AV Geeks 16mm Lunch 11-3-2025

Hello everybody. I'm Skip Alzheimer. Welcome to the AV Geeks lunchtime streaming show where we watch old 16 millimeter films. And I'm actually wearing a shirt called See It On 16 uh which is by a collector uh exhibitor in uh Los Angeles. um and uh who came to my show in Los Angeles years ago and uh he actively shows stuff. Mostly what he shows are feature films and he does it at some of the art houses in the LA area. So, uh and unfortunately he doesn't sell these shirts all the time. It's like he he he pings me and says, "Hey, uh I have shirts." And I'm like, "Oh crap, I need to buy some." Um, anyways, I'm Skip Alzheimer and we watch 16. Uh, we're going to start off with a home movie. Enjoy. I love it. Absolutely love it. That's some home movies that featured marionets um from the Premier collection. Uh Rick and his team have been scanning films. Um, years ago they did a big push and did probably like 5,000 films, but recently they've done a couple year push and it's 14,000 films. Of course, they have two scanners like what I have and um have a team that are dedicated to cranking out a lot of things. And in the course of looking through uh what they have, excuse [clears throat] me, I found something I've been looking for. Um, I have been looking for a complete print of Day Without Numbers, which is a film that I have, a beautiful color film, but the beginning and the ending are cut off. And the premise of this is a a boy hates numbers and a a magical puppet makes him realize what a life without numbers uh is like. And I've never seen the ending and I haven't seen the beginning. So, uh, they have a copy. It's black and white, but you know what? We're going to watch it. I'm excited. I haven't seen it yet. I wanted to watch it with you guys. So, here it is. Day Without Numbers. [music] [music] >> [music] >> Not long ago, I am doing arithmetic that their teacher had put on the blackboard. All of the children were working very hard and carefully, too. Harold seemed to be one of the most careful workers. He wanted all of his answers to be right. And so did Mary. That's why she worked so carefully. And so did Bob. No. No. I must admit that Bob didn't be interested in doing the exercises. He thought that working with numbers was a waste of time. He kept looking out the window and thinking how much more fun it would be to be outside playing baseball or some other game. I heard him mumble to himself. He was saying, "Gee, I wish I didn't have to do arithmetic." Well, I couldn't let him go on feeling that way. So, I decided to teach him a different kind of lesson about numbers. Without a sound, I made myself appear on his desk. He certainly was surprised. He wanted to know who I was. I told him that my name was Johnny Numbers and that I had magic powers. I could even make numbers disappear. Bob said that if he had that kind of magic, he'd do away with all numbers. I promised to do that for him. He wouldn't see any more numbers all that day. Without disturbing any of the others, we left the classroom. You never saw anyone as happy as Bob was when we got outside school. First, we just walked around a while. It was a wonderful day. Then Bob saw some boys playing baseball in a field. He suggested that we watch them for a while. I thought that would be fun, too. So, we stopped and watched the game. Suddenly, there was an argument about the score. The boys tried to settle it by looking at the scoreboard. That's when I made all the numbers disappear. And the boys couldn't settle their argument. In fact, they decided they couldn't finish the game because a baseball game without keeping score isn't much fun. And you can't keep score without numbers. Bob was disappointed, but I told him that I had to keep my promise of no numbers today. Bob suggested that we look in the window of his favorite store. It was always full of trains and other things he liked. Bob wondered if he had enough money saved to buy a train that was on sale. But I had to make the prices disappear before he could figure it out. Without numbers, of course, you can't show prices. Well, believe me, being without numbers wasn't exactly what Bob thought it would be. We talked about other things that we could do. Bob said that there were many things to play with in his house, so that's where we went. But let me tell you something. I don't think that Bob was having as much fun as he thought he would have because Bob kept most of his things in the basement. We went down there first. He suggested that I watch him while he planned a new track for his train. Well, the first thing he thought that he should do would be to find out how much new track he would need. He said he was going to measure to find out. I had to laugh when he said that. I knew that yard sticks needed numbers. And if he wasn't going to have any numbers that day, he wouldn't have any yard sticks either. When I made the yard stick disappear, Bob knew that things weren't the way he thought they would be without numbers. He was disappointed. I agreed that numbers helped us a great deal, but I suggested that we try to get along without them for the rest of the day, the