The Fable of Phineas P. Filewell

[Birds chirping, man snoring] The Fable of Phineas P. Filewell,  presented as a public service by Universal CIT Credit Corporation, a  subsidiary of CIT Financial Corporation, in cooperation with this station and the  United States Internal Revenue Service. Good morning, everybody. It's time to get  up and to start your day off with a bang. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mr.  Phineas P. Filewell, salesman, and Phineas's best friend, Gilbert. Directness of  purpose characterizes Mr. Filewell's whole life. Yeah. Ain't he repulsive in the morning? You know, apparel oft proclaims the man. Yes, Phineas is a careful dresser. I got to get that hole fixed in that rug there. After a hearty, nutritious breakfast, Phineas is  ready for a bright and shining day at the office. "I'll bet this will slow him down." Well, what do you know?  It's income tax time again. Pack up your troubles in your old  kit-bag and smile, smile, smile. I'm a little ahead of schedule today.  I'll just make this out right now. Let's see. Got everything in order. There's the  W-2 form. Yep. There's the cancelled checks. Yep. There's the receipts. Mhm. Yep.  There's the income and the expenses. Everything seems to be in order. So, I'll  just sign her and ship her right off. Dog-gone. This guy is a changed man. I guess maybe it was on account of what happened one day last summer. "Mr. Phineas P. Filewell?" "Yes." >>"I'm from the Internal Revenue Service. I'm here to ask you some  questions about your last year's income tax. Oh, we'll have to take a look at some of your  records to back up the claims you have made." "Records? Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Records. Records.  Oh, yes. Of course. Well, uh, let’s see now. Oh, just a minute. Let's see. It must  be here in this china closet." Nope. Oh, in the kitchen. Yeah. Oh, up in the  attic. Ah, that's it. In the attic I will go. Up to the attic, up to the attic, up to the attic I  will go. Oh, I know. In the basement. Down to the basement I will go. Down to the basement I will  go. That's where they are. Down to the basement. I hope they're in the basement. Let's see. Where are  those records? They got to be down here someplace. Oh, not there. Not there. Not  there. Not there. Oh, must be a— "It wasn't the bump on the head.  It was the blow to his pocketbook that really hurt the boss last year. You know,  next to a dog, records are a man's best friend."