What About Sex? (1969)

spe [Music] on [Applause] this is such a lonely part of the river not for me why oh the river here it's too active to be lonely M Maybe it's nice and quiet here would you ever get lonely sure when well when I'm with older people they think they know too much well I don't know I think they mean well maybe I only wish they'd listen more often especially Mom and Dad how can they they think they need to talk all the time ow what's wrong oh the St tree I got a SPL let's see go easy hold still now how bad is it nothing critical can I operate I mean I've got nails like scalpel you mean without an anesthetic sorry no anesthetic or fever blisters or splinters that's depressing don't despair it'll be as painless as drug sleep besides my skill for extracting splinters from soft young hands is legendary you don't have a very doctorly look about you Doctor looks can be deceiving ma'am now just close your eyes and think painless spots well as long as you're professional about it hold still now is it [Applause] out hey easy okay that was quite an operation I always like to put my heart in my word you certainly have an awful lot of Hearts doctor yeah I like why are we so embarrassed with a little bit of passion why because we're we're so young we're old enough We're Not Kids anymore I know then why so embarrassed because I because we aren't experienced enough because we think anything more than holding hands is dirty Derek well I do I feel guilt showing any affection toward you Derek don't honey I don't want to hurt you but I haven't thought why it's your nerves don't you understand I understand when I feel deeply I've got to do more than squeeze your hand well I've got to make something natural of it I'm sorry but I'm not ready for a lot of sex yet you know that okay so we're not going to jump into bed that's not what I'm talking about what are you talking about well I have physical feelings about you I need to express to choke them off makes me feel unnatural you know guilty all the time what am I supposed to do give into every passion that hit you no I've got to be true to what I feel is right too you wouldn't respect me if I didn't so it's back to our handholding morality again please Derek don't be cynical of my feelings okay what's wrong we used to agree on everything we could share things together why isn't it that way anymore I don't know maybe I loved you differently then I don't understand I can't explain it really I suppose well at first we were just two people getting to know each other now now I've got biology to worry about oh what time you make me feel like a brute you you hold me off at arms length like you wanted me on a leash I don't mean to I know you don't mean to but that's the way you Mak me feel Derek I'm sorry I didn't didn't what didn't mean to hurt you you're crying just darone Splinter that's strange I thought my doctorine was okay you're a BM doctor yeah I can believe that no bedside manner there you go t him again [Applause] maybe we do tease too much about sex maybe dereck's right we should be more natural about it yet well you've got to be true to yourself to what you want to make out of your life why can't she understand me I only went to hold her to say things without a lot of embarrassment how much embarrassment goes on between couples over sex I mean is everyone so natural about it it's like a reflex ah sweet reflex yeah that everybody worries about let's face it Derek sex is a national embarrassment then even adults must be as frustrated and embarrassed about it as we are you said it man yeah what do you think Mr Jordan yeah I I don't don't know I guess I can only speak for myself but after 5 years of marriage well at times I still feel embarrassed about it why oh I suppose it's a problem of being able to relate to another person if you'll pardon the puning it's as naked as one person can get with another now a lot of people just can't stand the exposure why I don't know sex like any other commitment makes us vulnerable and when we become vulnerable we become anxious and therefore fearful or or embarrassed does that make any sense yeah son then you're saying you can't have good sex without a good relationship can I ask you what you mean by good sex well yeah tell us about it man well any sex that leaves the feeling that you haven't betrayed yourself or the girl then you see sex good sex as a satisfying psychological encounter well yeah H what do I mean when I say satisfying psychological encounter oh that sex isn't all chemistry that two people in love well have complex lives to satisfy as well as their bodies that sounds like textbook sex to me you tell them Marv how would you define the encounter Marv you mean having sex yes well let's see for one thing it separates the men from the boys how is that yeah well it's something we've got to express our well our manhood that says it Mark I wonder too if it's not something we have to express our humanness our what our humanness you know our total self the whole man man that sounds like an awful lot of sex to me GRE would you care to develop this a little more well I think when I talk about humanness I mean giving ourselves in the deepest level we can in other words you don't hold anything back so with sex if both of you are totally with it it's a very Human Experience has anybody else got any thoughts on this are you equating in some way what is natural and what is human I don't know what makes any form of communication meaningful and human is the depth of involvement between the two people how natural this is would depend on the society I guess then what you might Define is a very Human Experience the society might Define as unnatural that is something you feel guilty about like sex outside of marriage yeah I guess you could say that what does a person do if he wants to be human about sex in our society if I could sit cross-legged and do the answer to that question I'd be the spiritual leader of millions don't be so modest Craig yeah be wise instead of otherwise sorry I'm no wise guy I've got a question what's that Mar I'd like to know just how much thinking goes on during the heat of the struggle I mean it seems to me you worry about the action first then all these questions Mar's right all this mumbo jumbo comes in after the action don't you think one of the reasons we're talking is to give the heat of the struggle as you say more depth of meaning why cutter it with meaning so the act of loving becomes a human act not an animal