AV Geeks 16mm Lunch 6-20-2025

Hello everybody. This is Skip Alzheimer. Welcome to the AV Geeks Lunchtime streaming show where we watch old 16 mm films and sometimes listen to our neighbor mowing his lawn. Um I I set everything up. I was like, "All right, I got my show ready. I got my place ready. I'm doing some stuff um here in the room, including scanning some more 16." And then he started mowing and I'm like, "Oh my god, I can't move. Can't move." That's the final the final straw, the final thing before going over the top, before skidding off the road. That's the final factor. Enjoy. [Music] Every time we drive, there are factors at work that could contribute to an accident. [Music] The minor driving errors that we all commit are factors. They can build gradually or suddenly pop up, anywhere, anytime, in any type vehicle. Most drivers can handle at least one such factor. Many can cope with two, even three successfully, and some even more. But these drivers, all experienced and cautious, are about to face emergencies. Emergencies not necessarily caused by violations of the traffic laws, but by the addition of that one factor that they cannot handle safely. [Music] This is the final factor. We can get an idea about how factors add up and combine by looking at this familiar situation. Two drivers at the scene of a minor collision. Many of the factors that led to this accident will never even be known by the drivers involved. Let's see what those factors really were. Factor one was contributed by Jane Hoffman. Jane is always nervous driving her expensive car, especially when getting on an expressway, and is often just a little too careful. The driver of this car, already on the expressway, is not honoring the merging traffic sign and allowing Jane to enter the flow of traffic. He is creating factor two. Jane, edging up, decides at the last minute that she can't make it and stops. Meanwhile, behind her, Bob Kaplan, assuming that Jane did enter the expressway, turns to check traffic for his own entry, and that's factor three. Following closely behind Bob, Kathy Brewer now adds the final factor. She chooses this moment to change cassettes in her tape deck. At the exact moment Bob hits his brakes, finally seeing her opportunity, Jane entered the expressway, unaware that she had anything at all to do with Bob and Cathy's collision. If any of the four drivers had eliminated the factors they created, the accident might have been avoided. Factors do have a way of building up. Watch as they build for Benjamin Walker, returning with his wife from a weekend in the country. Factor one. Ben Walker is tired. It's been a long day. He's been on the road since late morning. He knows he should stop, but he has to get home. It's also dark. And that's factor two. Factor three. Ben's wife, who's also tired, is resting on his shoulder. This limits Ben's control of the steering wheel. Factor four. Ben's wagon is overloaded. Ben doesn't know it, but that extra weight is causing his low beam headlights to shoot high, blinding the oncoming drivers. They respond by flicking their bright lights, trying to signal Ben to dim his. Ben doesn't understand. His brights aren't on. And then the final factor. One driver retaliates by blasting his brights at Ben, momentarily blinding him. [Music] [Applause] Fortunately, it isn't serious. But if any or all of the factors that caused this had been eliminated, Ben and his wife would have gotten home a lot sooner. Often an emergency situation develops and there's no one but yourself to blame for contributing all the factors. Take Neil Berman for instance. Neil is a pretty good driver, but he occasionally takes risks. Up to now, he's been lucky in dealing with these factors safely. This time, however, it will be different. Factor one, the weather has made the road slippery and treacherous. Factor two, Neil, anxious to reach his destination, sees no need to slow down. Factor three, he's also unfamiliar with these roads, and that map he's clutching is a distraction from his full attention to the road. Factor four. Neil is driving on almost bare tires. And on a road like this, if the brakes are applied suddenly, he'll skid. Neil's dirty windshield is making visibility difficult. Factor five. The worn out wiper blades are making it even worse. Still, Neil feels confident that he can handle these factors safely, and he probably can. But when we add the final factor, an unexpected construction barricade, which perhaps should have been more clearly marked, but if Neil hadn't taken so many risks, he would have been better prepared to safely handle this emergency. Most accidents do occur when we're close to home and always when we least expect them. Case in point, Betty Corwin on her way home from the shopping center with her three children. Betty knows that it could be dangerous not having little Jennifer safely harnessed in the front seat. Betty isn't even wearing her own safety belt. She says it limits her movements, especially with two active kids in the back seat. These will be factors one and two. Betty's not really driving fast, although maybe a few miles above the posted speed limit. But with these road conditions, it's too fast. Factor three. Betty knows that she should keep her eyes on the road at all times, but she has to keep an eye on her kids, too. And that's factor four. Betty's in attention to the road. Now, let's escalate that roughousing in the back seat. Factor five. [Music] And to this we add the final factor. [Music] [Applause] Who would have expected a bicycle out in weather like this? And true, the child should have been more careful before riding so quickly into the street. Luckily, there were no injuries, but it could have been much, much worse. How could this have been avoided? Now Betty is safely belted in and Jennifer is secured in an approved automobile safety seat. Even the two kids in the back are wearing safety belts and Betty has provided a quiet activity to occupy them. To eliminate other factors, Betty knows the road conditions and drives a little slower. By so doing, Betty can now handle the only factor left to cope with. she can stop in time without fear of endangering anyone in this emergency situation. Many times it is other drivers who contribute the factors factors that