way we had planned to do. Bob wondered what time it was, but when he looked at the clock to find out, I just had to make the numbers disappear. He thought that a game of shuffleboard would be fun. He asked me if I'd like to play. I said, "Sure, but can we? We'll need numbers." And today, remember, we're not going to have any numbers. And Bob asked me if there was anything we could do without numbers. I told him that there were many things. But before I could suggest something, he said that he wanted to listen to the radio. But there were those numbers again, and I had to make them go away before he could even find the station he wanted. When that happened, Bob almost became angry. I really believe that he was sorry for making his wish about numbers, but he didn't say so. Instead, he decided to telephone his aunt. His mother was visiting her. He knew that his mother would want to know that he was at home. But he soon found out that even telephoneing depends on numbers. Things just seemed to go from bad to worse for him. Bob thought that we had better walk over to his aunt's house as long as he couldn't get around the telephone. She had just moved into a new house, but he was sure that he could find it. He knew the street she lived on and he knew the number of her house. When we got to her street though, Bob began to wonder if his wish for no numbers would hold true where his aunt lived. Sure enough, it did. Not even houses had numbers that day. Well, by this time I guess we were both a little tired, and Bob didn't seem very happy. He wasn't sure that his wish had been a wise one. I asked him, "Well, what do you think of the world without numbers now?" I don't like it at all, he said. I'd rather be back in school with numbers than here without them. Now, that's just what I wanted to hear. And before you could say my name, Johnny Numbers, we were back in the classroom again. I had other things to do, so I had to leave then. But you can be sure of one thing. I didn't need to remind Bob that numbers are important. He'll always remember that. He'll never forget that when we learn to work with numbers, then numbers work for us. And I'll bet he'll never forget how glad he was to start working on his arithmetic exercises once more. [music] [music] >> [music] >> So now I know it's been like 15 20 years that I've been trying to figure out what would happen what happened to Bob. Uh because my copy ends and he's still trapped in a in a day without numbers. And so I don't know if he ever um if he would ever realize like the error of his wish uh etc. But um yeah, so great. So excited to see that. I do want my own copy though. Um having a digital version of it is not the same as having a film that I can bring around and show unsuspecting kids or adults. Uh this next one is another Pllinger film. This is uh King Calico. Uh this is hand puppets. I tried to find a bunch of marionette puppets for films that I haven't shown before. Uh but it seems like I've shown all the so sorry guys. Um and uh I've shown a bunch of Marionette shows films. So a lot of these films uh we have not seen before. I think all of them we haven't seen before and that well except for Day Without Numbers. Uh so King Calico enjoy >> [music] >> Hi, boys and girls. I'm here to take you on another adventure in the Calico Kingdom. Things promise to be very exciting today, so I imagine you're all anxious to start. I certainly am. But let's just wait a moment to see if someone will pay us a visit first. Hey, if somebody's coming, they should just about be here. >> Uh oh, look at this. It's Reckless Raccoon. >> Oh, hi there, Doris. >> Hi yourself, Reckless. Keeping busy? >> Well, you bet I am, Doris. I'm always busy, but I want to come and make sure you were watching today. >> You bet your boots I am, Reckless. >> Good. I'm glad to hear that. I'll speak. I'll see you a little later, though. >> All right. Bye-bye. >> Goodbye. Well, boys and girls, I think it's about time for us to get going, too. Are you all ready? All right, let's go, shall we? Say, the picture of King Calico's throne room in the palace. Now, let's look hard. Why? Boys and girls, do you see what I see? Oh, gosh. Oh, golly. Oh, I suppose I better do my homework before the king gets back or you'll scare me alive. >> Hello there, Rippers. Oh, what are you going to study? >> Oh, my history lesson, Pippy. Now, you go out and be you. Go on now. >> Oh, no. Come on. Let me help you. I like history. >> Well, okay. Now, here's what I have to read for today. It's all about the reign of King Calico the first. >> King Calico I. Well, who was he? Yeah. >> Oh, guys, Clippy, you certainly do need to study some history. All right. Well, he was a great great great great granddaddy of Arcade Calico. Who's King Calico the last? Of course. >> Oh, yeah. I see. Well, I guess that must have I guess it must have been a little before my time. Well, that's putting it mildly. Oh, look at what it says here. When King Calico I died, his court magician, old Kimaro, disappeared and has never been seen since to this to this very very day. [music] >> Oh, well, there's no use arguing. And the cheese is gone. All