one man the act of loving is a human act I won't argue with you on that what kind of human meaning do you give it then I don't know it's a man and a woman at their best that's all you don't have to be told about it it just happens in fact when it stops happening they might as well plow you under [Applause] Judy goes good with these wheels she has a little brass of the style yeah baby together we like a two-horned band what's he smiling about he's probably thinking about all the girls he got with this car is that all he means to me a flashy ride around town that's all you need is more publicity another guy who doesn't respect you why isn't it my luck to fall for a guy who still rides a bicycle let's get outside and do some work I feel safer inside what are you trying to do French me what's the radio for because I don't want to talk dudy Judy turn that off they're crying out loud what's wrong you me yes everything I say you turn into a dirty joke oh come on what kind of prude are you anyway what kind baby all your sex makes me feel cheap like like dirt under your fingernails oh bull come on baby what gives Judy why don't you give me some self-respect respect all you want stop it man you really got yourself worked up what gives why don't you go finish washing off the car not where you're flashing knives at me tell me what is it I'm tired of feeling cheap Mar who says you're cheap you do a come on no you don't respect me like a nice girl who cares anything about nice girls thanks what do you want from me anyhow you know what I am no I don't what are you I'm a guy who gets what he wants while the girl pays the price huh as long as she wants that way yeah well I don't okay how do you want it then I want to respect myself well what's the trouble I want you to have some self-respect too me yes you look you're not my conscience so let's cut it no mark do you respect yourself n you're too full of questions no look at yourself what are you I don't know what am I well Marv you're yeah yeah what am I Marv I don't know what you are yeah you do you seem to know all about me well tell me baby respect bull what you need is style without it you're dead man let the prud other respect that's all they got don't be angry Mark please well I'll quit giving me all this cheap Jazz about respectability just don't be angry you don't have to tell me about the prudes they don't hurt this guy anymore the way I see it they have their morality and I have mine okay okay I've been cut down so many times I don't bleed anymore and I've got the scars to prove it too but it makes you tough without it you're nothing in this world I know tough and Sassy that's the name of the style you know you surprise me Mara how I thought you were going to stay tough and sexy yeah hey where you going I'll go finish Wasing off your car you don't know what you're missing in here oh yes I do I don't know I think people talk too much it happens every time a girl goes out with a guy too many people worry about your private life you mean who you go out with yeah I'm No Angel but I don't deserve half of what people say about me I don't think you have that kind of reputation Judy people have a need to talk that's all we'll say she's running after the guy or he's just taking her out because he knows what he can get I know what they say but what if the girl loves the guy should people make something cheap and dishonest out of it are you saying when a girl falls in love with a guy that she's ready for sex you mean going all the way yes that would depend on the people of course what's right for me Isn't is necessarily right for anyone else I will say though a girl worries about sex more than a guy does you mean the girl pays the price while the guy is the fun huh yeah with pills and stuff it doesn't have to be that way anymore I don't know does birth control really change anything you've still got the people to worry about I mean the black and white of the matter what's right and wrong yeah but society's changing so fast no one knows what that black and white is anymore so that makes everything you do right huh no I didn't mean that what did you mean we can't trust society as we once did a few years ago if Society said that this or that was bad and you did it you felt guilty about it now we feel guilty if we don't listen to ourselves that's too much like Anarchy I don't think we've come to that yet I don't either there are certain things that still have meaning you know the family the church the school most of us still believe in these things okay but what about those who don't think they do for me any anyway it's bankrupt their Solutions Can't Hold My World together anymore how do you hold your world together then with my own meaning I know that sounds scary and it is but there's just so much self-deception in us all do you think we'll ever get to the place where we can disregard everybody else's judgment but our own I don't know being responsible for your own life is a frightening thing I can agree with that you get involved once and you know I mean suddenly your whole life becomes your responsibility you find yourself with a crisis and a thousand questions I did anyway what kind of questions Susan oh like what does it mean what did it do for me oh anyway I guess because I kept asking questions I realized I I wasn't ready for that kind of experience wasn't something I was too willing to admit either when you're our age you know you want to think you're ready for everything life love the whole works when do you think you'll be ready for love you know the real thing I don't know when I know myself better maybe when I can be more honest with myself no more Hollywood attitudes about love maybe that's why Greg is so important to me now he tries to help me be more honest with myself how does he do that he keeps asking me questions you know he'll ask me what's it really like like inside I didn't like questions like that at first I guess I just didn't want to face up to some of my behavior but after a while I realized he wasn't doing it to be critical he just wanted to understand how I felt about things I realize that he's too intellectual that's why I like to tease him by calling him professor why he can't just let things happen he has to know why they happen why'd you do that why Professor why yeah why well when you outsmart yourself someday and end up behind a wire cage I'll know how you look be serious well done serious or medium serious or why so glum it isn't Black Friday is it no then