you are unable to control. Of course, you too can be the other driver. The car on your left is driven by Phil Kates. Phil, always uneasy on a throughway, is unsure of where his exit is and drives in the center lane. That's factor one. Next to Phil in the truck is Ken Gordon. Ken is not used to driving a truck and his heavy load is slowing him down a good deal more than he expected. And a slow driver, especially in a truck, should never be traveling in the left lane, forcing other drivers to pass on the right. Ken will contribute the second factor. The car directly behind Ken trying to pass is driven by Beth Wson. Beth is rushing to a job interview and has waited too long before deciding to change lanes and pass Ken on his right. Beth will contribute factor three. Pulling alongside Beth is John Kimble. Jon is following behind Phil's car much too closely. And this is no time to be distracted either. Jon adds factors four and five. All these factors are building up. But let's see what happens when the final factor is introduced. Phil has found his exit. Too late. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Phil Kates, concerned only with getting off the throughway, is not even aware that he contributed the final factor. This emergency might have been avoided if just one of these drivers had eliminated the factors they created. For example, if Ken Gordon had been in the right-hand lane where he belonged, Beth would not have had to try and pass him on the right. Or if Beth had changed lanes earlier instead of at the very last minute, she could have avoided the emergency. Jon might have noticed the distance between his car and Phil's if he had been watching the road instead of Beth. If he allowed more space, he wouldn't have had to swerve into Beth's lane when Phil slammed on his brakes. And Phil, besides being in the wrong lane, he should have gone on to the next exit once he missed his, which would have prevented a potentially fatal emergency. All these drivers have taken risks, risks that they have taken before and yet have managed to drive safely. These risks become factors which when combined with other factors could create emergencies. Remember this next time you drive. You may be able to cope with one factor, probably more. But the more factors you consciously eliminate for yourself, the better prepared you'll be to cope with that one factor that's beyond your control. The final factor. I showed that a long time ago, but um I just recently scanned it and um I love these and this happens a lot in driver safety films, these kind of this and then this and then this. It led up to this catastrophe. Um and um I I guess this shows up in other safety films like Shake Hands with Danger obviously has this this happened and this happened and this happened and then chaos catastrophe. All right. Uh here's a sweet film called A Father Like That. Uh something that we also just scanned. Um, a lot of these are going to start with the letter F. So, because they all came off the same shelf that were relocating and so I pulled a couple of films off that u before I reshelved them in the new space um I was like, "Oh, I want to scan these." So, that's what we're watching. Here's a father like that. Enjoy. [Music] Greg. Greg, what's wrong? Why do you look so sad? It's the homework. I don't understand. You just had to write a short report about your father. That's nothing to get upset about. But Miss Barton, I don't have a father. He went away before I was born. Oh, Gregory, I'm sorry. I forgot. But you should still do the homework. Why don't you write about the kind of father you'd like to have if you could pick him out? Oh, you can do that. Think about it. I guess so. Have a good weekend and cheer up. [Music] I guess my father would be like him. Friendly and kind and happy. [Music] Hi, boy. How was school today? All right, sir. I guess except for my homework. What does Miss Barton have you doing now? I have to write about what a good father is. And I don't have a father. Well, I can tell you about my father if you'd like. That might help me. Well, my father used to walk me to school every day on his way to work. My mom, she would be watching from the porch. And at night, dad would come home. I would meet him at the door and he would say to me, "We made another day, the two of us." And we'd both laugh. Thanks, sir. Don't mention it, boy. I see you on Monday. Mom. Mom. Who are you? I'm Hal Johnson, a plumber. I'm fixing the leak in your sink. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That made a mess of your mother's sink. Anyone help me put these pools away and clean up? Sure. [Applause] Now the sink's fixed. What do you say we do dishes for your mom? Sure. Mr. Carson. Yeah. Can you help me with my homework? I will if I can. My father used to help me with my homework. When I got stuck, he'd show me how to do it. Tell me more about your father. Well, after I finish my homework, he sit down with me and play a game of checkers. Would you play a game of checkers with me now? Yeah, I have a set. Tell me more about your father. When I was sick in bed, he'd bring me home a new book. It's your move. You're pretty good. Thanks. What would he do next? Well, he'd set me on my bed and tell me stories to make me smile. Hi, Greg. You're home early. Hi, Mrs. Taylor. Great. Now, what have you got Mr. Johnson doing? He's a very busy man. It's all right, Mrs. Taylor. I haven't had a good game of checkers in years. Well, anyway, I have to go to the supermarket, and I want you to come with me. So, I think you better put the game away. Oh, mom. [Music] Good afternoon, Mr. Brown. Oh, hi, Mrs. Taylor. Hi, Greg. Hi, Mr. Brown. What's wrong, Greg? Something's bothering him today. Hi, Mr. Offen. How's business? Fine, dear. Thank you. Say those peaches just come in from California. They're gorgeous. The ones you were asking about. Oh. Oh, hi Miss Barton. How are you? Oh, I'm fine. Hi, Greg. Hi, Mr. Hoffman. Here's my order for next week. Oh, thank you. Uh, how's Greg doing in school? Is he uh behaving himself? [Music] Oh, he and Kevin tend to talk in class a little too much. Excuse me for butdding in, but you know, all boys do that. Great. Tail, what have you done? Oh, that's all right. I'll clean it up. No, I think Gregory should do it and apologize to Mr. Brown. How about we clean it up together? Well, that's very good of you. Now, Gregory, behave and help Mr. Brown while I finish the shopping. See you on Monday, Greg. Don't forget your assignment. Mr. Brown, what what Mr. Brown, what would your father do when you did something wrong? I could always talk to my father. His voice would be very low, and when he got angry, he'd speak slowly and be kind. You better hurry up. Your mother is checking out. I'll clean it up myself. I'm sorry for making a mess. Oh, that's all right. No harm done. Bye. And thank you. Okay. So long, Greg. Was some stunt you pulled in there, young man. I'm sorry. It's all right. I just wish sometimes that you had a father you could talk with. Wait, Gregory. What's wrong? Nothing. I just met in the park with Kevin and Jennifer. Is it okay? Is that all? You scared the life out of me. All right. Thanks, Mom. Now be home early. