A Step From The Shadows

[Music] for what is this booze in your sewing box pills in a spice box I'm fed up you've got no right to go around and tear up my house to no right did you say no right I've got an obligation have you gone mad what is it you want a civil war we've got a civil war look at me I'm I'm like some sort of police dog sniffing out your supplies that's perfect that's what you are a dog an animal shut up I'm not going to quit Jan but until you quit I could if I wanted H how many times have you said you'd quit and changed my mind well it's not not easy living with Mr carry Nation Oh no you're hooked it's not bad enough you're a resident drunk you've got to get hooked on pills too I don't see how you can look any of us in the eye now I understand this elaborate display of yours you're trying to humiliate me in front of my children you want them to think their mother is some kind of alcoholic don't you think we know you're covering something up it's quite obvious why you go on so many business trips why you come home late so often you're seeing another woman aren't you I expect she some cheap broad from the streets you see I'm not the guilty one there so much for your alcoholic I could quit if I want want it I just don't see very much around here to quit [Music] for no she wouldn't have done that unless she had some more around the house [Music] somewhere what emptying the bottle like that an alcoholic will do that that sometimes to prove she isn't an alcoholic but only if she has some more stuff somewhere else what are you talking about I saw a film on alcoholism in school today oh my God an instant expert I'm not an expert dad but I saw some stuff in that film that scared me and I did learn one thing that you and I don't know very much about Alcoholics my God Scott we live with one guess I with one for a long time Dad we've got to do something I know that how much fun being bullied by your own son what' you film say we should do now you didn't come here to talk about the weather you need help or you wouldn't be here now from what you've told me it's apparent that your wife has a drinking problem yes in fact she's an alcoholic you just agree oh I've called her that myself a few times during fights my son thinks she's it's difficult to talk about to someone outside the family it's hard to accept the fact she really is an alcoholic she's a good mother most of the time she goes to church no one in her family's ever had a drinking problem I've seen her refuse drinks many times times at parties alcoholism is an illness see it's not how much a person drinks but how it affects them then the illness becomes evident through behavioral symptoms here take a look at this chart now these are symptoms that the alcoholic May display during the various stages oh things like uh like hiding her liquor or alcoholic Amnesia a void in her memory or mood swings you know laughing for no apparent reason then crying a minute later J Dan doesn't go through all the things on that chart some of them sound like her but others what does it prove well it's a case of probability each alcoholic is different none of them have all or exactly the same symptoms but a few of these symptoms taken together is pretty good evidence that she has a drinking problem it's just common sense look Bill I've had my problems with booze I have a good idea how you feel and a pretty good idea of how your wife feels now you've tried what we call home cures cut off her Supply you've searched out and thrown away her reserves you might have even canceled her checking account limited her funds or took her car keys I've tried everything I could think of what else is there well the way I see it your wife is sick She's suffering from a devastating and Progressive illness and it'll keep progressing until one of three things happens death insanity or arrestment of the illness now you have some Alternatives you could divorce her now that may be necessary to save yourself and the rest of the family and maybe shock her into seeking treatment you could let her go on drinking and hope for a miracle or you could seek help for her she wouldn't accept help well unfortunately the the problem Drinker is often Her Own Worst Enemy she won't admit she's sick or in need of help the harder you try to reason with the more resentful she becomes it takes a lot of Courage skill and fortitude to get an alcoholic to seek help and the husband is not in a favored position here often all of her resentments are leveled against him it's uh one of the enigmas of alcoholism if that's true what can I do well you could get her into treatment it's not impossible you don't make it sound very easy well there are ways one is to have her committed to a State Institution for treatment it's rough but often the only way but it is humiliating and often too often leave scars that never go away the court hereby judges you in an nebat and commits you to the State Mental Hospital to receive treatment the period of treatment to be determined by the psychiatric director of said institution but the minimum period of commitment to be 60 days I don't like the idea of commitment or a state mental institution for Jan the thought of it scares me it would petrify her of course there are other ways your wife could receive treatment at any state or private hospital they can detoxify her then after that she can go directly into AA in the past this was all that was available for alcoholics it was often difficult to find a hospital to give treatment but today hospitals not only detoxify but many have programs for recovery and also offer psychiatric help then there are the