Child Molestation: A Crime Against Children

[music] Heat. Heat. [music] >> [music] [music] >> All of us, boys and girls, teenagers and adults, are touched by others every day. [music] Most times, it's nice to be touched. It makes us feel good. It helps us to know that we're liked and loved. [music] In fact, we need to be touched with warmth and affection. It's as much a part of our good health as eating the right foods [music] or exercising or getting a good night's sleep. But sometimes people want or try to touch us in ways that are not nice or that scare us or that make us feel like we're doing something wrong. When we're touched in one of these ways, it's called molesting. And the person who does this to us is often times called an offender. And it sometimes happens that these people or offenders who touch us in ways that they shouldn't are people that we know very well like an uncle or a stepfather or even a friend of the families, maybe even our mothers or fathers. [music] With us today are some young friends of mine who have been molested and are receiving help through a group program. They want to tell you about themselves and what you should do if somebody should try to molest you. Let's start by asking them who their offenders were. >> My dad was my offender. The one that molested me was my stepfather. My dad >> My dad molested me one um for a long time for about five years. >> My dad, it's my aunt's boyfriend and my real mom's boyfriend. >> My offender was my dad. >> So, as you can see, the offender can be just about anybody. But that doesn't mean that you should be afraid of those you love and trust. Most adults would never even think of touching you in a way that was wrong. Still, you should know what to look out for in order to protect yourself and to prevent such a thing from happening to you. Watch out for people who show a lack of physical respect, like people who constantly tickle or pat you or make other annoying advances. >> Hey, put that out. >> What's the matter? I'm not hurting you, am I? No. >> Be careful, too, of those who make you feel uncomfortable by watching or talking to you in a suggestive sexual manner. >> Hey, Cindy, beginning to be a real knockout, a real grown-up lady. And stay away from adults who are always trying to get you alone or who interrupt you during your private times, like when you're taking a bath or dressing. Other adults to avoid are those who drink alcohol a lot or who are abusive to women. Finally, be careful around adults who seem to isolate themselves from people their own age or older or who always seem to want to be around younger children. But even so, it may be hard to tell the kind of person an offender may be just by the way he or she behaves towards you. Um, at first he acted real nice. >> When he was drunk, he always acted mean to me. He never act nice to me at all. He just said, "Don't tell her something's going to happen." >> He behaved nice. >> A lot of boys and girls want to know whether or not what is happening to them is wrong. And that's a very good question. Usually, you'll find the answer within yourself. If the way you're being touched feels funny, or if it feels that what's happening to you makes you somehow different than the other children, trust your feelings. They're your best guide. Even if the offender tells you that everyone does it or that it's all right, it's not. It's probably wrong, too, if what is happening to you goes against family rules or if you're told to keep it a secret. Maybe we'll do this again some other time. >> The same is true if you're threatened or bribed not to tell. >> Let's ask our friends how they felt when it was happening to them. I didn't really know what was going on. You know, it was like, wow, they're doing something that I don't like. It was like um I was being used and I was, you know, when it started to happen to me. I didn't I didn't really believe, you know, I didn't um I didn't know what was going on and nothing like that. And yeah. >> What about you? How did you feel? >> Well, I thought, you know, that I was the only one because and I thought, you know, that didn't happen to anybody else. >> I felt sad and angry. I felt scared and nervous. >> I didn't like it. >> How did you feel? >> Mad. >> Can you tell us why you felt mad? >> I didn't. I felt that he shouldn't be doing that. For a minute, let's say that you were being touched in a way that you didn't like or that you felt was wrong. Would you know what to do? Well, first of all, you can simply say no. Really, you'd be surprised how effective that can be. >> Then stop the meal. >> Hey, all right. Okay, not together. >> Or you can say that you'll tell somebody else, but be [music] firm and follow up. Tell one or both of your parents what is happening to you. And if they don't believe you, tell some other trusted adult like your teacher or your minister or another relative or even the police. Always remember that there are people all around you who are willing to help. But you've got to tell them first. The other girls and boys in this film told and now they're being helped. and they've learned what to do if it were to happen to them again. >> I would say no to them. I would, you know, tell them to stop it, you know, and I would go tell my mom or somebody else. I'd say, "Leave me alone." >> I'd tell them to stop and say no. I'd say it like I meant it. >> I'd tell my mom. I tell somebody. We also asked them what they would tell a friend of theirs if it were happening to them. So listen carefully. >> Well, to find a friend or to tell a policeman or somebody that's close. >> Tell them to tell a relative or tell your teacher if you're at school. >> I tell her to um try to um report someone like um to tell the cops or something like that. or to tell their teacher or um [clears throat] some some schools have um school psychiatrists where um they can go to that and um well I tell her that um go tell um the school counselor police or something like that, someone who she can trust and knows that'll believe her. I would tell them that they're not the only ones that it happened to and that they're not the they're not the person who's in fault. That last point is a very good one to think about and remember. You as the victim are not at fault. You're not to blame. The offender is the person at fault. Now, before we leave the boys and girls we've been hearing from, let's ask them one last question. Let's ask them how they feel now, now that they've told and now that they're being helped. >> I feel real good about myself because I know it wasn't my fault. It was the persons who did it. I couldn't have helped it. I feel better about, you know, telling people that they if they talk about it, they can feel they'll feel better cuz people know that if they've been molested, they they know that they're not the only one. >> Does make me a whole lot better. >> Why? >> Because it helps helps my dad. It helps me. >> Let's go over what we've learned today. We've learned that our bodies belong to ourselves and to no one else. We've learned that we have the right to privacy and that we shouldn't be touched by anyone else in a way that we don't like or in a way that makes us feel funny or in a way that we feel is wrong. We've also learned that we can and have the right to say no to people and really mean it and to run to a trusted adult friend or relative for help. We know how important it is to tell somebody else about [music] what is happening to us and that it is never too late to tell. And most of all, we know that we are not alone. Nor are we to blame for being molested. [music] Still, we should never be afraid to touch or be touched in a warm and healthy way by those special people who are our friends or those we love. For [music] these are the people we can count on to help us when we're in trouble or when we're feeling sad. But especially, these are the people we want to be with when we're feeling happy. And really, that's what touching is all about. >> [music] [music] >> Heat.