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi. What you doing? Nothing. Have you done your homework yet? That was mean of Miss Bars and make you do the homework. What are you writing about your father, Kevin? Well, my father always brings home good jokes from the office. That's where you get those bad jokes. I bet I could swing higher than you. No, you can't. [Applause] [Music] Oh, [Music] Hey. Oh no. Hey, are you all right? What a cry, baby. Good luck doing your home a cry, baby. I hate you guys. Never mind, old fella. You'll feel better later on. Your friends were pretty mean to you, but being angry won't help. What's this about homework? We have to write about our fathers. Mine run away before I was born. That is pretty hard. But look, I'll tell you about my father if you like. Yeah. Okay. One thing I remember about my father is that he'd rather go down to the store and have a Coke with me than to sit around having beer with other fathers. He knew all of my friends by name. And he'd ask him something sensible like, "Uh, hey, how's your dog?" I wish my mother was like that sometimes. Hey, you've got to remember that everyone is different. Now, I bet that your mother does some very nice things for you that somebody else just might forget. What else do you do with your friends? Well, I remember that my father would never make jokes about me in front of my friends. And he'd never say things like, "Break it up, boys." Or, "Send them home." And speaking of home, it's getting pretty late and you and I better be headed home because it's getting near dinner time. You're right. Can I run out of the way with you? Sure. You've got to be careful on those swings. [Music] Hi, Mom. Well, you're looking pretty chipper today. Yep. Whose truck is in the driveway? Uh, that's Mr. Stone, the TV repairman. Why don't you go in the living room and talk to him? You like to watch him work, remember? Hi, Mr. Stone. Oh, hi Greg. You missed all the fun. I just closed up the set. It's all right. I just want to ask you a question. Sure. Go ahead. I have to do a homework assignment on what a good father is like. Can you tell me something about your father? Well, um, come on. My father and I used to like to watch baseball double-headed together on TV. And mom would always come in and say, "Turn it down." And papa, he would always smile and say, "But if we make it any lower, we won't hear." Is that how you started working with TVs? I suppose that had something to do with it. Tell me something else. Well, he used to like to wrestle with me, and he didn't mind if I pounced him a bit. That sounds great. Yeah, it was. Well, I'd better be going. Oh, no. That's all right, Mr. Stone. Greg likes your company. Oh, Mom. Greg, look at this new shirt I bought you today. Mom, I don't like green shirts. But Greg, this shirt just matches your new pants. It'll make you look real handsome. I can see that you were never a boy, Mrs. T. You just don't know. I'm going to do my homework. That boy never stops. [Music] Gregory, time for dinner. [Music] Mom, you're frightening me. What are you writing? My homework assignment. I know that. But what did you have to do? I had to write about my father. So that's why you were so upset. Can I read it? My father. I don't have a father, but if I did, he would be kind and happy and funny like the janitor at school. He would be helpful and not make me do too many chores. When there was work to do, he would help me with it. When I did something wrong, he would not yell at me. He would just help me fix what I did wrong and let me learn from my mistakes. He would be my friend. My father would be all of these things. I like the kind of father you wrote about. But you know, in case he never comes, just remember that when you grow up, you can be a father just like that. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. [Music] Um, wow. Yeah. I mean, so this is part of that uh trying to be inclusive and basically addressing the fact that some kids don't have both their parents uh for whatever reason. And so this was based on a book and um yeah, they made this into a film. And so um you know, it's trying to bridge that gap where some kids just don't have what is required. Um they don't have a dad, they don't have a mom. So, how do you um how do you reconcile the fact that the most the other kids in your class have both sets of parents? Um so, just very coincidentally because they appear next to each other um on the shelf. Uh maybe this explains where uh his dad went. This is a film. It's a weird film. So, this is a transactional analysis film. transactional analysis was kind of this pop psychology approach to trying to talk about how people talk to each other and you know where that communication gap comes from because uh they assume different roles when they talk. Um you might know it better uh as TA and there was a very popular book that my parents had that I read called TA. TA is for tots and it talks about warm fuzzies and cold prickleys. Uh this is made for adults and it's called the failing marriage. So uh there's just going to be a lot of arguing going on with people from the early '7s. So get ready for some sideburns and some big sunglasses. Here it is. The failing marriage. Enjoy. I'm really sorry I ever brought up the sub. I hope you're sorry you ever brought it up. And I told you before that's it. It's