right. >> Oh, yeah. Somebody must have taken it while we were capturing clipping the donkey. >> Oh my. But how in the world do we know whether it was taken by the by the very same person who also took the king's glasses and our soup? >> We don't, KP. That's just it. We don't. >> No. See, I've got an idea, King. >> What is it? >> Well, why don't you and I look for the man with the glasses in the soup while KP searches for the missing cheese. Oh, that's a very good idea, Mit. Yes. Then we won't have another wild goose chase. Oh my gracious. Wild goose chase. Oh, I'm in for that. Yes, sir. Let's go. I can roast wild goose so that it melts in your mouth. No, no, no, KP. A mere figures speech. That's all. Just a mere figure's speech. >> Here, KP, you take the rope and the neck with you and capture the fellow with the cheese. And the king and I will take the club and the sword and capture the fellow with the glasses in the tree. >> Yes, that's right. And if they turn out to be one and a we haven't wasted any time, have we? Oh, [laughter] yeah. Oh, yes, I see. Oh, that is a very good idea. Woohoo. But how in the world do I look for a fellow with a cheese? What? You just follow a trailer. Cheese crumbs, KP. Simple JBC. Mid and I will follow heavy tracks like a man make it was carrying a heavy soup. >> Oh yes, I see. All right. All right. Very well. Goodbye, your majesty. And good luck. Goodbye. I will see you later. [music] Oh my stars and comets. My comets and stars. Ho ho ho. I am so very very tired. I have searched and searched all over the forest, and not one single crumb of cheese have I found. I believe I will just sit down under this very, very huge and great big tree and rest for a while. Oh my, I am so tired. So very, very tired. Oh my gracious. What was that? Heaven's too psy. I do believe some crumbs of cheese have hit me right on the nose. Let me see. Oh no, no, it is only sawdust. Oh my, I am so tired. So very very Oh my goodness sakes, some more sawdust just hit me on the nose. Let me see that. Oh no, it is not sawdust. It is only cheese. That is Oh cheese. Oh my gracious. Now what would sawdust and cheese crumbs be doing falling out of this tree? >> [music] >> Oh, say that's pretty good cheese. All right. Certainly glad I found it. One thing my treehouse doesn't have as a pantry. Boy, I was sure getting hungry. Whitland always makes me mighty hungry. Yes, sir. I'm just a little old whittler. Whittling all day long. And as the stick rolls lit, I sing a happy song. Snick snack snick I fiddle all day. Snickity snicky snickity. I am bright and gay. Snick snacknick. I know every trick. While I'm whittling on a little wooden stick, stick while I'm whittling on a little wooden stick. >> Oh my gracious. Who's that up there and he covered that tree? What? Who's that? Well, it sounded like KP Wiggle, the royal cook. Hello. Is that you, KP? Oh, it is I, KP Wiggle, royal cook of the Calico Kingdom. Who is that up there? Oh, well, it's me, Waldo Mouse, royal carpenter of the Calico Kingdom. Oh, I've got a treehouse up here. >> Oh my gracious. I want to come up and talk to you. >> Wow. Can you climb a tree? Oh, no. with that heavy rope. Here, catch it. Yeah, I got it. All right, KP, hold on now and I'll pull you up. Oh my gracious. Hold tightly, please. I am I am doing just fine. Hold it. Hold it. Oh, there you are. Oh my gracious. Thank you very very much, Waldo. Now then, that was quite a climb. What they wish to know is what are you doing with the royal catacle cheese? >> Uh yeah. Okay. Well, I uh I found it in a picnic hamper in the woods and and I was hungry, so I just uh I borrowed it for a while, that's all. >> Oh, yes, I see. But you should not have done that. No, no, no. Because it was the only food the king had along on his searching party. >> Oh, gee, whiskers, I'm awful sorry. What's a king searching for? Oh, my wish is for somebody who took his spectacles and the royal silver super. That's pretty serious. Oh, yes, you said it. You did not see anyone prowling in the forest, did you, Waldo? >> Well, uh, come to think of it, yeah, I did see somebody, uh, go by just a little while ago. Oh, I thought it was just one of the palace people going down to the river for a swim, so I didn't pay any attention. Oh my precious but what it might have been the fellow the king is looking for. >> Oh yeah. I believe you're right KP. Well maybe we can capture him and be heroes. Come on. Let's go. There. King. That trail leads us right up to the river. But my gracious alive. Where do we go from here? >> Why across the river? Of course. M. >> Oh yeah. That's easier said than done. We haven't got a boat or water wings or anything like that. >> Nonsense. M don't need such contraptions at all. No, sir. We'll just jump nimly from stone to stone. >> Oh, yeah. Nimly, huh? >> That's right, Nimly. >> Okay. If you think we can do it, King. >> Yes. Oh, don't worry. You go first, Poppy. That's it. Steady now. Steady. >> No. Gee, these stones are mighty slippery, King. You better be mighty careful. >> No, don't worry about me, my boy. Oh my gracious sake. My This is hard work without my glasses. >> No, don't lose your balance, King. >> No. Help. Save