The Actor's Studio, Inc. - I Can't Breathe (from April 14, 1949)

[music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Good evening. Ring Lardner once assumed a responsibility the average man escapes. He agreed to act as the temporary guardian of the young daughter of a close friend. Now, Lardner knew a great deal about boys, having five of his own. But a 17-year-old girl, who was pretty enough to be driving undergraduates on seven campuses out of their wits with frustration, that proved to be something else again. But when he'd recovered from his chaperonage, Mr. Lardner put some of his discoveries about womankind in the story we're bringing you tonight. Well, if you're the age of our heroine in our play, you you may think it's a slice of life. But if you're an old, decrepit retread in your 30s or 40s, it will remind you of how unimportant everybody and everything in the world can become when you, beautiful you, are the center of the universe. So, let's step over and watch the solar system revolve around a lovely young thing named Marcia. >> Oh, there you are, my dear. >> Would you like a canapé? >> No, thank you, Aunt Julia. Aunt Julia, I have something to tell you. >> What's the cape for, dear? You can't be cold. It's illegal to feel cold in Florida. >> I'm leaving Florida, Aunt Julia. >> What? My darling, you just got here yesterday. Is anything the matter? >> Just that I can't breathe anymore. >> Why, that sounds like asthma. >> Oh, it isn't asthma. It's Walter. >> Walter? Oh, is that a disease? >> Well, you could call it that, only it's worse. There's no cure for it. >> Well, if you're really having difficulty with your breathing, darling, I think there's nothing better for you than Florida the sunshine. >> Oh, I don't need Florida sunshine. I need Walter. I simply can't live another minute without him. >> Oh, you're in love. >> Completely, madly, incurably, violently, indefinitely. I'm so in love that it hurts. Have you ever been in love, Aunt Julia? >> Of course I have, dear. Everybody has. >> Oh, I knew you wouldn't understand. You're no different from others. She's another one who thinks Walter's just a temporary infatuation I'll outgrow. >> Well, now, maybe you will. >> Oh, even if by some horrible miracle I managed to I couldn't stand it because I love him so. >> Now, darling, as your aunt, I'm going to have to advise you not to go back to New York in this condition. You simply cannot let Walter know how crazy you are about him. >> Why not, Aunt Julia? >> Well, because he's a man, and they're all alike. Once they know you're in love with them, they immediately take advantage. >> In what way? >> Darling, I'm your aunt, not your mother. >> Walter wouldn't take advantage. He's not at all like other men. >> Well, that's not so good either, dear. >> And anyway, he must know how much I love him because we're going to be married in December. Not much. >> You are not serious about this marriage, are you? >> I couldn't be more serious. That's why I'm going to New York down to meet him because I can't stand it. I can't breathe. >> Child, you simply cannot sneak off to New York in this condition. You might do something silly. >> Oh, it would be worse if I stayed, Aunt Lou, because you'd end up having to take care of a gibbering idiot. I'm going out of my mind without seeing Walter and if I don't >> Uh maybe that's your Uncle Natty. He may be able to convince you to stay, dear. >> Oh. >> Mrs. Harrison? >> Yes. >> Uh my name's Buchanan. I hope I'm not disturbing you. >> Oh no, not at all. >> the liberty of barging in on you this way because we're going to be neighbors and I thought this was a good way to get acquainted. You see, I just moved into the house next door this afternoon. >> How nice. May I offer you a canapé, Mr. Buchanan? >> No, no, no, no, thanks. I'm in training. We're having a little housewarming over at my place and we've just run out of lemon peels. Well, you know how flat a martini can be without lemon peels. >> Oh yes, I know. Well, I I'll get you some in the kitchen. By the way, this is my niece, Miss Billie. >> How do you do? >> Oh, hello. >> [music] >> Miss Billie. May I say that I have been admiring you from afar all afternoon? >> Really? >> Yes, I hope you won't mind. I was watching you from my window while you were on the beach until this very moment I I couldn't be sure if you were real or just some lovely mermaid from King Neptune's court. >> Oh. Thank you so much. >> Thank you for a most enjoyable afternoon. >> Oh, you're more than welcome. >> And thank you for being real. >> That's all right. >> Well, I guess I better get back to my last guest. Oh, thanks for the lemons. >> Anytime. Anytime at all. >> Goodbye for now. >> Here are your lemons, Mr. Lieutenant. So, where is he? >> Who? >> That