come right out and say it, they may show you how they feel by acting carelessly or recklessly and physically hurting themselves. Kate's behavior, the serious drinking, and the dangerous risks she took clued her family in that there was something seriously wrong. Kate was sending warning signals. There are many warning signs that can tip you off to someone who is thinking about suicide. In my case, there were two years, you know, span from my dad's death and my attempt. And I don't think I showed any signs during that time. But then when I did attempt, I being driven home by my boyfriend when I was crying during the time. I was just like, "Oh, I should just kill myself." And he said, "No, don't do that." And that was the only time that I ever mentioned it to anyone. Kids that don't have any friends might have become suicidal. I mean, most of the kids that have killed themselves, they didn't feel they had anybody close, you know, um, not one special person that they could share their feelings with. If someone's getting straight A's and then suddenly they start getting C's and D's, chances are there's something wrong. the kind of music they listen to. I mean, if they listen to fun music, you know, loud, but if they go off and listen to depressing kind of music, you know, slow stuff, it's not a good sign that they're very depressed. You see them, I mean, they they look, they're dressing like everything's going to end soon. One warning sign that's really important that people should pay attention to is when someone's like writing a will in a way when they start giving away special things, things that meant a lot to them when like to a brother or a sister or a special friend. You know, maybe it was something they got as a gift once from that friend and then they're giving it back to them. That's one warning sign that people should really notice. Also, sometimes people will become obsessed with death and they, you know, start to become familiar with a lot of things that are death related. You know, I've seen people write their own um gravestones and stuff. Depression and depression mixed with drugs and alcohol account for 60% of all suicides. What causes depression? Feelings of loneliness, feeling unloved, feeling rejected, trouble with family or friends, a loss of someone through a breakup, divorce, or death. All these things can cause depression. Up until 20 years ago, most doctors were convinced that kids never got depressed. But now, they think that as many as one out of every five kids is depressed. How can you tell if a friend is depressed? The most important thing to look for is change. Change in eating or sleeping habits, change in personality, change in attitude towards friends or school. If a friend starts acting weird, out of character, chances are he or she is [Music] depressed. Kids who suffer from depression usually feel hopeless. Life seems worthless to them. They may hate themselves or blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in their lives. But there is good news. With the proper treatment, usually a combination of talk therapy and anti-depressant drugs, depressed teens can pull themselves together and look forward to a brighter future. The most important thing is that they can get the help they need. 37% of all deaths in the 15 to 24 year old age group occur on the road. Some say that 25% of these accidents are intentional. The victims committed autoside. They killed themselves and sometimes others by driving recklessly with the intent to die. Alcohol and drug abuse contribute to reckless and suicidal behavior. Statistics show that nearly 50% of all teenagers who have killed themselves were drunk or high shortly before their deaths. And 85% of all suicide attempters drank or used drugs before trying to take their own lives. My mom got married again when I was 13 and moved away from home. My dad came in to take care of me. That was three years ago. We never did get along. He was always on me about something. Just got worse and worse. You won't let up, will you? You're always on my back about something. Why can't you just let me live my own life? I don't want that kid Jeff around here anymore. He's nothing but trouble. I don't care what you say. He's my best friend. I don't want to see [Music] him. I started spending more time at Jeff's house. Jeff's dad was a lot like mine, except for he drank a lot. But that was cool. That meant we could always get beer because there was plenty of stuff around. About a year ago, Jeff's old man started seeing this other woman. His mom and dad started fighting like crazy. We couldn't take it. Me and Jeff started skipping school. We'd go down to the lake, drink, get stoned, or both. We felt trapped. This whole town was a prison. We didn't see any way out. It seemed like we were stuck for good. And that seemed like a fate worse than death. You ever thought about taking sleeping pills? Too many times. Why don't we do it? All right. Down at the lake. Down here would be perfect. But I don't think we were serious right then. This would be peaceful enough. I'll tell you that. A couple weeks later, me and my dad got into a fight. I must have been really wasted or something cuz I don't know where he was coming from. I brought 10 bucks. What do you want money for? I'm going out. You're not going anywhere. That's what you think. I said you're staying home. And who's going to make me get out of my way? Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I didn't. I don't know. I just had it. I went and I got Jeff. We spent the whole day drinking and driving. We saw some kids downtown. We told them we were going to drive off dead man's curve. They just laughed. Can I come with you? No, we're not coming back. Hey, Joe. You need your stereo? Sure. It's all yours. I'll make sure to put flowers on your grave. Here, take my hat. Something to remember me by. I won't be coming back, you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] know. They didn't believe us. Me and Jeff drove up to that man's curb and I put my foot on the accelerator and we flew over. Next thing I know, I was looking up at a paramedic. It's kind of strange because if it was an accident, people would have said Jeff didn't make it. But since he's dead and I'm still alive, I guess you could say I didn't make it. It's a myth that teenagers who talk about suicide aren't serious. It is also a myth that there's nothing we can do once somebody decides to take their own life. The truth is there's plenty we can do. Friends like us can make a difference if we stop believing the myths about suicide and start taking each other's feelings seriously. I would say the the major myth that I would feel about suicide is that there's a stereotypical suicide person. I don't think that you can look at a person and say, "Oh, that person right there is a suicide victim." You cannot say that because when I attempted, everybody thought, "Oh my gosh, no way." When they, you know, the few people who have found out about my suicide attempt have actually come up to me and said, "No way. You, Christy, you know, you're