us. Somebody throw a net over here. Yeah, a net. Yeah, they must shake for A COUPLE OF FISH. HELP. Oh my gracious. Goody. Goody goody. I think we have caught you. Woo! A bull harder. Here he comes. No. No. My gracious. What clumsy mumsies we are. Look at this. It came. Yeah. And M too. No. Get the seaweed out of my face here. Drip dat. Looks like Cutting her caught her own neck, king. Yeah, sure we did. Mop head. Drip dra. Sure we did. Oh, for heaven's sakes. How about that, boys and girls? Things certainly do get mixed up in the Calico Kingdom. But right now, I think we better be on the watch for someone to come and say goodbye to us. Well, look who's here. As if by magic. Waldo mount. >> Hello, Doris. >> Say, Waldo, how in the world are things going to turn out anyway? >> Oh, golly, Doris. I wish I knew. I guess you'll just have to watch our next adventure to find out. >> Well, you can just bet your boots I will watch. >> Good. Well, I have to dash back now, Doris. So, I'll just say goodbye, boys and girls. >> Goodbye, boys and girls. >> Goodbye. >> Yo, say Mophead, my boy. It's a good thing I had a stronghold on my sword when we got dragged into that river. Yeah. Otherwise, it would have been goodbye sword. >> Yeah, you bet, King. But right now though, it's goodbye boys and girls. >> Oh, why? Of course, Met. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Just exactly where are they? >> Oh, they're right out there, King. >> Yes. [laughter] Well, goodbye, boys and girls. Goodbye. >> [music] [music] >> Bing bing bing bing. [music] I just want to loop that song at the end. and just we'll have five hours, maybe 24 hours of that. How about that? All right. And I don't I don't expect you to watch that. Um All right. So, I think this next film, uh it's not my scan, but I have many copies of this film. I And I'm surprised that I haven't shown it to you yet. And maybe one of you will say, "No, you have shown it to us. I just couldn't find it in my uh spreadsheet of films that I've shown. Uh this one is Dick Whittington and his cat. And I believe that this is puppet animation that it's stopotion animation. So it's still kind of a puppet, but you know, some of you purists might say, "Well, I don't really think it's a puppet." So anyways, here it is. Enjoy. >> [music] [music] >> 600 years ago, there was born in England a boy whose name was to become a legend. The legend of Dick Whittington. According to one version, it all began with a minstrel who came to Dick's village one day with a song about London. A city so grand, he said you could pick the gold right off the streets. [music] London. It was a long way to go on foot, over a 100 miles. But then Dick was an orphan with no one in the world to care for him and never [music] enough to eat. Now he was going to fill his pockets with gold and live in London like a lord, maybe even an emperor. >> [music] >> With every step, the city seemed more wonderful, more and more like the words in the song. [music] Till he came to the drawbridge, his heart sank. Why? There was no gold anywhere, only pebbles and mud and dirt. Same as everywhere else, and the same old slops, too. Still he went on, trudging the streets of the city, past the sententuries and the sailing ships, the mansions and the hubbls, all barred against beggars and thieves, until faint with hunger he arrived at the door of the great merchant adventurer, Mr. Fitz Warren. [music] Go away, you lazy old brat. Away or I'll break this. No, Mrs. Cook, that's no way to treat a stranger at our gates. Come, help me carry him inside. At the home of his benefactor, Dick found dead and bored and a job as sculy boy to a sour, illtempered jade of a cook named Sicily. [music] >> [music] >> Now put them all away [music] and don't you drop any of them straight to the floor. [music] Now empty the slops. >> [music] >> And don't go to sleep here. Get up and go to bed. Dick's pillow was a mere bundle of straw, but the instant his head touched it, he fell asleep. And then [screaming] No one could sleep through that record. [bell] Poor Dick. Not till the sun rose did he fall asleep. And that's when his work day began. Get up, you lazy bones. It's morning. While Dick toiled, Sicily made the rounds of Mr. of Fitz Warren's establishment, where under the watchful eyes of the master, the apprentices were packing bales of cloth for his next venture at sea. And then, about midm morning, Miss Alice came to see her father, and catching sight of the new scholarly boy struggling with his chores, offered to help. [music] >> [music] >> Dick had at last found a friend. Only this seemed to anger Sicily the more. [music] Now get in and start the fire. And so the weeks passed for Dick in a weary round. The days with hardly any rest, the nights with scarcely any sleep, and then one bright morning he found a penny. It was the first he had ever owned, and the marketplace was crowded with things to buy. And then he heard it, a whimpering above the noise of the marketplace. [music] Please, sir, don't drown her. I'll buy her from you for a penny. A penny. She's yours, boy. Here, I'll keep the sack. It was a beautiful gray tabby cat that