why all the Gloom no Gloom I just don't feel like yaking it up oh at times I don't want to strain at anything I just want everything to hang easy inside to be free huh yeah like a streamer in the wind I'd like that too to be free inside be quiet a moment and listen to what to everything nothing it's like a symphony sounds everywhere what did you hear inside inside yeah what did you hear inside funny nothing really that's it huh swinging free yeah come over here closer sweet like sugar candy why so sweet oh because suddenly I love you I thought it was hands off of love that was before you came along is that what you're really telling yourself inside well no oh that maybe I have a hang up with love you know a need to be in love with love why you're sounding like Professor why again okay I don't know being in love makes things add up I mean it makes things seem important like what oh like you for instance being in love with you makes you important not in the world's eyes but mine when you're important I'm important it's that simple I guess I'm afraid you make me sound like a love object not that I mind being loved but not as an object why do you say that why I guess I want to share things with you not be owned by them you're being too vague well when two people encounter one another it's an open sharing of themselves that is if you want the encounter to be any good anything is possible with such a relationship you're free to explore yourself and to share what you find with someone else does that make any sense a little does it all sound too intellectual yes and a bit sexless too I'm sorry I see this kind of sexy myself you would do you think if we fixed it up a lot it would help our relationship I don't know what don't you know oh about myself about whether I could trust myself with too much sex I suppose that sounds like a confession doesn't it no what I mean is I don't want to risk blowing our relationship Sky High with a lot of sex you mean play it on the safe side yeah do you think we could do it if we don't let it become the only meeting we have together you know you look wild and beautiful behind that wire you look pretty beautiful yourself my wild Beauty I think when two people become committed to one another you know an understanding relationship they become vulnerable that is they can both get hurt but I suppose when you think about it that's what being human means being vulnerable I get the feeling you're saying something about Freedom here too how's that well when two people become committed to each other they choose in a sense to become unguarded you know they choose to drop all the conventional masks that people hide behind it's these masks that prevent us from being free and open I don't think a person can drop all his masks we have to keep something of ourselves back Jerry's right not all of our defenses are bad all of us need to protect some Essence some basic part of ourselves where's the balance lie then between over protection and underprotection has anybody got any thoughts on this I would guess it has to do with communication really what do you mean Clark well take for instance the problem we're concerned with most because sex is so personal we all use a lot of masks to keep from getting hurt by it what I mean is when communication is poor between two people it's because their defenses act as a barrier when communication is open when both people respect each other then something human can take place between them does that make sense to anybody I think I follow your first part I agree most of us have too many walls around this when it comes to sex what worries me though is what if two people have a problem in this area how does this communication thing fit in or does it I think it does I mean the object is to carry on a dialogue over the walls so to speak both of you exchange feelings both of you share a mutual concern for each other if this concern is genuine then both parties will have less of a need for the walls is that any clearer what you're saying then Clark is the better the communication the less need there is for defenses or masks that's right I wonder does this lack of communication also exist in other areas besides sex well I'd say it was true with sex then say fashion or politics or new cars let's face it our whole society's hung up on this sex thing on what way do you think it affects your own age group who knows yeah it's hard to say I mean you get the feeling it's the only thing that's supposed to happen between two people at times I can't help thinking it's all out of proportion yeah you can't see the force for the trees or people make some big mystical experience out of it or make it into some myth that nobody understands does anybody have a way of putting it into context yeah cut the chatter about it it's something that happens to you like breathing so why make a big thing about it I don't necessarily agree why okay so it isn't the big event that men beat their drums about neither is it on the same bodily level as scratching your scalp what do you mean well it's my feeling that sex is just another way of personally defining myself you know a way of communicating myself what makes it so tough though is the fact that it's such a personal form of communication you see we Define ourselves in everything we do only with sex we're so much more obvious and open about it oh by that I don't know it seems a little bit more complicated than that like well like a very complex game where you have to keep making up the rules as you go along sometimes I wish the rules my rules anyway made a little bit more sense but isn't that one of the challenges of the game to make it yield some sense give me a game with rules anytime yeah I don't buy all the clap trap moral schemes of our culture it's like living in a condemned house at any time it's liable to fall in and break you up you're too pessimistic Greg I'm only pessimistic when people don't want to be a part of the moral conscience of our society a better Society or world for that matter doesn't come from better rules but from each of us living better but we still need rules some guidelines to live by I agree I don't know you've got to have more than just rules your life is the value you decide to put on it and not what the rules say it's something you have to choose for yourself I know this may sound too simple but the rules begin with you what I'm trying to say is that you're only as good as you think you are the death total in Vietnam last year was 865 6