done. And there's no more discussion. That's it. It's settled. Well, I have news for you. I don't think it's done. I don't think it's settled. And I want to discuss this. I want to discuss it sely for a change without you flying off the handle all the time. Same with the sister you got sely. No sie it's over. She's not coming back. I don't care what happens to her. All right. Obvious Charlie. That is very obvious because it hasn't been brother. What would what would it be like if it was someone in your my brother? He wouldn't hang around. Change. Oh, we have to take care of little Frankie. We have to make sure everything's all right with him. We have to give him all the money he wants. We have to take him out to school. We have to do this. We have to do that. He's got to have all the stereo equipment he wants. He's got to have whatever his little heart desires. Yeah. Well, I'm working to pay for it. And I say he gets it. He gets it and she doesn't. Oh, that's that's really fine. He gets it and she doesn't. What logic? I can't believe it. I really can't believe you talk logic to me, honey. I'll talk whatever I please. I don't think you would understand it anyway. You were so beyond that. Yeah, you are really beyond anything. You're beyond discussing anything sainely with you. We had the discussion. The discussion's over. And she does not come back until this hour. She does my sister here. I will have her here and you will not tell me. Honey, you and your sister are both going to stay in a hotel. My dear husband. Yeah. You just try throwing me out of this house. You just try it. I dare you, John. I dare you. Well, I'm telling you, she doesn't come back. You want to spend your time with your sister? I don't care. But you don't spend it here. You try to be a little more civil to her. Don't talk civil. Don't talk understand. You never try anything. You don't try and You don't try and be civil with anybody. You never come home and talk to me. Who's been keeping this lush free longer or all this lush? My sister is not lush. And I don't buy another drop of her. She is not a lush. Oh yeah, she's as lushy as you. Check under her. Two martinis. Two and three martinis. Two martinis. I would say that is verging on alcoholism. I don't care what you say. I don't buy her you. Yeah. Why? I really Cuz it's your goddamn sister. That's why. Blame everything on her. You just let Well, everything's her goddamn fault anyway. No, it is not. That is ridiculous. Oh, she stays out here. She does not. She stays here. Honey, if you bring her here tomorrow, I your finger at me. I you bring her here tomorrow. Help. Shut up. Stop. I [ __ ] Shut up. You Charlie, listen to me. I told you. Stop. You want me to smash you? Stop it. To smash you. I'm telling you. This is incredible. I don't believe you are doing this. Let go of my wrist. You're hurting me. You are hurting me, Charlie. I'm hurting you. You're hurting me. I'm going to hurt you more. You're hurting me. Let me alone. The [ __ ] Stop it. Yeah, you throw another goddamn thing out of this goddamn house. You and your sister. I've had enough. I am not going to work my ass up for your sister. J. [Applause] Like a million other couples this year, Charlie and Caroline's marriage will end in divorce. Just about half, only 55 out of a 100red marriages taking place today will survive. Why do marriages fail? There are no pat answers. But let's look at a marriage that is failing, this one, and see if we can get a picture of the forces that can tear couples apart. Caroline and Charlie are caught in a power struggle. The original issue has been forgotten because each is more interested in winning the struggle than in solving the problem. The purpose of a power struggle is to stay in control. And in order to get control, each resorts to attack and counterattack, the usual maneuvers of a power struggle. Anger and hostility have taken the place of affection and caring. But anger is a natural response to frustration, and frustration is a normal part of life. Anger can be constructive when it is channeled into problem solving. But what is happening here with Caroline and Charlie is that the anger is destroying the marriage. Let's look at some of the scene again and see how their anger becomes destructive. This is Caroline's opening. It produces resentment and more anger. Well, I have news for you. I don't think it's done. I don't think it's settled. And I want to discuss this. I want to discuss it sely for a change without you flying off the handle all the time. Instead of trying to solve the problem, she is more interested in hurting, in getting even. She may feel better for a while because she's getting things off her chest. But her words will have a scarring effect that will be felt for a long time. My sister is not lush. And I don't buy another crop for her. She is not a lush. Oh yeah. She's as lushy as you are under her two martinis. Two and three martinis. I would say that is verging on alcoholism. This is character assassination. [Applause] It's you. Charlie's drinking has nothing to do with the decision about Nikki. Bringing it up now makes getting back to the original issue even harder. More and more irrelevant issues are being dragged in. They are arguing about so many different things now. The system is overloaded. I call this kitchen sinking because everything gets thrown into the argument but the kitchen sink. What would it be like if it was someone in your father? He wouldn't carry around. Then we'd have a big change or we'd have to take care of little Frankie. We have to make sure everything's all right with him. This remark is sarcasm. It produces resentment and more anger. Do that. He's got to have all the stereo equipment he wants. He's got to have whatever his little heart desires. Charlie and Caroline are caught up in a power struggle. The original issue is forgotten because each is more interested in winning than in solving the problem. [Applause] They use tactics like character assassination, humiliation, sarcasm, generalizing the criticism and so on. The end result is anger. And when anger is used in an attacking way, such as here, it becomes enormously destructive. Why can't Charlie and Caroline resolve their problems constructively like so many others? The answer to that