Dick had bought. And right then and there, he named her Suki. Though it was purely out of kindness that Ticket parted with his penny, he couldn't have made a shrewder investment. For Suki, it turned out, was no ordinary cat. She could entertain her master by doing tricks and serve him in lots of other ways, too. [music] And what was more important, she was a match for a whole regiment of mice. Not that they didn't put up a good fight. It was just that Suki happened to be the most determined mouser in the kingdom. From that time on, Dick could sleep as soundly as a top with Suki curled up in bed beside him. Now, it was Mr. Fitz Warren's custom to invite every member of his household to offer something for exchange whenever he sent one of his ships to sea. That morning the unicorn was to sail and everyone came down to the warp eager to try his luck. That is everyone but Dick. But all I have is my cat. At that, Miss Alice offered to put up some money for him, but Mr. Fitz Wine said that wasn't a lucky thing to do. It had to be something of his own. Come, lad, why not send your cat?" And so, while the servants howled in derision, he tearfully offered up his only possession. Goodbye, Suki. Goodbye. Bye. The unicorn sailed away to its customary ports of call in Holland and Italy and Spain. But contrary winds blew it clear across the Mediterranean, and at last it found refuge on the coast of Barbarie in a kingdom then unknown to the English. The Sultan was in his throne room when the news was brought to him of the merchants's arrival. At that, he dismissed the dancer and ordered the merchants to present their wares at once. [music] His [music] highness was delighted with the samples of cloth and bought up the entire cargo for a thousand pieces of gold, which was twice what they would have fetched in Europe. But as for the servants offerings, he would have none of them. Then, as was his custom, he ordered a banquet to be spread before his guests. >> Their mouths were just beginning to water when out of nowhere mice. It was a plague, a pestilence. >> [music] >> Oh, isn't there anyone who can rid me of them? And then the captain remembered Suki. Hi, your majesty. And there she is. It is called a cat. Allow me to demonstrate, sire. >> [music] >> after insuki. With their main forces trapped, the mice trotted out their champion. >> The mice didn't have a chance with Suki, and they knew it. Marvelous. Simply marvelous. For this cat, I'll pay you a thousand pieces of gold. >> Oh, no, sir. I'll not part with her for any price. The Sultan doubled his offer, then trebled it, then added three caskets of pearls. At last, the vizier produced a copper filled to the brim with his rarest gems. "And now, what you say? It's a bargain," said the captain. "And of course he was right. For a sultan, it was a small price to pay for ridding his palace of mice. From the day the unicorn had sailed, they could never ceased to be the butt of the servant's jokes for sending his cat to sea. [music] But for Miss Alice, he couldn't have borne their jeers for the ill usage of the cook. Even Mr. Fitz warrant seemed to have joined the pranksters. Master of Whittington, I have come to congratulate you on the sale of your cat. It has made you a richer man than I. But it was true enough. For as agreed beforehand, each received in full whatever his venture had fetched abroad. The cook a ladle, the clerk a flag, Mr. Fitzwarren a thousand pieces of gold, and Dick all the rest. and heaven forbid that I should deprive you of one penny of it. But there was more to come. The coffer of rare jewels. These Dick offered to Miss Ellis, and she without hesitation chose the rings, and Mr. Fitz [music] Warren gave them his blessing on the spot. And here our legend ends. The rest is history. For it is recorded that Dick Whittington joined the Guild of Merchant Adventurers and was three times elected Lord Mayor of London. What happened to Suki? No one knows. But as there are great many cats in Barbar today, you can draw your own conclusions. >> [music] >> As some of you pointed out, that certainly suffered from the wow effect. Uh it's an artifact. Um an earlier version of the scanner that I have behind me uh had an optical head and so the optical soundtrack would go over it and it would record it. But if the motors aren't perfectly synced, you get a wow. And that's what was happening uh for those captures. So u our machine doesn't do that thankfully uh because it actually in taking a a frame picture, it also captures the soundtrack and then uh combines it and then interpolates it. Uh so it's I like it better. I think it's a better uh process. Uh, all right. So, there was that weird connection between King Calico and Dick Whittington and his cat. They both involve cats. Uh, this has a weird connection to A Day Without numbers. And let me see if you can figure out what it is. Enjoy. The Lionyl Corporation presents the wonderful world of trains. [music] Starring the Cesari puppets [music] with Paul O'Keefe. >> [music] [music] [music] >> Mr. Algae, I'll put you here so you can get away in a hurry. Mr. Policeman, I'll put you here so you can see everything. Mr. Professor, I'll