ADOLESCENT DEVELOPMENT - DATING

[Music] today is a high point in the romance of Bob and Mary for them the future looks bright Bob's mother and Mary's parents are confident too that the marriage will succeed because it's based on many things companionship Mutual interests shared Ambitions and that mysterious intangible quality which we call love and part of this love is their relationship to one another as man and woman for Mary good sex adjustment began when she was a very small child where is the baby mommy why won't it come it's right here dear of course it doesn't talk yet or cry or even eat by itself it has to stay inside me till it's big and strong enough to be born when it comes mommy can I help to take care of it yes dear the idea of childbirth was made natural and normal for Mary she was happy to know that she would have a new baby sister or brother Bob's mother was a widow in spite of this she was determined that her son should have a proper knowledge of sex from the beginning she answered all his questions if no questions came she arranged changed situations so that he became conscious of sex when he was little Bob and his mother were always together and they had a wonderful time as he Grew Older she made sure that he played with other children both boys and girls and when he was older still she was pleased and proud that he seemed to fit in well with the boys in fact when he was about 10 he actually scoffed at playing with girls Mary too had a normal childhood with many friends both sexes but as the time for Mary's first menstral period approached her mother explained about the changes that would take place instead of leaving her to pick up odd bits of startling and inaccurate information from her schoolmate Ates Mary's father and mother got along well they had their occasional quarrels but in general home life was pleasant natural and secure hi duess hi at about 11: Mary went through a sort of reversal she didn't talk much and spent hours alone just daydreaming what's the matter with her well she's just growing up dear well hadn't you better have a talk with her well yes dear but I don't think this is the time when she wants to ask questions I'll try to be ready with the answers Mary's mother tried to discuss sex without embarrassment and to give Mary facts without prejudice or any suggestion of fear or shame at about 12 and A2 Mary reached puberty around this time she found that her friends wanted to talk about sex the door and there she was lying in bed some of them got most of their information from off-color jokes that they really didn't understand but you don't always have a baby when you go return I read in a book that you don't have a baby some of them learned about sex from books but there were so many things that they didn't know if you um marry your first cousin do you have a deformed baby does kissing have anything to do I mean about having babies are you afraid of having a baby Mary no I'm not because after all people have been having babies for thousands of years and nowadays doctors have so many ways of making it safe mother said for Mary the Fulfillment of a healthy sex life held no fears sex was not something sinister to be whispered about but it was a natural function which could contribute to the ultimate happiness of home and a family about this time Mary developed a sudden strong friendship with Lucille Williams it seemed that Mary could talk better with Lucille than with anybody they had absolutely no secrets from each other they were inseparable to Mary's mother it seemed unnatural this continual intimacy this concentration of affection on one not very unusual girl fine oh Lucille wait a minute Ethel we forgot about Ethel we're going to have to bring oh we don't have to bring her you know what she's like with boys and everything Mary darling you're keeping Lucille from her dinner oh I was just leaving Mrs Gib well bye I'll see you tomorrow okay then bye bye mother forgets the devotion she had for her own girlfriend about 25 years ago next there was a crush on Ethel Hampton senior girls tennis champion Mary seemed to have a real need to be stirred up about someone it was a transition stage from the antagonism toward boys just before puberty to the next stage of falling in love with a boy soon she reached that [Applause] stage their next Crush was on the captain of the school football [Applause] team she spent hours trying to make herself more attractive imagining herself in all sorts of romantic situations it might be a boy hello oh hello luo no but it's going to be about a boy I think John's going to ask me he pretty nearly did today on the class B ring yeah oh he is creamy but it feels going to go too I don't know Bob was growing up too he knew about the reproductive organs and nocturnal emissions he also knew about masturbation but he'd read that the problem was more mental Than Physical he knew that the healthiest life for him was to have plenty of exercise and fresh air he liked football and the coach was a hero who could do no wrong Bob tried to be as much like him as he could his interests were mainly masculine and and his success at sports made him sure of himself he could take girls in his stride just as he did games until one day when Bob was 16 it became apparent that his interest in girls was getting to be more than casual hello oh hi Ken how are you oh she's okay but I can do better than her Kenny she's going around with Dave anyway well let him keep her well sure I could I just didn't want to well so what I've got better prospects than her too you should see the one I'm taking tonight sure that's the one Elsie what a doll but old man's got a car let's her use it every Friday I'm uh taking her down to Snooks Pond tonight we might go in for a little swim [Music] hello no he isn't is this Betty oh Jane well no I beg your pardon well no Hazel he isn't in and no no I don't know where he was going he didn't say not to me any way girls girls girls dates every night she was worried perhaps his behavior was normal but it was not to her liking how could you get him more interested in a schoolwork Mary and her gang were going through the hangout stage they like to be in a crowd when you're not sure how to act or what to say you can hide your confusion in the general Hub up a girl has to look as though she knew her way around be more sophisticated than she really is it was all new and exciting and Mary was proud of her success she wanted the others to see how popular she was hi Mary how about going to the dance with me Saturday night well I'll think about it hey wait a minute what about me you didn't ask me well I was going to but you didn't though Jim got there first okay Jim good see you around a little popularity gives one self-confidence which isn't a bad thing in moderation [Music] I don't even know that one's name Alan I'm worried about her she's getting so