question lies in the fact that there is a hidden defect in how these two people communicate. The power struggle is only a symptom, not the cause. The real cause for this failing marriage is a subtle defect in communication. To find this basic flaw, let's go back to the very beginning of the argument when Caroline first brings up the issue about Nikki. Let's see how Charlie and Caroline communicate. Charlie, do you think you could pick Nikki up tomorrow? I have to take the kids to the dentist and I can't go and she's due to come out. Pick her up. She's due to come out tomorrow. Mhm. And I'd rather, you know, that one of us got her than she would have to take a cab. And I mean, that's an expense, too. We, you know, and take her away. Bring her home. We got to talk about this. Well, I thought we agreed that it was all right. We agreed that it was all right for a while. Okay. Mm- She's been here. Things are getting bad in this house and I'm not bringing her back. Okay. Now, Chel, what am I supposed to do? I can't I can't just, you know, they can't release her. I just can't have her go on the street. Now, I've got to bring her just for a while. Now, we said we'd give it a chance, and I say two weeks as a chance. It was just for a while, the last time. And the time before that, then? No. Well, what would you like me to do? Would you like to put her up in a hotel? That's an idea you'd want her to. I don't really think she can take that, Charlie. Now, look, you know what the doctor You don't think she can take that? I'm going to tell you something. I don't know. I know that I can take her coming back here. Okay. Thank you for letting me finish. Well, you finish now. Thank you. May I just point one little thing out to you? You point one little thing out. Each time she has been here. Okay. Just shut up a minute. Just let me finish something once. Wait, don't tell me to shut up. Would you please be quiet then? Don't tell me to shut up. All right. You want to discuss this? We're going to discuss it. But don't you tell me to shut up. Shut up. You pick your sister up and you take her wherever you want. But she's not coming back in this house. So there. Now shut up. Okay. Huh? Now are you ready to talk decent without Shut up. You have outshotted me every time I've tried to bring this up. You've not let me finish one. Honey, I had here her I had her here twice. Okay. Are we supposed to take care of this girl the rest of her life? When is she going to start taking care of herself? The problem about Nikki is only a trigger to bring out the conflicts that lie beneath the surface. How can we find out what the true issues are? their body language, how they use objects, what they say and do. All these can be a clue to what is really happening. For instance, let's look at the couple just before the issue of Nikki is brought up. Charlie's not really reading the magazine. He's using it as a barrier. There are other issues here besides Nikki, but no one is talking about them. Let's go a little further. It looks as though Caroline feels dominated by Charlie. You have outshouted me every time I have tried to bring this up. You've not let me finish one off. But at the same time, Caroline feels dominated by Charlie. Charlie also feels dominated. Don't tell me to shut up. All right. You want to discuss this? We're going to discuss it. But don't you tell me to shut up. Shut up. The struggle to avoid being dominated has a lot to do with Charlie's barriers. They seem to be a way of saying, "You can't make me." And there's another important issue to Charlie. Losing control. Here, in a very revealing moment, Charlie shows just how much losing control frightens him. I had her I had her here twice. He has only mispronounced his words. A simple thing. But his overreaction tells us that under that facade he has a great fear of losing control. I had her I had her here twice. Dominating, submitting, losing control. These are some of the things that Charlie and Caroline can't talk about directly and the list gets longer. One more most important issue becomes obvious at the very beginning of the argument. Let's look at the replay. Charlie, do you think you can pick Nikki up tomorrow? I have to take the kids to the dentist and I can't go and she's due to come out. Caroline has waited until the last moment to bring up the issue about Nikki. And look how casually she brings it up. Then when Charlie refuses to go along, Caroline gets very upset and protests. We got to talk about this. Well, I thought we agreed that it was all right. We agreed that it was all right for a while. Okay. Mm-m. She's been here. Things are getting bad in this house, and I'm not bringing her back. Okay. Now, Charlie, what am I supposed to do? I can't. This is a pattern. We'll see more of it soon. Caroline understates her request. Charlie, do you think you could pick me up tomorrow? Charlie refuses. Mm- She's been here. Things are getting bad in this house, and I'm not bringing her back. Caroline protests. Now, Charlie, what am I supposed to do? Look at the body language at the instant of protest. Charlie's hands show his everpresent barriers. Caroline's hand onchest martyr gesture shows her protest. It's that martyr way she protests. Let's go a little further. It was just for a while. The last time and the time before that. There was no. Well, what would you like me to do? Would you like to put her up at a hotel? That's an idea. You'd want her to I don't really think she can take that, Charlie. Here is almost that same request, refusal, protest pattern again. Only this time, it has an unexpected twist. Let's watch it again. Caroline offers a solution. Well, what would you like me to do? Would you like to put her up at a hotel? Charlie accepts the solution. That's an idea. Caroline rejects her own solution. I don't really think she can take that, Charlie. Caroline offered a suggestion. She expected Charlie to refuse. If he refused, she would protest and the request refusal protest pattern would have been repeated. What happened was that Charlie didn't refuse. And because the pattern is more important than the issue, Caroline was forced to reject her own suggestion. She was outmaneuvered. She couldn't protest her own solution. Is Caroline setting herself up to be refused. If so, why? At