young man who was just here, dear. That's Mr. Buchanan. >> He's gone. >> But what about his lemons? >> He took them. >> Oh, don't be silly, darling. I have them right here. >> He must have forgotten them. I better take them over to him right away. >> I thought you were going back to New York. >> And let Walter find out how crazy I am about him? I couldn't stand it. I'd die, Chris. >> Give me those lemons. What time is it, dear? >> Hm? Oh, uh 20 after. >> After what? >> After 3. >> Oh my word, I she should have been home hours ago. I I hope nothing's happened. >> Bethlehem Steel dropped 2/10. >> I'm terribly worried. >> Oh, it's it's nothing to worry about. The market's been jumping up and down all week. >> What are you talking about? >> Bethlehem Steel. >> Hm? Well, who gives a hoot about Bethlehem Steel? >> I do. >> To the exclusion of everything else? I I wish you'd give a hoot about your family once in a while. >> Say, how did we get into this argument? >> Jules, I >> Darling, what's the matter? >> It's 20 after 3 and Marty isn't home yet. That's what's the matter. >> Oh, Marsha. >> Yes. I She said she was just going to take some lemons over to that young man, dear. That was over 5 hours ago. Uh what can she possibly be doing until this hour of the night? >> Necking. >> Oh, don't Marsha is not the kind of girl who necks with a man the first time she goes out with him. >> You sound more like a mother than her aunt. >> Well, I'd hate to tell you what you sound like. Anyway, I know Masha is not necking with that young man tonight. She couldn't be. After all, she's engaged to somebody else. >> Again? Oh, who's the lucky boy this time? >> Well, his name is is Walter. >> I thought she was engaged to Merl something or other. Merl Collins, that's it. Merl Collins. >> No, dear, no. That was a month ago. She and this Walter have been an item ever since. >> Oh, it must be serious then. Masha's never been engaged to any one man for more than a month as far back as I can remember. >> Here she is now. Oh, thank goodness. >> Well, now look, as a good uncle, am I supposed to reprimand her or something for coming home so late? >> Now, darling, don't do anything to upset the poor thing, please. Be nice and charming as you can, sweet. Don't say a word. >> Is that the only way you think I'm charming with my trap shut? >> Oh, cut it out. >> Well, hello, Masha, dear. My, you're back early. Have a nice time? Were the lemons all right? Hello, Aunt Sue. >> Hello, dear. Your Uncle Nat and I had a lovely time. We played bridge at the club. >> Hello, Uncle Nat. I said, "Hello, Uncle Nat." >> Is it all right if I say hello to her? >> Nat. >> Well, you told me not to say anything. >> Did you have a nice time at the party? >> Oh, we didn't stay very long, though. We went for a drive at about 7:30. >> Oh, it was a lovely evening for a drive. >> We didn't drive very long, though. We parked the car and spent hours looking at the ocean. Such a beautiful ocean. >> I told you they were necking. >> Uh Nat, don't say anything, Anthony. He's darling. He's He's merely trying to be funny. You know, in some ways I consider him the most wonderful man I ever met. >> Well, you're still young, dear. >> Well, he has everything. Looks and a simply marvelous sense of humor, and he's divine on the dance floor. And besides all that, he plays left tackle at Yale. >> Did you tell him about Walter? >> Who? >> That young man you couldn't live without this afternoon. >> Oh, that one. Oh, no, I couldn't tell him about Walter. Why, I'd die before I'd do anything to hurt him. You know how it is. Of course, when the time comes, I'll have to tell him about Walter. I certainly wish Walter could move around a dance floor the way Bobby does. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could marry a man for 5 years. I'd marry Bobby first. He's wonderful at sports and he does dance divinely. And then when I got old I'd be 23 then. I'd marry Walter. He's intellectual, you know. We could hold an evening he could read and I could knit or just watch television. Oh, I better not even think about it. >> But then I take it you've given up all idea of going back to New York right away. >> Oh, I couldn't do that now because I'm I'm afraid of what it might do to Bobby. You know, he might do something drastic what with the ocean so close and everything. >> But he just met you late this afternoon. >> 9 hours and 33 minutes. >> What's the gun? >> An eternity. >> Which reminds me, Walter expects me in New York tomorrow morning. I wired him when you know, when I couldn't breathe anymore and told him to meet me at Grand Central. And now I won't be there for him to meet. I better call him. What could I say? Or should I wait till tomorrow? There's no point in him being unhappy one more minute