halfway houses residences where the recovering alcoholic can live while starting on the road back and there are private treatment centers these are generally capable of detoxification I think in your case I would recommend a private Treatment Center you mean with locked doors barred Windows guards oh no far from it you should see some of these places they're more like Vacation Resorts like a retreat really a place like lynville I wish I could go there myself you you don't have to be an alcoholic to get a great deal out of a stay there what difference does it make how am I going to get Jan there well I have a suggestion I can get a good woman counselor who had the same dual addiction that your wife has now do you think you can get your wife to come in and just uh just talk to her that' be the best start daddy said you were going to get well honey there's nothing wrong with mother you don't have to be T mommy what did he tell you dear just that we should understand when you're sick we told her that there was a lady down at the information center that wanted to help you help me why does everyone think I'm sick we just want you to know there's someone who can help when you're ready we love you Daddy if mommy talked to the lady would she be happy again mother I'm home can I run you down to the center no that's all right I'll drive myself you sure you know the parking down there I'm sure I'm leaving right now Jan I know all the things you're going through I'm not going through anything I Den noted having a problem right up until my husband had me committed to the state hospital I'd become quite a con artist for a long time I thought I had a lot of people fooled even my husband but then everything broke down my whole family seemed to know my dependence even then I couldn't admit my problem family that's my problem my husband is some sort of self-declared prohibition agent whenever he finds a bottle in the house he throws it out as dramatically as possible did he find the bottles hidden I did that Jan and a lot of other things you've probably done I can remember the parties what a chore but no one who saw me at a party would ever have called me an alcoholic I'd be the only near non-drinker there only one drink I was always a lady I never drank in public but before the party well a couple of stiff ones to fortify myself and afterwards when I got home I'd really lay one on but then our social life [Music] disintegrated I can remember isolating myself in my house with a bottle at that time we had almost no social life at all when I absolutely had to go out like I can remember a school conference one time I'd gulp down a handful of pills so no one could smell licker on me I couldn't face anything without alcohol or pills on those rare occasions when I did venture out on my own to get cigarettes or go to the grocery store or something I always carried a flask of vodka in my purse I made sure I was never without my alcohol for my pills Jan at some point we have to make a decision to help ourselves I waited far too long I lost my husband custody of the children I know what it's like perhaps we can get together again sometime I hope so but think over what we've talked about thank you don't be embarrassed Jan not too long ago this would have been my first stop too oh do you think I have enough vodka my husband and I are giving a little party tonight for about 30 people we have plenty of everything else but all our friends seem to be VOD drinkers [Applause] [Music] is [Music] [Music] come [Music] [Applause] [Music] for [Music] [Applause] [Music] d [Music] [Music] 6:00 in the morning Jan we packed some of your things we're going to take you to a place called Linville what's the matter will I be locked up of course not lynville isn't a prison the information center told us about it it's a beautiful place really like a resort you can do anything you want there including getting well don't worry honey I have these awful pains right here and down into my back terrible shooting pain I'm Mary I'm going to be your counselor while you're here maybe you and I better go up and have a glass of orange juice don't worry about that Jan when I first came into treatment I spilled at least 20 cups of coffee things will get better believe [Music] me there is one thing you must understand and remember during your stay here at Linville and I'm telling you the truth when I say it you are not a worthless person because you are an alcoholic nor are you a moral degenerate you are suffering from an illness a progressive illness an illness that is arrestable an illness that is treatable you can recover and we are here to help you do before I came here did you decide on your own to finally come yeah will take care of me you mean you didn't drink a lot occasionally I'd have a drink before dinner one drink I can't ever remember having Just One Drink perhaps at parties I think where where did you keep it my husband wouldn't let me have it in the house I had to hide it I guess I did get to that point all of us here today are addicted to chemicals alcohol pills perhaps both but there are other common denominators among us we need to recognize to fully understand our condition I'd like to tell you about the addicted woman listen because it's our story loneliness is where it begins perhaps the youngest child has just started school the husband is at that rapid advancement stage of his career and he's preoccupied with it maybe he travels a lot at any rate it's darn lonely in that house the odd thing is that we now seem to feel lonely even when everyone's at home it's this sprouting and spreading sense of insecurity that we have