this point, we can only guess. But that request, refusal, protest pattern does give us a clue. It could be that Caroline is using a ploy The purpose of the ploy is to place blame and avoid guilt. The name of the ploy is look how hard I tried. Here's how it operates. Caroline secretly doesn't want Nikki to move in. But since Nikki's her sister, she can't say no without feeling guilty. But if Charlie says no, then he takes the blame. Caroline protests, and when she does, she feels self-righteous. And that's where the martyr part comes in. Because when she finishes protesting, she can say to herself, "Look how hard I tried." There is the defect. Manipulation has taken the place of true communication. Instead of being able to talk freely about how they feel, they avoid and manipulate. Charlie with his barriers, Caroline with her pus. Each throws his conflict on the other while at the same time each trying to avoid getting caught in the other's conflict. What is the outcome of a power struggle and a communication defect? A relationship in which Caroline and Charlie find themselves living in two different worlds. I'm tired of yelling. Well, I'm tired of yelling, too. And I'm tired of your sister like that. Oh, now she's not coming back. What are you? I'm in a state. You're right. Talking to you. Well, there's not going to be any discussing that because it's settled. We haven't discussed anything at all. You're right. We haven't discussed a thing from the very beginning. It's been nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. All the way down the line. Don't talk to me. Don't bother me about that. You bug me. Your sister. We've kept her. I have picked her up before [Music] I'm talking about right now. Yeah. What about right now? I was just Why should I repeat myself? Why should you repeat yourself? I'm fed up to him. I'm fed up with Nikki. I'm fed up with the shenanigans. I want her out. Don't you want I talk to How about a little understanding from you? All right. How dare you say that to me? How dare I say that to you? How dare you understanding? You don't know the meaning of the word. Instead of loving and caring for each other, they find themselves very separate and very much alone. And what happens when Charlie openly asks Caroline for understanding? In an extraordinary, revealing moment, Caroline shows where she stands when it comes to Charlie's need for love and caring. How about a little understanding from you? All right. How dare you say that to me? How dare I say that to you? How dare you? Understanding. You don't know the meaning of the word. Once they have reached that point, agreement is impossible and the battle becomes inevitable. A successful marriage takes awareness, sensitivity, and a lot of courage. Really important issues can't be avoided for long because like old ghosts, if they're not faced, they keep popping up when they're least expected, getting in the way of things that really need to be dealt with. Man, that realer needs to mind his own business. Um, wow. Uh, so it looks like maybe did I show this in the past? I I kind of looked to see if I had and I didn't I didn't mark it failing. No, I did. four years ago. Yeah. Oh, well, it's always great to have uh people from the 70s arguing. So, there you go. Uh all right, one last film. Um Pallet Cleanser about the free and responsible press. I feel like this film was made in the late 40s, early 50s. Uh so, enjoy. As it turned out, it was a most unusual day. But it began like any other at 500 a.m. of a cold and November morning. 5:00, right on time, came old Mercian news editor. Old Will with the very same head cold he had when he first started as a cub reporter around 1911. Will, having made this walk, oh, maybe 15,000 times, knew the route pretty well without thinking about it. Our police radio, it would blare constantly from now on, keeping us up to date on sad and silly things that can happen to the human race. 1743 Elm Street. We repeat, a police ambulance is needed at 1743 Elm Street. A child has swallowed a bottle of laundry bleach and is unconscious. But long before Will opened the office, we'd been functioning as a newspaper. At 3:00 a.m., an electronic eye had winked wickedly in the darkness, and the world of Moscow, London, Washington, Paris had begun piling up on our warped wooden floors. I always got down to the office a little before 7, an undignified hour for a managing editor, to be sure. But with a 20page newspaper to manufacture by 1:00 this afternoon, dignity was a luxury not even our society editor could afford. Good morning, Mr. Gary. Morning, Alan. A man. More coffee on that part, Mr. Gary. Yeah, it should be some. [Applause] Are you coming on that rewrite? I want to talk to you about that, Will. This thing intrigues the pants about me. a simulator about it. What intrigues you about it? Well, on the surface, it doesn't look like much. That's another AP teletype. An American Dam in Hungary, a kind of modern-day version of Access Sally. Made the Cold War a little bit hotter last night with a real blood and thunder broadcast. It's the usual yakity yak. The uh if we don't keep our noses out of Kremlin affairs, the day of reckoning will occur routine, and their atom bombs are bigger than our atom bombs, and so forth and so on. Sounds like power for the courts. Until this, no American city would be safe from our avenging bombers. No city, whether it be as mighty as New York or Chicago or as insignificant as Cooko or Kville. Kville, the cliché is Cookamo or Walaw Wala. That's right. The world wants me to do a rewrite in just a couple of paragraphs. Kville pierces the iron curtain, but I think this story might be bigger than that. This is interesting. Well, why did that dame name this town? How did she even know about it? Well, isn't it just barely possible that maybe once she might have even lived here? Wouldn't that be something? Uh, it's all right with you, Will. I'd like to do a little bit more digging on this. Go ahead and dig. Just remember, we've got to have a newspaper in the street in 6 hours. Right. You're not very enthusiastic about our Mr. Jordan, are you? Oh, I've seen too many of these newspaper bums. They drift into town with 20 letters of recommendation and a toothbrush. Then a big wind comes up and blows them away. You never hear of them again. They have no feeling at all for You think I'm picking on them, don't you? I want to show you something. 