before he has to. >> Well, I >> I've been giving an awful lot of thought to Walter this evening. I've been trying to visualize our life after we're married. Do you know that as nice as he is, Walter has plenty of faults? >> I know. No, I I didn't know. >> Well, what with him not being able to dance and me the outdoor type, I'm afraid once the honeymoon was over we wouldn't have anything left to talk about. Like you and Uncle Max. Well, there have been times when I've seen you sitting here in the same room for at least a half an hour not saying a word to each other. Oh, I'd die if my marriage got to be that dull. I'd absolutely die. >> Marsha, your Aunt Jewel and I are perfectly happy together. >> Oh, I'm not denying it, Uncle Nat. I know you're getting just as much fun out of life as any couple your age can expect. >> What do you mean, our age? Why, you make us sound like two senile old fogies tottering on the brink of the grave. Say, how old do you think we are, anyway? >> 35. >> Well? >> Well? >> Well, is that all? >> No, of course not. It's middle age. >> I'm going to bed. >> Oh, gee, Uncle Nat, I hope I haven't said anything to offend you. >> Oh, I got it. >> Well, I never realized you were so touchy about your age. >> Don't pay any attention to him, darling. He's just a little shocked that somebody thinks of him as an old man. >> Say, what are you being so objective about? You're pretty close to 35 yourself. >> I have been taken for 27. >> Oh, you've been taken, all right. >> I suddenly feel very sleepy, dear. Coming to bed? >> Not yet, Aunt Julie. I just want to stay down here and think and plan and dream. >> Well, good night, dear. >> Good night, Uncle Nat. >> Uncle Nat closes up when you play. >> Don't stay up too long, darling. Oh, um >> What is it, Aunt Julie? >> I have too been taken for 27. >> He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. Hello? Bobby? Of course it's not too late to call me. You can't sleep? Why not? Oh, go on, you're just saying. Shh, Bobby, somebody might be listening in. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Really? You know, I don't believe a word you're saying. But I can't deny I like to hear you say it. >> I'd like to tell it to you for the rest of your life because you're the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. No, I'm not handing you a line, Marsha. I really mean it. You can't breathe. Darling, are you all right? Hello, Art. It's just a figure of speech. Oh, I see. Look, may I see you again tomorrow? Of course I'm trying to rush you. I admit it. Uh you know very well why I'm trying to rush you. No, I don't do it with every new girl I meet. Well, look, it's a hard thing to prove. Yeah. You just have to learn to trust me a little bit. You don't dare. Look, what about tomorrow? Huh? Uh listen, I hate people who say we'll see. No, I don't mean I don't mean you, I mean other people. What? Marsha, Marsha. How about a swim before breakfast? Oh, well, before lunch. After lunch. Uh look, Marsha, I absolutely I've absolutely got to see you sometime tomorrow. Please. You squeeze me in sometime. Uh Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. >> [music] >> Good night, darling. >> Well, home again. >> You must be tired from all that dancing. >> Oh, I could dance forever. >> I'll take you dancing every night of the week if you'll let me. >> We'll see. >> You're waiting for a better offer. >> Maybe. >> You must get lonely at times. >> Oh, I'm not as irresistible as all that. Am I? >> Yes, you are. >> Yes, I am what? >> You're irresistible. >> Oh, you're just saying that. >> No, Marsha, I mean it. >> Oh, Bobby, Bobby, it's getting awfully late. Don't you think you ought to be going home? >> No, Marsha, look, I've got something on my mind and I think you ought to hear it. >> Oh, I'm sure it'll keep till then. >> No, it won't. Now, look, Marsha, I absolutely refuse to go home and spend another night like last night. I didn't sleep at all because of you. >> Because of me? >> Yes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way you affect me. It's like It's like bends the dream. >> To hear you talk, somebody would think you were in love. >> I am in love. >> With me? >> Well, of course with you. How could there be anyone else after you? After you, anyone else would be an an anticlimax. The forerunner after the main event. Inconsequential, irrelevant, immaterial. You get what I mean? >> know, but it sounds divine. >> Uh uh uh uh uh uh >> No, Bobby, we mustn't. >> Why not? >> Well, I can't stand it, Bobby. I I can't breathe. >> Is someone else? >> Well, you could call it that. >> Well, if you love that someone else more than you love me. >> No, Bobby, I certainly do care for you. >> Well, then love me. You'll have to give in sometime, so why fight against