put you right here. [music] Here, [music] [music] [music] here. You sir, you sir. >> Me? Where am I? Who are you? I am Professor Herman J. Hotbox. And you are in the wonderful world of trains. Yes, indeed. That's where you are. Trains, trains, trains. And they're all late. Oh my. >> But you can talk. >> Of course I can talk. I have been talking for years. Started when I was 14 months old. And I might add, I'm getting mighty tired of waiting for the show to start. For I am the narrator and guide for the wonderful world of trains. Oh, yes. Wonderful world of trains. Late. They're all late. Late. Late. Late. [music] H. Pardon me, Professor. Have you been around long? >> Around long? 65 years. Birthday's next week. >> No, no, no. I I mean, have you been waiting here long? >> Here long? Too long. Oh, yes. Much too long. Waiting for the show to start. You know, the wonderful world of trains. Trains. Hundreds of trains. All late. All late. >> Well, I'm looking for a man about your height. Calls himself algae. A disreputable looking fellow. Needs a shade. Wearing old clothes. If you see him, let me know. >> Man, disreputable. Of course. Of course. Hobo. >> Thank you, professor. >> Wonderful world of trains. Late, late. There are late late. My magic boost. I'm on the loose in the wonderful world of trains. There's plenty of action, thrills, and fun across the hills and plains. Cuz you control the countryside. It's all at your command. The finest trains you ever saw. The switch is in your hand. So no matter how old or young you are, from 6 to 65, when you're in the wonderful world of trains, it's great to be alive. Oh, it's great to be alive. Well, bless my soul. What have we here? Don't tell me. Let me guess. An ad for a dull razor. Oh, no offense, my good man. Just making a little joke. >> A disreputable looking character if ever I saw one. >> Professor, I suggest you either stop breathing or back up. You're using up my air. Better still lie down. Let's both take a snooze. I'm waiting for a fast freight myself, you know. Yes. Welcome. Welcome boys and girls of all ages. This is your master of ceremonies, George Tinkistle, welcoming you to the wonderful world of trains. Now, for the first time, you're about to see a most remarkable exhibition of electric trains. Trains so finely detailed, you'll have to look twice to tell them from the real ones. And to give you a firsthand description of these amazing trains of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, we are honored to have as our guide an old train man, an expert on trains, track and travel, Professor Herman J. Hotbox. >> Professor Hotbox, eh, fast asleep. Ah, too bad. Pity to wake him. He needs a sleep. But no matter for no man knows more about trains than I. Alenon caboose. You boy. Pop those eyeballs back in their sockets and come alive. You look like a puppet. Come on boy. I need an assistant. And you're it. >> They can talk and move all by themselves. >> I declare. Boy, you act like I wasn't real. Come now. Throw that switch. The wonderful world of trends is about to begin. [music] Begin? Did I say begin? Why, the fact is the wonderful world of trains has been going on for years. Ah, yes. Wonderful, wonderful trains. The very sight of them recalls the romance of far away places. How well I recall my days as gatekeeper in the little railroad town of Wet Marcus. Used to sat by the hour, hand on the gate, waiting for the silver media on through. For 5 years, I just sat there and marveled at the great speed of that train. A train too fast to see with the naked eye. And then that day, 2:00 on a Thursday, it was, I found out the truth. That blur I thought was the media tortured nothing but a smear of hair oil on my sunglasses. Oh, the disappointment of it all. That silver media never came closer than 50 miles from Wet Moccasin. Seems they ran out of track and never told me. [music] Five years I waited. Five wasted years. But through it all, my love of trains never dimmed. I [music] still get a thrill when I see those steel wheels clacking along the rails. Ah, the thought of them speeding along the hills and valleys, gleaming monsters of steel, racing, racing over bridges and signals flashing and it overwhelms me, boy. Overwhelms me. What was that? >> A diesel streamliner. I thought you know all about trains. >> I do, boy. I do. But I'm a freight man myself. Ah, I think I hear a coming now. A fully loaded freight. A truly magnificent sight. What kind of a freight is that? >> That's a United States Navy diesel freight. The roughest, toughest fighting train there is. >> Well, what do you know? A whale with a top hat. That's not a whale algae. That's a replica of a real Navy submarine. And it really works. Ho ho ho. >> Knew it all the time, boy. Just testing you. Mighty smart young fellow you are, too. Reminds me of myself when I was a boy. A positive genius I was too. As my dear mother used to say, Alenon, she called me Alenon. How did I say? Science has been waiting for a head like yours for over a million years. Boy, did I hear you say that submarine really works? >> You bet she works. And take her off the special car and launch