89 call in. 89 call in. Here's what your hot shot reporter wrote about Julia's recital last night. Tell me about these guys. Jordan, I want to see you in my office. Did you cover that story about the kids following the bleach? Yeah, they pumped almost a quart out of him, gave him a lollipop, and sent him home. But not before I got a sweet picture of him looking mighty unhappy about the whole thing. Okay. What would you do for news around here if those kids stop swallowing things? Yes, I guess it is a lot different from the big city dailies you've been used to, Jordan. I've worked on bigger sheets. I've worked on smaller ones, too. This is a good paper. Yeah. Well, Miss Julia Myers isn't going to think it's such a nice paper when she reads this. Though the audience was polite, Miss Meyers contralto had a vibrancy that was reminiscent more of a barnyard than a concert hall. Her ver Juliet hang herself if she read this. Have you ever heard her sing? Yes, I have. She sung free for every charity affair this town's had for the past 25 years. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're the boss. You know, when when I was a kid, my old journalist used to say, "Just print the truth, kid, and you'll always get ahead." Yes. The truth, not opinion. Anytime you bring me the truth around here, mister, you get it printed. That's been the habit around here for a very long time. Am I interrupting? Oh, the uh photographers's office is two doors down. Oh, two doors. Thank you. They told me to come down good and early and had my teacher taken in my costume. My goodness, I might as well have gotten here at 2:00 for all the sleeping I did. Oh, the excitement. I want to tell you when the girls chose me for poker hunters, a lightning bolus. Well, two doors down is it. Oh, no. her lodge. The Indian girls elected her Mrs. Pocahontas last night. Around here, that's pretty big news. Now, working on a small town newspaper like this, you get a little different perspective of the news. Maybe you'd call it lowering your sights. I'll um fix it. Remember, no opinion, just Julia Myers sang. Period. And how much money they collected for the charity drive. Yeah. Oh. Uh, boss, when uh I find out who that dame is who's been broadcasting for the Kremlin, will it be all right if I'm just a little bit hard on her? Get out of here. From around 9:00 on, the tempo of the newspaper office speeded up like a heart that had just been jabbed with adrenaline. The world started falling neatly into place, page by page. I guess I should show Mr. will first, but I wanted you to get a gander at her. You found out about this woman? Believe me, it took some digging. That name skipped all over the map, and she changed her name a half dozen times. But to me, the thing that makes a story even better is her being the daughter of this college dean. This woman's Robert Forest daughter, right? I don't believe it. You made a mistake. Now, look, I've been a newspaper man too long not to know dynamite. When I see it, I triple check this thing. I called a buddy of mine in Detroit and got her name right off a marriage license in the Hall of Records. Dorothy Forest. Mother's name Eve. Father's name Robert. Born Ksville, Ohio. Look, I checked into our files and found out that Hello for you. Well, let's follow the dean now. I called him to verify the fact that she went to school here. Um, hello Betty. Is it Dean Forest? No, I'll talk to him. Hello, Dean Forest. Tom Giri. Fine, thank you. Uh, say I was wondering if I could come out to your house and talk to you for a little while. No, that would have to be before 1:00. Could I invite you up to the office to have a cup of coffee with me? Well, that'd be fine. 11:30 be just right. Goodbye. I didn't know that he was a friend of yours. He's a friend of everybody who's ever lived in this town. He's just a very old man who's given his life to this town and whom everybody loves and respects and who's got nothing left but that love and respect. If we print this story, we'll kill it. Okay, tear it up then. Nobody has seen it but you. I got no by line on it. It's not brilliantly written. Matter of fact, I've had a lot better stories dumped in the waste basket. That's news. And for 67 years, that's what we've been printing in this paper. And if I don't print it, a tough old guy who started this paper will come out of his grave and haunt me. And if I do print it and anything happens to Dean Forest, I'll never be able to live with myself again. Well, we got about 2 hours before we go to press. That'll give me time to make absolutely certain about the facts. Okay, Jordan. Even though I wish you'd broken your leg on your way to work this morning, it's a real good job of reporting. Thanks. Uh, one of the boys here at the paper had a pretty good idea, Dean, to uh, do a series of feature articles on the college. One of those through the years things. And, uh, since you practically built the college single-handedly, we need a lot of background material on you. So Tom, that's what this is all about. A story about me. Well, at 78, my ego has rigam mortise, so you can skip me. But I'd suggest we've already decided how we want to do the story. Oh, you see, to us, you are a pretty special character. So, please don't disillusion us. It's only that uh we have very little of you in our files. Only your official life. Nothing of your private life like your family or family. That can be covered rather quickly. I've had no family since my wife died in 1932. Weren't there any children? Yes, of course. My daughter Dorothy. And what became of her? Dorothy has been dead for many years. [Music] Dead to me that is. She left home and we never heard from her again. It broke her mother's heart. I've never forgiven Dorothy for that. Though if the truth were known, I love her still. Tell me, you didn't bring me down here just to hear me reminisce, did you? No, not just for that. [Music] There was another reason. [Music] That reason being I hadn't seen you in a long time. I wanted to have a cup of coffee with you. Thank you. So now the day that had begun like any other had changed into a day I'd never known before. And