always so happy. You're always smiling. How could actually you, you know, how could you be sad or something like that? And you can't look at someone and say, "Oh, that person's a burnout. He must, you know, he he looks like a loner. He probably, you know, has tried to do suicide or something." It can be the the person who succeeds in everything they do. But they inside they might not feel comfortable and content with themselves. Some people think that if someone's tried to attempt suicide that he or she won't do it again because they'll feel ashamed of themselves. But that is definitely a myth. One myth is that you're going to put it into somebody's head. If you start talking about suicide, and that's exactly the opposite. If someone is considering suicide, it's been in their head. You're not about to put it in their head. And most likely, they're going to want to talk about it instead of, you know, people shying away from the subject because they have all these bad feelings bottled up inside of them and they have to get them out. And that's really important and that's something that should people should know. Another one is that when people once a depressed person who may have attempted suicide or had considered it once they're happy again it doesn't mean that things are fine and a lot of people ignore that and think oh you know I saw them today they're doing great that's fine that's not true they still might be feeling bad and now that they are feeling better it might even be worse because they have the energy to go through with their plan whereas when they're really depressed they might not even have that energy you know lots of kids think that anyone Anyone who would even consider taking their own life is crazy. But most suicidal people are not mentally ill. That's just another one of the myths. Most people that take their own lives are either lonely or depressed, but they're not mentally ill. After this girl who killed herself, I started thinking about suicide a lot. [Music] I almost put a rifle to my head on a honey choke with my father. I didn't go through with it, but I still real depressed. I tried to act normal. I didn't want everyone to know how down I really was. Everyone had gone through enough problems when Kelly killed herself, and I didn't want to add to them. But after a while, death was all I could think about. I had to talk to somebody or I'd explode. That's when I saw Jenny. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because he has brothers and you I'll see you in class, Jenny. Okay. Bye. What's wrong? I messed up. Well, I'll listen if you want to talk. I'm going I'm going to kill myself. Do you have a plan? Going to take all the pills I can get my hands on. When they start to go to work, I'm going to shoot myself. You're really serious, aren't you? Yeah. I know how you feel. I wanted to die, too. You did? just for a few minutes after Kelly's funeral. But it wouldn't solve anything. It will for me. Look, don't tell anyone cuz if you do, I'll really kill myself for sure. And then you'll have that on your conscience. There's nothing you or anyone else can do to change my mind. I guess I upset Jenny a lot. She ended up telling the Sarge, he's my basketball coach. The serge and Jenny went to the principal's office. Then Miss Sanders, she's a school counselor. She called me in to talk. I told her I was worried about getting into college. It was easy to fool her. I didn't want her to know what was really going on. Found out later my mom called Jenny. Jenny told her everything. News. Um, I understand that you talked to Rick. He said something about taking pills and shooting himself. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I don't know how serious it is, and I didn't want to chance it. He was really depressed. Jenny, thanks so much for telling me. I appreciate that. I don't want to alarm you. I hope you're not too upset, but I had to tell someone. That's why my parents sent me to this place. Part of me hated Jenny for what she did, but part of me was relieved. I knew she cared. She didn't want me to die. Deep down, I think I told her because I wanted help. Can't explain this, but you're the only person that really helped me. I'm glad you talked to me, Rick. I really care about you. Just knowing you're my friend means a lot. Well, it's good to have you back. I missed you. I missed you, too. Hey, this is getting a little too serious. Got to learn how to lighten up. Rick didn't really want to die. He needed a friend. Somebody who wouldn't put him down or make him feel weird or guilty about his feelings. Somebody who wouldn't tell him what to do or preach at him. Jenny was there for Rick. She listened. She tried to understand how he felt and why he felt the way he did. But most importantly, Jenny didn't keep Rick's feelings a secret. Suicide is a cry for help. You already know that many kids who talk or think about suicide don't really want to die. That's why many of them tell a friend or somebody in their family about their plans. They want to be talked out of it. If you are ever in Jenny's situation, here's what you can do. The most important thing is to tune in and to really try to understand what the other person is feeling and ask them open-ended questions. Things that will get them to talk, not yes, no type answer questions, questions that they have to do some explaining that they can let out their feelings. You you got to tell the person that, you know, they've got things to look forward to and things they haven't done yet. And I mean, just because you're having problems now doesn't mean that they're going to like you don't have to tell them that all their problems are going to go away, but you don't have to tell them that you're going to have problems for the rest of your life. Everyone has some fun times. Make them give you a promise. Make them promise you that they're not going to do anything silly that day or that week, you know, and they they usually go exactly by that promise. They don't want to die, so they'll go by and that promise they gave you. And then you have to contact someone else like a professional counselor or someone like that because you really can't deal with someone's deep emotions like that. No one is superhuman. Sometimes another person's problems can be too big for us to handle alone. And it's okay if we encourage them to talk to someone else when they come to us for help. Like I said, kids talk to kids, but no one expects us to try and solve another person's problems by ourselves, especially when that friend is talking about suicide. We can't and we should not try to do it [Applause] alone. What can we do to help a friend out? We can keep our eyes and ears open. We can look for change that might signal trouble. We can take our friends and their problems seriously and never keep a friend's feelings about suicide a secret. If all the teens who took their own lives had a friend like you, they might still be alive today. You can make the difference. You can help a friend choose life. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]