it's never been easy for us to express our true deep down feelings about anything we are among the most inarticulate of communicators when it comes to the way we really feel and nobody seems to understand us least of all ourselves the problem was we never seemed able to answer the most important question of all who am I it we so easy for us to start drinking oh just a little bit to experience the oh so welcome effects alcohol could at first bring we found that with alcohol or pills our anxieties and insecurities could be lost in the fog somehow the loneliness seemed less bitter we could even release the terrifying bottled up fears of disapproval by our husbands or those who really mattered to us we could find relief from the monotony and the pain and the frustration of our housework and the the stresses our families seem to create at last we were able to relax our new th chemicals we learned also helped us to feel more comfortable with other people oh we'd always been socially Adept even gregarious but as our insecure feelings grew it helped somehow to drink a little or take a pill whenever we had to be with people we were becoming dependent but oh we believed we had found the wonder drug our body's tolerance for these drugs increased however as did our use of them we noticed some changes started having pains in the neck the shoulder the leg the arm and we found we needed our chemicals to overcome these things the chemicals had become both the cause of our pain and the Cure and so we consumed them to ease the pain they had created do you remember the fears and anxieties that came near I can remember the most terrible overwhelming fears but of what I was never sure I was just afraid and believe me my fears were real other changes occurred we let our physical appearance begin to deteriorate somehow it just didn't seem to matter so much anymore we became overly critical of everyone and everything we assumed a smug self assured air but this was just a sham it it was it was a defense against the fear that we would be rejected scorned belittle misunderstood or unwanted we wore so many masks we had to be the perfect wife and mother the witty Charming Hostess we had to please everybody having always been perfectionists we set ourselves up for the fall and when it came when we couldn't live up to our own goals we felt totally inadequate and unworthy and then things started to get even worse we experienced restlessness insomnia loss of appetite and finally total exhaustion we isolated ourselves from our families and then in some mystical way convinced ourselves that they had rejected us our family we were convinced had turned against us we started to hide our supply we started going to many doctors for prescriptions and then learned to tear the labels off of our pill bottles so our sources would remain secrets we became defiant and and manipulative we had become practiced experiened con artists our Defiance grew into rebelliousness and suspicion we were certain our husbands came home late because they were cheating on us we expected their infidelity how could they love us so we took a long look at ourselves and went through a period of self-loathing and self-hate we became hostile and destructive and finally guilt-ridden and remorseful well that's our history somewhere along the line we found ourselves here at lynville most of us didn't care what happened to us didn't care about anything but we were here what's to become of us is there hope not only is there hope for recovery but out of this you can become a better human being than you were even before you took that first drink or Hill you can be a beautiful wife a loving mother your love for your family will return their love for you was never really gone but you will learn to recognize and accept it again but you have to earn all of this with the help of God an [Music] AA of all aa's 12 steps none could Enlighten us more about ourselves than step for make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves our instincts were given us for a purpose yet so often these all important desires exceed their intended functions and powerfully even subtly come to dominate us no one is exempt from this danger almost every serious emotional problem results from such misdirected Instinct and so these great natural assets become liabilities step four is our painstaking effort to discover these liabilities in ourselves and find how when and where they have worked us Jan it's a matter of seeing our own immaturity we rejected our families they didn't reject us I resented everyone around me I just didn't feel needed but you are needed Jan you're a very capable woman you can accomplish anything that you want to as long as you remain sober I'd reached the point where I couldn't love anymore I just couldn't give love fact is I couldn't accept love either or compliments or anything I can remember when a neighbor and how I used to avoid them saw me in the store and said my that's a pretty dress it was too it was expensive but do you know what I said to her I said oh it's nothing it's just something I picked up on sale no one else seemed to want it I simply felt Unworthy of having nice things of course I'm happy I'm going home tomorrow and I feel great I am a little scared though but I do understand so much more about my illness what the alcohol and pills did to me how they changed my thinking I know I won't always feel so elated but I'm going to enjoy it for right now because it's taken so long to get here how long have you been with ay I've been a sponsor for about 6 years now Mary thank you I think I'm going to be all right [Music] now [Music]