it? This thing is Marsha, this thing is bigger than the two of us. >> I'm afraid you're convincing me. Oh. >> Oh no. >> I can't live another minute. >> Darling, tell me something. >> Anything. >> You like California. >> Oh, I love California. >> And that's where we'll spend our honeymoon. >> Honeymoon? >> Yes, we'll take a house in Malibu, just the two of us. And we'll have movie stars for dinner every other night. >> know we were engaged yet. >> Now look, Marsha, you're going to marry me, aren't you? You've got to. Come on now, say yes. >> Oh, well, I don't know what to say. It's happening so fast, my head's spinning around like a pinwheel. Do you know any movie stars personally? >> Uh My dad has a friend who once met Sonny Tufts. >> Sonny Tufts? Oh, I couldn't live if he and I were in the same room together. He's dreamy. >> How soon can we get married? >> Well, I really should take a little time to think about it. >> Oh, look, Marsha. Marsha, this this isn't something you just think about. You've got to You've got to Let your emotions run away with you. >> Oh, Mama says that's always been my biggest trouble. >> No. >> I would like to see California. >> Look, let's get married right away, tonight. We'll elope. I can be ready in 5 minutes. >> I couldn't pack a bag in 5 minutes. >> Well, you don't have to pack. Saks Fifth Avenue has a store in Beverly Hills, and we'll buy you everything there. >> Really? I didn't know that. >> But I'll go home and get the roadster, and we'll drive across the country with the top down. What do you say? >> Well, I >> Marsha, look, I'll be back for you in 5 minutes. Maybe four. >> Oh, I'll be waiting for you in my bedroom, so you better bring a ladder. >> What for? >> Well, people always elope from second-story windows. It's absolutely necessary. >> Okay, I'll be back for you in 5 minutes, ladder and all. >> Oh, tie it you take too long. >> Darling. >> This is Robert Buchanan. Good evening, Mr. Buchanan. Good night, Mrs. Buchanan. Marsha Buchanan. The Marsha Buchanan. Oh, so you're Sonny Tufts. Or may I call you Sonny? I'm Bobby's wife. Yes, he is handsome, isn't he? >> Say, Marsha >> you. >> Who are you? How did you get in here? >> I'll ask the questions, if you don't mind. >> Well, if you're not out of here in 5 seconds, I'm going to scream my head off. >> You're expecting your boyfriend back here in a few minutes, and you want to want to wake Auntie Anna up before he gets back. >> Have you been eavesdropping? >> Yes. And I must admit you put on quite a show. >> Are you a burglar? >> How do I look like a burglar? >> No. Well, what is it you want? >> Not much. Just a little information. >> Oh, you're a spy. >> How do I look like a spy? >> Well, you have a kind of shifty look around the eyes. >> Huh? Really? >> I still like to know what you're doing here. >> Looking at my shifty eye. >> Oh, you can do that at home. Now, I really think you better go. >> Wait a minute. Now, tell me, who was that man who just left you? >> I don't see where that's any of your business. >> I'm afraid you're wrong. It is. You see, I'm a friend of Walter's. >> Oh, I can't live in a place >> Walter, don't you? He's the man you're engaged to. >> Well, something came up, and I had to change my plans. >> I'm sure. Well, Walter knew I was working down here in Florida, and he called me up and asked me to come over and see if anything was the matter. He was worried. >> Well, if he was so worried, why didn't he call me instead of you? >> Because he wanted the truth. >> Oh, I think you're horrible. >> How could you so heartless? >> Oh, how dare you? >> You're much too rich, much too famous, much too pretty for your own good. >> Flattery will get you nowhere. >> You know, I have a very important telephone call to make. You know what? They paid people at Grand Central Station >> you're not going to call Walter, are you? >> Why not? I'm sure he'll be interested to know you're about to marry somebody else. >> It would kill the poor boy. I really wouldn't want to hurt Walter for the world. Honestly, maybe maybe I better call him. >> Well, that would be a decent thing to do. >> I know. >> Call him. >> think I better. No, this is no thing a person to tell another person over a phone. Well, there's no telling what he'll do there in Grand Central Station with all those trains to jump in front of. >> I knew you wouldn't have the nerve to killing yourself. >> Look, I don't have to stand here and be insulted by a total stranger. Especially when I got so much to do with Bobby coming in everything. >> You're really going to marry that jerk? >> I most certainly am. You're awfully rude, aren't you? >> I'll tell you what I mean. Oh, Marsha. You know, it's too bad you and I didn't meet under different circumstances. We could have gotten along