silly over the boys you should hear her on the phone I have but what worries me even more is the way she goes out dancing at these Juke joints she's got nothing in her head but boys boys boys she's only out Friday and Saturday night but I'm afraid she might make a little fool of herself and I can't keep saying don't all the time there's no use saying don't to Mary it makes her worse isn't there any positive approach to this business of sex education she knows the physical facts but that alone doesn't give her a healthy attitude to boys I'll have to talk more to her about how to have fun with them without being silly well I guess she'll just have to learn by experience how to look after herself and Mary was learning by experience she acquired a lot of social skills and Graces she learned how other people are likely to react to different situations she learned about herself and by going with a lot of boys she found out what kind of boy she really liked most and her mother tried to help her develop sound judgment about boys not to be influenced by superficial glamor or the opinions of others because her mother never seemed shocked Mary talked freely with her by 16 and A2 Mary had settled down to go steady with one boy George Palmer who was in her class at school it wasn't her ideal but she liked going steady because it meant that she was always sure of having a date and she never felt left out and unpopular her parents thought George was a nice boy and they were glad to know who Mary was out with at first but after several months her mother began to be afraid that the affair was becoming too serious actually Mary and George were at the point of breaking up anyway [Music] Mary yes Mother George again yes you've seen so much of him Mary but I've told you he's just a date can I have dates that boys want to Take Me Out Boy Yes but is it always going to be George it could get to be that way you know and I just don't think George is the one for you okay mother if that's the way you feel about it I won't see him anymore now will you please leave me alone [Music] Bob's mother was having her troubles too pretty snazzy just getting fixed up a little who's the lucky girl tonight do I have to turn in a written report Bob I don't mean to be nosy but if it's Maran again she just isn't the kind of girl I like to have you going out with look Mom it's me that's going out with her isn't it and I think she's okay just because your bridge club and some of those other old Dames run her down doesn't me we're not old Dame I don't mean you you know better than that and we don't run her down okay so you don't but I pick the girls I take out don't I yes I guess you do good night Mom it seemed as though all the planning and guidance since he was a child had been a waste of time Bob was going with a fast crowd and like most teenagers he wanted to be one of the Gang go as far or farther than anyone else [Music] did his mother didn't know what to do if she said anything he just became more secretive and defended his friends against her oldfashioned morals as he called them she felt that somehow she had failed in his training in the meantime Mary had a new steady Stanley Brooks he had a good disposition intelligence reasonable good looks he came closer to her ideal than George had in fact she thought this might be the real thing Mary senses that her mother approves of Stan and this encourages her to talk to her about him but not long after Stan's family moved away and that was [Music] that when a girl loses a steady it takes a little while to get back in circulation but if you want to meet boys you go where boys are Mary Had A Cheerful disposition she was intelligent healthy and attractive and she had no trouble making friends Jack Arnold was one of the gang she had known for years he suddenly became interested and interesting [Music] it seemed for a while to be romance with a capital [Applause] [Music] R Jack please don't do that don't act like an iceberg all your life look we love each other don't we yes but after all after all what take me home now Mary began to realize what her mother had meant all these years through her own experience Mary was developing a sound ideal of what love should mean in her life it was not what Jack offered a change is coming over Bob too come on Genie time I was getting you home oh why it's early work Genie work I've got exams coming up in the morning what a party pooper Bob had been to plenty of wild parties it wasn't so excitingly new anymore and life was full of other interesting things he had a career to think of he began to stay at home more this engineering stuff really takes slugging you're going to lose out with your girlfriend don't worry I won't he still enjoyed parties he still took out girls a different one every weak but his perspective had changed the desperate rush to find out all about sex was over in his case too early training was taking on new meaning through personal experience Mary had broken off with Jack and by chance she turned up at the same party as [Music] Bob when they met that first night both had a pretty good idea of the kind of people they really really [Music] liked it didn't seem much different from other dates at first but after a few weeks both knew that it was different petting was not just a form of entertainment or an experiment there was real affection and mutual respect more and more they found in each other the things they were looking for for being together heightened the enjoyment of everything they did they tried to be together all the [Music] time they had their quarrels mostly over [Music] jealousy but each time they knew from the beginning they'd make up they both had a good sense of humor they both enjoyed doing the same [Music] things because of similar family and educational background they had much the same way of looking at things they began to know that this time it was for Keeps they were so sure that their love was deep and spiritual that at times a marriage ceremony seemed to be just a formality love seemed to be all that really mattered but each of them knew deep down that they wanted their marriage vows to have real [Music] meaning Bob and Mary had a healthy attitude toward one another as man and woman that was built up step by step since childhood first each of them learned the biological facts of sex as soon as they were able to understand them second they learned about the other sex from their own experience thirdly their parents tried to help them understand the real values of sex life and finally long after reaching physical maturity they became emotionally independent of family apron Springs now they on their [Music] own do you believe their parents have done the best they could to help Mary and Bob make all these [Music] adjustments are Mary and Bob typical of our teenagers have they a sound background for marriage what do you think [Music]