now it had reached its last hour. The line of type operators were punching out their last sticks of type. The printers were running off their last proofs. The final pages of the paper were being pressed and baked and bent and bathed with molten lead and fastened into place on the big press. I knew even before I entered that Brighton wouldn't be there. He was a busy man with many problems on his mind. Then, because I had nowhere else to turn, I did well, a completely senseless thing, I crossed to the door of a room that hadn't been used in 14 years. A room that, for sentimental reasons, had been set aside by the paper as a sort of shrine. The old office of the founder of this paper, the late JB Harris. [Music] Oh, Mr. Gary, you gave me a scare. I saw the light under the door and I thought that that the old boy had come back. If you came up here to see Mr. Brighton, he's having lunch at the Chamber of Commerce. No, that's all right, Sarah. 10 minutes to one. I've got a paper to get out. I don't really know why I came up here. I wonder what he would have done. What? You were his secretary for how many years? 32. I started when I was a mere slip of a girl. What was he really like? Mean, stubborn, opinionated, and so exciting. I couldn't wait to get to the office in the morning. Putting out a newspaper was a lot different in those days, young man. It's hard to believe it, but at the turn of the century, this was a wild and terrifying town. Every kind of rottness, corruption, graph. These guns, they weren't ornaments in his day. They sat right here on this desk, fully loaded, just in case anyone should drop in and start telling Mr. Harris how to run his newspaper. No, he was no Superman. He was a coward about many things. But oh, how he believed in this newspaper and in his god-given right to print all the news. I wonder what he'd done about something like this. What do you do then about all the news? Read it, Jenny. I know it won't go any farther. Is it true? Oh, poor Mr. Forest. Yes, it's exciting when you print all the news about grafters and thieves. And he was good at that. What about this? Mr. Giri, I advise you to go down to the store room and look up the back issues until you come to July 10th, 1923. The headline that day was Helen Harris killed self. His wife. His wife. It's all over the front reading, Mr. Gary. He dictated it to me. Finally, I couldn't take the dictation anymore. My eyes filled with tears, and I I just screamed at him, "Why must you print this? Why must you do it?" And all he said was, [Music] "If it had happened to someone else, it would go in. What did Well, I'm afraid I'm not made of the same stuff, Jenny. I'm not a crusader or an idealist. I'm just a guy doing a job. As you can see, there's one story missing. [Applause] Well, that's all right with me, Mr. Gary. Thanks. And if one word of this particular story ever leaks, you don't have to worry about that either. After all, what difference does it make to me? This town can live without that piece of news. Since when does a newspaper decide what news a town can or cannot have? Look, Mr. Gary, it's it's not a great disaster. Look, you take my advice. Go home, get a good dinner, take get a good night's sleep, and tomorrow you'll hardly even think anything about it until the next time. Huh? You won't run into something like this very often. No, but it'll happen again sometime. It's bound to. and killing the story next time will be a little easier. After a while, there'll be nothing to it, just like rolling off a log. And one day we'll get a story about a about how one of the county supervisors has been sticking his hands in the public cash register. I'll be an expert by then. Can't you just hear me? Oh, George, he's a good egg. Let's just tear the story into a million pieces. Don't you get it? Can't you see why this stinks? Once you start, where do you stop? How long is it before your paper's a surviile rag that people won't even wrap their garbage in? [Music] Will come here quick. There's a new lead story. Play it big. You still have time. Dean Forest daughter. Yeah. Now, here's what I want you to do. I want you to do a full background story on Forest for tomorrow's edition. I want you to stress every good, decent thing he's ever done in this town for the past 40 years. Good. Talk to a half a dozen of his former students, the influential ones like the mayor. Get testimonials from him on how Dean Forest has influenced their lives. Right. And don't forget to include a picture. Make the caption, "Dean Forest, Kville's number one citizen." Boss paper will be in the streets in half hour. Where do you be when the phone start ringing? Where do you think I'll be with Dean Forest? [Music] [Applause] This is what happened in one day on one newspaper. But every day throughout America, in its big cities and crossroads towns, in every story that gets into print, editor, reporter, and all the others of a great profession are carrying on the American tradition of a free and responsible press. [Music] Oh, well um boy, hindsight is 2020, isn't it? Um fascinating film though and it's a great thing to kind of revisit and um it does it does kind of weak of that Citizen Kain um scene when he's starting the paper and his ethics list. Um, yeah. Anyways, wow, what a weird mixed bag things were today. All the letter F. Um, you know, that's that's the linking thing is that they were all on the same shelf. So, that's what's exciting and why I like collecting and why I like exploring our collection and sharing them with you. Jim Palmer, thank you so much for donating via the super thanks button. That's a great way to support us. And also um thank you for all the the comments um and uh all the your attention spans. I know that they're very valuable and I appreciate you giving us an hour plus. Um but we will see you on Monday. Everybody have a great weekend. Um give yourself a break. Even if it's for a couple of minutes a day, you know, don't watch, don't look at a screen, even though I'm on a screen telling you not to look at a screen. Yeah, do it. Give yourself a break. Read a book or uh look at squirrels or something. Uh anyways, we love you. Thanks for tuning in. Hit the thumbs up or the like button and we will see you on Monday everybody. Take care. Bye-bye.