all right then. >> Pardon me while I go marry somebody else. >> You sure you couldn't be talked out of >> I'm in love. Oh, you wouldn't understand. >> All right. My heartiest congratulations then. >> Thank you. >> But uh before I go I really ought to kiss the bride. It's absolutely customary. Oh, Marsha. Marsha, would you like to swim? >> Oh, I can't stand it. A man. There's a man in our room. >> What did he look like, Aunt Julie? >> He climbed into our bedroom window at 3:00 in the morning. What a jerk. Bobby was a jerk. Couldn't even find the right >> is? There's a strange man upstairs. >> Maybe you were dreaming, aren't you? >> Oh, no, no. I I saw him. In fact, he he spoke to me. >> What did he say? >> "Hello, honey." Something like that. And then he then he tried to kiss me. >> That's Bobby, all right. >> I better explain. >> I've got a gun around here somewhere. >> Oh, no, listen. I've got a >> I saw that gun of mine in one of these drawers just the other day. >> This is the wrong time to look for a gun. You've been a sensation in a minute now. >> All right, stop. Paul, there you are. >> Hello. >> Who are you and what are you doing here? >> Aren't you the young man who came for the >> That's right. >> Well, if he came in for lemons, did he have to sneak through our bedroom window at 3:00 in the morning? >> I come here for lemons tonight. >> Who are you? >> Guess you might call me the best man. >> Oh, is someone getting married? >> Hey, huh? How did you get the lipstick all over your face? >> You might ask her that question. >> Oh, that's very simple, Bobby. See, he knew we were going to elope and he >> Did you kiss that man? >> You could call it that. >> Well, who is he? >> Well, I don't know. I never saw him before until 5 minutes ago. He >> Why, you sure work fast, don't you? I hardly turn my back and you fall into the arms of another man. I'm glad I found out about you in time. Goodbye. Why? >> What in the world was he talking about? >> Well, I'm glad he's gone now that he's shown his true colors. I bet his father never even met Sonny Tufts. >> This is too much for me, so I won't even try to figure it out. I'm going back to bed. You coming, Jewel? >> I Yes, I guess so, dear. Don't stay up too much longer, dear. Nice to have met you, young man. >> a pleasure. Well, I guess I better be going. It's getting pretty late. Oh. Uh can I see you again tomorrow? >> We'll see. >> How about a swim before breakfast? >> Oh, I'm busy before lunch. >> Well, before lunch then? >> I'm busy for lunch. >> Well, after lunch? >> We'll see. >> Dinner? >> Maybe. >> Waiting for a better offer? >> Maybe. >> Girl like you I bet gets lots of offers. >> Oh, I'm not as irresistible as all that. Am I? >> Yes, you are. >> [cough] >> Well, uh it's to be continued tomorrow. >> Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, Phillip. That's today. >> Why? Well, I I that's that. >> Until tomorrow. >> And so to bed. >> I hope. Good night, Moon. Moon. Marsha Cullen. >> Darling. We were meant for each other and for no one else, weren't we? Weren't we, Marsha? >> It's amazing. After a whole year, you care and I care. Oh, this is the best way out of it, the only way. >> Out of what? >> Walter will read about it in the papers. And I'll ask Andy to invite Bobby and and Philip for dinner tomorrow night. >> They'll understand when they see me with you. >> And with two of them there, it'll only hurt each one half as much as if they were alone. >> What are you talking about? >> Oh, I knew it wasn't an accident. I knew there must be some reason why I kept getting engaged to all those people. But how could I've ever thought I loved anybody else? >> Oh, but you do love me. You haven't changed. Say you haven't changed, Marsha. Say it. >> Oh, I I mustn't think about it or I'll die. I can't stand it. I can't breathe. >> And so, at last, our lonely little heroine found a young man who wasn't altogether repulsive to her. I Can't Breathe was written by Ring Lardner and adapted for television by David Shaw. Daniel Mann did the stage direction and the television direction was by Alex Segal. Marcia was played by Mary McCormack and Bobby, the next door neighbor, by Kevin McCarthy. Julie was played by Ruth Matteson and Uncle Nat by John Shay. Philip was played by Will Hare and Merle by James Karen. Next week, we're going to bring you a Western novelty. It's a comedy entitled Paradise to Boot. Was written by Robert Finch and will star Joshua Shelley and Elliott Sullivan. Tonight's play was designed by James McNaughton and produced by Donald Davis. And this is Marc Connelly on behalf of Actor's Studio, World Video Incorporated and the American Broadcasting Company >> [music] >> gratefully bidding you good night. >> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music]