her. >> She dives, cruises underwater, and surfaces just like a real sub. >> Oh yes. When the test run is over, you'll load her on the special sub carrying flat car. >> Oh, very fine. Very fine. But boy, you're forgetting that I, Alenon Kabul, am the narrator here. >> I'm sorry, Elgie. I didn't mean to take over. Here, you tell us about the next car. >> Oh, yes, of course. Of course. The next car. Yes. A magnificent specimen, perfect in every detail, flawless in design. It's the uh the uh >> algae. Describe it. Everyone wants to know how it works. >> Ah yes, the train. Oh yes. Beautiful, isn't it? It's called a a memory lapse. >> You mean helicopter car. Don't you >> right out of my mouth, boy. >> And this real looking helicopter takes off from its specially designed flat car deck. Watch this. >> I'm watching. I'm watching boy from a distance. Off she goes into the air. >> How's that for action, Algae? >> Action. Sounds sounds. Boy, I'm quivering with excitement. Ah, wonderful feeling it is, too. >> Algae, get off the rail and tell us about the next car. >> Oh, yes. [clears throat] Oh, the next. Ah, yes. The magnificent banana car. Oh, four ripe bananas. >> Algae, those are not bananas. This is a missile firing car. And I am mounting these four missiles for firing. >> Ah, yes. Just testing to see if you're wide awake. A little trick of mine. You know, the missile firing car. Of course, with missiles that really fire. Really fire. >> That's right, Elga. These missiles really fire. See that freight car on that sighting over there? That's my kind of freight car. Say, boy, did I ever tell you how I pulled a freight car full of apples over 10 miles uphill just for the exercise? Could have pulled it another 10 if I wasn't so full of apples. What you going to do now? >> Never mind, Algae. Just give me the countdown and watch that freight car. 10 9 8 >> Gotcha, boy. 7 6 4 3 2 1 [music] disaster. Complete disaster zones. Boy, look what you've done to my favorite freight. All the pity of it. >> Don't worry, Algae. That car is made to fall apart when it's hit. But you can put it right together again. >> Excuse me, son. Did I hear you speak to someone by the name of Algae? >> Well, he was right here a minute ago. >> Missed him again. Thank you, boy. Relax, boy. Algenanon Kaboose is back, ready to expound with unfailing accuracy the ecstatic beauty and magnificent perfection of the wonderful world of trains. Ah, the wonder of it. The whole countryside full of realist life electric trains. Everyone complete down to the finest detail. >> [music] >> Boy, unless these old eyes of mine deceive me, there is a stupendous crash in the offing. [music] >> Don't worry, Algae. Everything's under control. >> Control Fiddlesticks. I fear I'm about to witness a veritable crash at the century. Be glad I can't look. >> See algae missed by a mile. Missed by my >> poor algae. He's faded. Wake up. Algae, wake up. >> I tell you, officer, I DIDN'T DO IT. I WAS IN Africa at the time rounding up giraffes for different Dolpher's circus. >> Algae, wake up. Algae, wake up. I'm not the policeman. >> Don't bother me, officer. Can't you see I'm enjoying a wonderful dream? Oh, the beauty of it. My African giraffes. Captured everyone myself. Loaded them on a special freight train. You never saw such a train. Loaded with giraffes as far as the eye [music] could see. Oh, a thrilling sight. >> It's no dream, Algae. There really is a giraffe car in the wonderful world of trains. >> Giraffe cars. >> And they're wonderful like you said. But algae, were you really an Africa hunting big game? >> Boy, you are looking upon the only hunter in the world to catch a fullg grown African elephant with a butterfly net. I must admit the net was reinforced. Do you [music] understand? Dad, what a feat of daring. It was second only to the way I save that to Hatchie freight from complete disaster. >> You prevented a train wreck. I think you're fooling me, >> boy. If I'm fooling, may a freight full of fish come down the track. >> Hey, looks like a freight. Hey, it's an aquarium car and you can see the fish swimming around inside it. Oh, yes. A mere coincidence, a trick of fate, a dream. It can't be. Eared a freight car with fish that swim around. >> Tell me, how did you save a train from a wreck? Or is that another fish story? >> Fish story indeed. Your insult hurts me to the core, boy. To the very core. But if my admirers insist on hearing my story, let's get on with it. Ah, yes. A clear and sunny day it was. Not more than two weeks ago. I was in my usual position beside the track, waiting for the fast freighter to hatch me. Didn't mind the wait a bit. Oh, there was so much to see. There was Willie Flegal Fluga, the railroad maintenance man, going back and forth on his motorized car. Good man. That Willie used to be the foreman in a yo-yo factory. couldn't stand the monotony, so he changed his job. And not so far off, they were unloading a load of lumber from one of those new fangled lumber cars. Beautiful sight to see. Well, sir, I must have been waiting for an hour or more when suddenly she came round the bend. >> Did I had to be afraid? >> Nope. It was the general