Carol Leifer on David Letterman 1980s KCST San Diego

for it by name. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Carol Leafer. Carol, [music] [music] [applause] >> thank you. Thank you very much. Good evening. How's your summer going? Pretty good. >> Yeah. Summer to me, it's a lot of fun, but frankly, being a woman, too much shaving. Ladies and gentlemen, I've had it up to you with the shaving. You can't even spend an entire day out. You know, I I go to a barbecue by 6:00 p.m. I'm like, "Wait, everybody, no. I got nubs. I have to leave. It's an awful way to live." But, uh, travel a lot this summer, flying aroundes. They crack me up. You ever pass them as you're leaving the plane? You that minefield of goodbyes? Bye-bye now. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye now. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye now. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye now. Bye. Bye-bye. Curb that sincerity. You ever pass me up pier 747 full of people? They're like >> I love the ones that are so perky. They never answer yes. You know, they're always like, "Uh-huh." I love when they come around and make you think you have a choice of what you want to eat. You know, they will that card down. Okay. Hey, what we've been having today, the chicken Kiev or cement. [laughter] So, uh, went to the Brock Zoo last week. That was fun. If you go to the zoo this summer, I'll tell you one thing you can skip, though. That monkey house. Oh, you've been in there lately? It's a hurry. You go in there, the chips stand there, they're all ticked off, screaming at you, throwing stuff. felt real defensive, you know. It's like, hey, look, some of us evolved and others didn't. [applause] >> Oh, like, excuse me for walking upright, Zippy. [applause] >> Well, that's what separates us from them, you know, walking upright. And uh you know why it evolved? Because it makes shopping so much easier. That's right. This is why you don't see a lot of orangutangs at Bloomingdales, you know, because it's too frustrating for them. You know, they're like, "Uh, I like that jumpsuit, but I just can't reach it." [laughter] So, what do you say we all sing songs from Westside Story? Would you like to do that? >> Well, let's do it. Could be. Who knows? It's only just out of reach down the block on the beach under a tree. Come on, let's sing it. I got a feeling there's a miracle too going to come true. Come to me. Couples only. Will it be? Yes, it will. Maybe just by holding still. Just guys named Wayne now under a star. A boy like that who a brother. Forget that boy and friend and mother of your own. The boy says no. Gill says no. And he's the one who get that he's smart money and that he's smart. I know I need to know. You should know better. You were in love. So you said you should know better. I have a love and it's all that they have. What does [applause] [cheering] [applause] Oklahoma weather where the wind went. [laughter] Quick impression. Veronica from Archie comic books walking away mad. >> [applause] >> So, sketch. Thanks. So, I'm uh I'm recently divorced. I'm single again. [applause] And uh it sucks. Um my husband and I split up. I figured I'd be like that girl. I feel more like Miss Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies. Almost a Dale. [applause] But uh no, actually I shouldn't complain. I had a great date last week. You know what I did for the first time? I took a guy out to dinner and I loved it. Really, I got a kick out of it. You know, cuz there's something real macho, you know, about buying your date a meal, male or female. You know, I took this guy out. I felt like, hey, look, you get whatever you want. All right, cuz it's on me, okay? What do you want? You going to get a little appetizer up front? I don't know. You want to get them snails, them bugs, them escarots? You get that. All right, cuz it's all me. All right, get a steak. Get a lobster tail. Get them both. I don't care. All right, it's all me. Possibly you would enjoy a little dessert. Would you like that? A little, I don't know, cappuccino. Maybe moose. You want a moose? Get a moose. All right. Cuz it's on me.