steaming full speed down the main line. Pretty as a picture she was. Then suddenly she slowed right smack in the middle of the right away. >> Did something go wrong with the engine? >> Not really, boy. That engineer just eased up on his throttle while he ate his lunch. You see, it was a mighty [music] hot day and he didn't want to take any chances on his cheese sandwiches going bad. Then it happened. >> His cheese boiled. >> No, no, no. that the Hatchip freight came up barreling down the main line on the same track as the general. [music] Closer and closer she came, but that engineer and the general just kept on eating his sandwich. I tell you, boy, you never saw such excitement in your life. And on she came, heading straight for the general's middle. >> What'd you do? >> I acted with the speed of light. reached out for my [music] foot and kicked the switch. Not a second too soon. Took the polish right off my shoe. [music] >> Gosh, >> please. Please, boy. It was nothing. [music] >> Algae, >> think you went that way? >> Alenon Kaboose. >> World traveler, storyteller, self-appointed guide, hero of the wonderful world of trains. >> I didn't do it. I was miles from here whiling my time away at a drive-in movie. Ah, yes. I remember the picture well about a policeman who arrested the wrong man. Got 20 years that policeman did. >> Elenon, I'm not here to arrest you. >> You're not. >> I represent the owners of the Tahachippi freight line. >> Ah, yes. The Tahhatchip freight. I shall long have a soft spot in my heart for that magnificent train. Many of the nights I spent watching the stars from an egg crate on one of her smooth riding flat cars. The hatchip freight. Yes, Algae. The Tahhatchipe railroad has asked me to present you with this gold medal as a token of their gratitude for saving their train from a wreck. >> [music] >> Gosh, Algae, I hope you forgive me for doubting you. I thought your story was just well, just a story. >> Oh, think nothing of it, boy. Remember, when you're in the wonderful world of trains, all kinds of wonderful things can happen. Action, thrills, excitement, wheels, the glint of steel rails. Oh, it gets you, boy. I tell you, there's nothing like it. Nothing like the wonderful world of trains. Huh? Oh, did someone say the wonderful world of trains? Oh my goodness. [music] My goodness. I must be getting on with it. You sir, can you tell me the time? The time? I mustn't be late for I am the guide for the wonderful world of trains. You know [music] the time? The time, sir. The time me thinks it's time for me to leave. [music] Uh, beyond a question of a doubt, it is time for me to leave. [music] My magic boost, I'm on the loose in the wonderful world of trains. There's plenty of action, thrills, and fun across the hills and plains. Cuz you control the countryside. It's all at your command. The finest trains you ever saw. The switch is in your hand. So no matter how old or young you are, from 6 to 65 when you're in the wonderful land of trains, it's great to be alive. Oh, it's great to be alive. Hard fellow, curious set of circumstances. Are you there? Officer. Officer. >> What can I do for you, professor? >> The show. The show? When does it start? >> Start the show? Oh, you mean the wonderful world of trains. Why, Professor? It's just about over. It seems you fell asleep and a fellow by the name of Algae took over for you. Asleep? I fell asleep. Algae took over. [music] Where is he? Where is he? That that that that raggedy rogue. He He put [music] me to sleep. To sleep. To sleep. Oh, to sleep. To sleep. Oh, I love to sleep. To sleep, [music] [music] Ricky. It's time to go to bed. >> [music] >> Come on, dear. It's getting late. You can return to your wonderful world of trains tomorrow. dee. The wonderful world of trains has been presented by the Lionel Corporation. [music] [music] >> [music] >> Heat. Heat. [music] [music] [music] >> [music] [music] [music] >> Oof. I'm sorry. And you're welcome. I did not know that that uh Alger [clears throat] Aldron character was going to just keep talking and talking and talking during the I mean I love WC Fields but I do not love other people who mimic WC Fields. It is it is so tiring and for this to go on as long as it did. I mean, plus the fact that those trains were awesome, like the paramilitary lion train set, that was awesome with the working sub and the working missiles and the car that blew apart and then the circus train with the aquarium. I mean, all that stuff was awesome. You do not need puppets to sell those. You just have one kid showing another kid how awesome these toys are and I guarantee you you would sell so many more trains. Uh this is my uh stepbrother Brett who is uh staying with us and he's going to help me move some film shelves today. Uh you might have met him a long time ago when we my went with my family to the beach. Uh I can't remember if you were on that show or not but >> yeah. Anyhow, we're going to go move some films. Thanks so much for watching today. Thanks for the donations. Uh Jeremy and Nathan, um we'll be back tomorrow and we'll watch more films. It'll be awesome, everybody. Uh take care and we'll see you soon. Bye.